Ten, Eleven, and Twelve Weeks

Okay, lets get caught up to 'real time' pregnancy, shall we?


So, this was the week that I housed a shriveled up prune--the one 'fruit' that reminds me of my beloved geriatric patients. Ironic how something which symbolizes old people now represents a little bitty baby in my belly.

And the belly shot. You will notice this is the first (and maybe the last) week I have my hair down and straight. This is solely because I caved and got a hair cut this night. I shall not reveal how long it had been since my last trim because I'm quite certain you would label me as 'unkempt.' For sure.

Best moment of the week: before I hit 10 weeks, we decided to let the cat out of the bag. We called and emailed our closest friends and hearing their reactions was ridiculously fun. A large majority of them were totally shocked, but my 'fake drinking' at the Kansas City wedding wasn't as smooth as I thought. Oh well:)

Epiphany of the week: "Dude. I'm telling people I'm pregnant and actually enjoying this pregnancy. Negative thoughts be gone!"

Most entertaining question of the week: "But what about the marathon?" It's a classic question, for sure.

Obsessions? Nursery decor. I'm about to overdose on internet pictures, you guys.

What I'm most looking forward to this week: Being able to tell work, announce it on the blog, and Facebook. We decided to hit our closest friends and family first before they had to hear it via the internets and I'm glad we went that route. I was just hoping word didn't spread to my co-workers and boss before I could spill the beans myself.

What I miss the most: Nate dared to crack open one of my favorite beers at dinner one night. I almost cried.

Symptoms: Still having The Fatigue, very mild nausea, and a disgusting taste in my mouth.

Milestones: Just being in the double digits is freaking huge. Plus, the little prune has a heartbeat strong enough to be heard by Doppler this week. And I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that the most critical development period is over since many of the congenital conditions appear before 10 weeks. Also, the little arms are working already which means he's probably doing bicep curls like crazy to prepare for a life of meathead-ism like his father. Yep, still calling the babe a boy. I'm feeling it these days.


Then came a lime. An actual lime. What a huge freaking fruit, right? Totally legit when you compare it to the measly apple seeds and whatnot.
And the belly shot. Again, that is what I call bloat. It's worse at nighttime but disappears in the morning. IT'S THERE I TELL YOU! (Sorry for yelling).
Best moment of the week: By the time I hit 11 weeks we had officially told the whole wide world. It was just a major sense of relief and the amount of support we got on this blog, facebook, and emails was amazing. It's starting to sink in even more at this point and everyone at work is excited for us.

Epiphany of the week: While attending my first wedding as an openly pregnant lady, I realized that being sober has it's advantages. For instance, you get to watch a bunch of drunkies dancing like fools while you slug down ice water and take a million pictures. Actually, I splurged because I was so sick of water. I had myself a nice glass of orange juice and holy cow, it was amazing.

Most entertaining question of the week: After telling co-workers the news, one asked, "So is that why you've looked so haggard lately? I mean, you have just been kind of snippy and not like yourself." Great, so I've been a hag and a bitch lately. Good to know. But yes, my Fatigue combined with working full time on my feet everyday in a very physical profession might have made me 'haggard.' So sue me.

Obsessions? Being lazy. And sleeping. It's fab.

What I'm most looking forward to this week: I can't wait to have a real baby bump someday. I've never been too fond of pregnant bellies but now I want one badly.

What I miss the most: A little part of me missed coffee this week when we were getting ready for the wedding. Everyone had their piping hot Starbucks and I settled for decaff SB....but it was NOT the same.

Symptoms: Sleeping. Still with the sleeping but I was able to stay up past 11:00 for three nights in a row while in St. Louis. And I only needed a two hour nap after that to catch up:)

Milestones: Baby is now the proud new owner of non-webbed fingers and toes. Yay for not being a fish with a tail anymore! And now his little legs are kicking like mad to match his movable arms. Of course, I won't be able to feel this for some time but it's pretty sweet to think the baby is mobile now.

TWELVE WEEKS: (this is where we are right now! We are current with the posts, hooray!)

Moving up in the fruit world of babies, I have a little plum in there. Just looking at this picture makes me crave a juicy plum. Is it weird that I want to eat my baby?

And my baby bump at 12 weeks. I tried to suck it in and alas, it would not disappear. Yes, I think this is the beginnings of something real. My bladder always looks full, that's for sure:

Best moment of the week: I got a huge burst of energy and maybe a touch of nesting syndrome. All of a sudden one night I could not handle our storage closet. And therefore I spent the next 3 nights shredding old papers, packing things up for Goodwill, and completely reorganizing our storage. Plus, we cleaned out the second closet in the guest room that will become the nursery. Eeek!

Epiphany of the week: "Dude. I am almost out of this awful-amazing first trimester. I'm a real pregnant lady!"

Most entertaining question of the week: "Are you excited?" Um, duh.

Obsessions? Cleaning, organizing, and purging a bunch of old crap. I love purging.

What I'm most looking forward to this week: Our 12 week appointment is on Tuesday and I'm both excited and of course, a little nervous. Cannot believe we are going to our TWELVE week appointment.

What I miss the most: Running. This week I missed being able to run for 10 plus miles without it killing me. I had a fleeting moment when Nate was out for a long run that made me sad not to partake in the marathon. Eh. I'm over it already.

Symptoms: You guys, I think they are lessening which is both awesome and scary. I haven't needed a nap after work all week. I have more energy. I can lay on my stomach without my boobs pulsating. And no, I still haven't barfed yet...in fact, food is looking more and more yummy all the time.

Milestones: Although some sites say you don't officially enter the coveted second trimester until 13 weeks or later, I'm pretty sure a big fatty 12 weeks is a milestone of some sorts. The baby is sporting all of his major organ systems including sex organs and is totally chilling out in my large uterus. Keep on growing little baby, you are getting so big already!

a little break from the baby posts

Whew, let's move on for a second, shall we? A little miscellany will do, in 'real time' none the less.

1. Do you guys ever watch Conan O'Brien's 'What if they mated?' segment? Well, Nate gets easily distracted when he takes my weekly belly shots. Last week he was on a mission to get the best cross eyed face ever on camera. He was so proud of himself, you guys. And of course, not to be outdone, I had to try my own cross eyes. But looking at these pictures I just keep thinking, "Are these two really going to be parents?"

Do you think our kid will be cute?
what if they mated?

2. When we were down in St. Louis last weekend, Maggie bought the baby his/her first gift. I am totally obsessed. In fact, it almost made me cry. It's so tiny and perfect and I CANNOT WAIT to have a little human being sporting this thing when we go on long jogs together.
first gift for baby, my maggie

3. Oh yeah, remember how I was in a wedding last weekend? Well, I took about 200 pictures and will show you a few here. Lindsey was a STUNNING bride. She was fairly calm the whole time until we were in the limo on the way to the church. Then she was slightly nervous but of course, us bridesmaids did our best to keep her sane. It was unseasonable cool weather for August and simply gorgeous outside. I could go on, but let's just look at pretty pictures.

Her hair was amazing.

This is my favorite pic from the day. Very 'Linds'.

Isn't her dress gorgeous? And her lace veil (I'm partial, since mine was similar) was her mom's actual veil from 30 years ago. LOVE.

Me and the bride. I will not comment on how huge my boobs look in this picture. I have never filled out a strapless dress before, you guys.

They were married at College Church, St. Francis Xavier---the gorge church on SLU's campus, where we all met in school. Nate took this picture and it's pretty amazing, eh?

Our flowers were fab.

Kim was present in spirit and with her paper head again. Do you see her in this picture, poking out from behind me?

Me and the hubs. It's hard to get a picture with us both in it since a lot of folks are a little frightened of our beastly camera, but I really like this one.

And finally, the last of the Fab Five is married. I've successfully managed to get a picture of the five of us at every single wedding. Thinking of making all of them into a frame of sorts because I just can't get over how 'adult-like' we are now! One of us is living in South Korea, two of us are pregnant, and the other two are newlyweds. So weird. Love these girls.

So that's that. Life outside of belly pics. Hope everyone is enjoying this frigid cold weather in AUGUST as much as me. :)

Hidden Baby Chronicles: Nine Weeks

August 10, 2009

Today was the big day, folks. We saw the heartbeat on our first ultrasound and I'm quite certain I'll never be able to put into words how amazing it was. Wow. Just wow. I'm totally in love with our little Olive:

(side note: This olive picture makes me crave a dirty martini, nice and salty and cold. Mmmmm. Dirty martinis. 7 more months....)

And for my 9 week belly shot, I don't care what you say....this is a major pooch! Let the bloat-fest begin.

So anyway, the appointment went a little like this:

1. Weight taken: haven't gained or lost a pound. I'm sure I've lost a ridiculous amount of muscle and gained a lot of water weight, thus evening it out. I admit, I was nervous I'd be 10 pounds heavier already but who knew.....I tend to be overly dramatic?

2. Blood pressure taken: HOLY HELL I'm nearly hypertensive! It was 142/70 which is crazy high for me. I'm positive it had something to do with every ounce of adrenaline in the world pounding through my veins with nerves. No joke. I couldn't sit still and I guess since the doc wasn't worried about my BP I'll let that one slide out of the 'worry' box for me. I might take it at work tomorrow when I'm less of a neurotic mess.

3. Doc comes in, says she is so excited. I introduce her to Nate and they immediately hit it off starting to talk about golf. Of course. I knew they'd be a match made in heaven. But why did golf talk have to take place at our first appointment? Pesky little critter you just can't get rid of, huh?

4. A little touchy feely on my sore and gigantic boobies. Poking and prodding 'down there' to assess my enlarged ute. Small talk. Me thinking, "Get that effing ultrasound in here lady, or I'm going to have a stroke!" More small talk. GAH!

5. FINALLY time for the transvaginal ultrasound. Doc had the screen turned towards her and away from us at first but I'm stellar at reading faces, so when I saw the smile creep up and heard her say, "Such a beautiful, beautiful sight," I started to breathe again. She whipped the screen around for Nate and I to see and voila! A perfect little bean with a ticker ticking away like mad. It was the cutest little bean in the entire world, I'm quite certain. I heard Nate say, "Awww...." and all I could do was just stare at the sight. This is really happening! The baby is okay! Oh Em GEEEE.

Then the doc says, "I REALLY like the looks of that umbilical cord. It's very nice." And I do a double take because holy freaking cow that is one big fatty cord! Impressive. The doc mentioned it again before she left the room, so apparently we have one championship cord giving the babe it's nutrients. I hope little bloob liked my donut choice then, huh?

So yeah, that's basically it. Pretty much one of the best days in my entire life (besides when Nate proposed, our wedding, and getting our positive test. This totally ranks up there on the best day ever indicators).

So now the golden question is this: when do we spill the beans? The doc said that the 'second trimester' rule is rather outdated because really, now that we've seen cardiac activity our chances of losing the bloob are about 5%. If we wait until the second trimester, thus hearing the heartbeat at our next appointment, it might drop to 3% or so. At this point, I just want to fully embrace the fact that I am pregnant. I want to think positively and not feel so full of reservations, so much negativity, so many 'what ifs?' I'm so sick of this thought: "Sure, I'm pregnant and everything BUT what if something goes wrong? I can't let myself get too happy just yet because this pregnancy might not stick." You know what? If something does happen it's going to be totally devastating even if I 'prepare' myself with negative thoughts ahead of time. It's not going to make it any easier to handle. And these thoughts are really stealing away all of the joy of the first trimester.

My reasons for holding out until the second trimester are pretty silly, really. I'm worried it will jinx the pregnancy somehow. I'm worried people will think we are being stupid, first time parents who are way too excited for their own good. I'm worried people will assume we are ignorantly believing nothing bad could happen to this baby. And really, if something bad happens at this point I'm going to need more support than ever to make it through. I'm fully invested in little bloob. There's no turning back now. A little heartbeat, you guys. Wow.

So perhaps the big announcement will be sooner than I once thought. Hmmmm...

And because I'm SURE you all are dying to see the ultrasound, here you go. Complete with labels for those that think it just looks like a blob.
baby9wks explained
I mean, seriously. Is this not the cutest fetus in the entire world or what? Yes, I'm biased, but I can't contain myself. It went from an embryo to a 'fetus' this week which basically means: this dude ain't messing around and is growing all kinds of body parts. Cute ones, for sure. Very cute.

Hidden Baby Chronicles: Eight Weeks

August 2, 2009

Buh-bye, blueberry.....hello raspberry!

Seriously? What an adorable little fruit? And 8 weeks sounds incredibly official to me, just so you know. We have now known about our little raspberry for a whole month. And in the exact same amount of time, we will be headed out of the first tri and probably ready to announce it here on this blog. Cannot.Freaking.Wait. Keeping this fatty secret is hard, you guys, seriously.

My 8 week belly pic is complete with a creepy face, since I had to use the tripod for this one instead of my hubby. A little more bloat this week, perhaps?

So I had my first parenting-related freak out moment today. I was in the shower, getting ready for work when BAM, it hit me. OMG. When I have a newborn baby to care for I will not be able to roll out of bed 30 minutes before I leave for work and focus on making myself presentable. How will I manage myself AND a newborn before work? I mean, I'm sure the baby will just wake up whenever, then need to be changed, fed, and dressed all before I even get a shower or breakfast. The logistics freak me out sometimes. Like, how in the heck am I going to manage that? I was also thinking about the grocery store (something I completely despise even when I'm all alone) and wondered, "Hmm, do you take the baby in with you, in the carseat? Where in the heck do you put the carseat when you push the cart?" I got a little panicky then realized that I have some time before I worry about those types of baby juggling issues. Let's make it to our first appointment first.

Which, oh em geeeee, it's only 7 days away now. Eeek! I think I'm going to be both a wreck and ridiculously excited for next Monday. Can't even breathe thinking about it but I'm trying to be all Zen and calm and stuff. Please, God, let it all go well.

So this week I have felt Fatigue like none other. I know I say that every week, but I am not joking with the following scenario: I came home from work one day and almost fell asleep at the wheel. Then walking up our stairs took me about 10 minutes because I couldn't muster up the energy to put one foot in front of the other. When I finally arrived upstairs, I had to literally collapse on the bed and just rest my eyes before I could even change clothes or tell Nate 'hello.' I even begged him to please change me out of my work clothes and into lounge wear but he didn't bite on that one. Ugh. He's both impressed and a little frightened of my new-found ability to sleep. Seriously. Let me give a little shout out to naps on the couch. Holla at your girl. I love you much. See you in a few hours, no doubt, drooling onto every single throw pillow we own is my new goal.

A little more barfy this week, too, but still nothing that is crippling me. And I had an epiphany while doing a little online reading: sometimes docs prescribe vitamin B6 for morning sickness. Well, duh....I already take 100 mg daily aside from my prenatal. I started taking it the month before we got pregnant to help lengthen out my cycle (guess it worked!) and now I wonder if that helps stave off my lurking morning sickness? Who knows, but so far I'm pretty stinking lucky to avoid bowing to the porcelain gods. I really just feel it lumping up in the back of my throat sometimes and food looks totally disgusting to me even if I'm starved. And when I become famished that's when I really feel nauseated, so it's truly a vicious cycle. Starving but nauseated. Fun times, I tell you.

But the gas, you guys. I think what I'm lacking in nausea I've made up for in gas. And bloat. And a disgusting taste in my mouth all the time. And peeing a lot. And sore boobs. Which, btw, are like porn star boobs in my opinion. I had a tiny bit of cleavage IN MY SPORTS BRA the other day. Fellow A-cuppers, there is hope, my friends!!

Oh and my sense of smell is out of control. Did I tell you about the time I SWORE I caught a whiff of Southern Comfort? Yeah, disgusting. I started sniffing around the house and asked Nate if he was secretly pounding shots of SoCo somewhere without my knowledge. It was at that point he backed away from his crazy pregnant wife and said, "Sweetie, do you need another nap?" Of course I did, what a fab idea.

I tried my first real cup of decaffinated coffee at brunch the other day and since it's been a whole month since I partook in my favorite leisure activity, I thought I would love it. However, I thought it tasted like battery acid and made Nate try it out to confirm. Guess it was just my wimpy taste buds because Nate thought it was totally fine. I still cannot believe I've stopped drinking coffee and my body hasn't gone into convulsions. Just wow. I still love you more than life itself, dear Starbeezie. Someday we will be lovers again. But not right now cause you taste like a dirty trashcan.

And finally, I've discovered a new favorite hobby: scouring the internet for nursery ideas. Holy cow. I am addicted. Lots of pictures to follow I'm sure but it's almost scary how much time I can waste dreaming about decorating a nursery. The nesting instinct is in full force....or maybe it's just my inner Martha Stewart coming out of hiding. Either way I'm literally dreaming about glorious cribs and mobiles and gliders, oh my!

So that's that. Me and my blueberry turned raspberry are hanging at 8 weeks trying to remain calm.

Hidden baby chronicles: Seven Weeks

July 26, 2009

Tomorrow is the seven week mark and according to The Bump, I'm the proud owner of an adorable blueberry in my belly. Everyone say hello to little bloob!

A blueberry. How freaking cute is that? I told Nate that we should probably refer to this baby as a blueberry from now on....because we need some sort of nickname besides 'it' and 'the baby.' Blueberry was my choice, and Nate offered up the idea of 'Pedro.' I think I win.

And the 7 week belly shot, after caving in and using the flash now:

So anyway, how am I feeling this week? Well getting back into the swing of work after our little vacation went surprisingly well. I was tired, of course, but I didn't really feel any nausea during the day and I was convinced that my boobs stopped hurting. So of course, for about three days I was a nervous wreck thinking that my symptoms were disappearing and we were losing the baby. A word to the wise: do not beat the crap out of your boobs to see if they are still sore. They never did anything to you and don't deserve to be pounded into a pulpy residue, okay? But then towards the end of the week The Fatigue (yes, it's capitalized) hit hard again. And all day yesterday and today I honestly felt sick....albeit rather mild, it was there. Especially when I get hungry or right after I eat, it just feels like a nasty taste in the back of my throat and I wonder if I'll need to sprint towards the toilet at any moment. I haven't needed to, in case you were wondering, and usually the nausea passes rather quickly. But boy....that fatigue. I got 9.5 hours of sleep last night and still needed a 1.5 hour nap today. So not normal but totally fabulous, right?

A new symptom that is always fun if not frightening? Dizziness. As in I almost pass out when I stand up. As in I literally have to put my head between my knees for a second or the room goes black. That's going to be really fun when my belly is so big I can't bend over.

Another interesting event? My run yesterday. You see, Nate was a good marathon trainee and did his 12 miler down at the Lakefront while I opted to stay home and do a 'little jog' of my own. I was hoping for 4-5 miles just to break a sweat but after about one mile I realized I was supremely out of breath. Like, dangerously out of breath. Like, I've never run a freaking mile before in my life out of breath. I only lasted TWENTY FIVE freaking minutes, you guys. My heart rate was up and my breathing was labored and I decided I was done. Rather ironic since just 3 weeks ago I ran for nearly two hours straight without an issue. Plus, I've gone on a few 3-4 milers recently without a problem (save for the sore ta-tas....which, by the way, a sports bra plus the tank worked wonders.) Guess that whole 'increased blood volume' thing is for reals. It grosses me out to think of my ultra-thick blood right now. And I'm officially not a marathon runner anymore, more like a very slow jogger, and I've officially decided that I will not be doing the full this fall. And I'm okay with that:) I'll cheer Nate on in Chicago like he did for me last year and maybe I'll be able to run the last few with him, too. Me and the baby are going to be so proud of Nate that day....and I'm secretly happy I don't have to go for those 18-20 mile runs this summer anymore. Whew! There's always next year, right? And now I have more time to nap...

On Tuesday of this week we have our first appointment at the doctor's office, but instead of a personal one-on-one meeting it will be a group informational meeting for us and other first timers. I'm actually looking forward to it because I'm hoping they give us a lot of information about what to expect with their office, what they recommend for pregnancy, and anything else pertinent. Do you think I'll be able to sneak into an exam room and swipe my belly with an ultrasound just for kicks? Hmmmm. If I can wait just 14 more days we have our first REAL appointment, complete with that mind-easing ultrasound. My blood pressure is going up just thinking about it, especially with my thick blood running through my veins.

As far as the little blueberry goes, he is growing a brain this week. And apparently getting his third set of kidneys. I find that fact rather odd and a bit disturbing but whatever The Bump says must be true. And yes, I'm referring to this blueberry as a boy right now because Nate is convinced we are having one. I'd be totally fine with another male addition to the fam and I know Henry and Nate would be in heaven. But then again, a little girlie girl wouldn't be so bad either. We shall see...

Hidden baby chronicles: Six Weeks

July 19, 2009

Well, tomorrow I will be 6 weeks pregnant. Doesn't that seem much more official than 4 or 5 weeks? According to The Bump I have a little sweet pea nestled into my body at this point. Not really sure what a sweet pea is, but I dig it.
And the 6 week belly shot:
(you'll notice that every week the lighting is a bit different in these shots. I was bound and determined to avoid the flash each week but it ended up just looking crappy. Also, please note that I went sans makeup for this pic and I might have just woken up from a nap. Pregnancy prime, for sure.)

This past week wasn't too much different than the one before, except that exhaustion hit even harder, somehow. I am not kidding when I tell you that I took an accidental 3 hour nap followed by 9 hours of regular nighttime sleep on one day. Actually, since I've been back in Missouri and not working, I've successfully managed to work in a nap almost every single day. Kind of ridiculous, in my opinion, but apparently I cannot manage without it.

I am still having mild waves of nausea but they are disappearing before they pose an actual threat of barfing. Sometimes food will strike me as totally nasty and I'm pretty sure my sense of smell is heightened more than usual. I keep accusing Nate of farting even when he's totally innocent. Poor guy:)

I shouldn't talk though, since I'm quite gassy myself these days. Maybe I'm having a giant gas baby because I'm pretty sure that's what is filling my tummy right now. Enough said.

And my boobs are definitely more sore this week than last, which makes sleeping on my stomach a little more uncomfortable and running nearly impossible. I might have to wear an actual sports bra in combination with my running tanks, you guys. The horror! I keep staring at my boobs, deciding whether or not it's my imagination or they are actually getting bigger. At this point (and Nate agrees with me) they might be a FULL A cup instead of a deflated version of one. Whoopdie doo. Let's go, girls, bring on the B cups!

Oh, and I successfully endured my first wedding as an undercover pregnant lady. I think my fake drinking was pretty convincing this time. Nate helped by slugging down some of my wine at dinner when nobody was looking. And drinking Sprite with a lime in it is highly suggestive of Vodka and Sprite. I'm pretty sure nobody suspected but of course, it was hard not to tell any of our friends that we won't see again for many months. Oh well, we will spill the beans soon enough I suppose.

So all in all, other than being really ridiculously tired, I haven't felt that different yet. Which of course, freaks me out entirely. But I'm still trying to remain positive and relinquish control of this entire situation. So. hard. And as my mom says, the worrying won't completely stop since that is a part of a mother's job. But I'm still holding onto the idea that after August 10 when we have our first ultrasound, I will be able to breathe a little easier. I'm counting down the days you guys. 22, in case you were wondering:)

Why can't I just be one of those calm, relaxed, not-a-care-in-the-world people? Can you buy that type of personality?

Hidden Baby Chronicles: Five Weeks

Sunday, July 12

Stuck at the Airport and Feeling Very Reflective {aka this might be long and boring}

Tomorrow I am a whopping 5 weeks pregnant. Eek! We've graduated to a little apple seed at this point. Johnny apple seed looks so tiny, doesn't it?

And here is my ultra impressive 5 week belly shot.
Not sure if I'll always write like this as the weeks go by but early on it seems to be quite therapeutic for my crazy self. Who knows if I'll actually post these, make them into a pregnancy album, or just delete them. But I feel a strong need to record my thoughts during this amazing journey.

I've officially known for a whole week now. Geez, what a difference a week makes, considering that now my mind has made room for constant baby thoughts. Like I said before, it's a cocktail of hope/joy/happiness with a splash of fear/anxiety/neurotic notions. And since this will be the only cocktail I'll get for the next 9 plus months I suppose I'll drink up!

I can't say I really FEEL pregnant yet. I'm definitely more tired than usual, requiring frequent fatty naps. Maybe I'm a little more hungry and gassy, plus sometimes I feel a twinge of nausea mixed in there. But I might be making up the nausea since I'm anticipating it so much. Oh, and the cramps. Those are fun. It's like my monthly visitor is preparing to arrive but she hasn't yet. Isn't that mind boggling? Every time I go to the bathroom I expect to see her but no luck. I guess I'm really pregnant, huh?

Surprisingly, I've resisted the urge to overdose on pregnancy tests. Yep, that's right: I've only taken that one positive digital test so far (well, besides the two cheap ones before that, but those don't count). I can totally understand why some girls break the bank on pregnancy tests---I'm sure it would be completely reassuring to see the positive sign over and over again. Especially when I don't really feel pregnant yet.

So there have been a few gigantic changes in my diet since I found out: no coffee, no booze, and no deli turkey. Gah! I would eat a veggie and turkey sandwich every single day of my life before this. I know the jury is out on this one but I figure it's better to be safe than sorry. So I've gotten creative with chicken breast, PB&J, and whatever scrap foods I can throw together for a so-called lunch. Oh, how I miss my expensive deli turkey.

Then there is the coffee, my friends. Remember how I wrote about this months ago, dreading the day I'd have to decide between my glorious black gold and my sense of sanity? Well after reading a butt load of research on the subject, I understand that some docs are okay with one cup each morning. At first I thought I'd continue on my large to-go mug habit every day. But after reading more and more about it, I found that anything more that 200 mg of caffeine could conceivably cause an increased risk of the dreaded 'M' word. Some say that even 100 mg will increase the risk, espeically when consumed in the first trimester. So for 3 days, I cut my big fat mug of coffee down to one measly measured cup of coffee. It was a total tease, just enough to get the taste but then it was gone. By the fourth day I was in St. Louis and decided I could be hard core and stop partaking in even my puny little cup of Joe. I'm 3 days sober from my caffeine addiction and I must say, it feels pretty good. I cannot believe I didn't get a horrendous headache. And really, I haven't had actual cravings except for when I'm so freaking tired I can imagine that coffee would perk me up a bit. It's a small price to pay, really.

It wasn't a whole lot of fun to 'fake drink' at the bridal shower this weekend. I just held a glass of wine, fake sipped it, and then dumped some of it down the bathroom sink. No clue if my friends are onto me yet. If our first ultrasound goes well at 9 weeks I might just tell everyone at 10 or 11 weeks to get it over with. I don't think I can 'fake drink' through Lindsey's entire wedding.

We are going to tell our parents this week and I cannot wait. I am so thankful that we are making a trip down to Jeff City with such great timing, since this is my first trip home since Christmas. I have a feeling both sets of parents will flip out and I bet Mom will cry, if she isn't in too much shock. Fun stuff, I tell you. Fun stuff.

Hidden Baby Chronicles: Deep Thoughts

June 11, 2009

The Paradoxical First Trimester (aka Deep Thoughts by a Newly Pregnant Lady)

In a few days I will be officially 5 weeks pregnant, which means I've had almost a week to let this news sink into my thick skull.

I can't help but think this whole first tri thing is both amazing and awful all at the same time. Let me explain.

Seeing the word 'pregnant' on our digital test was quite possibly one of THE happiest moments of my entire life. This pure sense of joy is almost palpable as we are entering into the next phase of our lives together: parenthood. It's something I've always dreamed about and words cannot describe how incredibly happy we both are to be in this position. Excuse me while I pinch myself.

Then again, having this immense sense of excitement and joy is fairly ironic when you can't tell a flipping soul. I mean, if I had my way I'd shout it from the mountaintops right now but instead we have to keep this humongous secret until we get official confirmation with an ultrasound. I'm honestly afraid that I'll just be talking to a friend, or a co-worker about everyday life and all of a sudden it spews out of my mouth without warning. Sort of like, "Yeah, we're going to make a chicken dish tonight and add a little side of....HOLY HELL DID I MENTION THAT WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A BABY???!!!???" Whoops. Talk about making a conscious effort to keep a big fatty secret.

Another interesting counterpart to the intense joy we are feeling right now is the debilitating worry of the first trimester. I know that there is only a 25% chance of miscarriage before you hear the heartbeat but omg...TWENTY-FIVE percent seems like a giant black hole that is going to suck me under and suffocate me to death. Honestly, why does it seem like everyone on message boards, TV, and movies miscarry? If I read one more phrase that contains the words 'empty sac' I'm going to barf. (and no I haven't experienced morning sickness yet, which I suppose is rather normal this early on but of course it freaks me out to feel relatively good. )

I know that every woman goes through this sense of worry and I'm positive it won't stop after the first trimester. Heck, I'm sure once this little bumpkin is born (God willing) I'll have to make sure s/he is still breathing all of the time, worried that s/he will fall and get hurt, or whatever. But honestly, I just want to see the evidence that so far everything is a-okay. Then I can take it from there and continue on with new worries, considering it a privilege to worry about my baby. But the thought that something might happen to this pregnancy is such a stabbing thought that I have to consciously make the decision to breathe. I have to believe that this is out of my control, that God knows exactly what will happen at that first ultrasound and beyond. I am struggling to take comfort in the fact that there is nothing I can do to make this a sticky baby. But Dear Lord, I want so badly to experience this pregnancy to it's fullest. Ugh. The sense of worry is definitely a paradox to the sense of joy in these first weeks of pregnancy.

It's almost like this is too good to be true. It's hard to accept that I'm really deserving of this amazing gift when so many people out there struggle for years to be in the same place. You know that feeling when everything is so wonderful in your life that you just have to brace yourself for the bottom to fall out? Yeah, I'm there right now. And I hate that I can't just enjoy this time and push the negativity out of my mind but I'm working on it, for sure.

A very wise friend of mine once told me something I'll never forget. She said that there are really only two prayers we'll ever pray to God. "Thank you" and "Help". Right now I'm praying both prayers with equal gusto. Thank you so much for getting us to this amazing place, and please help me chill out a teensy little bit.

More deep thoughts by a newly pregnant lady, coming soon.

Hidden baby chronicles: The Reactions

July 19, 2009

Were you wondering about this one?
Reactions to the pregnancy...

From Nate:

On that fateful Monday, July 6, Nate was at class all day while I just so happened to be off of work. I took my positive test around noon that day and spent the next 4 hours freaking out, calling my OBGYN for an appointment, freaking out some more, and sitting in a catatonic state for awhile so the news could sink in to my own mind.

Then Nate got home and although I had intentions of telling him in some cute way, my excitement got the best of me. I was sitting on the couch with the test hidden behind me when he came in and my heart was pounding so fast I think you could see my pulse in my eyelids. I let him say his hellos to Henry, get sufficiently licked all over (from Henry again, not me), kiss me hello, and put his stuff down. Meanwhile I was still sitting there like a total dweeb, trying to act cool. So he comes to sit down next to me and immediately picked up on my doofus face, since I was grinning ear to ear. "Do you have something to tell me?" he asked. To which I replied, "Uh-huh, " still smiling too hard to form any intelligent sentences. Then he asked, "Was it positive?" and I said yes, then whipped out the hidden test from behind the pillow. He was well aware that I'd already taken two tests before this, and knew of my plan to test Tuesday morning. I explained that I simply couldn't wait until the next morning to test and began mumbling incoherent phrases together. I don't remember exactly what Nate said next but I'll never forget the look of happiness/shock/excitement on his face as we hugged each other. His bottom line: "This is so cool, I am into it." I think he said that about 5 times. We hugged and laughed and had a little moment for sure.

His first concerns? "Oh man, now I have to run this marathon by myself? Who will do my long runs with me?" Then, "Who will drink beers with me now?" and "Do I have to drink coffee all alone?" Funny, because we weren't exactly boozing partners in life, slamming down alcohol every night just because we were wild and free....and the coffee thing? I didn't think he'd mind losing his partner in crime for that one. The training buddy part makes sense, because it really does blow to run long distances alone. But after I soothed his fears about running, boozing, and drinking coffee alone he was able to embrace this idea of a baby even more fully. I'll also never forget this classic quote: "You know what is really great? Now we don't have to have those stupid conversations about when we'll start trying. That was really dumb, you know." Hee hee. I have to agree with him there:)

I've absolutely treasured seeing Nate's reaction to this whole thing. He is definitely dying to tell people, even more than me at this point, and I could get used to his gentle little pats on my tummy at the most random of times. His happiness and pride is obvious to me and I feel closer to him than ever before. Nothing like 'taking the next step' to make a marriage even stronger, right? He is going to be such a great dad, you guys.

From our parents:

We both knew we had to tell our parents early, since we'd definitely need their support if anything happened and we knew they'd be ecstatic with the news. This will be the first grandchild for both sides but I think both sets of parents assumed they'd have to wait a little longer to get their beloved grandchildren out of us.

Since Henry was the vessel for one major life event---our engagement, as Nate tied my ring around his neck during the proposal---I figured he should probably be the main character for this big event, too. I made him this shirt using an iron-on transfer sheet:

muscle shirt

Work it Henry

Do I have to, Mom?

Before we left for our Missouri trip, we told Nate's parents. It was Tuesday night, July 14 and I was barely 5 weeks along. We put Henry's shirt on and carried him downstairs. Then Nate said to his mom, "Look at Henry's new muscle shirt, mom." She read it out loud while Henry wagged his tail which shook his whole body, making the text even more difficult to read. Her first reaction: "WHAT?? Who is pregnant???" Obviously a little confused:) Nate clarified that I was pregnant which made her scream and grab both of us for a big hug. Her favorite phrase was, "There is going to be a baby here!" which surprised us, since we weren't sure they'd be okay with a screaming newborn living above their bedroom.

Whether we'd stay or move was a huge question mark for Nate and I because we did not want to push the boundaries of our living situation and interfere with his parents' sleep. I kind of thought we might move out and rent a place for awhile, just to avoid any potential to damage our wonderful relationship with my in-laws. But seeing my mother-in-law's genuine reaction solidified the fact that we are still welcome in the duplex. When we relayed our concerns to her she said, "Why would you move? That is just silly. We've had babies in this house before and we can definitely do it again." Then, just to torture us, she threw in there, "Well maybe I'll just have to quit my job to stay home and play with the baby all day." Obviously, that won't actually happen but a girl can dream! I am so incredibly blessed to have them in our lives, you guys. And this means we can still add to our savings until Nate graduates, since daycare costs plus rent plus tuition and one salary would have definitely cut into the savings a lot.

Nate's dad came home shortly after we told his mom and surprisingly he got it right away! Hugs all around again and being the handy man he is, he immediately started rattling off all of the baby furniture they have stored in the attic. Of course they have baby furniture up there, right? I loved seeing how they looked at Nate after the news: proud, happy, and very knowing. They mentioned a few times how "Boy, your lives are going to change." I'm sure they are right:)

We told my parents when we came down for our Missouri visit and we waited until Friday morning, July 17, since we didn't get in until 1 am on Thursday. We were all sitting around the living room getting ready for breakfast when I said, "Oh, let me show you Henry's new shirt." I went and put it on him and had him run up the stairs to show it off. My mom read the first line of the shirt, stopped and stared at me and asked, "Are you pregnant?!?" and when I said yes she squealed and hugged me rather hard. She started yelling for my dad to read the shirt and my poor dad was so confused, he could hardly make out the words on the shirt. Once it sank in more hugs were had and I think my mom might have kissed Nate:) We spent the rest of the morning answering their questions and enjoying the moment.

My mom and I have had some fun conversations about pregnancy and babies, which is a new phase of our relationship that is pretty sweet. I mean, there is just something about bonding with my mom about becoming a mother to my own child that is priceless. Also, I learned that my mom did not get stretch marks and her labor time was always less than 2 hours. Whoo hoo! PLEASE let me have those genes.

Hidden Baby Chronicles part 1

{Before I get to the actual post, I have to be all mushy and say 'thanks' to everyone who commented on my below post. It actually made me a bit teary to read all of the responses which of course, is par for the hormonal course. Nothing like a little virtual love to make this pregnant lady weepy. And to the VERY astute readers who noticed the 'Fit Pregnancy' magazine in my 'Hung' post, you get 10 points for being observant. I even tried to blur out the title so it wouldn't give me away and you still caught on to me!

I do not intend for this blog to become solely about pregnancy, alienating those who aren't pregnant or already moms. However, since I've always been a random blogger who writes about life in general you can definitely expect this blog to take a turn towards babies. I hope you don't mind.

For example, I've been sneaky and drafted 9 more posts after this one in the past 6 weeks since we found out. That means lots of 'Hidden Baby Chronicles' for you dear readers. I hope these posts will answer all of your burning questions without me needing to write one big fat informational 'Q and A' post. If they get a little boring feel free to ignore. I'll get caught up on life and blog real-time again very soon, I'm sure you'll get sick of all the new posts I throw at you. But there's just something about recording my thoughts as they come that is incredibly therapeutic to me and I'm hoping it will connect with some of you out there, too. I'm willing to bet there are a few readers who are going through the scary first trimester, too, and maybe my neurotic thoughts will make you feel even better about yourself:) Plus, I'm definitely making all of these pregnancy posts into one big fat pregnancy album...did you have any doubts?

I'm off to St. Louis AGAIN for Lindsey's wedding tomorrow night but I'm going to schedule out a few posts from the mysterious archives. Enjoy! And settle in for a few long reads.}

July 7, 2009--Tuesday


I've got a little poppy seed in there, according to The Bump.

Even typing those words makes my heart rate speed up a little bit. It's so surreal, so awesome, and so incredibly frightening all at the same time. I've attempted to write in an actual paper journal but I have too many thoughts to hold on paper. And I got a major hand cramp and decided that was probably bad for the baby, just like everything else in the entire world, apparently. So I've turned to typing on the ol' blog as a therapeutic medium. Of course, you won't be reading this for a while but a little 'draft' action is always a good thing. While my fireworks and concert posts are going up in real time, secretly I'm writing this baby post. So sneaky, aren't I?

Where to begin, dear blogosphere? Hmmm...perhaps a little background info.

Well, basically, Nate and I were in the following category regarding trying to conceive: "Not actively trying but not avoiding either." The general idea was to 'see what happens' over the summer and then after the marathon in October, we'd really crack down and start humping like rabbits {I'm sorry. Is that TMI? Well guess what---pregnant ladies talk about a lot of stuff that is probably TMI. Methinks you should get used to it.}

I went off the pill in December and immediately began charting my waking temperatures, after reading the ever-popular Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I'm sure you've probably heard of the Fertility Awareness Method so I won't go into details but there was just something about the methodical documenting of daily temperatures that I thoroughly enjoyed. It was probably because I'm incredibly anal and simply adore charts and organization, so FAM was made for my Type-A self. Also, being off of the pill for the first extended period of time in the past 10 years was highly liberating. I think it might have made my biological clock kick in to high gear as well without the extra synthetic hormones in my system, because with every month of charting I started to get more and more baby-ready. But from December to May we were definitely using the method to avoid pregnancy.

I had prepared myself to wait for Nate to be on board with my baby fever, not sure if it would take him well into the Fall or beyond to be ready, but he surprised me and landed on the same page as me earlier than I thought. As we talked it TO DEATH about 8 billion times we both felt comfortable 'just seeing what happens' over the summer. We were both excited about the possibility of getting pregnant but we didn't put a lot of pressure on ourselves like, "OMG we have to get pregnant this month or else." I honestly thought it would take us many months to get pregnant and my pessimistic nature worried that we'd try for years before it happened. I know, it's horrible to think that way, but that's just me sometimes.

The second month of 'Trying-But-Not-Labeling-It-"Trying" ' yielded a big fatty positive pregnancy test. Holy crap, I still can't believe it. Apparently we are not infertile after all and got it on the second semi-try--and you better believe I feel so incredibly blessed over this fact. Guess my pessimism was unfounded, huh? Would you like to hear the story of this BFP? Of course you would:)

On Friday, July 3, I had a minor freak out moment and decided to take the plunge and buy a few Dollar Store tests. I'd never taken a pregnancy test before so needless to say I was totally nervous. I wasn't even late yet, as I was due to start my period on Sunday, but I just wanted to test to clear my mind a bit. Plus, we had a busy weekend planned and I needed to know if I could partake in a few brews along the way. Yeah....more on this later.

So I took the test Friday after work and it was negative. I was a little surprised by how disappointed I was, but I moved on. I told Nate about the negative test and his first reaction was, "You are relying on a test that costs a dollar? Aren't those things normally REALLY expensive?" I informed him that it was silly to waste so much money on expensive tests when they'd probably be negative anyway. So we went to the fireworks on Friday night and I enjoyed a few brewskis. Am I going straight to hell for this one? Motherly guilt has already kicked in full swing but never fear: I have researched the hell out of this one on the internet and I'm pretty sure the microscopic baby did not suffer any ill-effects from my brews. Maybe it will just be a partying rock star?

Saturday I went for an 11 mile run and the entire time I let my mind wander to the possibility of being pregnant. I was mad at myself for allowing my mind to go there, knowing that I would probably start that day or the next. But it was weird---no cramps, no sign of my monthly visitor to be seen. But then after my run, I convinced myself that I felt the beginnings of cramps. I was 85% sure that I'd start the next day. Bummer. Why did I let myself get my hopes up?

Sunday morning, I woke up before work expecting to see my period. Nothing. Nada. So I decided to take another cheapie test. I hopped in the shower as the test was working and when I came out I immediately saw one solid line, meaning negative. So I walked away, got dressed, and when I came back into the bathroom I began to scrutinize that line to death. I could have SWORN there was the faintest possible second line on that puppy but it was only visible with intense squinting and a little bit of imagination. I decided that I was officially losing my mind and tossed the test, trying to get on with my day. Stupid cheap-o tests. Why couldn't you be more clear to my psycho self?

Again, all day Sunday I was prepared to see 'Aunt Flo' show up. Again, she did not. I knew that I was off work on Monday and decided that I'd buy a digital test and use it Tuesday morning if I still hadn't started by then. I sincerely thought I was just a little late this month at this point but wrote in my paper diary that now I was only 75% sure I'd start soon. For every month I'd been charting before this one, I always started my period on the same day after ovulation and now here we were....a day late.

While I was out and about on Monday (yesterday) I bought the digital test, cursing myself for spending so much money on the bastard. I came home and Google chatted a bit with Hannah about my plans. The more and more we talked about it, the more anxious I got. Hannah was convinced that my test would be positive and I just couldn't let myself believe that yet. She asked if Nate would be mad if I tested right then while he was at school. I knew he wouldn't be mad....he knew about my overanalyzation of this situation, and my plan to test the next day. He found my whole outlook highly entertaining, actually, because I was definitely driving myself crazy. He loves when I'm crazy, for sure:)

So Hannah waited on Google chat while I attempted to pee on a stick, the third time in my life and the third time in 4 days. I was so flipping nervous that I suffered a bit of stage fright and couldn't pee. Curses! So I ran back to the computer and told her to hold her horses while I chugged water....and chugged, I did. A ridiculous amount. I waited 2o minutes and took the plunge. This was it: one way or the other.

I set the test down on the counter and saw the little hour-glass ticking away. I couldn't even concentrate at this point because the blood was pounding at a deafening rate in my head. I paced around the house for a bit, flipped on the TV, and landed on the freaking Baby Story on TLC. Some lady was giving birth and I couldn't deal with that image burning into my retinas, because OMG--what if that is ME in 9 months?!? I had to pace around the house a little bit more. I remember saying out loud, "God--your will be done here. Not mine. It's your call, Big Guy." I cautiously walked back into the bathroom and saw that there were words on the test.

It took about 3 seconds for me to comprehend that it said 'Pregnant' on the little screen. There wasn't a 'NOT' in front of that word, you guys. Then I started squealing and repeating "holycrapholycrapholycrap" about 10 times before I grabbed my phone to shriek with Hannah. We shared a little moment, realizing that we'd share part of our pregnancies together, and she took a shot at calming me down and preparing me for a long and grueling first trimester.

All that was left on that most amazing day---Monday, July 6---was to tell my husband. Oh, and breathe. I had to remind myself to breathe. And of course I had to snap some '4 week belly pics!':


H is for holla
(might be the last time I'm comfortable in a sports bra and shorts for awhile?)

More to come, dear secret internets. More to come.

The Big Fat Announcement

First came love:


Then came marriage:

Then comes....
wait a minute, what?

No, silly. Henry isn't pregnant. But I AM! 10 weeks to be exact, due March 14, 2010. Let's all squeal together now....eeek!

Details to follow:)

And we have a new header for the blog to celebrate, too.

Help a sister out

First of all, Henry got a hair cut and is looking more handsome than usual. I feel that his face time on this blog has greatly diminished and that is simply unacceptable. Please observe his cuteness again:





Okay, now for real. I am flying out for Lindsey's wedding in one week my friends, which is wedding #3 and the only one in which I am a bridesmaid this year. It shall be 4 whole days of wonderfulness, I'm quite certain. But when I fly instead of drive to STL, that means I have to pack all of my crap very well. I really like to get everything into one carry on bag to avoid lines with the checked luggage. A girl must plan in advance for things like this, especially when it comes to weddings and their other events. Please help me, dear readers.

I have an outfit for the rehearsal and dinner, which is Thursday night. The dinner is in a cool loft and rather casual, so I'm going with this little dress number and teal flats:

And of course, the wedding itself is easy when you have a darling black bridesmaid dress and simple black heels (not sure why they look like they don't match, because they do....something about the shine of the dress, I'm sure.)

But now for the hard part: Friday we will have a bridesmaids luncheon followed by nail salon time. The luncheon is at Plaza Frontenac for those of you in STL which means pretty freaking fancy, if you ask me. So what in the heck will I wear to a nice lunch that can also work at a nail salon, without looking ridiculous? Here are a few options.

1. Cotton black dress that is so freaking short, I'd have to buy some leggings to wear underneath. I only own black ones and I'm not a fan of black on black for a bridal luncheon, so maybe I could get gray ones or something? Maybe the aqua flats would be cute here again? Or should I do flip flops for the pedicure?

2. Long shirt/dress thingy with stripes. I like to wear my black leggings with this one, too, to avoid any scandles. Shoes are a problem here.....I only have white flip flops or black ones to match.

3. Or one of my favorite yellow summer dresses. Again, this one is tough with shoes....not sure the white Havaiana flip flops are appropriate for lunch. I also have brown ones if that is better?

Or I guess I could wear my black bermuda shorts with a top of some sorts....don't really own any that would work, I'm pretty sure. I'm trying hard not to buy new clothes for this trip but it's hard!

Any suggestions for me? What type of outfit would you wear for such an event? I rarely have events like this but when I do I always stress about outfits. Ugh.


You know it's going to be a great day when you start it off with one of these babies:

Mmmmmm. Eating healthy gets boring after awhile and I highly suggest letting loose on occasion. So worth it.

So yesterday we made the 75 mile trip down to Ikea for a little Swedish fabulosity. OMG. Ikea is such a mecca for home furnishings, if you are willing to fight the ridiculous crowd a bit. We had one mission with this trip and that was to buy a new bookshelf to place under the new TV that Nate was insistent on hanging from the wall. We found an awesome shelf made of all wood (kind of hard to find at Ikea) for only $200. We also picked up some random drinking glassess and two flour/sugar containers. Odd, no?

This was the scene of the crime today. Nate took it upon himself to not only construct the entire shelf on his own (with the aid of Swedish instructions) but also to hang the TV. I was promised I could stay out of it and yet somehow I got roped into helping a smidge. Oh well. It 'twas worth it.

Please note the before (well, the updated 'before.' The real before would have been with our tiny tube TV....which now has a proud new owner via Craigslist! I tell you Ikea and Craigslist are my two favorite things right now.)

And......the after. Ta Da!
So I had to pull the lamps from our bedroom to make it work but all in all, I love it. Nate is going to get us one of those nifty cable hider things, too and I'm trying to convince him to get rid of one of the DVD players on top but something about needing them both for surround sound? I dunno, it's a guy thing I guess.

We found an amazingly cheap wall mount on Amazon (oh wait, Craigslist, Ikea, and Amazon are my faves actually) for $25. Best Buy can eat their $250 mount. Seriously. This thing ain't going nowhere. And really it wasn't too bad to hang once Nate found the studs in the wall. He promises it's sturdy enough to do pull ups on but I think I'll just take his word for it. I like how it has 15 degrees of tilt, too. And since the TV is plasma it doesn't get that dark tint from certain angles like LCDs do. At least, that is what Nate tells me...I couldn't tell a difference between plasma and LCD if you paid me.

Had to rearrange the side table decor a bit on this wall, the one that faces the TV. We moved our table lamps from this spot into our bedroom and are only using one of our floor lamps now. Hope it's enough light! Henry loves it all, obvi.

And yes. I read a lot of books. Actually, I used to think I was rich so I bought all of the books I was reading instead of borrowing them from the library like I do now. You'll also find our cookbooks, DVDs, a few of my scrapbooks, and even some school text books down there. Something about a bunch of books lined up makes me very happy.

So that is that. We are officially in the 21st century and managed to hang the TV without professional help. All in all, the shelf assembly plus the wall mount only took a few hours today. I'm so proud of Nate for being Mr. Handyman! And I will admit: the new TV is pretty fabulous. Too bad it's always set to the golf channel these days:)
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