April 3: Chores and Allowances for Little Kids

Off topic: You probably did not notice a super annoying mistake I made the other day, but let me just tell you about it anyway. Sometimes I multitask well and other times I'm finding out that I just cannot do two things at once. For instance, I was doing paperwork from my work day on my laptop and also felt the need to pull up Blogger on my desktop. I thought I hit 'publish' for new comments, but instead I somehow clicked 'remove content' for the previous 50 already published comments on the blog. So yeah, good thing that wasn't a giant time suck for me to attempt recovering those 50 precious comments.

I eventually figured out a way to manually re-enter a few of the newest comments back into Blogger though my email but it's still a little botched. And I cannot do that for all 50 or I will be forced to drink a six pack of beer and stay up until 1 am some night, and if I do that I don't want to be sitting behind a computer screen;)

I'm sorry, blog commenters. I do still have them in my email if I want to read them again but for the most part, it's just going to look really shady in the comments section of the past two-ish months of posts. Promise I didn't mean to 'remove content' for all of your comments. ANNOYING, but lesson learned. Don't multitask with computer things, especially in the evening hours when your brain is basically fried. You'd think I would have figured this out by now but I'm not as tech savvy as I pretend to be.

Also related to comments? A few readers have said that it's really difficult to comment on my blog without a google account. Many of you said it would be much easier to have a 'name/URL' option and in order to do that, I also have to allow anonymous comments which means about ten spams a day. It's not a huge deal since those go right into the spam folder of Blogger but I just have to sort through the email notifications on them….BUT I will give it a try in the name of making it easier for a few of you. Please do take advantage of this new 'easier' commenting on Blogger, as if there is such a thing;)

Real matter of this post: Do your young children get an allowance? Do they have specific daily or weekly chores? How old are they, what kind of chores are theirs to do, and how much money to do give them?

I remember having an allowance growing up and swear it was a dollar per week IF I adequately filled out my chore chart. I'm not sure how old I was when this began and can't recall all of my assigned chores, but I know making the bed was one of them. I also vividly remember being super excited about vacuuming landing on my personal chore list. I still love to vacuum so it's a shame we have all hardwood (but our area rugs get my favorite task about twice per week!). 

I like the idea of chores and also an allowance to help teach Truman and Cecelia responsibility, so they can have a sense of pride after cleaning up their own messes and so that I'm not muttering to myself 'they are old enough to help' as I quickly pick up after them. Plus, I think Truman especially can begin to learn the concept of money, how much things cost, how to save for a bigger item, the value of a dollar, etc. 

Pinterest probably has 100s of ideas for me with color coded chore charts and what not, but I wanted to come here first (and probably Instagram). I wonder if simply making their beds, picking up all toys at the end of the day, and helping me wipe down counter tops and the tables would be good enough for now? Maybe it can be a group effort, we can get them piggy banks, and have conversations about how 'if you want that toy at Target, you can save your own money for it,' instead of just saying 'nope, wait until your birthday/Christmas.' 

Thoughts?

I think two of the kids pictured here are ready for chores and allowance. Porter and Baby White (resting in her car seat on top of the BOB, likely to fall within seconds of this picture) are exempt. Also, the double BOB can haul some children like none other. And Truman and Cecelia have identical grins.

The cost of a loss

Has anyone out there had the pleasure of dealing with medical insurance drama before? If so---you might totally feel me on this post. And if not, you are incredibly lucky and maybe you should read this anyway in case you are ever in a similar situation. I feel like SOMEONE has to learn something from this horrible journey we've been on since April and I'll gladly share my story in the name of helping someone else beat the bad guys and come out on top. Where to begin? This might get long. And maybe a little sad.

Well, first of all, Nate and I have always felt very strongly about always having medical insurance no matter how expensive or inconvenient it may be. It's just not worth the risk of having a catastrophic accident wipe us clean of our savings because we didn't opt to pay for a policy, assuming that since we are healthy we don't need insurance. That's just our mindset and I know not everyone thinks like us, but even after all of this ridiculous drama with insurance I still vow to always carry a policy no matter what.

Earlier this year, when I decided to change companies with my job, I knew that there would be a gap from the time I left my old company in March to the time when my new company would qualify me for benefits in July. We were planning on Nate carrying all of the benefits for our family when he began his new job, and that would get us insurance by June 1---so we still had a good few months when we needed to patch in a policy for our family.

Enter the confusing world of an internet 'self' policy, not provided by an employer! We found Anthem Blue Cross Blue Shield online and figured it would work out just fine for those few months, although the premiums weren't cheap at all (about $300 per month for our family) and the deductible was high ($5,000). We knew it would cover any major catastrophe past the 5k mark and it was really the best we could do without employer coverage. The one catch was that it did not include maternity coverage---something we knew way back in February when we selected the policy. But we were not planning to expand our family or 'try' to get pregnant and I personally figured that if I did happen to get pregnant in those few months before Nate's employer kicked in, it would only be one or two office visits before his coverage, which we could handle if we were blessed enough to be in that position.

And then, of course, I got my surprise BFP at the end of March and immediately called the OB's financial office to figure out how much one office visit and one ultrasound would cost us out of pocket. I had calculated that I'd only have to see her with Anthem for those two early appointments, and then by the time I hit 14 weeks we'd have Nate's policy and I'd be due for regular maternity visits and they'd all be covered. If I had only known then what was about to unfold.

If you've been reading my blog since April you know that during that 'out of pocket' ultrasound at 9 weeks we found out the worst news possible. I remember saying to Nate, while we waited for the doctor to come into that wretched ultrasound room, 'What if they want me to have a D&C? That is going to be SO expensive and not covered by this stupid policy!' He reassured me that we'd figure it out and my health was most important but I couldn't help but wonder if maybe somehow I could postpone any interventions at all until June 1, when Nate's policy would cover the surgery. I was just praying to pass the baby naturally, fully, and without the need of any help from my OB. But those prayers were definitely not answered and we began a horrible journey full of many complications.

I remember the day before I went in to finally get the Cytotec placed, to force my body to begin the bleeding it refused to do on it's own. I spoke with our insurance company on the phone and discovered that although our policy did not include maternity coverage, lucky for me it DID include 'pregnancy complications' for coverage. I really felt that God had to be making this happen for us, because there was no way for us to have known that we'd need this little clause in our policy more than ever.

Of course it's never that easy. I had a total of 4 more ultrasounds, medication placement that didn't work, multiple blood draws, a particularly nasty ER visit and hospital stay, then switched to a different OB and finally got the surgery I should have gotten from the beginning. If you are like me, you just read that last sentence and started hearing 'CHA-CHING' in your head as you pictured the enormous bills to follow such a complex course of care. But hey, lucky for me my policy covered 'pregnancy complications,' right? Ha.

As the bills started rolling in, we noticed that not one dime was covered by Anthem. And the grand total for the entire nightmare? Brace yourselves: $17,000.

GULP.

I knew in my heart that we should not be responsible for these bills. I knew that our policy clearly stated they cover miscarriage, and 'therapeutic abortions' (don't even get me started on this term for a D&C). I had the policy itself circled, highlighted, and practically memorized. And so I began to call Anthem at least twice per week for months. Every time I spoke to a rep, I tried my hardest to ask questions and get answers. And every time I felt like I was banging my head into a wall. They kept telling me that the diagnosis code used by my doctors was not covered under my policy. They would not TELL me what the freaking code was, so I had to talk to my OB's office a few times to figure it out, and after discovering that it was 'missed abortion' I felt more disgusted than ever. I mean, really? The 'A-word?' Talk about a shock to my heart--as if I purposely chose to lose this baby.

I did more research and discovered that there is NOT a code for 'miscarriage' as that isn't the technical medical term. The doctor's offices were using the correct code, then (as sad as the word was to me)----but my insurance still wasn't budging. There were even more phone calls to them, including one time when I couldn't take it anymore and just burst into tears saying something about 'Please stop treating me like I'm a number or a code---I just lost a baby should not be paying for thousands of dollars in bills, according to your stupid policy!' Not my finest moment but there just aren't words to describe the sadness and stress of paying hard-earned money for the loss of a child. It's one thing to pay for the birth of a child. But it's quite another to come home empty handed, with a broken heart, and more bills than I could have imagined.

There were definitely times during this struggle with Anthem when I really felt like giving up because I just wanted to move on with my life. Most all of the doctor's offices and hospitals had 'self pay' policies for patients who don't have insurance, and if mine wasn't paying a dime I could probably qualify for those discounts (which were only about 25% at the most, by the way). So we figured that if Anthem really didn't pay we were looking at about $13,000 or so out of our pockets. Technically we could pay this giant sum but only because we've been working so hard for the past four years to save up a 'down payment fund' for our first home. I realize that not everyone would be able to even fathom paying this amount of money and it might set some families back by years. Of course I'm extremely grateful for our financial situation, but that money was not supposed to go towards a loss of a baby. Especially not when our policy clearly stated, in black and white, that they'd have our backs in this case. And isn't this type of 'catastrophe' exactly why we wanted medical insurance? To cover us during a horrible, unplanned event? The more I thought about that idea, the more angry I got with Anthem and I refused to go down without a major fight.

I sat down and created a huge Excel spreadsheet with every single claim listed, so that I could keep track of everything. I documented every single call I made to Anthem and the doctor's billing offices. I asked to speak to supervisors and I tried to remain calm. I had already written a formal 'grievance letter' back in May, after one of my calls to Anthem's fabulous customer service department lead me to believe that would be the only way I could dispute my bills. I didn't really think too much about this letter, since I thought it would take months of ambiguous decisions made by faceless people behind the scenes. I really preferred to speak to someone in person about this issue because I believed that would be my way to convince them all that I was right. But finally, I asked my husband to take over calling Anthem for me because I could no longer mentally handle the stress of dealing with them. He agreed when he saw I was teetering on the verge of yet another breakdown.

And two things happened: First, we got a letter in the mail stating that my grievance letter had been reviewed by a committee and they thanked me for bringing my case to their attention (gee, three months after I wrote the darn thing). They said that they were reversing their decision to reject my claims, and agreed that everything should be covered under their policy. HALLE-freaking-LUJAH!!! And secondly, my husband can be a badass when we wants. When he called Anthem for his first time, he simply told the lady that he would not get off the phone until she personally figured out how to fix this problem, since she admitted that she was confused about why everything was being rejected. Turns out that our policy is basically the only one they have that covers pregnancy complications. Nearly every other policy does not cover them and therefore the computer automatically rejected my claims, because almost all of the time they don't cover 'missed abortions'. And it only took four months for them to figure that out, you guys. Nobody in the dozens of calls I had made before bothered to really look at the problem and figure out they needed to manually override the computer system. It wasn't the doctor's office using the wrong code---it was the insurance company not recognizing a correct code.

Even though we still have a 5k deductible to hit before Anthem really does pay for claims, it's amazing to me how each bill has been drastically reduced because we now have insurance 'covering' the claims. For instance, the total bill for the ER visit and brief hospital stay was almost $7,000 before insurance. And after the bills were 'adjusted' for allowable claims? Only $2,200 will be paid by us, going towards our deductible. Isn't that just insane? That doesn't mean that our insurance paid the difference (because they didn't pay any part of it), but the hospital just had to eat the rest of the total cost that nobody is paying. I could go on and on about how messed up insurance coverage is in America today but this is already ridonkulously long.

And according to my most recent calculations, after everything has been re-processed, I think we will pay the deductible and that is about it. We'll still need to recover financially from this big hit on our savings but nothing like what it could have been if we didn't fight for our coverage. Although I really considered giving up the fight just to move away from the pain much more quickly, I'm so glad we stuck by our guns. And I'm so glad my grievance letter worked---it must have been the two glasses of wine I downed while typing it. Oh, and of course my heroic husband's phone call didn't hurt, either.

If you made it through this whole post, I commend you. I guess I just had a lot of pent up thoughts and stories about this process. And I just want you to know that if you are banging your head against a wall with your insurance company you are not alone. But stay strong, go through whatever formal processes they suggest for a grievance, and keep meticulous records of all bills and all interactions on the phone.

This whole craptastic situation is yet another reason why I'd consider moving to Canada, if it weren't for the pesky fact that it's even further north than Milwaukee (and therefore colder, and past my limit of frigid weather). Not only do my lovely Canadian friends get a whole year of paid maternity leave, but they also wouldn't be paying a dime for this stupid fiasco. Love ya girls, but SO jealous right now.

Suffering a miscarriage is bad enough for anyone and I'd never wish it on my worst enemy. Throw a little financial drama into the emotional mix and you have a recipe for a serious breakdown. Just ask Nate---he's seen the effects first hand and it wasn't pretty. But I suppose it taught us a lesson in persistence and if we are EVER in this type of situation again, I'm having Nate make all of the calls from day one:)

Tidbits

I know it's been awhile and I haven't even updated since my surgery. I told Nate the other night that I just can't find the motivation to blog. It's like I don't have the mental energy to compose a post, and really I haven't even been a good comment-friend lately. He asked me why I didn't feel like blogging and I said, 'I dunno....it's just I don't feel like I have anything to say other than the same old crap about me being sad and grieving.' As a husband who normally 'doesn't get' the blog-life, although he's always supported me, I was sort of caught off guard by how strongly he felt about my statement. He really didn't like that I said I have nothing to blog about and started helping me think of things to say. He told me that it's really depressing to think that there is nothing good to share from our lives right now and plus, it's obviously not true. So that was sort of the kick in the rear I needed. Now for some tidbits.

-Surgery: Yes, I had it 2 weeks ago on Monday 6/13/11. It went very well and my OB was pleased that there was no signs of infection, but had lots of tissue that needed to come out of there badly. The day of the surgery my mom was a HUGE help for me because I was pretty groggy and weak but really by the next day I was already feeling immensely better. By day 3 I was back to work and sent mom back home and I'm happy to report that within one week of surgery, I have officially stopped bleeding! Hallelujah. Just a reminder: I bled for 6 weeks solid. Pads suck. Miscarriages suck. And not wearing any feminine products is awesome. I'd say I'm back to normal physically and still working on my mental state every day. There are happy and sad times, which is normal, and lately I'm just trying to focus on the present and my many blessings. Also hoping to get my period soon, to prove my body is back into it's normal cycle, because I think that will seem like the final step of this very long journey. Isn't it crazy that I got my positive test at the end of March, the bad ultrasound at the end of April and now it's almost July? Longest m/c ever...

-Sad news: on Saturday my in-laws had to make a very difficult decision to put their dog, Sammy, down after 13 years of being a part of their family. He really declined in the past few months; couldn't see or hear, couldn't hold his bladder, wasn't sleeping at night but was very lethargic during the day, was really weak and was obviously uncomfortable. His quality of life wasn't there anymore, as he didn't even enjoy his previously favorite parts of his day. It was time and Lois said it was a peaceful goodbye but still heartbreaking. I hate to see my in-laws, who are like parents to me, upset and I hate to think about this sort of loss. I don't even want to think about how hard it will be when Henry's time comes, especially now that Truman is literally in love with his 'daw-daw'. Hopefully, since he will only be 6 years old this fall, we have many more years until that point. But good old Sammy was a wonderful family pet and he will be missed. Here's to many bones and butter dishes in doggie heaven, buddy.

(back in 2009, 10 years old)



(and Saturday morning, 13 years old and just the sweetest soul)





- Sleep: I'll post more in an upcoming 16 month post, but dang---Truman ain't sleeping worth a hoot. He is teething and thus waking up screaming at about 4 or 5 every morning. Refuses to go back to sleep. It's amazing how quickly you forget what those newborn sleepless nights felt like. Quite a sobering reminder of what it will be like someday with number two, and a reason to be grateful for our normally-great sleeper. I hope he returns to us soon. It's a good thing he's so darn cute, right? And just because I can (I don't think baby butt cheeks are inappropriate for a few more years, right?)...


- Nate's job: the hubs is a working man and LOVES his job! We are seriously so blessed that he found an amazing fit with his coworkers and clinic. There are a few other male therapists there and get this: they all love to golf and even do swing analysis at their clinic. And his company is paying for a course in Chicago later this year, so that Nate can be 'Titleist certified'. I don't know what that means but I know that it brings much giddiness to my husband's life. And also, the second paycheck is mind-blowing, as expected.

-Bills: and of course, this increase in our income came at the PERFECT time because we have hellified medical bills now! Whoo Hoo! I'm having some difficulties with our stupid insurance right now because they haven't covered jack crap thus far and nothing sucks more than having a miscarriage, then having to call insurance companies to explain that no, I am not pregnant, and yes, I am having a 'pregnancy complication'. I wrote a very strongly worded letter last night and am sending it off as a 'grievance'. I know it might not help but dang, this is the opposite of fun. We are incredibly lucky that we do have a nice savings account, which was to be used for a downpayment on our first home, and luckily we won't go into debt over this. I know not a lot of other couples out there could say the same, but it's still hard to let go of a chunk of our nest egg to pay for losing a baby.

-House: originally, when we were pregnant and due in November, we thought about starting a house hunt this fall and moving in right before the baby was due. But now with the loss and the mounting bills, it seems like there really isn't a rush anymore and every month we spend at this duplex is more money we can save to replenish our nest egg. Although I'm super excited to buy our first home and can't wait to decorate the crap out of it, I'm surprisingly okay with waiting on it, too. After all, 'waiting' is now my middle name.

-Cars: because medical bills, house hunting, and insurance woes are not enough 'adult problems' to deal with, we also have to consider my poor car. After my little episode the other week, it's becoming apparent that my 10 year old car is getting to the point where we are pumping a lot more money into it and we aren't even sure it's going to last much longer. I mean, the recent break down was because I needed a new fuel pump and this marks the third year in a row when we had a major expense for my car. I really don't care about the status-symbol of a new car and have always said I just want to run mine into the ground, since it's paid off and I adore the fact that we don't have car payments. But after my time being stranded with my broken down car, I've started to feel really nervous driving around town with Truman. I'm constantly worried it will break down again with him in it, or while I'm working and in a not-so-great area. I mean, my car is more than just a thing to get me from point A to B now: it carries our most precious cargo most every day of the week, and now I drive around town for my job. So anyway, we'll see. Lots of big decisions to make there, too. Mostly I'm having to let go of my SAVE MONEY attitude to see that safety is really number one, not money. When it rains it pours, right?

-Mom suit: how does everyone feel about mom's wearing bikinis? How do you feel about one-piece suits, too? I've always worn a two piece my whole life, and never really thought twice about it. But now that I'm a mom, I sort of feel like exposing my stomach is a little weird---like I'm trying to be a teenager again. It's not that I have fat rolls and mommy-scars to hide, but I almost feel like it's more appropriate to wear a one piece when I'm hanging out with Truman at the pool. I dunno. It's just a weird transition for me mentally. And also, there aren't a ton of cute one-piece suits out there, either. Except for this one from J.Crew and it's $125. Gulp.

- Vacation: speaking of swimming suits, we are taking a REAL vacation in August!! Besides our honeymoon and our first anniversary trip to San Diego back in the day, Nate and I haven't ever been on a real vaycay other than to Chicago and Missouri for short trips. It's high time, no? We are making it a family affair and will bring Truman with us to Fort Myers, Florida--where we will rendevous with our good buddies Hannah, Michael, and Tilly. I'm pretty sure that Tilly and Truman will be the cutest things in the entire world as they play on the beach together. Of course the logistics of flying, renting a car, and managing toddlers on vacation is a little daunting but I know we will make it work. The countdown begins! (and the swimming suit hunt...)

-Father's Day: We celebrated Nate's second Father's Day this year by going to church (where he won the award for being Dad to the youngest child---it wasn't a popular day for new dads to go to church, I guess!) and then pressies. Truman and I made a little project for Nate and whoo-boy, it was a doozie. I am so glad I don't force my son to sit still for longer than .2 seconds for any reason because it's like wrestling a crocodile more often than not. I got the idea from Pinterest and love how it turned out, even though it was tough to get any halfway decent pics. Also, Nate has this framed and on his brand new desk at work. Isn't that the cutest?


-Pinterest: Speaking of this amazing time-waster of an inspirational site, I am officially addicted. Here are my boards if you want to follow me and/or have me follow you. Lately my newest obsession is finding the most beautiful inspirational quotes on there and pinning those bad boys onto my boards. Also, I love all the rainbow stuff. I just can't avoid the bright colors!

-LuLuLemon: another love of mine lately? LuLuLemon....anything. I now own three pairs of their pants, one hoodie, and two headbands. When I first heard about this line of yoga/running apparel I gawked at the prices and couldn't fathom paying THAT much for yoga pants. And now? Even a tight-wad like myself can see that these pants are basically life-changing in their fit, comfort, materials, and amazingness. I am absolutely getting my money's worth with every purchase I've made even though I still think it's a little ridiculous to pay $98 for a hoodie. But look at how cute it is!

Oh, that's just me during our fourth anniversary trip to Chicago last month. Soaking wet from the monsoon but still rocking the hoodie. And their pants, of course, so we basically looked like we could work there (yes, Nate is just as obsessed as me, if not worse).

Also, I literally live in my yoga pants. Yes, they are expensive but they will blow your mind. And they come in Talls that are so long I have to get them hemmed. Like I said, life-changing!


-Tunes: why not cover the entire spread of life with this post and hit up my newest music obsessions, too? I have been totally digging Phoenix, The National, Blind Pilot, Horse Feathers, Bon Iver, and Passion Pit. I feel very mellow and in tune with my emotions lately, hence my really hip/alternative choices. Anyone else love these bands and/or want to recommend others like them?

Is that enough food-for-thought for you? :)

money and babies...you know, the usual

While in St. Louis, I flipped through my friend's copy of Baby Bargains--a book written by the same people who gave us Bridal Bargains. Back when I planned our wedding I was all over the bridal version of this book because it really cuts through the junk and tells you exactly how to save money. I mean, prepping for a wedding and a baby are really a lot alike if you think about it. Both the bridal and the baby industry seem to prey on emotions, the 'need' for the best of the best out there, and it's easy to fall prey to marketing ploys out there for both instances. Planning a wedding you'll hear the industry tell you 'It's the biggest day in your life, go all out, because you only get married once.' It's hard NOT to compare your wedding day to some of the big baller celebrity weddings out there, right?

Same thing with planning for a baby. Of course you want the very best room, gear, supplies for baby. The baby industry can make a new mom-to-be feel like if you aren't buying the most expensive stuff out there then you obviously don't care about your unborn child. And motherly guilt can be a real biyatch, even when your kid is still in the womb.

The Baby Bargains book seemed pretty straight forward and I liked a lot of their points. They had a really interesting breakdown of how much they recommend spending on a baby in the first year of life. Now I realize our baby isn't even born yet, but a lot of these categories are something you begin to complete even before birth:

Crib, mattress, dresser, rocker:
Baby Bargains recommends: $1500
I spent: $145. Boo-ya. Craigslist find for the crib, mattress, and dresser, recycled rocker in our attic, and furniture paint included. This was a HUGE one, I know. But of course, Baby Bargains was not happy with our choice to buy the crib pre-owned. I think it was even listed in giant capital letters that you should NEVER buy a second-hand crib because it might not meet current standards and pieces might be missing or damaged. Well, I still feel good about our purchase because it does meet current standards (researched that one to death, no worries) and was in fabulous condition--no missing parts. Definitely bent their rules a bit on this one. :)

Bedding/Decor:
BB recommends: $325
I spent: $203 for bedding, cushion, and curtain fabrics/supplies--gifted to us from mom, so really it was free. It's amazing how inexpensive 'custom' bedding, curtains, and all fabric in a nursery can be when you have a seamstress mama! My DIY artwork throughout the room cost me $30 if that counts as 'decor'.

Baby clothes:
BB recommends: $600
We've spent: $20 out of our own pockets so far. We've been so good, haven't we? Plus we've been given many adorable outfits for baby boy as gifts already, even before our showers. I'm sure once he gets older we won't have as many 'older kid' outfits on hand, though.

Disposable diapers:
BB recommends: $860. But this must just be for the first year of disposable diapering.
We've spent: $90 out of our own pockets so far, for our 36 infant pocket folds and 3 snappis. I'm thinking that the rest of our supply will come from registries as gifts. You already know how I feel about cloth diapering for budgeting purposes, so I'll leave this one alone now:)

Maternity/nursing clothes:
BB recommends: $1130
I've spent: MAYBE $250. Cannot fathom spending that much on temporary clothes, and I've been blessed to have a lot of friends lend me cute clothes throughout this pregnancy. Plus, it helps when you just have to wear scrub pants, any shirt, and lab coat to work...no business attire for me!

Nursery items, high chair, toys:
BB recommends: $475
We've spent: on our rug, paint, shelves, lanterns=$350. I still think it's funny that our biggest splurge in the entire nursery, including all of the furniture, is our Ikea rug. And I still think it's worth every cent of the $200 we paid.

Baby food/formula:
BB recommends: $950
We've spent: um, hoping to breastfeed as long as possible, nothing spent so far. A classmate and friend of Nate's is lending me her breast pump, by the way. Score!

Stroller, Car Seats, Carrier:
BB recommends: $600
We've spent: $0. Between our sweet REI dividend that will buy us our BOB stroller for free and gifts off our registry, we are set in this area. By the way, Baby Bargains rated the BOB stroller as an 'A' and had nothing but great things to say about our pick. I was sort of surprised, because I assumed the authors would think it was overpriced and frivolous....apparently not!

Misc:
BB recommends: $600
We've spent: hmmm, not really sure what this category entails so far.

Total BB recommends spending: $7040
What we've spent: $885

So yeah, we're pretty freaking frugal, wouldn't you say? It just goes to show you that if you choose to DIY with a little elbow grease, if you hunt around for great deals online, if you are willing to buy a few things pre-owned, if you have a mom and mother-in-law who can sew up a storm, and wonderfully generous friends/family in your life, you do not need to spend a fortune on a baby. A single income family can, in fact, make it work financially but you just have to research a lot and be willing to make sacrifices. You simply do not NEED big name designer furniture, baby gear, and clothes. It all boils down to need versus want...and I want a lot of baby stuff that I will never buy, simply in the name of saving money. I like to tell myself that by the time we have #2 (God willing) we will likely have two salaries and maybe we can splurge a little more next time around. But let's get real, I highly doubt I'll relinquish control of my tightwad tendencies that easily.

Now of course, all of the money we've saved thus far will go right towards full time daycare for baby Carlos but there's nothing we can do about that. And of course, paying a qualified, caring daycare to watch my first born son will be worth every cent. No cutting corners there.

Bottom line: you can plan for a baby on a budget and I truly believe you can raise a child on a budget as well. They really don't NEED that much and I'm quite certain my son will not care about the brand name of his dresser or clothes or toys. He better love the fabulous shade of aqua on the walls, though, since that's my personal favorite:)

Quandrum

So I've officially decided to shut down J.Lorene Design. It kind of makes me sad to announce this because I remember how excited I was when I started this company, and how supportive you readers have always been. Heck, 99% of my clients stemmed from this little old blog and I appreciate every one of you dearies. But my heart is just not in it anymore and my clients deserve to have my best creative efforts, not something hurried or rushed just to get it done. For the sheer number of hours I spend on each album I truly don't make that much money in return, so it's always been a labor of love for me. It's just gotten to be a little more labor and a little less love.

I've gone back and forth over this decision for many months now. When I started my little side biz a year and a half ago I was still in wedding mode. I needed a creative outlet to fill my time while Nate studied. Well fast forward to present day....not so much in wedding mode anymore, but more like baby mode (what, you haven't noticed?). Creative outlets are abounding today with nursery projects, our own everyday/pregnancy/and future baby albums, my own photography projects, and of course, researching and preparing for baby takes up a lot of my once free time.

One reason I really hesitated to shut 'er down was because the extra money I make with each album design goes right into my personal Pal Pal account. It's like 'play' money for me, unlike real hard-earned PT money, because I am more likely to splurge on fun things with this account instead of our actual income. For instance, last year after I busted my butt to pump out multiple wedding albums for Christmas, I bought myself my little SLR plus an additional lens. Then I bought another lens. And a camera bag. Do you see a theme here? My J.Lorene money has fully supported my photography habit in addition to buying Nate his Christmas and birthday gifts without him seeing the moolah pull from our joint account:)

So herein lies my quandrum: after spending a nice chunk of J.Lorene money on our flat screen TV, then Christmas gifts, I still have about $350 left to spend. So many options in my head that I need some feedback from you dear readers.

My first thought was to keep it photography related and upgrade to a new baby-friendly lens. I plan on taking a ri-DONK-ulous amount of pictures of our baby if nothing else but for some fabulous photo albums and prints hanging around our house. I have no desire to be a 'pro' photog so it's not that my pictures have to be impeccable or anything. My little 50mm f/1.8 lens has always been my trusty lens for Henry pictures but I will admit, it totally stinks in lower light conditions. Sometimes it takes forever to focus especially when I'm inside and I'm thinking that during my maternity leave I'll be inside with baby boy quite a bit. I'm sure I can still get decent pictures of him if I work hard enough at finding a good light source, but maybe it's time to splurge and amp up my lens repertoire?

After lots of research I have two lenses in mind: #1 is the 50 mm f/1.4 lens. Basically this is the next step up from my current 'nifty fifty' and a lot of pros swear by it. I'm sure it would be better in lower light conditions and a little faster too. #2 is the 85mm f/1.8 lens. This one is known for taking fabulous portraits and after asking a few photog friends a lot of them lean towards this one because of my subject matter. Both lenses are about the same price at $370. Both would probably take better pictures than my cheapie 50mm f/1.8. But is it really worth $370 to get slightly better, easier pictures? The more I think about it, the more I hesitate.

So then I moved onto thinking about paying a professional photographer to use his/her expensive equipment for a maternity/newborn session with baby boy. There are a few in the area that would certainly do great work and we'd have gorge photos much better than I can take myself. But is it worth the cost? I dunno.

What I truly want (I *think*) is a birth photographer. I know the concept seems a little out there at first, a little creepy and invasive. But when I look at some of the slideshows of the big dogs out there I cannot help but think how amazing it would be to capture one of the best days in our lives. (I'd love to post actual pictures here but I'll just suggest you check out the links yourself, you know---copyright stuff is kind of a big deal out there). Heck, we paid big bucks for wedding photography because it was a huge event. Isn't the birth of our first baby just as important to commemorate? The logistics of the whole thing make me nervous though: I mean, the photog will be all up in my biznass, they will have to be ready to receive a phone call at 3 am saying to meet us at the hospital asap, and not to mention the cost. I've only found two photogs in this general vicinity that do birth photography and both are pretty freaking expensive, more than I'd like to pay for sure. I know Nate can take pictures while at the hospital but I want him to be present and absorbing the moment, not staring at our baby through a camera lens. Sigh. Any suggestions here?

{Of course, I already half-jokingly asked my budding photog friend Andrea to be our birth photographer. I think I'd feel less subconscious about the situation with a friend there but I'd probably feel worse about her having to drive out to the hospital at some ungodly hour only to sit and wait for many more hours. I wouldn't want her to feel pressured to get perfect shots under such intense circumstances and I wouldn't want to scare her off from her own impending labor and delivery process:) Andrea, are you reading this?? We'd obviously pay her accordingly but probably not the $500-700+ some of the pros require. Unless she had to get there at 5 am, sit around for 24 hours, and then witness me pooping on the table while screaming curse words across the hospital. THEN maybe she'd get an obscene amount of money for enduring the event:)}

Other ideas I've had:
-Buy some cloth diapering supplies I normally wouldn't want to purchase due to costs. (I'm totally committing to cloth, by the way. More posts on that later)

-Get those designer maternity jeans, even though I already have my pair from Gap.

-Save it for the baby. (BO-ring, but of course it's what my inner tight wad tells me to do)

So, dear readers, what would YOU do? Birth photography after winning the lottery? Maternity and newborn sessions? Cloth diapers? Maternity clothes? Or just bank it into our savings account? Nate really wants me to spend this money in a fun way for me since I'm always so into saving every dime. I kind of agree--I want my J.Lorene money to go out with a bang. But I'm just torn between these options. Help!

Twenty-Six Weeks

Six-and-a-half months, people. For reals.




Do you see those innocent jeans up there? Yeah, settle in for a story about them. This 26 week post might as well have been a separate rant about denim but I really don't have much else to say about the pregnancy other than this. So I suppose this whole week will be represented by my love/hate relationship with jeans. After all, isn't a part of being a woman all about the eternal quest for the perfect pair of jeans? I thought so. If you don't care to read my rant and want to hear a few more tidbits on the actual pregnancy progress, skip to the dotted line. Otherwise, here we go...

Nearly two years ago I wrote a blog post about my obsession with designer jeans. I admit to being a denim snob and blame it on the perfectly long inseams of the pricey designer brands. Plus I just adore the gorge washes, how the designer styles hold up over time, and the glorious fit to the big dogs. And you know what? I haven't had to buy a new pair of jeans in almost three years....I guess you could say my stock pile has quenched my thirst a fabulous denim wardrobe. Plus, with my post-wedding tight-wad-itis I can't justify spending more money on jeans when the pairs I own are perfectly fine. Life was good in the all-important jean department in this girl's life.

Well, then all of a sudden I got knocked up and my body is morphing at an alarming speed. A-LARM-ING indeed. I had a near break down today when I accidentally dried my new Tall Old Navy maternity jeans all the way. You can guess what happened next, can't you? As soon as Nate brought up that particular load, I had a sinking pit in my stomach as I spotted that dark wanna-be designer denim peaking out from the side of the basket. I plucked them out from the rubble and as soon as I held them in front of me I knew those bastards had shrunk. 34" inseam my left cheek....so I decided to torture myself further, pushing the brink of insanity, by trying them on right then and there. Sure enough: I was officially ready for Noah's Ark for the flood of the century. And not only that but my thighs suddenly resembled overstuffed sausages and I could feel my circulation becoming restricted.

Nate spotted the panic in my eyes and heard the sirens going off in my head, when it all came spewing out of my mouth: "I'm fat, nothing fits me, I hate all of my clothes, why is my body so freaking deformed, and since when do I qualify as chubby? I used to be a skinny person, and now look at me!" It was then that my head literally exploded all over the place. True story.

Now let's remember, these culprit jeans were exactly $20 after discount so it's not like they broke the bank or anything. They are the only pair of maternity jeans I've purchased thus far because I have 3 pair of borrowed jeans from thoughtful friends. However, those borrowed jeans are only suitable under boots because---surprise surprise---they are too short. But at that moment in time, life totally sucked because I had no jeans to fit my pregnant and tall body. {As a side note, when tall girls have a fat day it's anything but glamorous to be a giant. In fact, we feel like masculine, gargantuan, and awkward versions of ourselves.}

Nate performed damage control and said what any good husband would say, like 'You are not fat, you are gorgeous and carrying my baby, you are still a skinny person but just a pregnant one,' and blah blah blah. Then he spouted off the mother load: "Why don't you just suck it up and buy a pair of designer maternity jeans like you know you want. You should get a pair that you love, that make you feel good about yourself, instead of trying to save money on cheapie ones and then having them shrink"

Yes, the man is a saint.

I spent the next hour or so of my life scouring the internets for designer maternity jeans....discounted of course, because I seriously cannot swallow spending hundreds of dollars on a pair of jeans I can only wear for a few months. My love for designer denim does not go THAT deep, my friends. I found my pre-pregnancy buddies such as Citizens, Joe's, True Religions, Sevens, and those two brands I've always lusted after--Hudson and Rock-n-Republic in maternity versions. But the prices ranged from $190-275 which caused my innards to quiver, especially since there are no stores in the area that carry my fave brands. The thought of guessing the correct size when the price tag is that hefty is just insane, and every girl knows that the art of trying on jeans is something you can't simulate online. Whatever should I do?

I decided to take a deep breath and go back to my trusty Old Navy/Gap maternity website but this time I allowed myself the upgrade of perusing Gap's maternity jeans instead of her step-sister's version at Old Navy. Yes, they carry longs. And yes, some of their washes are cute. But of course, they are $70 which is a huge jump from ON but obviously quite a bit less than my coveted designer versions.

I called the Gap Maternity store at our local mall---aka the most chaotic place located on earth this time of year, where I nearly died the day before due to a regular stampede full of Christmas shoppers---and sure enough: they carried longs in the store, too, and had a few styles in stock. My lovely husband said he would accompany me on this quest and so we put on our battle gear and entered the mall.

After trying on multiple sizes of long jeans at Gap, I decided to err on the side of caution and bought a size larger than what truly fits me best right now. It's not like they are disgustingly baggy or anything, and I can still wear them during this current phase of pregnancy---but I'm trying to allow for some dryer shrinkage and stomach expansion in the next three months. I'm quite proud of myself for making this decision and not freaking out about the larger number on the tag. And holy hell, these puppies are so gloriously long they could dust our floors. LOVE it. No, they aren't designer jeans. But since they were half the price of the big names out there I can sleep a little better at night, you know?

Gap was also having a fab deal for their shirts, if you bought one you got one totally free. So I found myself two cute wintery turtlenecks and called it a day. I don't know why it was so hard for me to spend money on myself but it was physically difficult, and Nate could see it.

Which brought about a startling visual, when he said: "Baby, I worry about you and your money issues sometimes. It's not a big deal to spend money on yourself sometimes, and in fact--it's worse when you have 'nothing to wear' and feel ugly in your clothes. It's only going to get worse after the baby and I can just see you becoming one of those moms who never buys anything for herself, always getting stuff for the kids instead. Do you really want to be a haggard soccer mom who neglects herself?"

Now, just because I struggled with buying a pair of jeans doesn't necessarily equate me with a haggard soccer mom with bad hair and bags under her eyes...but I understand his point. It's okay to let go of the financial focus sometimes. The world will not end if we don't save every penny. Finding a balance between two extremes is sometimes difficult for me but I'm working on it. And I guess that's the moral of my ginormous denim story: I need to feel good about myself, especially during this time in my pregnancy when my body does not seem to be my own, and if that means forking over a little moolah so be it.

Whew. I feel better now.

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Back to the baby that is inhabiting my foreign body: he's supposedly almost 2 pounds by now and his testicles should be on their path towards descending into the scrotum. Sweet! He's still a kicking madman and I've noticed that he not only kicks the front of my uterus, but sometimes he'll kick down on top of my cervix or towards the back into my intestines. Not a big fan of cervix/intestinal kicks but at least he's moved up and away from my bladder at this point. In fact, I haven't had to go pee in the middle of the night in a whole week! Whoo hoo. I'm sure that fun process will return soon.

I also finished the book 'Happiest Baby on the Block' and loved it. So now I'm on to Jenny McCarthy's 'Belly Laughs'. So many books and so little time!

And what weekly post would be complete without a little nursery action? I found some paper lanterns on Amazon, for a total of $25 including the cord and all four shade. I really like how it turned out, even though the hanging process was rather painful and time consuming:



Nevermind that our new shelves are housing un-wrapped Christmas gifts right now. And I cannot wait to make some prints to hang on the blank wall. But it will do for now.

I guess that's it (if you've read this far): twenty-six weeks equates a dramatic denim hunt, body issues, lighting in the nursery, and a really long post. Next week marks the third trimester, baby. Eeek!

CD debate part 1

I've got two words for you, sure to bring on the opinions and raised eyebrows. Are you ready? Cloth Diapering.

Got your questions and opinions ready? Good.

Cloth diapering is something that I've considered since the very beginning of this pregnancy. My in-laws did it for their boys, Memaw did it for her girls (and, I quote, 'Only rich people used disposables back then), and one of the girls at work cloth diapers her twins. So I have a few resources to go to in addition to my beloved internets, and holy cow....I've spent a ridiculous amount of time researching the topic of cloth diapering. I'm not completely sold on it but I'm strongly leaning in that direction right now. Hear me out.

Nate and I can be 'crunchy granola' types sometimes--we like health food, pack our own lunches daily, are into fitness and the outdoors, we use re-usable grocery bags, and we try to be good to the environment as much as possible (never mind my SUV car, our long commutes to work/school, and the fact that we still use store-bought household cleaners....we are still 'semi' green if you ask me. Don't kill me, die hards!). I love the earth and all that jazz, and I know that cloth diapering saves space in the landfills but that's not the main reason I'm considering cloth. It's because.....get this.....they save butt loads of money if you do it right. Go figure, I'm into saving money at all costs! Oh, and many claim it's better for the baby but more on that later. Let's talk money first, shall we?

The very first thing I researched was the cost of disposable diapering systems versus cloth from the time the baby is born until the time he is potty trained. I found lots of cool charts and graphs to appease my detailed self. For instance, this awesome chart from Diaper Decisions shows the difference between many cloth systems and also a standard disposable choice. If I choose the most economical choice for cloth diapering, I'm looking at about $400 total from start to finish. For disposables, most sites agree that you'll spend between $2000-2500 if you are choosing the more inexpensive brands. So basically, this chart tells me I could save at least $1600 if I cloth diaper. Tell me more!

Then there's this awesome link to The Stork Wearhouse that tells us of savings considering multiple children. Nate and I would love to have more than one bundle of joy someday and if we cloth diaper we can re-use all of the supplies for our next baby, too. According to this site, depending on whether we go low-end or high-end styles, we are looking at a total of $2040-4140 for the disposable diapering of two children. Or it would be $225-1200 for cloth diapering two kids. Um, hello? HUGE savings. Huge.

Now of course, I'd have to be smart with my cloth diapering choices and not overdose on those freaking adorable but expensive 'All in One' systems, and the insanely cute covers, and the high-end versions like these guys:


But actually, the girl at work who cloth diapers twins is willing to let me use their newborn, x-small, small and medium sized covers which is a total score on my part. We'd still need to purchase the pre-folds/inserts but we'd be off to a great start. It's so tempting when I consider the cost saving powers of cloth.

Oh and it's good for the baby. Research shows that cloth diapered babies have less diaper rashes than disposable systems. The frequency of diaper rash jumped by 70% when disposables were introduced on the scene, and although I'm sure the chemicals are less harsh nowadays, disposables have hard core chemicals with insane absorbing powers. That is why it's hard to tell if babies are actually wet when wearing disposables, it's why babies take longer to potty train when in disposables (because they can't feel the wetness as well), and it's why disposables can cause more diaper rashes. Plus, cloth diapers are softer for babies sensitive skin which I'm sure feels pretty good, too.

I know what you are thinking: 1. Won't that be a TON of extra work and time that you won't have when you are working full time with a newborn baby? 2. Will your daycare even consider cloth diapering? 3. Isn't scraping poop off cloth diapers gag-worthy?

1. The Time factor:
Yes, we will have to do more loads of laundry if we cloth diaper. But not every day, more like every 2-3 days, and although I despise doing regular laundry cloth diapers would be a lot easier. No pre-treating, sorting, folding required. I SO wish the washer and dryer were on the same floor as us but I suppose going down two flights of stairs to the basement is just more exercise for me. Heck, we don't even have a dishwasher or garbage disposal so I guess we are used to 'more work' in some aspects of household life.

2. The Daycare factor:
I stopped researching cloth diapers in the beginning because I figured no daycare center would bother with the hassle. But lo and behold, the place we will likely use DOES deal with cloth diapers. They will put the dirty ones in a plastic bag for me and let me take those puppies home to clean as I so desire. Kind of gross to cart them around with me, but they have some pretty cool 'wet bags' out there to store dirty cloth diapers that would work just fine. I'd just add them to my pail at home and then in 2 days I'd do a load of laundry. Not so bad, right?

3. The Poop factor:
I totally pictured scraping turds out of diapers with my bare hands, gagging in the process. But apparently, when babies are exclusively breastfed (and I really hope breastfeeding works for me!) their poop doesn't smell that bad AND it does not need to be scraped before washing. You can just throw those suckers in a cold wash prior to a regular wash and you are good to go. When the baby gets older and eats solid food, that is when the stank comes on and yes....we would have to do some scrapage into the toilet. But it can't be THAT bad when it's your own baby. I won't go into details but I do work with sick patient in a hospital so bodily fluids from strangers are a part of my job many days of my week. If I can handle explosive diarrhea from the elderly I can probably handle smooshy baby poo:)

So this is where I am right now in my research on cloth diapers. I'm leaning towards it mostly because of the cost saving powers but also because it's better for my baby. The eco-friendly aspect is just a bonus, in my opinion. But I still have a lot more researching to do.

I thought I'd throw it out to my dear readers, too....do any of you cloth diaper? How about anyone who works full time, sends their child to daycare, while cloth diapering? Pros and cons? Do you who use disposables think I'm absolutely insane for considering this? :)


{As a side note, some of the sites I've visited talk crazy talk and I have to draw the line with 're-usable/cloth menstrual pads'. DISGUSTING! I know we all have our limits and that is mine:) }

Ramblings about baby stuff, yet again

(whoops, this is a long one. Come back later when you have time if needed) :)

My sixteen week appointment went well on Tuesday and apparently I've gained a total of six pounds now. So yeah, five of those pounds snuck up on me from week 12 to 16 but I suppose it's not that bad. I'd be lying if I said my eyes didn't pop out of my skull a little bit when I stepped on the scale because I really didn't think I'd gained that much with my puny bump but whaddya know? I'm pregnant and going to see numbers on the scale that I've never seen before. Nothing like pregnancy to make you feel both proud and frightened of weight gain, right?

Also, I spent a better part of my appointment discussing the hot topic of flu shots with the doc. She made me feel a lot better about the seasonal flu shot and I went ahead and got one before I left the office. Of course now my arm hurts like a mug and I've felt very worn down and yucky all day but whatever. She convinced me with her 'social responsibility' speech considering that I'm in healthcare and exposed to lot more with my now weakened immune system that regular pregnant folks will see. (And for the record, washing my hands and being smart about health hygiene is a given either way since I probably wash my hands about 20 times a day at work....but there is still nasty stuff in the air and spewing in my face as a part of my job. Jealous, aren't you?) Plus, she tends to follow the guidelines of 'smart people' who do actual research like the CDC and the ACOG over hearsay on the internets. I'm still not sold on the idea of the H1N1 vaccine but we shall see....I compromised once and maybe that is enough for one flu season.

Hearing the heartbeat again was awesome and it's crazy how much my uterus is expanding. She found the ticker about half way down from my belly button this time and at 12 weeks it was a whole lot lower. And in case you are into the old wives tale about heart rates predicting gender, mine was right at 140 bpm. So since the cut off IS 140 (anything higher supposedly means girl and lower means boy) I suppose I'm out of luck with this one. Ah, only 4 more weeks and we shall know which private parts await us. Did that sound creepy? Sorry.

Enough about the appointment, the real reason I wanted to post today is because of boring yet necessary 'adult' stuff. You know, having babies isn't all about nursery decor, belly pics, dreaming of names and snuggling and baby laughter. No, really, there are some heavy-duty reality concepts to embrace even before little one arrives. The dreaded finances are a big part of it.

In the real world--one apart from daydreaming about smelling my baby's little head--I'm going to have to work after the baby is born. In case you haven't heard me discuss this at great length in the past, I am the sole breadwinner in our household while my handsome hubby attends full-time graduate school. Whatever paycheck I bring home is what we have to work with and let's not forget about my health benefits I hold for us---those are pretty freaking important these days. As a side note, when trying to select our benefits for next year we wanted to gather some price info on having a baby at the hospital. Maybe this isn't shocking to any of you but seeing it in numbers was jaw-dropping to me---easily $15,000-$20,000 or more in hospital bills for labor and delivery plus the hospital stay. Can you IMAGINE if you didn't have health insurance and birthed a child for that price tag? Makes me cringe a little bit even with insurance....geesh.

So yeah, if I decided to work just one or two days a week after the babe is born not only would we have practically no money but we wouldn't have health benefits covered anymore. Not going to happen. I knew this before we got pregnant and although I'm obsessed with the concept of being a stay at home mom one day, we decided that sacrificing that goal in order to start our family sooner would be worth it. Sure, we could have waited until Nate graduates (May 2011, baby!) to have a kiddo but I know we can make this work now and the old biological clock would not be ignored. Apparently we like to do things in unconventional ways in this marriage:)

I'll need to work full time to provide the most inexpensive health insurance for us and also to make us the most money, obviously. Currently I work five 8 hour shifts plus some weekends which is all fine and dandy except that we do not have the luxury of having family to watch our baby. It seems like almost everyone I know (or maybe it's just 90% of people at work) has one, if not two, sets of parents that willingly offer to watch the baby FOR FREE. If you are one of these lucky people in the world please give your parents or in-laws big fatty hugs in gratitude. My parents live 8 hours away and are not that close to retirement, still working full time. Nate's parents, although they conveniently live right below us, both work full time as well. Bummer on our part, right?

So our baby will be a day care baby. No, it's not the ideal situation but plenty of new families have to go this route. I can be level-headed enough to see that sending a child to day care is not the end of the world...right? Hopefully it's somewhat temporary and I'll be able to work less and less as Nate gets his degree and works his share of full time hours (right honey?) One problem: day care is disgustingly expensive. For instance, one of the places near our home is $57 per day. That is almost $1200 per month and it's not even THAT expensive for day cares. So much for our amped-up savings for a house, right?

I'm trying to get creative and figure out ways I can still work 'full time' but not 5 days per week....maybe four 9 hour days to give me 36 hours per week would be enough, then we are only paying for 4 days of daycare. Luckily my job is pretty flexible but I need to figure out what works best for our little family. And unfortunately it doesn't include me being a stay at home mom just yet.

So here I am, attempting to prepare myself mentally for returning to work full time and sending my precious babe to the care of strangers. Also trying to prepare for our bank account hemorrhaging in the process. But in the name of being Pollyanna, I can find some positives here: I have a career that is stable, that I enjoy, that allows me to make a difference in the lives of people. It pays well, it supports our growing family, and it's ONLY 40 hours per week (could always be more, right?) My husband took the plunge and is going for his goal career in grad school--which will in turn, make him happier and ready to contribute to the work force in a career he will love. How could I not support him in this decision?

I guess I'll just have two full time jobs: being a PT during the day and a Mommy at night and on weekends. Sounds freaking exhausting, doesn't it? I hope I'm good enough at both jobs, switching my 'hats' efficiently, without feeling too stretched.

Thoughts and advice welcome. And if anyone knows of a cute little old grandma who is just DYING to watch a newborn for a reasonable amount of money, let me know! I'd love a tiny in-home set up to begin with and will continue to search out all of our options.

**Update: Quad screening came back normal. No worries there, whoo hoo! I didn't think I'd hear back from the office for a whole week so hearing back after two days freaked me out a bit. All is well***

It's a thickening, not a lump.

I have been contemplating this post for awhile and it feels like I've been keeping a big secret from you blog readers. This is my blog: I get to post about my life or whatever is on my mind and there is one big issue hijacking my brain lately. Posting about it makes it even more real but I feel like I have to share.

I found a lump in my breast.

I was hoping it was all in my head, and when I went to the doctor she would tell me, "You are crazy, there is absolutely nothing there." But guess what? It's there and about five strangers have felt me up in the past week to verify its presence. I've told them all about Keri and how I'm probably overreacting in light of her story---because I realize her case is a rarity and not the norm. Most of the time when a mammogram and ultrasound come back negative, you don't have cancer. Most of the time women in their 20's don't get breast cancer. But one of my best friends just so happens to be the exception to the rule. A year ago she was told her mammogram and ultrasound were negative, after she found a lump. Six months later: same results. One year after finding the lump [this past March] Keri followed her gut and demanded a biopsy. And now she has stage III cancer-- talk about a wake-up call.

I suppose you want to know details, right? Shortly after Keri's diagnosis, I started doing monthly breast self exams [and I hope you are, too!!] About a month ago I noticed a weird lump in my right breast. I felt it over and over again, wondering if it could be a lymph node, or a milk duct, or maybe even my pec muscle. Its shape is quite odd and is best compared to a tootsie roll. Just hold onto that mental image for a second: a tootsie roll is lodged inside my boob. Got it? Okay.

So I scheduled an appointment with the doctor, who referred me to get a mammogram, ultrasound, and a blood test. I was so incredibly nervous before my tests I almost broke down about three times, and my inner hypochondriac took over my life. What if it's cancer and it's spread throughout my whole body? Is that why my back hurts lately? If I die who is going to take care of my boys? I'm not ready to die yet, I have WAY too many things on my 'to-do' list!

Needless to say, I've been a bit distracted lately. I think I made that abundantly clear to Nate when I washed a load of laundry with the lid up----meaning it did not wash at all. He let that one slide without a sarcastic remark which means he loves me, in his own way. Well that and the extra hugs and kisses I've been getting lately, along with 'no reason flowers.' I NEVER get 'no reason flowers!'

The mammogram: the technician, Paula, is my new best friend. Seriously, she is a pimp and I love her. Immediately after feeling me up she said, "I feel it, but it's not scary to me. And I'm not going to call it a lump because it's more of a thickening." And this chic feels a lot of boobs for a living. As she smashed my girls into teeny little pancakes I asked her, "Don't you have a junior size machine for me somewhere? This one doesn't seem to fit right." But apparently transforming your womanly appendages into whoopie cushions is the goal and boy did she succeed. I swear to you, if I attempted to lower myself to the ground I would have hung by my boobs and died a slow death. But really, it wasn't so bad:) The results? My breasts are so young and densely fibrotic, they couldn't see anything. Which I guess means the test was negative for a mass but then again, I'm not sure they could see much anyway. Curse these young fibrotic breasts of mine!


The ultrasound: next came 'the dude whose name I don't remember.' He had an earring and has been in the business for thirty years, meaning he's seen a lot of boobs in his life, too. As he ran the probe over my suspicious area he said, "This is normal breast tissue. See here? This is glandular tissue and here is your fat pad." Okay, if you say so, dude. All I see is a bunch of black and white spots that all scream CANCER to me. But maybe that's just me being delusional again:) I told him that since my mammogram was null and void due to my 'young breasts', I was hoping the ultrasound would be more helpful. To which he responded, "Well yeah, but by the time we see anything on ultrasound it's usually really big." Great. Fantastic. Fabulous. The results? Ultrasound dude called in the doctor, who had a wicked lisp, to go over my results right then and there [my sanity thanks you for that one, doc]. He told me that both tests didn't show abnormal tissue. He suggested I keep a close eye on the area to watch for changes over the next few months. I think he could tell by my facial expression that I was still unsure, so he added, "You could always make an appointment with a general surgeon to discuss further options." When I straight up asked him if he suggested a biopsy he said, "No. The thickening is so large it would be difficult to assess without removing it, which would leave you without a chunk of your breast." [in laymens terms, I don't have much tissue to spare, so taking out a huge portion would leave me rather mangled.] What makes this statement really creepy is that Keri's original doctor told her the exact same thing after her negative mammogram and ultrasound last year. A little eerie, no?

I think the mammogram lady said it best: "If it wakes you up at night, and you can't get peace of mind, talk to a surgeon." After consulting my breast care counselor [a.k.a. Keri] I know I have to take the extra step and visit a surgeon. Keri's take home message has always been "You must biopsy every palpable mass" and it would be incredibly ignorant of me to stop after these tests. I realize that it's 'probably nothing.' I know that everything is going to be fine. But honestly, even if there is a 1% chance that it's 'something' why wouldn't I investigate it further?

So that is where we are now: I'm deciding which surgeon gets to deal with me:) Nate wants me to go to the big reputable hospital in our area, to find the best of the best surgeon around. And I have to agree---even though I was pleased with the staff at my little hospital---I should probably find a top dog to ease my mind. I'd prefer the general surgeon be a 'breast care specialist' so that they have lots of boobie experience, and if any of the Milwaukee girls have recommendations for me I'd gladly accept them.

As a side note, my inner tight wad and inner hypochondriac are battling it out in my head. On one hand I'm incredibly thankful that we have good medical insurance because this is exactly why we need it. There will still be some out-of-pocket costs [finishing out our deductible for the year] but Nate is being supportive and tells me this is some of the best money we'll spend. I suppose he's right because you can't put a price on peace of mind, or hearing that I DON'T have cancer. I know that is dramatic but that's me right now:)

Are you still with me after this mega post? Am I even making sense at this point? Thanks for hanging in there and wish me luck finding a surgeon! Now go and feel your boobs, for heaven's sakes!

[I promise we still had a fun holiday weekend, posts to follow. But this needed to come first.]

Stimulated.

Say goodbye to our economic stimulus check, Henry:

Please welcome the new addition to our household, Mr. iMac:
The 20 inch screen is optimal for viewing fabulous websites. How did we ever survive with a 13 inch screen? The horror!
And so, my friends, it's official: we are hemorrhaging money. Our bank account is crying out in protest but we are doing our best to ignore the screams. Because this is one pimp computer!

Our poor little laptop is quite jealous. She was functioning at her optimal level today until we brought home this bad boy. Now she refuses to turn on. Thank goodness we burned all of our important files and photos to DVDs last night! I think the only thing we didn't rescue was our iTunes library, but we can manage. 

So here is to a fresh start!

Miscellany

It seems a little like a Monday to me. So here are my random thoughts for the day:

• Reason #267 why I could never be a nurse? The 12 hour shifts. I worked a full 12 today which means I was gone from our duplex for 13. NOT COOL. I would probably bang my head against a wall [even more than I do now] if I had to work that long regularly.
• One reason why I had to work so late? Because I'm a push over. I took on one too many projects at work including being in charge of the weekend schedule. It goes without saying that this job totally sucks. Nobody wants to work weekends and it's a total PITA. But I get to organize information and make pretty charts so I'm all over it:)
• Did anyone else forget that it was Earth Day today? I'm a bad person I guess.
• Just as a reminder, my birthday is Sunday. And Nate just said he might make me pancakes for breakfast that morning! A man after my own heart!
• If I had to give up carbs I would probably die. No joke. I'd actually cease to live.
• One time in college [when I convinced myself that I was gaining the freshman 15] I tried the Atkins Diet. Let's just say I was quite unpleasant during that time in my life. I even gave up caffeine which was an unfortunate mistake----caffeine withdrawl headaches most definitely rival heroin withdrawl. Not that I'd know first hand but seriously. It was bad news.
• How do you guys feel about the following situation?: Nate informed me on the ride home yesterday that he NEEDS golf lessons. Why, you may ask? Because then he can fix his swing and will enjoy the game even more. I didn't realize it was possible to like golf anymore than my husband and the last time I bought him a lesson, he swore it ruined his swing forever. Thoughts? Should I condone this purchase again?
• Did I mention that I get to visit Keri [and Allison] in less than 2 weeks? So freaking excited. And in case you aren't reading her website, she starts chemotherapy the day before we arrive.
  
• Speaking of Keri, last week [when I had some free time] I did some research online because I'm Type A like that. And I found a diagram of her breast cancer which I find fascinating. She has invasive ductal in situ carcinoma. Which looks like this:
  

The purple dots are the cancer cells that have spread beyond their nice little capsule. I have no idea why I find this type of factual research comforting, but I like getting real information. And that is the only picture you will get in this post.

• Last question: it has to do with the green stuff, which my fabulous financial advisor [ahem, Lindsey] prefers to stay off my blog. But seriously, I need some feedback. Should we take out school loans for Nate's three years of schooling? That would mean we can save more for our 'down payment/baby/emergency fund' and once we have two incomes [I might pass out] we could pay off his loans much faster. It would get us into a house sooner and allow us to pay off loan debt once we have more money to do so.
• Or should we avoid any loans and just pay for the tuition straight up? It will probably be around 36K for his degree, which we can afford in the next three years, but it will take a major chunk out of our hard earned savings. We'd have to wait much longer on a house.
• My personal thought is this: maybe we can take out SOME loans while paying for some on our own. Kind of like Miley Cyrus, the best of both worlds. But what do you guys suggest?
  

The official request

Okay, I finished my flyer. I've sent it out to every single person on my email list [which makes me nervous for some reason, don't ask me why]. I plan on printing a few hard copies and posting them at my hospital, and possibly handing them out to businesses, too. Next will come Facebook and Myspace. No such things as overkill, right? :)

Please email me if you would like a hard copy and I will give you one [jules5.27.07 at gmail]. I think that the more people who hear Keri's story and become aware of HOW they can help, the better results we'll get. I hope and pray donations will pay for her massive medical expenses.

Other bloggers---link to this post if you'd like. Or make your own. But let's all dig out our checkbooks and make a difference, shall we?

Here is what the flyer looks like:

Keri's story:

Sometimes life is so unfair. Keri is one of those people everyone loves to be around. Her charisma is undeniable and her positive attitude is contagious. Keri has always been a fighter, a leader, and a pillar of strength for those in her life.

She is a down-to-earth, true Mid-western girl who has called Kansas, Missouri, and Indiana home. As a Physical Therapist, she makes her living by caring for others, and now is the time for us to return the favor.

On March 14, 2008 Keri’s life changed forever. At the age of 26 she was diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer. On April 2, 2008 she underwent a bilateral mastectomy and began her fight with a disease that knows no limits.

Her bright future is clouded with the cold hard facts: 8 rounds of chemotherapy, 6 weeks of daily radiation, multiple reconstructive surgeries, hormonal replacement therapy, and infertility treatments. When you attack cancer with chemotherapy and other estrogen suppressing drugs before you’ve had children, your dream of becoming a mother is jeopardized. Keri’s doctors have said her treatments will most definitely stop ovulation for the rest of her life, throwing her young body into menopause. So Keri will freeze her eggs to give her hope of having a baby—a procedure that comes with a $10,000 price tag but not covered by insurance.

Helen Keller once said, “I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something.” If everyone who reads Keri’s story contributes to her fund the financial burden of cancer could be lifted from her shoulders. Any amount would be greatly appreciated and every dollar counts. Why not make a difference in someone’s life? And what better time than right now?

Please make your donation check to:

Keri Wilkie Breast Cancer Medical Fund
P.O. Box 833
Emporia, KS 66801

If you’d like to follow Keri’s online journal please go to:
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/keri

On a lighter note...

My blog has been a bit heavy lately, no?

Let's take a break from the deep thoughts and look towards something much more trivial, superficial, and totally unnecessary: my birthday is around the corner. I'll be 27 on the 27th, which makes this my 'golden birthday.' Nate just informed me of this fact today. I had no idea it was so special!

So I figure I should dream big, right? I don't NEED anything at all. But of course, there are items that I wouldn't hate to have, either. I can't remember the last time I actually shopped online or browsed my favorite websites. And it was long overdue, my friends.

I now present to you my mega-ridiculous-birthday-wishlist. I don't expect you all to run out and buy all of these items but I won't stop you if you are bound and determined to drop some major dough. Mostly I like eye candy and these things are pretty:

If we had a second laptop we'd have a lot less stress in our lives. I know, it's an awful problem to have, but with one computer and two people, things don't always add up. Of course we'd get another Mac:


Now that I'm running again, I remember why I hate my gigantor Ipod--because it's so freaking big and has to clip onto my pants. I think one of the following would suit my training much more, don't you?



And then there are the clothes. Lots and lots of eye candy here, folks. The first tribute is to J.Crew---my love, my nemesis. Such mixed emotions when it comes to this store. Why do they have to have such gorgeous pieces with such hefty price tags? And why do they have to make these types of things JUST FOR ME?

And Anthropologie is my friend, too. So many fun dresses, tops, and accessories. Don't you think I'd look fab in these for our San Diego trip?
What? I never denied having expensive tastes. And I'd never actually BUY anything because of my inner-tight wad. But it's fun to look and drool.

On another note.....remember how one of my 2008 goals was to save 15-20K by the end of the year? It's only April and we are REALLY close to hitting our goal already! I don't know how this has happened so quickly. Maybe it has something to do with not paying rent, getting a nice tax refund, and Nate pulling in some paychecks. That could be it, I suppose. But I'm really proud of us because we've worked really hard at saving money. We even splurged a little on our wedding DVD and our vacation and we still managed to save this much.

I guess this means it's time to look at houses and consider another move.....NOT! There is no way I'd willingly move anytime soon. So for now my inner tight wad can gloat and relax a bit, and I can't call us 'poor' anymore [just to make Nate mad]. I'm sure I can find other ways to bug the boy:)

And finally, I updated my blog roll. It's getting out of control, I know. But I didn't realize how long it had been neglected. And I forgot how much I adore Google Reader.