Baby #3: 40 weeks + 2 days | Final pregnancy post!

7.10.14: Forty plus two: My last day being pregnant!!!





Today started off really rough---I'm going to be real with you guys. I woke up at 12:30 am to pee, and then again at 3:30 am and could not get my brain to shut off. Horrible thoughts swirling in my head, negativity, anxiety in the wee hours of the morning. Like, what if something is wrong with my baby and that is why he hasn't come out on his own? What if something is wrong with my body and the induction tomorrow will fail and I will always regret making this decision? A c-section is not the end of the world, and neither is a child with special needs. But I just am feeling a lot of WORRIES today because it's basically go time. I know, I know---it's awful to think this way, but this morning I lost the mental battle of staying positive.

So I came downstairs around 4:30 and worked on some belly picture montages, blog posts, etc. I was FINE when distracted. And when the kids came down with Nate later, he asked if I was alright and I lost it. You know that feeling when you are in a funk but holding it together and as soon as someone says, 'Are you okay?' you immediately start bawling? That was me. 'Just frustrated and over it and tired?' he asked. Um yes. All of the above and then some. He tried to comfort me, saying he was proud of me for hanging in there and doing a great job carrying his son---which only made me roll my eyes, because I don't feel like I've done ANYTHING (such as birth the baby) other than ride an emotional roller coaster this past week. It's been rough at times, guys. But it's going to be just fine.

Because tomorrow is induction day! Nate thinks I will go into labor on my own tonight and I think he is delusional (as I sit on the exercise ball and fight off a few contractions....which likely means NOTHING since they've been here all week+).

The rest of the day was fun. We took the kids to the playground, I got a nice nap, I took Truman to get a haircut and then we all went with Tony and Lois to dinner and to get dessert. We chose the same restaurant we ate at the night I went into labor with Cecelia and also the same coffee shop for dessert. No coincidence there! The kids were a bit wild and have been out of sorts today but I'm sure they can sense something is going on. CC is totally attached to mommy in the worst way, much more than usual. My baby. I hope she is alright tomorrow and the next day without me.

Tonight I kissed Truman and CC goodnight and explained that we can say an official goodbye in the morning (probably). We will leave here at 6:30 am to get the show on the road. Tony will come over to be with the kids, Lois will come after work and my mom and dad will fly in by 1:30. Such a special time!

It's all very surreal. I can't quite wrap my head around giving birth tomorrow. I mean, I've done it before and I know I can do it again but oh man, the nerves! I'm not sure of the plan for pitocin versus just breaking my water, or what. I hope it goes quickly and smoothly and I just want to see this baby boy. And kiss him and nurse him and tell him he is a stinker. And then hold him non-stop for a solid few days;) GAH, I cannot wait!!!

I feel like I've been pregnant forever. FOR.EV.ER. And obviously, the end result of pregnancy is a baby but it's odd to accept that this is my last night with this big belly. With this active baby rolling and punching and kicking me from the inside. Tomorrow he will be out: crying, nursing, pooping, peeing, being generally magical. It's so freaking cool.

I'll miss pregnancy though, which I know is annoying to say especially in light of how much I've complained about being overdue. Pregnancy is amazing, it's a gift, and it's something I will always remember with a tender heart. I like being pregnant. But I do not like being overdue;) So there's that.

Any and all prayers, good vibes, and thoughts appreciated of course. I am feeling the love already with sweet comments here, on IG, and FB from my virtual friends around the world----seriously, so appreciated. A few emails and messages I've gotten from you guys have made me cry because you get it. Being overdue is hard---not the hardest thing ever, and it will NOT matter after tomorrow. But it's been a wild ride. Baby boy is already teaching me lessons, like YOU CANNOT PLAN ANYTHING, MOM! Because obviously I haven't learned that in my 33 years, and two kids schooling me all of the time.

I will update here once he comes, and Instagram (@mrsjuliagoolia) and Facebook (My Life in Transition Blog) will be priorities, too.



A few final belly pictures for you, since I know you will miss being bombarded with eleventy-hundred angles of my bump:

Caught a picture of a contraction today---can you see the difference in the top of my belly? Suuuuuper tight. I had to flip one of the pictures to make it the same side view but you get the idea.



Video montage of weekly belly pictures--because why else would I take them but for a fun comparison at the end?


All third trimester belly pictures:


All belly pictures, weeks 5-40:


And finally, assuming I don't have this baby in my arms in the next 3 hours (ha!): The night before labor began with each baby. (Final belly pictures) Awwwwww.



See you on the flip side!

Overdue!

Wednesday, 7/9/14: 40 weeks + 1 day

Well, well, well. Overdue for the first time with my third baby. Huh. No smile for my belly pic today. I'm sure you can understand.



Last week if you would have told me I'd still be pregnant today I would not have believed you. But currently I'm not that surprised since I continue to focus on Friday as induction day for this babe. Eyes on the prize. So it's either he comes tomorrow on his own (or tonight, I guess) or he gets evicted Friday morning. Time is ticking, dear baby boy.

This has been the longest week everrrrrrrrrr.

I was texting with Andrea and Erin today--they are both around 32 weeks pregnant and feeling it lately. Contractions are starting, they are feeling 'off' and like weird things are happening, being fearful of pre-term labor, wondering how they can possibly remain pregnant for 8 more weeks. Since I'm oh, so seasoned on this Third Babies Are Wild Cards thing, I told them this: If at all possible, just expect to go to your due date. Do NOT anticipate going early with your third, even if you've been early before. Braxton Hicks contractions can mean nothing. Feeling like crap means nothing. A super active baby that seems big and ready to bust out of the ute does not mean the child actually wants to come out in a timely fashion. It only means that the end of pregnancy can be totally grueling and long and a mental battle, and it's only worse if you've decided you will be early. If you do go early, then great--what a nice surprise. But building it up in your head to be early and then going late? Truly a special form of torture---for any pregnancy but I definitely think that going early with my other two and now late with my third is especially rough. Woe is me, right?

Our texts made me want to look back on blog posts to see how I was feeling at 31-32 weeks. Sure enough, at 31 weeks I started to feel like this baby might actually fall out of me. I was feeling heavy, tons of pressure down there, and like something might be wrong---just 'off' from what I had been feeling before. Then by 33 weeks I was very uneasy about all of the contractions I was having, hoping I didn't go into actual pre-term labor. I was probably around that time I became SURE I would never last until 40 weeks. So 7+ weeks of timeable 'practice' contractions this time around = mental battle that is definitely more of a marathon than a sprint. Pregnancy feels like an endurance sport right now. But the finish line is in sight, thank God.

I've also been thinking about how this time, my due date might be even more arbitrary than usual since I never had a 'last menstrual period' to date the pregnancy. But going into my first appointment, where she dated the pregnancy at 8 weeks exactly, I knew I had to be between 7-9 weeks along and it's not possible it could have been less than that. Then at the 20 week US, baby boy measured bigger than his estimated weeks. The uterus fundal height measurements have always been right on or even a little bit ahead of schedule---except for last week, when I'm guessing he dropped into the pelvis a little bit more. So if my original due date WAS off by a week or something, I would assume that either the 20 week US would have shown a smaller/younger baby and all of my fundal heights would have been off. I know that due dates are just a guess anyway, but this is just fascinating to me to overanalyze---forgive me.

Today was a great day, though. I laid in bed with Cecelia and then Truman came down to her bunk for a bit, so the three of us had some time together in the peaceful 5 o'clock hour to chat and take care of CC's dollies. Also, I gave the kids two new tats each today. So their morning was automatically made;) Sometimes they are so easy to please. SOMETIMES.


Nate took the kids to Lori's around 8, I showered, got dressed, did my hair and make up alone. Which is seriously an Olympic feat in itself these days and I had to rest a bit after getting ready for the day. I took pictures of the nursery for a blog reveal after baby comes and Nate worked in the yard. Then we began our Overdue Date and ran errands to get the van washed, Home Depot, Michaels, a carpet store (basement is almost done!!!), and then we came home and walked to lunch. Where we proceeded to have the most amazing burgers EVER. Nate's beer looked good and I did have a large sip but I am getting so overly stuffed with any and all food/drink, I didn't even care about sticking to water and a bit of Diet Coke.

Nate said, 'You can take one picture for Instagram and then no phones during the meal.' Fine by me!


Oops, two pictures, but the burger warranted it's own image. For the locals: this is the Ludwig burger at Cafe Bavaria and it truly blew my mind. Second time I've had it now and it will not be the last! Also: fries are the bomb.


We took the long way home for a glorious walk in perfect weather, then I was off to treat myself to a mani/pedi. I honestly get a pedicure maybe 4 times per year max but I think I've gotten four in the past two months because: super pregnant. Daily treats. Yes.

A magazine. A vibrating chair. Leg massage. Pretty toes. Yes, yes, yes to all of it.



I just realized today that I'm still wearing my wedding rings. Pretty awesome since I definitely ditched them the other times around 37-38 weeks.


At the nail place, I did get asked 'How many months are you?' and I had to repeat myself when I said, 'I was due yesterday.' SO FUN. The lady was like, 'That's a boy in there, right?' (Yes, very weird that people always say that to me.) And she asked if it was my first, then if I have another boy. I told her that both of my other kids were early and she said, 'Even your son? That's different.' Which, I suppose, it is interesting to think that Truman was only early because I was induced at 38 weeks and CC came on her own, 2 days early. Is this a super big baby? A lazy baby? A laid back baby who is just comfortable? I just really hope he is okay in there. Anxieties about something being wrong are creeping into my head. Worries about the birth itself but also about the baby are not welcome and stress is the last thing my body needs, I know. So again: mental battle to keep the bad thoughts away and only happy, healthy thoughts allowed.

Maybe I will have this baby tomorrow (not really going there mentally, but for the sake of conversation let's consider it) and then I can say I was 2 weeks early with my first, 2 days early with my second, and 2 days late with my third. I like numbers like that;)

ANYWAY, after my mani/pedi, Nate got the kids and I packed a picnic dinner for us. We walked to a nearby playground and had a fun time eating and playing together---but it was pretty crowded and my energy levels are currently at a dangerous low without a nap under my belt. Which means a little girl accidentally threw some sand at my feet and I immediately spouted off, 'Don't throw that on me again, okay?' I mean, chill out, giant pregnant lady. But everyone is kind of annoying me, even innocent children at playgrounds. I am tired, short of breath, and super uncomfortable with every activity and yet I can't really sit still, either. You know it's bad when I don't take a single picture at a playground with my kids on a perfect evening. Didn't even care about lack of documentation. Too tired.

Sleep was not so hot last night, after an AMAZING night of the zzzzzzz's Monday night. Definitely up to pee 1-2 times now and it's really hard to get comfortable falling back to sleep after that. Plus last night I was having semi-painful contractions that kept me from sleeping. LIKE ALWAYS, I guess. Yes, there is still 'action' going on in the uterus---contractions all day and all night. Nothing especially painful though and I'm not using a contraction timer unless I'm positive it's the real deal. I've been getting a lot more zingers in the lady parts and feel like I'm waddling now. I promised you a moo moo if I was overdue and I wish I could snap my fingers and have one appear---but alas, I don't have the energy to buy one for a photo shoot, dear readers. I hope you forgive me;)

So yeah, not quite as chipper tonight as I was last night and most of the day today. I think an early bedtime is a must. Tomorrow we have a family day together which is never a bad thing, and then that's IT no matter what. All of this maddening waiting, the false alarms, the predicting and feeling crazy and feeling tired....none of it will matter when I'm holding baby boy in my arms. I know this and it's what keeps me going. I'm lucky in that I'm not totally uncomfortable 100% of the time or in true pain. I still think pregnancy is awesome and 'fun' in a way. I'm just mentally so so so so tired of it all and I'm ready to meet this child more than ever.

Soon. I might miss out on the excitement of going into spontaneous labor this third time around, but I have experienced that with Cecelia. It was magical and special and amazing to experience the rush of 'OMG, we need to go to the hospital now.' But being induced is fine, too---I've done that before and didn't mind the part about being in a controlled environment with some of the unknowns eliminated. I hope it goes quickly but I'm not making any predictions. As long as I get this baby out of me and (of course) he is healthy, it's all good. My mom and dad fly in on Friday around 1:30 and I know the kids are super excited to have FOUR grandparents falling all over them while Nate and I are at the hospital. Cannot wait. Let the next chapter begin!

Due Date!

7.8.14: Still pregnant!

(picture from yesterday, actually)


If you would have told me even last week that I'd still be pregnant on my due date, I wouldn't have believed you. Sure---it's not a huge deal or anything, but the 'badge of honor' in being the most pregnant with my third baby...and also making it to my due date (and likely OVERDUE) is pretty crazy. And cool, I suppose. Yes, I'm in a much much better place mentally today than I was yesterday.

Probably because I haven't timed a single contraction today. I've had a few very noticeable ones but nothing that shook my current 'baby is coming on Friday and that is that' attitude. Truly: I believe he will be induced Friday morning and will be shocked if anything happens prior. And seriously, that is fine by me right now. The mental shift that's been made to expect nothing earlier than my induction has been a healthy one for me. I'm not hoping for an earlier birthday but I suppose if it happens, we are ready for that scenario anyway with packed bags and childcare lined up for each day this week. But I'm banking on a Friday 7/11 baby at this point and will 'plan' on that being The Day. I hate the word 'plan' right now, though.

I guess after the false ( or 'latent' as some label it ) labor from yesterday, I've decided to just let go an enjoy these last few days. What is the point in trying to will this baby out of me if he's not ready? Why bother walking and bouncing and over-exerting myself in any way? I much prefer to sit back, relax, and do fun things with my family of four instead.

Today we all went to the pool and it was awesome. Then to McDonalds for lunch. Then a nap for me and CC. Then we walked to Starbucks. Right now our neighbor offered to take the kids across the street to the playground and Nate is at volleyball----so 'me time' is also happening, even before their bedtimes. I'd say today was a successful and amazing due date!

Baby boy is still moving a ton, I'm feeling pretty good overall aside from being wiped out physically with any and all activities, and any family days are always fun and note-worthy. It's just Nate and I home tomorrow, since we have the kids at Lori's on Mondays and Wednesdays during my maternity leave. The options are endless: wash the cars, go out for lunch, and I want yet another mani/pedi as my daily treat;) I'm not calling these our 'plans' for tomorrow because I don't really think we can plan anything anymore. But I have ideas on how to fill our day at home without a hospital trip. If I'm feeling incredibly energetic, I have big ideas on some deep cleaning to the house....but let's be honest. That will probably not happen because I can use the Overdue Card tomorrow as an excuse to lay around alllll day if I really feel like it. Talk about a badge of honor---being overdue will be a trip. I can't wait to say 'yesterday' when someone asks me when I'm due. Even just saying, 'Today' was really fun at the pool. Gotta love making people's eyes bug out of their heads as they expect a baby to plop out before them.

Also, I found an old suit from when I was 17 years old. It has good butt coverage and I sure do fill it out a LOT more than I did in 1998. Just could not deal with the suffocating fabric of my one piece and decided to rock a super old bikini instead. Why not??


McDonalds happy meal toys=their favorites.


Second daily treat-Starbucks. Love this girl so much. Not sure why Truman didn't get in any pictures today, though.


Due date shadow.


It definitely makes me feel a little sad to think that Nate took off this week to be at home with a new baby/at the hospital, and it's a total bummer to use my maternity leave without said baby. But you know what? Time off is ALWAYS awesome. Who can complain about having a few more days with 'just us', before the new sense of normal kicks in? As Nate said, we can probably DO a lot more and enjoy it before baby comes anyway. So whatever. It will all work out just fine.

I'm really not trying to convince myself as I type this either. I honestly do feel at peace with however the birth goes down and am so grateful to have an end-date in sight. Do you hear that, baby boy? Your time inside is limited so pick your birthday soon, or else Friday is the day! Cannot wait to meet you and hold you and introduce you to your family. I'll miss carrying you around with me but I'll gladly take the trade off of having a newborn baby on the outside. Pregnancy is awesome but so is having an outside baby. I'm ready. I hope you are, too, sweet boy.

Baby #3: 40 weeks

First time posting this a day early, but I have good reason since today was the loooooongest day in the history of my pregnancies. It seems like it could be Tuesday already and I think I aged at least a year today, so who cares if I round up one day with my weekly post? Might as well commemorate all of the word vomit while it's fresh on my (lost) mind--aren't you lucky??

Also: Most pregnant I've ever been! Yay! Cool! Technically 39w6d as I type this on 7.7.14. New territory is fun.




Well, let's just start with the fact that I was convinced I was in labor allllllll day today. I woke up at 3:30 am with semi-painful contractions and noticed they were about 9 minutes apart. I finally got out of bed around 4:30 and began timing them on my phone. Sure enough, anywhere from 4-5 minutes apart and then sometimes 8-9 minutes apart, lasting 60-90 seconds, and really uncomfortable. I will not call them 'painful' though---but I couldn't ignore them. They were different than the other weeks of random contractions. They woke me up in the middle of the night and stuck around. Has to be a good sign, right?

Plus, the more intense discomfort spread over my whole belly, the fact that they were so regular, some GI issues, some spotting, and the fact that it really just felt like THIS IS THE DAY had me convinced. Sigh.

I told Nate I wanted him to stay at home, although he had planned to work today as his only work day this week, since I was pretty sure this would be baby day. I took my first walk of the day around 5 am and contractions would hit hard during the walk, then at home they'd go back to being anywhere from 6-9 minutes apart and tolerable.



Nate took the kids to Lori's as planned, and Truman was so freaking excited to meet his brother. He demanded to wear his 'Big Bro' tee today and wanted CC to wear her 'Big Sis' shirt. My heart almost exploded from his sweetness--he was a little weepy when leaving this morning but CC had no clue and didn't care at all. How fun to say, 'Yaya might have to pick you up from Lori's today if mommy and daddy are at the hospital. But you can come and visit us if that happens, okay?' I never promised him it would be today but in my gut I really thought it was.

Say goodbye to mommy before she births your brother....oh, wait.


Second walk of the day. Contractions still about the same for intensity and frequency. Nate got home and immediately started cleaning out the cars and the garage, and then proceeded to do some stuff in the basement. Nesting daddy, I suppose;) I was bouncing on the ball, took a second walk, and obsessed over timing these contractions. Why weren't they getting worse? Why wasn't my water breaking? No bloody show or anything to give me a sign that baby boy was on his way? I tried climbing our stairs, squatting, talking to baby and God and my own unstable brain. IT WAS NOT WORKING.





I called the OB office around 10 and the triage nurse called me back after talking to my doctor---basically, I could come in if I wanted to but she didn't want me to have to labor at the hospital all day long. She would prefer that something BIG happened: contractions consistently 5-6 min apart, more pain, broken water, blood, etc. I agreed and said I'd just walk again and see what happened.

Answer: nothing new. At all. Nate and I ate lunch at home, hung out, and then finally around 1:00 Nate convinced me we needed to get out of the house and run errands. ACE hardware, Buy Buy Baby, and a McFlurry at McDonalds all happened...while I was 'sort of' in labor. Constantly thinking 'please, let my water break. Please let me cripple over in pain.' We had our bags packed and in the van in case. And? Nope. Nothing new. I stopped timing the contractions at this point because why bother? They weren't painful but they were consistent. I was in slipping into a dark mental place at this point. Also Nate is really into force feeding me junk food lately---I am not complaining but he keeps pushing ice cream and pizza and all sorts of sweets on me, since he thinks that will somehow help labor (or my mental state?). Okay!



So happy here. Trying to decide if I look like I'm in labor....or just really really frustrated. Correct answer: B.


When we came back home from the errands, we took a long walk together around 2pm (my fourth of the day, yep). I told Nate that I felt sort of embarrassed that nothing was happening. This is not my first rodeo.  What in the hell is wrong with my body? Was I making these contractions up in my head? Letting everyone down? I know my friends and family who were on high alert all day, watching their phones for updates aren't MAD at me or anything. I'm not trying to be dramatic by faking labor. We all just want baby boy here, but still. It's easy to get a little depressed with false labor lasting an entire day, one day before my due date...when I honestly thought I would have this child 'early' and here we are---latest I've ever been. Serves me right, I suppose.

Nate is still the most amazing mediator for my craziness. He said all of the right things (such as 'chill out right now') to remind me that it's all going to be okay. So what if baby doesn't come today? He will come eventually. And Nate liked to remind me that this might be like Truman's birth: I was convinced nothing would ever happen with my induction (since it didn't for the first 1.5 days on Pitocin) and that I'd need a c-section. I might have freaked out and broken down a few times along that way. And then my water broke and Truman shot out of there 3 hours later. Even with Cecelia's labor, I wasn't quite convinced anything was truly happening until the pain was OBVIOUS and we went to the hospital, birthing baby girl just 4 hours later. I know. It can happen quickly. That part makes me anxious, too. What if I wait too long and have the baby in the car? I want my likely last labor experience to be as positive as possible, not stressful and rushed and scary. So many unknowns.

He said he is not disappointed in me or my body, that the anticipation is sort of fun, and it will all work out. Again, I love that man. He made me laugh and lighten up and gain some perspective. Which I really really needed at that point, obviously.

I'm not sure I ever updated the blog after my OB appointment last Thursday, but all was well. Good BP, measured one week behind (dropped more?), no weight gain (!?), and heart rate 150. No changes in my cervix, though--still nearly 2 cm but nothing more. We scheduled an induction for this Friday at 40w3d if needed so at least there is an end date in sight. She was originally going to induce me on my due date, since she is on call that day, but the hospital wasn't allowing elective inductions that day due to some electrical upgrade or something. Last week I was relieved we were giving baby boy a few extra days to decide his own birthday but now I WISH we were going in tomorrow!

Well, I wish a lot of things. I wish my water would break. That I would have a 'sign' or a big change in these contractions. Which are STILL happening 17 freaking hours after I first started timing them this morning. I'm not tracking them and truly do not even care how often they come. Unless I'm doubled over in pain or my water breaks, I'm assuming that Friday is the day. I need to move on mentally so if nothing is happening, why can't the contractions just go away? We have the next three full days at home together as a family and I want to enjoy them, instead of constantly thinking 'was that one more painful? Was it closer together? IS THIS IT?' Maddening. I can't anymore.

Yes, I've tried nearly all of the natural induction methods out there and I'm over it. Apparently my body is not ready or baby boy is just really freaking comfortable in there. I'm not even overdue YET and I feel so mentally and physically spent after today.... I cannot imagine doing this type of roller coaster for 3 more days. Please stop, contractions. Or ramp up---but I'm not going to pay attention anymore, so make it obvious, will you?

If I hadn't had all of this false labor today, I think I'd be totally fine to coast along this week and focus on the good stuff. All of last week was great, the weekend was fantastic and I was able to focus on the moment and not worry too much about the WHEN will baby come stuff. But today has just sort of sucked and I want the contractions to stop now. Since, obviously, I'm getting everything I want with these final days and it's all about me. Whine, whine, whine, I know. I'm sure a lot of you can understand on some level----the end is just tough, man. Especially when you spend a day convinced you'll have a baby in a matter of hours and you do not.

One thing that stands out from today that was very very uplifting: seeing my sweet kids after daycare. Nate picked them up while I napped a bit (i.e. threw in the towel on timing contractions). I was so worried that Truman would be confused/disappointed to see baby in my belly instead of at the hospital. But instead, I got a huge hug and kiss from both kids. They were so happy to see me and couldn't stop talking all about their days. I told them that '(Baby's name) didn't come out today, but he will soon,' and Truman simply said, 'Okay, maybe the next day.' That was it. God, I love that child. CC was especially adorable this evening, too, requesting to ride with me to pick up Panera (because: multiple daily treats, Yesssssssss) and talking the entire way. Both of them basically just confirmed that it's not a big deal and he will be here soon, so whatever. Life is good.

So that's where I'm at tonight. The most pregnant I've ever been and now the most false labor I've ever had. And probably the craziest I've been, too, but that's expected. Tomorrow is my due date and we have a family day at home planned. The 'maybe baby day' thoughts are being pushed aside in place of 'let's enjoy our family of four' thoughts. Because longest case scenario: he comes on Friday. I will not be pregnant forever. Amen.

(I'll try to update here each evening until I deliver if I can)

Updated later to add a highlight of last week:

Fourth of July is the best holiday ever! I love it so much. This year it was on a Friday which made it extra fun. We went to the local Tosa parade with Erin/Dave and met Dizzy/Andy and her sister Katie/Steve. Seriously PERFECT weather, the kids were in heaven with candy and each other. Lots of pictures were had. It was wonderful.













Later that day, after C's nap (and I think I took one, too?) we all walked to a local 'Family Fun Day' event at a playground. Tons of bounce houses and my new favorite Hawaiian shave ice was there. Then dinner at our house with Tony and Lois. Pretty much perfection. Summer is the best!!!

Maternity Leave (!!), etc.

Today I saw my patients, wrapped up paperwork, sent out 'see ya in September' emails, and set up my voicemail to direct people to the main office number. Don't call me because I WILL BE BUSY WITH MY BABY. Ahhhhhh, feels so good. I'm actually glad that I didn't have him earlier than today because it was much easier for me to tie up my own loose ends with patients/paperwork, instead of trying to do that once he arrived. (always a bright side!)

It's officially maternity leave time, people. September 29 seems like an eternity---12.5 weeks to be exact. And I'm so thankful and ridiculously excited to have this time away from work to focus on mister man.

All we need is said baby;)

Tomorrow morning I have my last OB appointment and I will be 39+2 days pregnant. I'm going to ask her to sweep my membranes and discuss if I should schedule another appointment for next week, or just talk about induction sometime after my due date. This is basically the exact same decision, with the exact same timing that I had with Cecelia's pregnancy.

Last time had my final day of work AND my final OB appointment at 39+2. Since I wasn't dilated she couldn't do a membrane sweep with the internal, but she did schedule an induction for me 2 days after my due date 'just in case'. I was worried about Nate using up an entire week of vacation that we always have to plan ahead of time, since he has patients booked out months in advance. I felt sort of bad for even scheduling an induction at all and hoped I wouldn't need it, but it did help to know that there was an end in sight. I bled a bit that night after the internal exam, then had nothing the following day at 39+3, and began labor on 39+4 with a baby girl in our arms early the next morning. So yeah, baby boy, no pressure or anything! I realize he is different than his sister but I can hope labor stuff is similar.

This time, I'm not really sure how I want to proceed, either. Nate is off next week Tuesday through Friday. My parents are flying in from Colorado on Friday (can't drive up from MO at the drop of a hat anymore!). So baby boy really really should listen to me when I say he needs to be out sooner versus later. I don't WANT to be induced but I also don't want to miss out on daddy and grandparent time with this child on the outside. I will obviously discuss all of this with my OB tomorrow, but last time she was very confident that my body handled an induction before and would do well again with it.

I know my crunchy friends out there will be anti-induction but I have to go with my gut on this one. I want all of the help I can get from Nate and my parents and of course my in-laws once baby comes out----so next week is ideal for an end-date! I'd definitely wait a few days after my due date to give him some extra time but I don't really think he needs 2-3 more weeks in there.

Plus, I think that if I schedule an induction I might not need it anyway....just like last time. We shall see. One day at a time, I suppose, and I definitely want my OB's input. I had approximately 8 people tell me that I'm going to have a Fourth of July baby. Totally fine by me! American baby boy---nothing wrong with that birthday at all. My OB wouldn't be there and I love her to pieces but I'd still happily embrace another holiday baby--Cecelia was born on Memorial Day.

Ah, the anticipation and the decisions and the waiting. So, so 'fun'.



Also:
The basement remodel is almost finished. We have carpeting!!! Big post to follow once it's totally done---should be soon!



Also:
Obsessed with double french braiding CC's hair. Did it tonight after a bath and having it wet really helps!



Also:
packages from my mom and my Aunt Dana are the best.


My nest of babies;)


Baby boy gifts!


GoGo sent crafts, duh.




And a sneak peek of the awesome quilt mom made for baby 3!


Love good mail days! And maternity leave!

Baby #3: 39 weeks

7.1.14: He's going to be a July baby after all!






I've never done a weekly post after 39 weeks and I'm really hoping not to break any records for the third time around. Dear Lord, help me, if this is not my last weekly belly shot/post. (shakes fist as the labor gods in the sky). Also: forming a coherent thought is not my strong suit right now, so hold onto your butts. This post is going to be chaotic and might make you fear for my mental sanity a bit more than usual. I just re-read it before posting and there seems to be a lot of yelling/capital letters. Sorry about that. Or should I say, SORRY about that?


Question of the day:
How does one snap out of a mega funk/bad mood when supes pregnant and she cannot run or have a glass of wine (tried and trued favorite stress-relievers in my non-pregs life)? Blog her way out of it? Whine and be honest with your or just gloss over the negative stuff and focus on the positive? I've found that eating miniature Heath bars and listening to old school Paramore helped a bit last night while I wrote the majority of this post. 'Positive thoughts' and mantras are annoying to me but probably work to some degree. Let's get on with the post and just see what happens, shall we?


Awesome things:

-Baby watch is in full effect with friends and family texting/emailing/excited to hear the news. I feel very loved and 'thought about' as their excitement definitely rubs off on me. Will likely reach the annoying/'I'm letting everyone down' stage soon if nothing happens.

-ONE more day of work until maternity leave. OMGOMGOMG. Yes, nearly 13 weeks off from wearing my PT hat is much much needed for this old broad.

-My belly is huge in an awesome way. He's still super active in there and my positive thoughts/internal dialogue tell me he is likely healthy and all will be just fine on the other side of these Final Days.

-Babies. We are going to have another one soon. They are so helpless and painfully adorable and they smell amazing. And nursing a baby. And the magic of meeting our newest family member on his birthday. And baby snuggles. I CANNOT HANDLE THE ANTICIPATION (so much yelling). We are getting another baby and Iloveitsomuch.

-I don't feel horribly fat. (yet.) Sometimes a picture will catch me off guard and my face looks pregnant but for the most part I feel like I'm semi-attractive for 39 weeks. That says a lot right there!

-Beer and wine. Really really soon!!!!

-I feel amazing each morning, like I can conquer the world with energy and all of the 'I love being pregnant' thoughts my brain can handle. (Shall not mention my thoughts on the subject after about 4pm because this is the 'awesome' section of the post).

-Appointment update: last week on Thursday my blood pressure was still very good, I'm 'only' up 31 pounds, baby's heartbeat was 152, and he measured right on track. I'm a 'one plus---almost two' dilated and 50% effaced. THESE ARE ALL AWESOME THINGS. Baby is coming. Body sort of knows it for once which doesn't mean anything except 'Go, cervix! Only 8 more centimeters to go!'

(left: gigantic bare belly at the end of a day. right: at the OB office. How many more appointments to go???)



-Rediscovering my first trimester mantra of 'just do the next thing.' So right now I'm typing this post. Then I might find something to eat. At some point I will probably have to muster up  the energy to stand up, walk to the bathroom, and pee. Let's not get ahead of ourselves and try to predict when I'll have to birth a child out of my body, alright? Sure, July 1 would be a fantastic birthday and all but there's no more room in my head for such thoughts.

-Best moment of the week: Laying on the massage table on Sunday (during the best 80 minute pre-natal massage in the history of life), I started to feel emotional about pregnancy ending. What a gift. What a freaking miracle to grow another human being inside my body. What a privilege. How amazing is it to think that this little boy will be in my arms soon, that we will be a family of five? My body knows what it's doing, I suppose, if it can grow this baby, birth him, and provide him nourishment after birth. It's a beautiful thing, even at the very (messy, hormonal, sort of ugly) end. Plus, I was able to lay on my stomach for nearly 80 minutes so of course my mood reached an all-time high on that massage table.





Not Awesome things:

-I feel like I'm 239 weeks pregnant right now. Like, woah, how did I magically forget the mind games of the final days of pregnancy? What happened to my 'time is flying' mentality that lasted me nearly 9 months? Oh, that's right, I lost it about a week ago when I decided I was READY for this child to arrive early and he has not obliged. Control freaks/Type A's and end-stage pregnancy don't mix, my friends.

-I might be pregnant forever. It could happen.

-Lots of really scary things can happen in labor and delivery. The anxiety and fear is creeping in just a smidge now that we are so close to d-day. I don't like that panicky feeling, FYI.

-I am a horrible person for even complaining about pregnancy when I really do feel good physically. Mentally I'm pretty much done, though. Stick a fork in me, waving the white flag, etc etc. D-O-N-E.

-I annoy myself with being bummed out over not having a baby at 39 weeks. Because, really, Julia? Why did you even get your hopes up? Probably because of the following...

-I'm tired and a frickin' furnace and my patience is non-existent. Being hugely pregnant in the summer truly does suck as much as everyone claims. For real. Again: mentally done. I'm older this time, have two demanding (but adorable!) kids to keep alive, and did I mention that I'm really tired? And that my job, while pregnant in the summer, has been especially challenging? Yes? Move on.

-'Today could be the day' is the most annoying thought in the entire world and yet I can't seem to stop it from overtaking my brain. Every. Day.

(These regular, timeable contractions are not exciting anymore. But our back-hall chalkboard says it all!)



-I kind of feel like hibernating until the baby is born. No plans sound good, I'm not doing the best at keeping up with friend emails, and I feel a little mentally checked out of life. And I've considered shopping online for moo-moos due to the comfort factor. If I am overdue I will absolutely buy and flaunt a moo moo for you, don't worry. Real clothes are for the birds. Non-pregnant birds.

-I also think I might be losing my marbles (which you already know by now if you've made it this far into the post). One minute all I want to do is bounce on all of the exercise balls in my vicinity, walk until I drop, and somehow force this child out of my body. The next minute I feel very relaxed and grateful for this calm before the storm of a third baby entering our lives. And then I just want to sleep forever to bank on the deprivation we will feel shortly. And then I worry about not enjoying this 'experience' enough, and that I'll miss pregnancy dearly when it's over. After all of those thoughts pass through my brain in 2 seconds, I'm back to feeling annoyed about the effort it takes to pick up a dropped fork. I might even fight back tears at some point 'just because'. Ah, good times.

Enough!!


Comparison:
At 39 weeks with Cecelia: I was doubting my body's ability to birth a baby without induction, bummed after my 38 week appointment with no cervical changes, and timing semi-painful contractions regularly. SOUNDS FREAKING FAMILIAR. All deja-vu except my cervix is changing a bit, and I've gained less (31 pounds vs. 36 pounds) with a larger/rounder/higher belly this time around.  But don't worry, those miniature Heath bars will be the death of me and since I'm mentally 'done' with this pregnancy, I pretty much can't stop eating all of the junk food. Because, why not? Wouldn't be surprised if Thursday's OB appointment is a scale shocker.

Also, really not into these final comparison shots because I think my belly is currently a lot bigger and lower than portrayed via photos. But whatever. Last comparisons!


Okay, can definitely tell this boy is housing the uterus differently than his sister here.


Definitely more baby at the top of the bump this time. And excuse the milk---it was my 'fruit of the week' last time.


If you don't remember (because I barely did): I went into labor with CC at 39w4d, timing a few contractions at 10pm. We reluctantly got to the hospital at 4am the next morning (unsure if I'd be turned away for lack of progress), and I had her in my arms by 8am at 39w5d. So if baby boy is not here on Sunday, someone send an SOS for my mental sanity. Staying pregnant longer my second time versus my first time wasn't TOO horrible (until the last four days) since I was induced two weeks early with Truman. I mean, with Cecelia I was just happy to avoid pre-eclampsia and the final 'most pregnant I've ever been' days were tolerable. But if I stay pregnant the longest on this third time? Torture. No, just no.

And so, my friends? Today would be an awesome birthday for this boy. Tomorrow is my last day of work. Thursday is my next (and last scheduled) OB appointment. Friday is the holiday and after that I just don't know anymore. I really want him here by my due date and actually, wouldn't 7/7/14 be a sweet birthday, too? I've had both of my kids on a Monday, so if I *have* to wait for 'lucky sevens', I suppose I could.

Just do the next thing. The end.

Baby #3: 38 weeks

6.24.14: Two more weeks until my due date!!



OB appointment update: no big changes in the cervix-region. In fact, with this internal I think she was about to tell me I'm 'totally closed up', but then I was like, 'huh, that is weird since you said I was a 1cm last week.' To which she replied, 'A very tight 1cm then.' Ha! It really doesn't matter to me and unless I was found to be hanging out at a 3cm or something, I wouldn't have cared much either way. That would have been really cool and different! Again, I just don't seem to dilate much (or at all) until right during labor. I am 50% effaced now, though, which is something. Again, with Truman I was induced and had no cervical changes whatsoever before he shot out of there with 2 days of pitocin coursing through my veins. With Cecelia I was 0cm and 75% effaced two days before I had her (quickly!). So whatever, I guess.

His heart rate was 132, he's still head down, measured on track, and was kicking me like crazy the entire appointment. Me? My blood pressure was good, I'm up 30 pounds, and guess who is three for three for being Group B Strep positive? This girl! Meh. All that really means is that I should get to the hospital sooner than later when in labor, just to have some of the antibiotics. Remember: last two labors I was also GBS positive and only got one out of the four bags of IV antibiotics, and both kids were fine. My OB says there is a 1% chance of the baby getting a serious pneumonia or respiratory issues if the full amount of antibiotics are not received during the delivery. So I'm not too concerned and will just do the best I can to get to the hospital when I'm 100% sure I'm in labor and won't be turned away.

(shadow tricks--3pm makes for a giant belly)




Which reminds me: last week I found a drafted blog post that I used to journal all of my inner most thoughts at the very end of Cecelia's pregnancy. I started babbling about the fun of The End at 39w2d and continued through 39w4d when I officially went into labor at home and doubted every second of it. Ahhh, just reading back over those thoughts brought me back to the magical, crazy, scary, exciting time of labor and delivery. I mean, it can all change SO QUICKLY....I had no early labor signs, really, just started timing contractions that weren't too painful (sounds familiar) around 10pm and had her in my arms by 8am. Craziness. Cannot. Wait.

Actually, I will say this for my current mental state: I am not d-o-n-e yet. I have not hit the wall, like I thought I was reaching last week. The weather has been cooler, I haven't been having as many contractions lately, and I am not quite as 'could this be it?' every second of every loooooong day. Don't get me wrong: I feel ready. I want to meet this boy. And it's like a switch has been flipped now that I am 38 weeks---he can come anytime now and I will be less worried about his readiness. BUT. He is going to come when he is good and ready, so for now I'm mostly relaxed about it and not slamming pineapple cores or eating super spicy food to evict this child from the womb. Yet. It probably fluctuates by the hour, though;)

(still not looking all that pregs from the front, but for sure knocked up with the side view)




This is a peek into my brain for this entire pregnancy:

Weeks 5-12--->Holy crap, please stick, please stick, please be healthy, please show a heart beat, holy crap, I feel like crap, is this really happening? I'm tired, naps are the best, I might puke, please stick.

Weeks 13-28-->Holy crap, is this really happening? I'm really pregnant, I'm starving, please be healthy, please be healthy, please be healthy, holy crap, grow baby, grow.

Weeks 29-38--> Holy crap, this is really happening, please don't come too early, please don't come too early, please be healthy, I'm tired, grow baby, grow.

Weeks 38+ -->Holy crap, any day now, come on out baby, please start labor, please start labor, but I'm not ready yet, I'm ready now, I'm not ready yet, I cannot wait to meet him, I'm huge, I'm not so huge, I'm tired, I'm so so so tired, I'm ready, I'm scared, I'm happy, I'm sad, I'm a mess. Please come out now.

It's so strange and so surreal to be at this stage of pregnancy. He could come tonight and he could come in two more weeks. NOBODY KNOWS and it's insane to have something as monumental as birthing a tiny human being as a 'maybe' each day. Messes with this Type A mind, because I have no control and I dislike that feeling quite a bit;)

So yeah, mentally I'm playing the mind game of the final weeks of pregnancy. A bit moody and lacking patience, for sure, but hanging in there. The kids seemed especially testy last week and really pushed a lot of buttons on my parenting switch board---some buttons I didn't know I had. I mean, my normally sweet, happy, lets-all-get-along children seemed to fight like mortal enemies all.day.long. Picking on each other, refusing to listen, lots of tears, time-outs, etc...fun times. It's either my lack of patience that fueled this naughtiness or they can sense change in the air. Or it was just a bad week. Here's hoping!

Physically I'm just really freaking tired. Like, first trimester-going-to-pass-out-mid-sentence tired. In fact, on Sunday I had to take a 1.5 hour nap at 10:30 am randomly. I slept HARD and dreamed and everything---very odd since I felt fine right before then, but it hit me and I had to sleeeeeeep. I find that I can't be too active with the kids for longer than an hour or so before I get crampy and notice more contractions. My back/rib feels better but isn't totally healed----maybe I'm just getting used to that type of pain? I really cannot wait to lay on my stomach again.

(Erin and I, 30 weeks versus 38 weeks. Likely our last comparison shot!! Will miss being pregnant with her but not *too* much when I have this baby to hold and she is going through the brutal final weeks.)



Baby boy feels so LOW it's nuts. I think I've dropped, am noticing more and more sharp 'zingers', and yet his movement hasn't slowed down a bit. Strong little bugger in there, I think! I'm peeing all of the time, including at least once at night. It's pretty good sleep I'm getting but I really hate that 'explosive bladder' feeling that wakes me up around 4-5am each day. I'm a little hungrier lately and cannot get enough watermelon or Bomb Pops. Mmmmmmm.

I've decided that when I'm done with work (July 2, baby!), I might have a better mental outlook on life. Work is very difficult for me right now. It just takes everything I have, both mentally and physically, and it feels like it's one extra ball to juggle---I have very limited ball juggling abilities at this stage of pregnancy/summer/two kids/etc. I am worthless on work days after about 4pm and on my days home I can make it until about 8pm before my worth is lost. Once I'm on maternity leave, assuming baby boy is not yet here, I hope I feel extra relaxed and can just wait with a zen attitude/less exhaustion.  I wish I could be finished RIGHT NOW, trust me, but four more work days and I'm there. One day at a time, man.

Comments of the week:
-''Are you SURE that's a boy in there?'' Yes, thank you.
-"You look tired." Thank you.
-"Your belly looks like a pancake." -Truman one morning staring at my bare belly (?)
-"You look like you could be pregnant for two more months." Agggghhhhhhhh, noooooooo!
-"Why three kids? Most people have two or four. With three, there will always be someone left out." Huh? Haven't heard that one before and I feel like a lot of families have three.
-"That baby looks REALLY small." Didn't know you had xray vision to see how big my babies are, thankyouverymuch.

And this would be why I do NOT feel small, most of the time. Major change from my pre-pregnancy self, and even from week 17...when I happened to wear the same shirt as now. Hahahahaha. Wow. My hair is getting longer, too! Boobs/belly/butt = woah.



My predictions/in a perfect world:
If I had my way, I think I'd like to have baby boy this weekend. Or maybe July 1. That seems like a fantastic birthday to me! I'd be exactly 39 weeks, Truman was a first-of-the-month baby, and we could be home from the hospital by the Fourth of July. I predict that I will go into labor in the evening since I always feel so many more contractions/labor-could-be-coming vibes at night. It could even happen some evening after work since that's when I'm cashed out completely. I think it will go pretty quickly once it actually happens, and I really hope that I can enjoy my final labor and delivery experience without a lot of anxiety/pain/negativity that sometimes creeps into those intense moments before/after birth. There is just so much that can go wrong and I haven't felt a lot of panic this time around until right now. Maybe it's just because we are so close and this pregnancy has been so calm----keeping my head in the game, trusting that all is well with mister man, and looking forward to holding him in my arms. Soon.

Or I could play the guessing game for another two weeks and be overdue by the end of it. I know. Torture. We will see, no point in trying to plan just yet....because no matter what he is coming SOON, you guys!!!


Highlights of last week:
Treating myself to a fabulous mani/pedi for no reason but because I'm super pregnant and treats are a must right now. Quick pool dates with the whole family both on Tues and Friday evenings. Walking to the Farmers Market Saturday morning, a coffee shop Sunday morning, ice cream Saturday night...lots of walking and fresh air! Starbucks alone time with my laptop on Thursday. Cleaning and organizing the house, as always. And lots of progress made in the basement remodel!


Comparisons:

At 38 weeks with Truman, I birthed him! I was in labor for almost two full days but out he came. I remember taking this picture the night before we went to the hospital---definitely retaining fluid with the high BP and oh, first time belly was so 'flat' looking to me! There was a 7lb10oz baby in there, you guys. And now his brother is just chilling out inside, getting ready to meet us. Sigh. (Totally wore this shirt on purpose this time, remembering I wore it at 38 weeks with T).



At 38 weeks with Cecelia: marveling that my BP was still good and I was the most pregnant I had ever been. I had a growth US because CC suddenly measured behind, but all was well. Jealous that I got to see her again! I guess I got growth ultrasounds with both babies before birth, but not this time (so far). The fatigue, cervical and ovary zingers, LOW feeling belly, and weight gain are all identical to this time around. I guess somehow I managed to hang in there for another 11 days even though I really hoped to go 'soon' and 'early'. Very reassuring to read this! I still think this third time belly is a little rounder on top and bigger than last time but it's hard to say for sure. Wish I would have worn the same shirt with CC as I did with T and this baby!


And because it's fun, the last weekly pictures I will have from all three pregnancies together:


Or black and white, bare bellies if you prefer:


Had Truman technically a few days before that picture, Cecelia came 11 days later, and WHO KNOWS about Baby 3? Isn't it interesting to see how differently my bump can be with each child? So much flatter and higher with Truman, then low and round on bottom with CC, and now round on top and I think a little bigger. Also: gained 43 lbs/36 lbs/30 lbs at each of these points. And of course boy/girl/boy. I love comparison shots----can't do another one of all three bellies after today!