tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post8238175722292248420..comments2024-03-28T09:28:36.979-05:00Comments on My Life in Transition: GriefJulia Gooliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13784248013181090775noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-41545158025156845062012-03-27T10:09:31.078-05:002012-03-27T10:09:31.078-05:00Thank you for sharing this. I stumbled upon your ...Thank you for sharing this. I stumbled upon your blog when I first learned that I was pregnant, and I found your writing to be so refreshing and real. I just found out that I too had a missed miscarriage, at 9 weeks after hearing and seeing the heartbeat at 5 and 6 weeks. Your posts give me some sense of sanity and clarity in what seems like an awful nightmare, and I thank you for that.leah https://www.blogger.com/profile/06021345556232941712noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-62202158068143222252011-08-11T13:57:35.522-05:002011-08-11T13:57:35.522-05:00Julia- I happened to stumble onto your blog about ...Julia- I happened to stumble onto your blog about a year ago and have been following ever since. I was also a young mother and enjoyed reading about your family. Hearing you work your way through the grief of losing a child was so hard to read, but it helped me so much in my own loss. My daughter, Ryann Serena, suddenly died on 5-29-11. Reading your musings and updates was one of the things that I was able to hang onto afterward. They helped me to not feel alone. Thank you. Thank you for being an unknown support. -Damieelderbughttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08562791529602098683noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-26115216322729175012011-05-18T11:52:46.091-05:002011-05-18T11:52:46.091-05:00Oh Julia, I've been trying to find the words f...Oh Julia, I've been trying to find the words for a few days to write to you. This is a club I never would have wanted anyone to be a part of, and now that you are, your life has definitely been changed forever. I keep trying to remember what I would have wanted someone to say to me, but there really are no words for a loss like this. It will just take awhile for you to feel like yourself again, and for you and your family to mourn little Wren.<br /><br />Lean on your family and friends during this time, they will give you comfort. It will take time to heal, and time to feel normal again. Sometimes friends that have not been through this won't know what to say or how to act, but just find peace in the fact that they are there if you need their support. <br /><br />Thank you for blogging this, I totally agree that our stories will help others one day, and that this is something that needs to be shared and talked more about openly. You tend to feel so alone and like you somehow failed, and just knowing that there are others out there experiencing the same things does help.<br /><br />I blogged about the unreal process of having a natural miscarriage here: http://www.alittleblueberry.com/2011/02/details.html<br />So, if you know anyone going through this that wants to read about the details, you can point them in that direction (I wish I would have known what to expect). I also included updates on that post (and others) about life after experiencing something this - having sex, trying again, feeling normal physically and mentally, depression, feeling stuck - a lot of information for others going through something similar. <br /><br />I read your entire pregnancy blog when I was pregnant and it really helped me because it allowed me to feel that I wasn't alone going through this adventure. So, I hope that my blog will help you to know that you are not alone going through this part of your life either. A loss like this is indescribable but I healed as I was able to write about it. And I know you will too, with time. Let me know if you need anything or ever just want to chat - there is light at the end of the tunnel and one day you will see it again. We will have beautiful babies in the future, but will never forget the babies that came before.<br /><br />One last thing I want to leave you with. When something like this happens, you will hear a lot of people's stories about miscarriage and loss. It is very comforting at first and you find solace in the fact that you aren't alone, you will cry along with the stories and hear really sad things like people meeting their babies and then having to say goodbye. I became kind of consumed with these, reading message boards and receiving messages from family and friends. Then, after awhile someone wrote me this: You will probably hear a lot of stories about people who have lost babies, but try to also really hear the stories about people who have gone on to have healthy babies. I just don't want you to think the sad news always happens. Stay positive and know that next time things will be different. <br /><br />It IS unfair that we will never get that feeling back, that carefree pregnancy feeling, we will always be scared or nervous the next time around. But the same person also told me this (and you probably already know it being a mom): In that fear there is also amazing gratitude every time your baby will be okay. A lot of being a parent is fear and anxiety -no doubt about it. That fear is a way our love for our children expresses itself. But, the love and fun and joy and challenges all supersede those moments. <br /><br />So, my friend, stay positive and I wish you all the best. Keep us on this journey with you and let me know if you need anything. Things WILL get better, I promise. I have prayed to our little blueberry to welcome your little Wren and tell him all about how much you wanted to meet him and how much you loved him. She will keep him safe and happy until one day when we will hopefully be able to finally meet them.Allisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10071096768527336687noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-36918847543934764902011-05-10T13:52:51.198-05:002011-05-10T13:52:51.198-05:00I am so, so sorry Julia. I will keep you guys in m...I am so, so sorry Julia. I will keep you guys in my prayers. :(Mariahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14241204195441624655noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-16271364774050304562011-05-10T01:34:35.201-05:002011-05-10T01:34:35.201-05:00I am very sorry that you and your family are suffe...I am very sorry that you and your family are suffering this loss, and I hope you are finding some peace in your time of grieving. <br /><br />I don't want to make light of your situation at all, but I hope it might help to hear my story. I am the second child in a big family. I had never heard any stories of any difficulties trying to conceive for my parents, and the number of siblings I have would make most people assume there were none.<br /><br />But in my adulthood, my mother told me a story that she hadn't shared with any of my siblings. Apparently, two months before I was conceived, my mom miscarried a pregnancy. She was very sad, and feeling what I can only assume is similar to what you are feeling. But she is a sweet woman, and a wonderful mother, and she points out that if that pregnancy had gone to term, she wouldn't have me - she would have someone entirely different in her life.<br /><br />Like I said, I definitely don't want to invalidate your loss. More, I just want to say that I am living proof that everything happens for a reason. And I know you will find your life's reasons, too. <br /><br />Take care.Tesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15826866160056839791noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-12823380127328157452011-05-09T09:58:31.596-05:002011-05-09T09:58:31.596-05:00Julia, I am so terribly sorry for you and your fam...Julia, I am so terribly sorry for you and your family's loss. I hadn't read your blog in a while and just happened to drop in. I wish that I had something comforting and useful to say, but I do not. I'm even tearful as I write this. Just know that your bravery in writing about your experience could help a good many people.<br /><br />{Hugs}<br /><br />Anne K. from EAD LivingAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-82427008936788103352011-05-08T11:50:03.331-05:002011-05-08T11:50:03.331-05:00I'm so sorry for your loss. There are no other...I'm so sorry for your loss. There are no other words. :(Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01365507225610079806noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-50178902790567973312011-05-07T20:32:21.803-05:002011-05-07T20:32:21.803-05:00Hi, I've been reading your blog for some time ...Hi, I've been reading your blog for some time now but have never commented. I stumbled upon your blog just a few days before you announced your pregnancy with your little boy. In the day or two before I found you, I had experienced a miscarriage. I watched you celebrate every milestone of pregnancy and I was so envious but so happy for you and dreamed of the day when it was my turn. I am not envious now. I know exactly what you're feeling and my heart aches for you. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry and I'll be praying for peace and comfort for you and your husband. I wish I could say something to make it better but I know from experience there is nothing. I also know that the pain does eventually ease. It doesn't go away but it eases. Until then, you will be in my prayers...:)dblackhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10745247763245956497noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-41286633914314924802011-05-07T14:04:32.372-05:002011-05-07T14:04:32.372-05:00I always hated it when people would say those phra...I always hated it when people would say those phrases after I had my miscarriage :) The greatest thing I was able to do was go to a miscarriage and stillborn support group afterwards put on through my church. It was so great to be ablet o talk to women who had been through the same, different, easier, worse, more....but all the while same loss I had. So great to talk to the women who went through it themselves and talk about how husbands grieve differently and how to deal with the emotions and the comments people make. If you have the opportunity, even if you are not a "support group" kind of person, I would suggest you check one out.<br /><br />My prayers are with you!!TheLundyshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00654973845852920295noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-8681792474602986862011-05-07T13:59:53.424-05:002011-05-07T13:59:53.424-05:00I discovered your blog through a friend and have b...I discovered your blog through a friend and have been following you in your journey over the past year. I want to thank you for posting about this difficult experience. It will undoubtedly help the many others who are going through the same loss. Thinking of you and your family at this difficult time...Freckleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01906720332642191078noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-48512849910217731482011-05-07T09:02:22.013-05:002011-05-07T09:02:22.013-05:00I am so sorry for your loss as well as what your h...I am so sorry for your loss as well as what your husband lost as well. I had a blighted ovum 2 years ago and it was painful, although not a planned pregnancy. We need to walk along side people when they are in their darker moments of life. Yes, the topic of miscarriage truly needs to be shared more and you have done a wonderful job at this in your blog. I firmly believe one day you and your family will meet the life that was growing inside of you and they will run to you because they will know you.Johnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13642965031283620993noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-51844729262178864562011-05-06T11:12:48.035-05:002011-05-06T11:12:48.035-05:00I have lost a baby and writing about it openly, ju...I have lost a baby and writing about it openly, just typing out how I was feeling, really helped me. Some judged me for talking about it on my blog, but it's about what makes you heal. <br /><br />I am so sorry you are walking through this. But know that you are not walking through it alone. It was a baby, and it was your baby, and you can be sad. You can also smile, when it feels right, and you will laugh again. You can feel angry and you can feel betrayed, or you can feel none of these things. However you feel, it's your right to feel that way about your loss.<br /><br />You are a wonderful mother and this is not your fault. I am so sorry you are experiencing this. It is not something I want to have in common with anyone. But you are not alone in walking through it. I hope that brings you some measure of comfort.bekahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15362619565392680707noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-65217313625333754982011-05-06T09:45:37.436-05:002011-05-06T09:45:37.436-05:00I am so sorry you had to join our club :( I had t...I am so sorry you had to join our club :( I had two miscarriages before finally having my daughter this February. Those two miscarriages where probably the worst experiences of my life. It did make me a neurotic freak during my subsequent successful pregnancy, unfortunately. It's just something that is so hard to get over, but you WILL with time. I promise. <br /><br />Super big hugs to you.Alisonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15616042004897454479noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-91756833889609975302011-05-06T01:01:26.403-05:002011-05-06T01:01:26.403-05:00First time commenter: So very sorry to hear about...First time commenter: So very sorry to hear about the loss of your precious baby. I too have been down the same road and would be a rich woman if I had a nickle for every insensitive comment that was said to me. I am so sorry! (((HUGS)))Lindsayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11344664523134529044noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-40150576775873760562011-05-05T18:06:46.483-05:002011-05-05T18:06:46.483-05:00I've been reading for awhile but never comment...I've been reading for awhile but never commented. <br /><br />When I read your post on Tuesday, I had just found out that morning that we had lost our baby at 8w6d (I was 11w4d). We had seen a heartbeat at 7w3d and after hearing the heartbeat at this appointment we were going to spread the news. I know the shock and grief that you're going through. We chose a D&C for a variety of reasons and it physically has not been too bad, at least no worse than I had imagined. <br /><br />I hope that you get through this difficult time, but know that at least one other person is going through the same thing. It has helped me immensely to read your story and know that others are going through this. <br /><br />Thanks for sharing.Leigh @ Kesler Expresslerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01442866565967980687noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-29665214654819423532011-05-05T16:15:47.144-05:002011-05-05T16:15:47.144-05:00Hi Julia- I am a random blog stalker from Alabama...Hi Julia- I am a random blog stalker from Alabama. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for you and your family, and that I will ife you up in my prayers. I love reading your blog--you are such and inspiration in so many ways: running, motherhood, work/life balance--and I will take joy in praying for you. <br />SarahSarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07980165426825608743noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-6287238833421300552011-05-05T15:13:12.318-05:002011-05-05T15:13:12.318-05:00Julia,
I am incredibly sorry for your loss and ap...Julia,<br /><br />I am incredibly sorry for your loss and appreciate your openness and honesty about SUCH a private and emotional subject. You absolutely are not silly to mourn this loss, you have every right to wear it on your sleeve. And I think you can see from all the comments before mine, that you are fully supported and all of our hearts break a little bit with you. Sending good thoughts your way.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18338314117295100904noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-64880645230407628752011-05-05T14:26:23.684-05:002011-05-05T14:26:23.684-05:00Hi Julia -
I have been following your blog for a...Hi Julia - <br /><br />I have been following your blog for a while now but have never commented. I had a miscarriage on Thanksgiving last year - same timing as you. <br /><br />No words can make you feel better - only time will make things better. You have lots of people thinking and praying for you - me included.SdVhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00457431300458905400noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-1000415705354201242011-05-05T13:34:14.253-05:002011-05-05T13:34:14.253-05:00I lost my mom from cancer 8 days before my 30th bi...I lost my mom from cancer 8 days before my 30th birthday. It's been 6 months, and the more I think about it - the more I realize that we just don't have any control on how things work out in life, we just have to plod along and really make the best of things. So yea, I had the worst 30th birthday anyone can imagine - and I didn't get a big fun party like all my friends - I got a funeral. But in the end, I was blessed with the best mother in the world and for that I'm grateful. Your loss will hurt for a long time, Julia. It's one of those things you'll just never get over. And it's just not fair that bad stuff happens like this to people like us. Take your time to grieve and don't let anyone make you feel bad for moving at your own pace.Laura West Soderhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01084330906733165077noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-48862564608757476532011-05-05T13:33:05.309-05:002011-05-05T13:33:05.309-05:00Julia - I'm very sorry for the lost of your ch...Julia - I'm very sorry for the lost of your child. Your child was just taken to heave a little earlier than you would have liked. I would like to recommend to you "Heaven is for Real". It's about a little boy's journey to heaven and back. You get to see heaven through child's eyes. And there is a beautiful story about his older sister who their mother miscarriaged. You are still a mother of 2 children: Truman here and your youngest in heaven. It might help if you give your child a name. <br /><br />Blessings and hugs. I will keep you in my prayers. <br />AbiMrs. Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13040928215504984820noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-39230718831399819922011-05-05T13:02:07.029-05:002011-05-05T13:02:07.029-05:00Julia, I am just now catching up on things and sad...Julia, I am just now catching up on things and sad to read your last two posts. I know there are no words I could say to make this easier, but I want you to know that I'm thinking about you!Trishahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00954511784966357667noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-54659144362054342152011-05-05T12:35:17.434-05:002011-05-05T12:35:17.434-05:00Huge, huge kudos to you for being so open about al...Huge, huge kudos to you for being so open about all of this, Julia. You're absolutely right that at some point it will help someone else. You are in my thoughts & prayers, friend.Darcihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12848686274172206125noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-18659235716304038802011-05-05T10:36:03.157-05:002011-05-05T10:36:03.157-05:00Kristal and Andrea said it best for me.
God can h...Kristal and Andrea said it best for me.<br /><br />God can handle our not nice words, just continue to talk to Him.<br /><br />Here for you mama.leah @maritalblesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18034498538466498351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-71839798888601263102011-05-05T09:43:32.392-05:002011-05-05T09:43:32.392-05:00It's amazing how, without knowing someone, the...It's amazing how, without knowing someone, their tragedy and pain can effect you. I got teary eyed reading your post and have been praying for your healing. I hope it's a quick recovery!Lynsey Thttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01059397765982305159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6548039454456114385.post-10944151337533117512011-05-05T09:34:04.114-05:002011-05-05T09:34:04.114-05:00I as many before me have posted am very sorry for ...I as many before me have posted am very sorry for your loss. As hard as it maybe, I hope that the writing helps. The comments from others can help you not to feel alone. Try not to beat yourself up too much. I once heard that pretending things are ok can help you get to the point that they actually are. Keep working, keep living, keep enjoying your family. More than anything, I thank you so much for your true honesty and your understanding that your pain on the page can help others.Amberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06718231737900283009noreply@blogger.com