Moms Make it Work: Priscilla | Full Time Working, Military Mom

Today on the Moms Make it Work series is Priscilla, and her sister-in-law is a blog reader that suggested she write for our series. Priscilla works full time and part of those hours are spent working from home, along with traveling a bit for her job. Her husband is in the military (we've had so many awesome military families featured in this series!!) and she doesn't have family in her area, so that means she does a fair share of solo parenting, too. Priscilla just started blogging at Lola's World Unveiled and is very honest about her current situation: it's harder than she expected but worth it! Enjoy!

I found out about Julia’s blog from a good friend of mine, my sister-in-law actually. She was the one that told me about the “Moms Make It Work” series. When I looked into it I thought it was such a great idea. Showcasing different moms from all over and sharing their story and how they make it work. So I decided to give it a try and tell you my story.  I actually just started blogging, my sister-in-law was the one that got me into it. I do enjoy it and when I have the free time I sit and just write about my life experiences. If you want to check out my blog and read my story you can find me @ “Lola’s World Unveiled.” Until then, this is how I make it work….

What is your background Story? What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And where are you now?

I waited a long time before I even entertained the idea of becoming a mom let alone a wife for that matter. While I was going to school for my Bachelors and throughout primarily my whole life I had a vision of who I thought I was going to become. I have always envisioned myself becoming a great success. I didn’t know where my journey was going to lead up entirely, but what I did know was that I was going to live in New York City and make a ton of money. I never saw myself getting married or let alone having children until maybe my thirties, if at all. Everything I did in life I tried to succeed at and be the best at it. So when I thought of having a family it wasn’t something that I was looking for, even though I did want one eventually. I always felt that having a family would have hindered me from my goals in life and it wasn’t what I pictured for myself. It’s hard enough for a woman to achieve great success in the working environment and I didn’t want anything to get in my way. But then one day HE came along, and that all changed.

Before I became a Mom I had a Bachelors and was going for my Master’s. I graduated with my Master’s when my baby was only a month old. I was also working as a Sales Manager for a high end Fashion Company while living in New Jersey. Life was good, I was making good money and living a pretty fantastic life. Everything seemed to be going in the right direction, I had a wonderful husband and a fabulous life, what more could I ask for.

The million dollar question, where am I now?

I am living across the country in the furthest place I’d ever find myself from where I started (California), with a three year boy and a husband who is in the U.S Marine Corps. That’s right, this girl right here is a military wife, who would have known?! I work as a Sales Manager for an Engineering Company in San Diego. Life is good right now, I can finally say that things are getting back to how they use to be. It took some time to get to where I am now and the journey was a bumpy one, but it only made me a stronger person. Having a child has really put things in different perspectives but also made me view life differently. Being a mommy is probably one of the best things that could have happen to me. It definitely had its challenges in the beginning because it was uncharted territory for me and I had to give up a lot of myself for it. I made a ton of sacrifices with work and my career moves but it was all worth it.

The Best Parts and the Challenges of my situation?

Best part of my situation is being able to see my baby boy grow up, while managing my career and being a wife all at the same time. I’m so blessed to have a job that gives me the flexibility I need to still be a mom and still get my job done. I do have to travel at times for work but the perks are being able to work from home half the time. So I’m still able to spend that quality time with my little one. Not to mention that being a military wife doesn’t make matters any better for me and sometimes puts a significant strain on life. Being able to travel the world and go to places I would never live in, if it weren’t for my husband’s career can be pretty cool at times. But this too is a great challenge for me, because I find myself living in his shadow and following his dreams rather than mine. It’s a catch 22.

Not to mention my husband has a strenuous job and crazy work schedule. At the moment he is a Drill Instructor, so what that means for me is that I have to play the role of mommy and daddy 80 percent of the time. I basically play the role of a single mom with a husband, if that makes any sense at all. He is always gone and sometimes is away for days at a time. Luckily this is only a three year duty so once it’s done he will go back to a regular schedule, but for now it’s all work and no play. It definitely puts all the pressure on me to balance the household and everything in it. It can be hard at times but my motto is "what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger." Luckily it’s not forever.

Is this what I thought it would be like and is it my ideal situation?

This is not what I thought it would be like at all, considering the fact that I live 3000 miles away from my friends and family. However, for the moment it works for me. This is where God and fate led me and I strongly feel that my future was destined to be where I am at. I’m with the love of my life and have a beautiful healthy boy so I can’t complain.

My ideal situation would probably be to have another baby. I think about having another baby at times especially now more than ever because my three year old is getting so big. What do they call it, “baby fever” but with baby comes a ton more responsibility, which I know I can handle. However, at this point in time it probably wouldn’t be the smartest move for me. I am finally getting to a place in my career that can bring great success and having another baby might delay things for me, which scares me. It’s a catch 22 for women that want to achieve success in the workforce but still maintain a family. I guess my situation is a bit more complex because my husband’s career can sometimes battle mine without meaning to. Moving every so often because of the military is really challenging when you’re trying to make a name for yourself as a working woman. Being a mom and wanting to have a successful career is difficult to begin with but I never thought I would be going up against my husband’s career and his success too. I wasn’t oblivious to the military life and I knew what I was getting myself into when I married him, I just didn’t think it would be this hard. However, he is the man of my dreams and just like having my son, putting myself on hold is what I would do for the two loves of my life. I just hope I don’t have any regrets in the future.

Tips on how you make your situation work for you?

I honestly don’t know. I feel like I am super mom. My situation is tougher than most because I live across the country from my family and close friends. So having the ability to say “Mom I’m dropping off your grandson” is not an option. One thing I will say that works for me is communication, communication, communication with the husband. Since it’s just us two and I do majority of the work when he is not around, I make sure that he knows everything that goes on at home and work. So whether it’s texting or leaving voicemails, my husband is always in the loop. And because I work from home half the time it’s not too bad for me. Daycare is always a big help! Not to mention a glass of wine at night while the little one is sleeping, keeps me sane!

How do you handle mommy guilt?

When I first put my son in daycare, I was so devastated. He is my baby and I didn’t want anyone taking care of him but me. But I couldn’t stay at home forever and money doesn’t grow on trees. Although staying at home started to drive me a little stir crazy and I found myself longing to get back in the real world having adult conversations.  Luckily after a couple of weeks the mommy guilt slowly faded. Besides, he loves daycare and just to see him smile as he says goodbye to me when I drop him off makes me realize I made the right decision.

Advice for new moms struggling with returning to work or if staying home is the right choice?

It will get better! It’s always difficult in the beginning because you are not sure if going back to work makes you a bad mom, but trust me it doesn’t. I feel that it’s good for us to get back to work, because it balances life out. Don’t get me wrong I know plenty of stay at home moms that love to be at home with their kids all day, and hey I commend them. But if you don’t have the luxury to stay at home because you need the dual income or if you just want to work because it’s what you love to do. Just know it does get better and only makes us working mommies that much stronger.

What will the next 5-10 years bring?

 Hopefully, the next five years is going to be about me and my success. I have followed my husband long enough and now it’s my time to shine and luckily he is more than happy to join me in the ride to our success as a family. Fingers crossed that all this education I have, will be my ticket into all my dreams that I left behind the moment I said yes! And hopefully somewhere along the lines baby number two comes along. There is no telling what the future will have in store for me. Hopefully the possibilities are endless, and if you want to read along in my journey you’re more than welcome too. It’s an interesting story to say the least.

{Thanks, Priscilla! To find the rest of the MMIW series click here}

Moms Make it Work: Becky | Stay at Home, Military Mom

Today on the Moms Make it Work series we have Becky, a blog reader who emailed me asking if I needed another military mom's perspective. Her email really struck me when she said, 'Although we live a more unique lifestyle in that we're not 'civilian' per se and deal with all that may entail; at the end of the day we're just doing the best we can for our daughter and #2 coming in October, as well as each other.' Isn't that the truth? Aren't we all just trying to do the best we can for our kids no matter what our specific situations may be? I enjoyed Becky's post and hope you do, too!

Hi! Many thanks to Julia for letting me share some of our story! Its a nice chance to reflect and document some parts of our life -- I know I don't do that enough. I don't have a blog, but do instagram (rebb25). I've loved reading every single 'mom story'; its awesome how we can be so different and yet so similar.

This is our (growing) family on a recent trip. Family pictures are hard to come by these days as Eliza usually declines (refuses!) to take a picture. We're a military family in it for the long haul. Its busy, always changing and quite and adventure but I love being a mom.






What is your background story? What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And where are you now?

Today I am a stay-at-home mom of one (two in October!) girl(s) in Savannah Georgia. My husband is a Warrant Officer in the Army - a Chinook helicopter pilot.


I hear its like driving a big bus...





inside looking out



He is a huge part of my background since we've been together since my high school senior prom; yet we've been more apart than together. We went to different colleges and when I was in grad school for speech/language pathology he joined the Army. Once I graduated he was off to Hawaii and deployed in the summer of 2006 to Iraq. Over the next year I planned our wedding and worked. In August of 2007 we were married in St. Louis...so so so thankful to everyone that made it happen! As our luck had it -- his 12 month deployment turned into 15 with the troop surge and there was no real reason for them to send him home. Some emergency leave and a few stressful moments later it all came together.




October 2007 after he returned to Hawaii I moved there and we were there until we came to Savannah in 2011 with another deployment during that time. While we were in Hawaii I worked full-time as an SLP in an elementary school on post.



Close by where we lived on the west side of Ohau


Once we moved and had Eliza in March of 2011 I turned into a stay-at-home-mom. She's all kinds of sweetness and spunk.





Scott's most recent deployment was when Eliza was about twenty months.


Saying good-bye...surprisingly chipper for 11 at night



He has been home just about a year from his deployment to Afghanistan. We're anticipating moving again in a year/year and a half or so. Who knows though -- things always seem to change!






-What are the best parts of your situations? What are the challenges?

I do love being able to be with Eliza during the day -- to go to story time, the park, just be at home together, etc. I enjoy being around her -- she's so curious and its fascinating to see/hear what she's interested in and eager to learn. Not to say there aren't challenging days/moments -- I'm finding that age three with Eliza is our hardest yet!




I'm also enjoying sharing this life with Scott; I can't imagine raising children with anyone else. We have lived some places I wouldn't otherwise -- before Georgia we were in Hawaii for a few years. As hard as it can be to move, these experiences have been incredible.


Day to day challenges include Scott's schedule -- some nights he may fly, work late or be gone for a period of time here or there. It can make for some long days, but I usually handle bedtime anyways so our overall routine doesn't vary. Even though I stay at home, keeping the house clean is always a challenge. Its a tough balancing act to complete chores around the house and spend quality time with Eliza. We are usually out and about in the mornings so after lunch rest time (since she doesn't nap anymore) has to be creatively used. After bedtime Scott and I spend time together.




I got this mom!


It is always a challenge to stay connected while Scott is deployed. I am thankful for face time/skype, etc. but the reality is there are day to day details that he misses. He was gone for Christmas and her second birthday last year, but also missed her vocabulary exploding, most of last summers swim time, dinners at home...all those living life daily activities. I can take as much video/pictures as possible, but it just can't compare. As hard as it is to have him walk away and be gone for 9+ months I can't imagine how hard it is to be the one who has to leave us.


Not to mention that something always happens when he's gone. This time the a/c went out, the garage door broke, the pool turned green. Deployment is always a time to expand my skill set :-)


Re-integration (when he returns) can be another challenge. The routine has changed and life has continued. Everyone has to shift and wiggle back into a place that feels comfortable again. Time, being flexible and open-minded have helped us.


-Is this how you expected it to be pre-kids?

When Scott joined the Army I had no idea of what that would entail. Our life revolves very much around the Army and his career/schedule. Its been nothing like I expected, but good.





-Is this your ideal situation? If not, what is?

I think for us this is close to ideal. Staying home right now makes my time more flexible when Scott has off; we have more freedom in planning trips/days off activities when I don't have a work schedule to consider. I feel content overall these days, though I do miss working.


-Do you see yourself making a career change (whatever that means) in the next 5-10 years? Or is this current set up staying put for the long haul?

I do miss working with pre-k/elementary school kiddos and hope to do that again in some capacity one day. Life always changes when we move and I'm sure it'll be no exception this time around. I believe that we're in it for the full twenty years, so I'm sure life will be different in another few years, but as to what it'll look like I don't know.



-Tips on how you make your situation work for you:

I think being flexible is high on my list...and realizing that sometimes its easier to throw any expectations I might have had out the window. Some days are better when we go with the flow. Yet, having a schedule and a routine is beneficial, especially when Scott is gone. I suppose recognizing where we are at any particular moment and that our needs as a family/individuals change frequently and adapting to those needs is a valuable skill for us.


The support of friends and family goes without saying. I belong to a local gym, trade babysitting with friends when needed, play dates and our family travels to see us (or vice versa) when they can. I have mom friends with some very different views than mine; but that doesn't mean we can't support each other in raising our kids and life on a daily basis. I appreciate their perspective and often can learn more about myself and my parenting. At the end of the day our goals are the same; happy, healthy safe kids that grow up to be good members of society. How we get there may be different.


However, Scott being supportive is worth everything. We each have our strengths/talents within this life we've built. He comes home from work and helps with the dishes, bedtime, etc. Although I'm home more, he's willing to jump in and vacuum or help pick up -- whatever. And I'm of the belief he can fix almost anything that breaks :-) We have our challenges and frustrations like anyone else, but I feel he truly is a partner and friend as we navigate raising these little ones.



-How do you handle mommy guilt?

I try very hard to be patient, but there are times that I yell out of frustration. We sometimes have hard days/moments and I always feel guilty for losing my cool.


This is the house we brought Eliza home to from the hospital and we'll do the same in October for her sister. Its all she's known. But -- sooner or later we'll move...and move again. This Army life is one that Scott (and by extension I) chose, but not our kids. Scott and I consider St. Louis our hometown. Its where we grew up, went to highschool, etc. Eliza may not have/feel that and I worry that we're not giving her enough roots or stability.


However, I try to remember that although life is in the details you CANNOT overestimate being present with lots of love. We may move, change schools, say good-bye to friends -- all that change and more -- but we give our kids so so much. They are healthy, have a home, clothes, can make friends, be adaptable and they have us. Wherever we are and whatever our circumstance we'll give them the best childhood we can. So, though Scott may miss some day-to-day living we try to remember the overall big picture...which is good, so good. When I see her happy and content I know we're doing good things.


Some guilt really is just us putting pressure on ourselves to be more, do more and strive for perfection. None of us are perfect and that's a good thing. If we were all perfect life would be quite boring :-)





-Advice for new moms struggling with returning to work outside of the home? Or struggling to decide if staying at home is the right choice?

Consider the decision between you and your spouse/significant other, etc. When I was working in Hawaii some fellow SLPs talked extensively on how its best to be home when your kids are young, etc. I wasn't ready to leave Eliza for a long while, but either way those conversations did stick in my brain and make me wonder what about the 'right' decision. The right choice is one that works for you and your family, period.

-How do meals work in your family? Meal planning? How often do you grocery shop? Who is in charge of this task in your family??

When we are on top of our game we grocery shop once a week. Dinner goes much more smoothly when I meal plan, but that hasn't been happening lately. I am generally in charge of grocery shopping and dinner since I'm home more, but its not set in stone. There are days when Scott stops at the store on his way home or we try to decide together what to eat.


-How do you keep your house clean? Power cleaning after bedtime? Staying out of the house as much as possible? Cleaning while kids are awake? Purging often? Cleaning schedule?

Our house is never as clean as it should/could be and there's always laundry. There are the basics that I try to do every day: dishes, pick up/put away, toy clean up. If we are gone during the day the house does stay cleaner, but we always have more clutter than I'd like. As we start thinking about moving I'm thinking about purging what we can.

Thanks for letting me share; its always nice to hear/read about moms having an imperfectly perfect life. Regardless of who we are or where we are in life we are doing our best at navigating motherhood.

{Thanks, Becky! Find the rest of the MMIW series here}

Moms Make it Work: Mara | Work at Home, Solo Parenting, Military Mom

Today on the Moms Make it Work series, we have Mara, who is a blog reader that contacted me offering up her story. Mara works remotely from home, has two little girls, and is a solo parent for this entire year as her husband is deployed with the Navy. An entire year, you guys. Reading Mara's post made me smile because she truly makes it work: she is organized, she is focused, and she seems like a lot of fun as a mom. What a fun combination! I really enjoyed Mara's post and am sure you will, too. Enjoy!

Hello Julia's readers! I am so excited about being included here. I blog at casah.blogspot.com but life is so crazy that a picture and a short paragraph are all I usually have time for. It's nice to write a real post, though I will not tell you how many days it took to write this.

My name is Mara, and I have two lovely girls: Ellie (4) and Penny (1). Above is a recent staged picture, but this is probably closer to how we really look (I certainly feel this blurry in real life, but it might just be the wine).

I am a work-at-home mom, currently solo-parenting my two little ladies while my husband is on a fancy international business trip...just kidding, he's on a long deployment with the U.S. Navy.

Let me say from the outset that I certainly don't intend to represent the experience of all military spouses. I am the first to admit that many other people have it harder, do it longer, and do it better (with cleaner houses). If you are lucky enough to also know one of these people, please give them a hug and a high five, because they are awesome! (Single moms, you're also first-class in my book. You should have a permanent discount on chocolate and wine.)

On the other hand, I hear friends talk about how hard it is when their spouse is away for a week, and they say things like "I just can't do it for more than a week." You can, and you would if you had to do it.

What is your background story? 

When I was in high school, I started seeing this handsome guy that I'd met at my summer job at the grocery store. He mentioned he was headed off to the Naval Academy and I was planning to go not there so I thought the relationship would probably be short-lived. I was wrong. Like most teenagers, we broke up and got back together, but in 2007, he got down on one knee on a mountain top and asked me to marry him. I said yes, got on the Navy roller coaster and never looked back.

When we got engaged, I was working for a government agency in DC, and was very fortunate to transfer to an office close to my fiance in Washington state, 3000 miles away. I worked happily through our first year of marriage, even working an extra 20 hours a week for a non-profit during his first deployment.

When he returned, we decided to start a family and welcomed our first daughter in 2010. When she was 3 months old, we moved back across the country to Maryland and I luckily transferred my job again, joining the world of working mothers.

In 2013, we completed our family with the arrival of our second daughter. I initially went back to work again, but when our youngest was 5 months old, we moved to Virginia. I wasn't able to transfer my job this time, but I was very very lucky to be hired by a contractor a few months later. (My current employer allows me to work remotely from my home which I surprisingly love.)

Of course, that's just the nutshell version. Since we got engaged, we've lived in five different homes, he's deployed, we've completed two Master's programs (mine and his), we've had two children, and we completely renovated a home.  It has been crazy, wonderful, lonely, and lovely, but I still would say "Yes!" if he asked me to marry him today.

I'm hesitant to say where he is, what he's doing, or how long he will be gone this time. (I take his security and our security very seriously.) But, to give you some context, in the time he has been gone so far, the baby has grown three inches and learned to walk, and our big girl has grown two inches and played her first season of soccer.

What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And where are you now?

I have a few degrees, and a cool-sounding job, but at its most basic level, I need an outlet for my analytic side, and it's even better when someone offers to pay me for it. (When I'm not working I tend to overwork things in our personal lives...as in pie charts in our household budget, and to-do lists a mile long.) More than anything else, having an outlet for this part of my personality boosts my self-confidence and that boosts my parenting confidence. This is why I have endeavored to work even though it can be extraordinarily difficult to work as a military spouse. (I always bring my military spouse status up in job interviews, because otherwise it looks like I'm just a flake who changes jobs every couple of years.)

The Navy lifestyle has allowed me to experience many different combinations of working and parenting. When Ellie was a baby and toddler, I worked in an office and she went to a daycare center. When we moved to Virginia, both girls were home with me for a few months, and when I started working from home, Ellie went to preschool, and Penny stayed home with me (and a nanny). Now, both girls go to daycare/preschool and I stay home alone to work.

I enjoy our current setup. I don't think I could work in an office and parent the girls alone without feeling really disorganized and unprepared at home. As it is, I get a nice break from parenting duty during the day, and I'm able to enjoy work, recharge, and prepare for the time I'm on parenting duty again.

What are the best parts of your situations? 

I love working at home. Because my commute is just to daycare and back, I feel that I have a lot more time with my kids than other working parents get.

Being at home enables me to complete a large number of chores that would otherwise take time away from my children. I often do laundry or dishes throughout the day, and I can usually mow the lawn, vacuum the house, empty the dishwasher, or clean the bathroom on my 30 minute lunch. (I usually knock out the loudest chores then, saving quiet tasks for after bedtime.) I also love the freedom to blast music, open the windows, and wear jeans and T-shirts. I don't have to take time off to wait for a repairman or delivery, and I take a lot less sick leave.

When I'm done for the day, I can also take a few minutes to prepare for the evening. Sometimes this involves throwing library books or swimsuits into the car, but I mostly use the time to prep dinner. These little steps make me feel more organized and relaxed when I return home with my girls.

As for the other part of my life, there are some fun things about being the only adult at home. I drink a lot of pink wine, watch a lot of girly TV and movies, and I don't have to compromise about the thermostat, the music in the car, or what we're having for dinner.

What are the challenges?

Well, when working from home, I miss small talk and I miss subtle body language that doesn't translate over the phone. But, most of my challenges relate to parenting on my own.

Without the ability to divide and conquer, the simplest tasks, like getting dinner on the table, suddenly become a marathon of shopping, cooking, entertaining, negotiating, food-shoveling, child-cleaning, and dish-cleaning. I do my best, but sometimes the recipe is a flop, someone refuses to eat, or I yell and scream like a crazy person, and its hard to pep-talk myself into doing it again the next day.

Its hard to admit that I am one person, there are only 24 hours in a day, and I simply can't do everything I want to do. Sometimes I have to do less (bringing something store bought even though I really wanted to make the fun recipe I saw on Pinterest) and sometimes I have to do more (singing one more lullaby because "Daddy would...," even though I just want to go downstairs and eat ice cream in front of the TV).

That brings me to the biggest challenge: I feel a lot of pressure to provide two parents worth of love and attention to two little girls, while also trying to document everything for my husband so that he's not out of the loop. I do separate bedtimes for the girls (the older one gets extra TV time while I put the little one to bed). Even though it would be so much easier to get them ready together, I know they both need and deserve a little bit of alone time with me each day.  I send pictures, videos, emails, and care packages to my man, but there's still no substitute for that moment when your child does something ridiculous and you get to smile and roll your eyes with him.

How do meals work in your family? 

When you're cooking for kids it is easy to pick meals that will get less resistance from them and neglect your own cravings and nutrition. I try to plan a week of meals at once, and balance meals for them (pizza, pasta) and meals for me (curry, zucchini). Sometimes I am informed that "Dinner is disgusting!" but that's fine. We also go grocery shopping on Friday night because the grocery store is empty and I like to start the weekend with a full refrigerator and a plan.

How do you keep your house clean?

My house is not clean, or not as clean as I wish it was. (You are pretty much always going to find dishes in the sink and socks on the floor if you surprise me.) In order to keep the house clean enough, I clean or do other chores every day at lunch and after bedtime I try to multitask as many tasks as I can. I clean the bathroom while the kids are in the tub. I sort laundry when I'm on hold. I fold laundry while I watch TV. For the others, I try to make them fun. I listen to podcasts while I clean the kitchen; I blast embarrassing 90's music while I mop the floor. A little fun definitely makes this Sisyphean task a little easier.

Is this how you expected it to be pre-kids?

No. I always hated studying at home in high school and college. I never expected I would enjoy working from home. I also thought I would never have to change a flat tire, kill a spider, or mow the lawn after I got married and I do a healthy amount of all three of those things.

But I also thought I'd reach the old-married-lady stage of love and marriage by now, and I still feel the butterflies for him that I felt when I was 17. Absence does make the heart grow fonder.

Do you see yourself making a career change (whatever that means) in the next 5-10 years? Or is this current set up staying put for the long haul?

I couldn't tell you what lies ahead for us. Much to Ellie's consternation, I couldn't even tell you what state we'll live in when she goes to Kindergarten. Sometimes I fantasize about settling down in a house and a job and actually expecting to stay there. On the other hand, the Navy has brought many wonderful people into our lives and allowed me to experience many different places; I would be a little sad to return to a fully civilian lifestyle.

How do you handle mommy guilt?

Its hard to accept that I miss things, that they are growing and developing when they are away from me. I guess my strategy for handling the guilt is simply to make my time with them count! I try to put away the phone and the computer when we're together and really be present. We plan fun activities and I try to document their lives weekly on my blog and in our yearly photobooks. I want them to look back on their childhoods and remember not how often their parents were away, but how good it was when we were together.

Advice for new moms struggling with returning to work outside of the home? Or struggling to decide if staying at home is the right choice?

Gosh, this feels like offering marathon advice when I just completed a 5K, but I think you shouldn't worry too much about what other people think of your choices. Are you raising happy, kind, healthy kids? Are you happy and healthy? Then I'm sure you are making the right choice.


Thanks Julia!

{Thank you, Mara! Find the rest of the MMIW series here}

  

Moms Make it Work: Mateya | Full Time Working, Solo Parenting, Military Mom

Today on the Moms Make it Work guest posting series, we have Mateya--a blog reader that contacted me, willing to share her story. Mateya fits a few of our 'must find' categories for the second phase of the series: she works full time (one day at home), has a husband who works long hours as a farmer and he's also in the Air National Guard, and Mateya travels for her own job as well. Another fun fact: Mateya and I were pregnant with Cecelia and her Hayden at the same time, with due dates a few days apart. And now we are pregnant again together, two days apart for the next round of babies. Love those connections that the blog can make to women I'd never meet otherwise and I really enjoyed Mateya's take on being a working mom who does a good amount of solo parenting, in a small South Dakota town. Enjoy!!




Hello! My name is Mateya and you can find me at The Best is Yet to Come where I blog (not as much as I would like) about my life as a mom, farm wife, fitness enthusiast, and lover of shopping! You can also find me on Instagram and Twitter (both @mateyab32). My husband, Robbie, and I are high school sweethearts and live on an acreage in South Dakota.  He is a farmer and is also a member of the South Dakota Air National Guard. We’ve been through three deployments together.  One while we were dating, one while engaged, and the most recent (last summer) while we had a 1 year old! We have a 2 year old son, Hayden and are expecting Baby #2 on July 10th!



-What is your background story? What was your career/schooling before you became a mom? And where are you now?

I went to a small private Christian college and majored in Business/Communication.  I thought I wanted to be a big time PR/Marketing professional and had planned on moving to a big city.  Why I thought this would actually happen, I have no idea.  My husband and I had started dating in high school and although we had taken a few breaks between then and our early college days (while he went to Basic Training) I always knew I’d end up with him, which meant I’d be ending up on the farm.

I met some of my best girl friends during those 4 years and had a great time learning and living on my own and experiencing the “city” life.  I had a great internship in corporate Human Resources for a large national bank during college, but unfortunately they weren’t able to hire me on full-time after I graduated. I really needed the full-time income and benefits so I had to look elsewhere.  Thankfully one of my co-workers’ brothers-in-law was looking for an office manager/marketing person for his small engineering firm and I was lucky enough to snag the job.  That whole “it’s not what you know, it’s who you know” thing is so true.  Especially in small-town South Dakota.  I loved the job, but Robbie and I got engaged during this time, which meant I would be moving to the middle of nowhere farm and out of the city when we got married and needed to find a new job. 



The nearest town to where we live is 12 miles and has a population of 1,400 people.  Yes you read that correctly.  Needless to say, there are very few job opportunities available, especially ones that pay well.  Pretty much everyone in the town works either at the hospital or the school and they stay there until they retire or die.  Sad, but true. So I had to look for jobs in the nearest “big” town (30 miles away) and stumbled upon a job opening as an Admissions Counselor at a local University, similar to the small private one I attended.  This sounded too good to be true, so I said a little prayer and sent in my resume.  It turned out my now boss knew someone from my prior internship (again, it’s who you know). I got a call back the next day and had an interview the following week.  I’ve been there ever since.



-What are the best parts of your situations? What are the challenges?

I am extremely thankful to have a job that is flexible and one that I actually enjoy.  When I had Hayden I really struggled with the idea of going back to work.  Unfortunately, staying home wasn’t an option for us at the time, so I had to find a way to make it work.  My boss commutes 3 hours one way, so she typically works from home 2 days a week.  I figured if she can do it, why can’t I? So my first week back at work I happened to have my annual evaluation with her and I just threw it out there.  My stomach was in knots and I was sweating bullets.  I told her I was struggling coming back and with the commute, etc. and asked if it would be possible for me to work from home one day a week.  She told me we could try it for a few weeks and see if it worked out.  Thank goodness it has and I’ve been able to stay home 1 day a week for the last 2 years.  If Hayden’s sick and can’t go to daycare I stay home, no questions asked.  If I want to take a day off to take Hayden to the zoo or do something fun, I can. It really is nice to know that I don’t have to stress about those little things.



One of the difficult things about my job is that it does require some travel which is difficult with a child(ren). Our busy travel season is during the fall which just so happens to be one of the busiest times on the farm as well, harvest. We are lucky to live down the road from my in-laws and less than an hour from my parents so they are all very willing to help when we need it.

With Robbie being in the Air Guard, he’s gone one weekend a month and has various trainings throughout the year.  This means Hayden and I have a lot of one on one time. With farming, he has many “busy” times where we don’t see him for days at a time.  He comes home after we’re in bed and leaves in the morning before we wake up.  This is not only hard on me, but especially on Hayden who doesn’t quite understand why Dad’s not around.  One of his most recent phrases is, “Dada work.” which totally breaks my heart. I keep reminding myself that it’s only a season. I’m praying we don’t have any deployments in the near future either.  Thankfully, last summer Hayden was too young to really understand what was going on. 



Last summer while Robbie was deployed I decided to do the Advocare 24 Day Challenge to give myself something to push me with my health and fitness goals and to keep my mind off of him being gone.  I had no idea that Advocare would turn into being a huge blessing to our family not only health wise, but also allowing our family a little more “breathing room” where finances are concerned.  This is been great, but it also means more “work.” I spend time each week helping other people on our team reach their health/fitness and financial goals.  Thankfully, this usually happens at night after Hayden has gone to bed.



-Is this how you expected it to be pre-kids?

Yes and no.  I knew that being a farm wife would be hard and that I’d have to do a lot on my own, but I don’t think I realized just how much I’d be on my own.  Before we had Hayden I would just do my own thing.  Spend my time at the gym, visit girlfriends on weekends, head to the city to go shopping, do whatever I wanted.  Now that we have Hayden it’s not easy to do any of those things anymore.  I am the sole caretaker 90% of the time.  I do all drop offs and pickups at daycare, I get him up and ready for the day, I make his supper, give him a bath, and put him to bed basically every single day.  I don’t say that to be throwing myself a pity party, by any means, but it’s the truth.  I love having a little companion at home with me, but I didn’t realize how lonely it could be, especially on those hard days when nothing seems to be going the right way. 



I didn’t realize how hard it would be to fit in even the smallest tasks.  I used to teach fitness classes at the local gym and had to give that up because I didn’t get done in time to pick Hayden up from daycare.  I’ve had to give up a lot of my “luxuries” like my gym, shopping after work, etc. because I’m the one who has to pick him up.  Now I get up at 5 am to fit my workouts in at home and I have to get groceries on my lunch break. 



Now that Hayden is older, if Robbie or one of his brothers are around and not super busy they’ll take Hayden with them in the tractor for awhile or let him run around outside with them.  If Robbie is home in the mornings, he will help get Hayden up and ready for the day, but most of the time he leaves before it’s time for Hayden to get up so I’m on my own.



-Is this your ideal situation? If not, what is?

No. Ideally, I’d love to be able to find work closer to home so I don’t have to commute and I’d like to be able to work part-time or dive into Advocare full-time. Before I went back to work after having Hayden, I wanted so badly to be a stay-at-home mom. Now that I’ve been back at work for the last 2 years, I don’t know if that’s the case anymore.  If we lived in a bigger city and had things to do, like the library, zoo, children’s museum, moms groups, etc. I think it would be different.  Where we live, there aren’t a lot of options for things to do so we’d end up staying at home the majority of the time and I think that would get REALLY hard, especially in the dead of winter.  I love spending time with my little guy more than anything, but I also think that I would miss having an adult “outlet.” I am really anxious to see how it all unfolds and how my heart changes as we welcome Baby #2 to our family this summer.

 

-Tips on how you make your situation work for you:

I just remind myself that this is the way it is.  It’s not going to change (or at least not anytime soon) so I need to make the most of it.  I’m thankful to have family close for those long weekends when Robbie is gone and to be able to have help when we need it. I’m a pretty laid back person by nature so I definitely think that helps.  Hayden and I spend a LOT of time, just us, and I am so thankful for that.  I try to do a lot of fun things with him, it’s just a bummer that a lot of times Robbie misses out on them.



-Advice for new moms struggling with returning to work outside of the home? Or struggling to decide if staying at home is the right choice?

I don’t really have any advice because this decision was ultimately made for me.  I think that no matter what decision you make or are forced to make, you just need to make the best of it.  And remember, the grass is always greener :)

 

-How do meals work in your family? Meal planning? How often do you grocery shop? Who is in charge of this task in your family??

I’ve tried meal planning and we NEVER stick to it.  Ultimately something comes up or we end up wanting something else to eat, so I kind of scrapped that idea.  I typically grocery shop once a week but inevitably end up stopping at the store randomly for little things I forgot throughout the week.  In the summer we grill a lot and Robbie does that.  When he is home he actually enjoys cooking because he likes to eat haha! So I am grateful for that, but most of the time the cooking falls on me.  I don’t mind it, but I don’t love it.   



One of the hardest adjustments was the time we eat.  I was used to eating between 6-7 pm, but if we want to eat as a family that usually means more like 8-9 pm.  Obviously this is too late for Hayden to eat and me (especially when I’m pregnant haha!) so I end up eating something quick with Hayden and then cooking something for Robbie after Hayden’s gone to bed.  This is definitely not ideal. I’ve learned to rely on the crockpot a LOT which helps with the timing. We can just eat when we’re ready!



-How do you keep your house clean? Power cleaning after bedtime? Staying out of the house as much as possible? Cleaning while kids are awake? Purging often? Cleaning schedule?

Good question.  My house isn’t necessarily clean, but it’s picked up.  Most of the time.  I typically clean the kitchen immediately after supper because I hate coming back to that mess after Hayden is in bed.  Once he’s sleeping I do a quick sweep of all of his toys and try to put everything away.  My husband doesn’t understand this.  He says it’s pointless to put them away just for him to drag them all out again the next day, but I just can’t go to bed with stuff strewn all over the house.

As far as deep cleaning goes, that’s something I do when it gets so bad I can’t stand it.  That sounds horrible, but it’s the truth. Occasionally I get the crazy itch to clean and do a major cleaning, but typically I just do it as I notice it getting bad. I despise cleaning.  I usually hire someone to come in and do a deep clean of our house twice a year.  Usually when Robbie is gone for guard trainings haha! Full disclosure.  I’d rather spend time with this cutie than be cleaning!



I just want to thank Julia for hosting this series.  It’s been so refreshing to read other moms’ stories and to see how they all make it work! Thanks again Julia!

{Thank you, Mateya! Find the rest of the MMIW series here}