It's official. At 13.5 months, Truman has taken his first steps!! Sure, it's only about 5-6 in a row at this point. He definitely prefers to crawl as his primary mode of locomotion. And really, he only does his new walking trick when the mood hits him just right. But no matter what, this is a HUGE milestone to hit for any baby and it deserves it's own post right now.
On Monday, we noticed that Truman was doing a great job with his balance as he walked between the ottoman and couches. For a few weeks now he would get to the point where he'd want to let go of one surface to make the trek across the room to the other. But he was scared and cautious and always preferred to hold our hands, and we happily obliged. Then on Monday we noticed he would make the journey without our hands and better yet---he wouldn't even fall forward, face planting into the couch! I whipped out the iPhone for some video action feeling like although this milestone felt a little ambiguous, not carved out in stone for an exact date, it seemed like he was taking his first steps.
And then tonight, on Tuesday, we noticed that he was REALLY into making these little trips between furniture. And just within one day he has already doubled the distance he can tackle. To say that we are proud first time parents is a huge understatement, obviously.
Truman has never been a fan of walking with rolling toys, it's just not his thing. But at the end of that clip you'll see we tried it out again and he apparently loves to pull the thing backwards, at least!
While I was filming all of these videos it started to hit me: "My baby boy is walking!" I immediately got choked up as I stared at my growing son, realizing he is just working so hard at becoming a big boy now. I mean, how awesome is it that he is trying his hardest to walk? It just boggles my mind how fast they change and how every baby is so different and yet, so similar. Of course I knew he'd start walking one day but we didn't want to make it a big deal. And now we are here, on the verge of having a true toddler, and I just can't take the sense of pride. Do you see how proud he is of himself in those videos? Heartwarming.
Tonight after he did his walking tricks over and over again, we got ready for bed as always. Bath, jammies, books, bottle. I laid him down to sleep and instead of hearing him talk for a few minutes then passing out I heard him start to cry. The REAL cry. Like, 'Something is wrong' cry. Nate and I sort of looked at each other and wondered what was wrong, since Truman hasn't done this sort of thing in ages.
So I went back in his room armed with more milk, thinking maybe he was still hungry. He didn't want the milk and I was sort of at a loss. So I just picked him up, carried him to the rocker, and sat there as he laid his head on my chest. His little cheek against my collar bone, his left arm holding onto Monkey for dear life while his right arm wrapped around my left arm. He was cuddling with me, simply breathing in and out while resting on his mama, and it was the most precious thing I've experienced in many months. I rocked with him, humming him a tune, trying not to cry AGAIN, as I wondered how in the world I ever got so lucky to be this child's mother.
We rocked and he snuggled into me some more, turning his head every now and then to readjust himself. After awhile he started to perk up again, although I thought he had gone to sleep. He pulled his head off my chest and stared up at me with those big hazel eyes as if to say, 'Oh, hi, Mom!'. Then he started to laugh with the biggest grin ever. He kept laying his head back down then lifting it up again to laugh, over and over again. Is it possible that this child knew I was feeling sad about my baby boy growing up before my very eyes? Maybe he knew I needed some cuddle time, to reassure me that I am still needed and he still loves his mama. And after the giggles came the best part ever: he lifted his head off my skin, tilted his head back, opened his mouth a bit, and requested a genuine kiss from me. Not once, but about five times. I can't remember the last time he offered a kiss without me begging for it and of course I soaked in that moment with every ounce of my being.
I'd love to say that after our special moment together he drifted off to sleep in my arms. But instead, he woke back up and got squirmy so I decided to try laying him down again. After a little bit of rebellion he did finally fall asleep and I am left with the sweetest memory of my big baby boy, working so hard during the day to be a toddler, and then showing his mommy that he can still cuddle with the best of them.
I am so blessed it really hurts my heart sometimes. Thank you, God, for this gift of motherhood. It's moments like these that are worth every single second of the hard times.
Balancing Act
I've been feeling very reflective lately, especially when it comes to my journey as a working mom and all the ups and downs that came along for the ride. I'm sure it has something to do with my brand new job being awesome and only requiring three days a week from me (although I'm still doing that extra half day on Thursdays at the old job, too). But I feel like I have to share my thoughts on this one.
During my maternity leave with Truman I was literally panicked about returning to work. I just didn't think I could muster up the strength to leave my precious bundle of squishiness all day long. The typical phrases like, 'Leaving the baby with strangers,' and 'Paying for someone else to raise your child,' and 'You'll miss out on so much,' are like daggers in the heart to any working mom. I dug myself into a hole of 'I can't do it, it will be too hard,' within the first month of being home with Truman. And as the 12 week countdown continued my anxiety increased exponentially, although I made a conscious effort to enjoy each day and not spend time worrying about the end of the blissful time off. The week before I returned was the hardest: the anticipation was absolutely horrendous and I just couldn't stop crying about it. But you know what? My first day back to work was honestly not as bad as I had made it out to be in my mind. I tell every single new mom who plans to return to work that the anticipation is one hundred times worse than the reality of it. Or at least it was for me.
But then again, it was still SO hard to feel like my heart was being pulled in two different directions. I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom with every ounce of my being and it just simply was not an option. As the breadwinner, insurance carrier, and sole income I had no choice but to work to provide for my family: a fact that I was well aware of before we had Truman, and something that I totally signed up for when I wanted to have a baby before Nate was finished with school. And yet, I'd be lying if I said that those first few months back to work were easy because they absolutely were not. My heart wanted to be at home and my mind knew it was ridiculous to think about that idea. I was tired from lack of sleep, working on my feet all day, pumping a ridiculous amount of milk from my body, and trying to juggle it all in the evenings, too. It was hard and I constantly dreamed of a day I could stay at home forever.
And then something weird happened: I took another job in a flexible setting, that allowed me to work only 30 hours a week instead of the 36 I was putting in before. I didn't have to work every other weekend anymore. And I was almost always finished for the day by 4 at the absolute latest. All of a sudden my mindset changed and I started to feel the swing towards the 'mommy' role in me, moving away from the 'PT' role as my primary title. Truman also started sleeping through the night around that time (finally!) and I'm sure that had something to do with the new ray of sunshine coming out of my rear. Sleep makes everything better you know.
Then a little bit after the holidays I got a call from another home health company and I took a leap of faith to make yet another job change. I definitely made the right decision although it was a tough one and now I'm in a place where I can feasibly work just 20 hours a week if I so choose. Amazing, right? I have not felt this balanced when it comes to my PT career and my mommy career since....ever. It's just so nice to have the ability to bring home a paycheck, wear that PT hat and help others in need, and then have some recoup time at home with mister man afterward. I am incredibly blessed to be in this position and feel totally at peace with where I am in the working mom world right now. It sure did take awhile though, and it sure as heck wasn't easy along the way.
I'm not saying that working moms have it harder than stay at home moms by any means. I know that just using the words 'working mom' that will surely stir up some defensive thoughts from the moms who work hard inside their homes, raising their children. I hate that it always seems to be working moms versus stay-at-home moms because we really don't have to be on opposite teams. I'd like to think that I am truly split down the middle on this one, working 3.5 days and home 3.5 days per week. I give mad props to SAHMs out there and if anything, my new part time career woman/part time mommy gig has really broadened my view on both sides of the coin. Neither camp has it harder than the other. Neither has it easier. But they are just different with their own sets of challenges, mommy-guilt, and rewards.
For instance: on my days off with Truman I am in LOVE with the fact that we do not have to answer to the clock. We don't have to rush through our morning to hurry out the door to make it to daycare/work on time. But on those days I have to be totally on top of my game to keep little man entertained and out of trouble. Gone are the days when I could plop him on the activity mat and let him bat around a shiny object for an hour. Yes, it definitely gets harder as time goes on.
In case I haven't put this sentence in enough twinkling lights lately, 'NATE GRADUATES NEXT MONTH!!' and I simply cannot believe our time has come to have two salaries. Of course, part of me likes to toy with the idea of saying, 'Okay, honey. Your turn to work and now I'd like to stay at home, okay?' But in reality, we have financial goals for our family that include buying a home, having more babies, continuing to save for emergencies and for the future, and possibly get a new car someday. I just can't see us reaching all of those goals on one salary and so I'm basically committed to continuing my three day work week. I think Nate wants to get that in blood but he'll have to settle for my word at this point. We are really going to crunch some numbers this summer once the two paychecks are rolling in to get a feel for what we can and cannot afford. But I've already decided to embrace my part time working mom role as long as our family needs it. Truman loves Lori's daycare, it's so good for him to get the social interaction, I enjoy my job outside of the home, and extra money never hurts. I've come a long way since my maternity leave mindset of 'I cannot handle leaving my baby with strangers' and I'm proud of this evolution.
And by the way: daycare workers don't have to be perceived as 'strangers.' Once you put some effort towards getting to know them, and if you have the right daycare provider, they will start to seem like a part of the parenting team and not at all like outsiders. The term 'strangers' in regards to daycare really bugs me in case you couldn't tell. I think daycare workers have the toughest job of all---and it's quite possible that no matter how good they are, they will never live up to a mother's standards for their children. I tell Lori all of the time that she has big shoes to fill because I am definitely one of those moms who wants things done my way and I really believe I know my child better than anyone. As time goes on I see that it's completely healthy for Truman to have another authority figure in his life beside family and I am grateful for our daycare situation, for sure. Enough rambling about daycare....pretty important subject around here I guess!
I'll end this tangent with some new pictures of my growing boy. I seriously think he looks like he's 16 years old in this baseball hat and summer outfit. Sigh.
Oh, and then there's this new fave---my new computer desktop:
Hopefully there are some working moms out there who find comfort in the idea that you really can feel balanced in your life roles. It definitely helps to drop to part time, though, if that is an option for you. :)
During my maternity leave with Truman I was literally panicked about returning to work. I just didn't think I could muster up the strength to leave my precious bundle of squishiness all day long. The typical phrases like, 'Leaving the baby with strangers,' and 'Paying for someone else to raise your child,' and 'You'll miss out on so much,' are like daggers in the heart to any working mom. I dug myself into a hole of 'I can't do it, it will be too hard,' within the first month of being home with Truman. And as the 12 week countdown continued my anxiety increased exponentially, although I made a conscious effort to enjoy each day and not spend time worrying about the end of the blissful time off. The week before I returned was the hardest: the anticipation was absolutely horrendous and I just couldn't stop crying about it. But you know what? My first day back to work was honestly not as bad as I had made it out to be in my mind. I tell every single new mom who plans to return to work that the anticipation is one hundred times worse than the reality of it. Or at least it was for me.
But then again, it was still SO hard to feel like my heart was being pulled in two different directions. I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom with every ounce of my being and it just simply was not an option. As the breadwinner, insurance carrier, and sole income I had no choice but to work to provide for my family: a fact that I was well aware of before we had Truman, and something that I totally signed up for when I wanted to have a baby before Nate was finished with school. And yet, I'd be lying if I said that those first few months back to work were easy because they absolutely were not. My heart wanted to be at home and my mind knew it was ridiculous to think about that idea. I was tired from lack of sleep, working on my feet all day, pumping a ridiculous amount of milk from my body, and trying to juggle it all in the evenings, too. It was hard and I constantly dreamed of a day I could stay at home forever.
And then something weird happened: I took another job in a flexible setting, that allowed me to work only 30 hours a week instead of the 36 I was putting in before. I didn't have to work every other weekend anymore. And I was almost always finished for the day by 4 at the absolute latest. All of a sudden my mindset changed and I started to feel the swing towards the 'mommy' role in me, moving away from the 'PT' role as my primary title. Truman also started sleeping through the night around that time (finally!) and I'm sure that had something to do with the new ray of sunshine coming out of my rear. Sleep makes everything better you know.
Then a little bit after the holidays I got a call from another home health company and I took a leap of faith to make yet another job change. I definitely made the right decision although it was a tough one and now I'm in a place where I can feasibly work just 20 hours a week if I so choose. Amazing, right? I have not felt this balanced when it comes to my PT career and my mommy career since....ever. It's just so nice to have the ability to bring home a paycheck, wear that PT hat and help others in need, and then have some recoup time at home with mister man afterward. I am incredibly blessed to be in this position and feel totally at peace with where I am in the working mom world right now. It sure did take awhile though, and it sure as heck wasn't easy along the way.
I'm not saying that working moms have it harder than stay at home moms by any means. I know that just using the words 'working mom' that will surely stir up some defensive thoughts from the moms who work hard inside their homes, raising their children. I hate that it always seems to be working moms versus stay-at-home moms because we really don't have to be on opposite teams. I'd like to think that I am truly split down the middle on this one, working 3.5 days and home 3.5 days per week. I give mad props to SAHMs out there and if anything, my new part time career woman/part time mommy gig has really broadened my view on both sides of the coin. Neither camp has it harder than the other. Neither has it easier. But they are just different with their own sets of challenges, mommy-guilt, and rewards.
For instance: on my days off with Truman I am in LOVE with the fact that we do not have to answer to the clock. We don't have to rush through our morning to hurry out the door to make it to daycare/work on time. But on those days I have to be totally on top of my game to keep little man entertained and out of trouble. Gone are the days when I could plop him on the activity mat and let him bat around a shiny object for an hour. Yes, it definitely gets harder as time goes on.
In case I haven't put this sentence in enough twinkling lights lately, 'NATE GRADUATES NEXT MONTH!!' and I simply cannot believe our time has come to have two salaries. Of course, part of me likes to toy with the idea of saying, 'Okay, honey. Your turn to work and now I'd like to stay at home, okay?' But in reality, we have financial goals for our family that include buying a home, having more babies, continuing to save for emergencies and for the future, and possibly get a new car someday. I just can't see us reaching all of those goals on one salary and so I'm basically committed to continuing my three day work week. I think Nate wants to get that in blood but he'll have to settle for my word at this point. We are really going to crunch some numbers this summer once the two paychecks are rolling in to get a feel for what we can and cannot afford. But I've already decided to embrace my part time working mom role as long as our family needs it. Truman loves Lori's daycare, it's so good for him to get the social interaction, I enjoy my job outside of the home, and extra money never hurts. I've come a long way since my maternity leave mindset of 'I cannot handle leaving my baby with strangers' and I'm proud of this evolution.
And by the way: daycare workers don't have to be perceived as 'strangers.' Once you put some effort towards getting to know them, and if you have the right daycare provider, they will start to seem like a part of the parenting team and not at all like outsiders. The term 'strangers' in regards to daycare really bugs me in case you couldn't tell. I think daycare workers have the toughest job of all---and it's quite possible that no matter how good they are, they will never live up to a mother's standards for their children. I tell Lori all of the time that she has big shoes to fill because I am definitely one of those moms who wants things done my way and I really believe I know my child better than anyone. As time goes on I see that it's completely healthy for Truman to have another authority figure in his life beside family and I am grateful for our daycare situation, for sure. Enough rambling about daycare....pretty important subject around here I guess!
I'll end this tangent with some new pictures of my growing boy. I seriously think he looks like he's 16 years old in this baseball hat and summer outfit. Sigh.
Oh, and then there's this new fave---my new computer desktop:
Hopefully there are some working moms out there who find comfort in the idea that you really can feel balanced in your life roles. It definitely helps to drop to part time, though, if that is an option for you. :)
A little bit overdone
Major accomplishment over here, folks. I finally finished Truman's first year album and I just have to gush about it a bit.
You see, I've always been really into documenting life in photobooks. I scrapbooked my life since age 15 and have a yearly album starting with high school all the way through 2009. I switched to digital scrapbooking in 2008 and have never looked back and even had my own little side business for a bit making wedding albums for others. So basically, all that is to say I really really like photo albums. :)
I turned a lot of my blog posts into pages with our family yearly albums in 2008 and 2009. Then I did a whole 'pregnancy journal' book compiling all of my pregnancy posts and pictures into one fatty book. I knew I had to do a baby book for Truman but I honestly felt rather overwhelmed with this project because of the sheer number of pictures (I think I took over 10,000 in the first year of life) and blog posts (can't even count them anymore) dedicated to Truman.
During my maternity leave I took the plunge and started Truman's album. I used lots of blog posts and even some personal journaling I did in Word those first few weeks. I didn't want to forget a second of that newborn magical time and also I succeeded in taking a ridiculous amount of pictures to commemorate it. I'd work on this album periodically, mostly in spurts. I would get really far behind, by months and months, and then I'd focus on catching up to the present moment. By Truman's first birthday I was caught up to November which wasn't too shabby.
And now? I have officially completed the largest, most ridiculous baby book ever. It has 174 pages in it. It's a 11x13 size and huge and rather pricey but I absolutely love it, you guys. I am so glad I took the time to do this for Truman but also, selfishly, for me. A few spreads for your viewing pleasure---pretty colors, my baby boy's face, and lots of pictures!
I'll try to post a link to an edited down preview version here. There are 'only' 81 pages I selected here so that your eyes don't actually bleed from staring at the screen.
Oh, and major shout out to Blurb yet again. I love this company so much and have never regretted using them as my only choice in albums. You cannot beat their quality for the price and apparently they are MUCH quicker than they used to be for printing and shipping. I got the book in my hands within a week of hitting the 'purchase' button and I know I used to wait for 2 weeks when I was whipping out wedding albums like nobody's business.
So anyway, that is that. I really think a lot of moms get overwhelmed by the idea of making a photobook for the baby years and I totally get that. But my best advice is just to take the plunge and get started. It doesn't have to be fancy, it doesn't have to have a million pictures or a ton of text---anything you do will be special.
And with that I better get started on the second year album asap... :)
You see, I've always been really into documenting life in photobooks. I scrapbooked my life since age 15 and have a yearly album starting with high school all the way through 2009. I switched to digital scrapbooking in 2008 and have never looked back and even had my own little side business for a bit making wedding albums for others. So basically, all that is to say I really really like photo albums. :)
I turned a lot of my blog posts into pages with our family yearly albums in 2008 and 2009. Then I did a whole 'pregnancy journal' book compiling all of my pregnancy posts and pictures into one fatty book. I knew I had to do a baby book for Truman but I honestly felt rather overwhelmed with this project because of the sheer number of pictures (I think I took over 10,000 in the first year of life) and blog posts (can't even count them anymore) dedicated to Truman.
During my maternity leave I took the plunge and started Truman's album. I used lots of blog posts and even some personal journaling I did in Word those first few weeks. I didn't want to forget a second of that newborn magical time and also I succeeded in taking a ridiculous amount of pictures to commemorate it. I'd work on this album periodically, mostly in spurts. I would get really far behind, by months and months, and then I'd focus on catching up to the present moment. By Truman's first birthday I was caught up to November which wasn't too shabby.
And now? I have officially completed the largest, most ridiculous baby book ever. It has 174 pages in it. It's a 11x13 size and huge and rather pricey but I absolutely love it, you guys. I am so glad I took the time to do this for Truman but also, selfishly, for me. A few spreads for your viewing pleasure---pretty colors, my baby boy's face, and lots of pictures!
I'll try to post a link to an edited down preview version here. There are 'only' 81 pages I selected here so that your eyes don't actually bleed from staring at the screen.Oh, and major shout out to Blurb yet again. I love this company so much and have never regretted using them as my only choice in albums. You cannot beat their quality for the price and apparently they are MUCH quicker than they used to be for printing and shipping. I got the book in my hands within a week of hitting the 'purchase' button and I know I used to wait for 2 weeks when I was whipping out wedding albums like nobody's business.
So anyway, that is that. I really think a lot of moms get overwhelmed by the idea of making a photobook for the baby years and I totally get that. But my best advice is just to take the plunge and get started. It doesn't have to be fancy, it doesn't have to have a million pictures or a ton of text---anything you do will be special.
And with that I better get started on the second year album asap... :)
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