Thirty-Nine weeks: 5.23.12
Photo Thoughts: Feeling very lazy with self-portraits in the mirror this time. And my belly is pretty freaking big.
Size of baby: Supposedly a watermelon but since I did that last week, I got creative with a gallon of milk. I always tell my patients who have a lift restriction that a gallon of milk is 8 pounds. And I figure baby girl is inching up to that point, so there she is. Bonus: the milk matches my shirt and I didn't even plan it:)
Appointment updates: Totally bummed after my 38 week appointment last Thursday. Not dilated at all which isn't really that surprising, I guess, but I was SO hoping for one measly little centimeter. Yes, it could still change in an instant but all that internal exam did was make me doubt my body's abilities to do this thing without Pitocin. I mean, with Truman I had to be induced for TWO WHOLE DAYS when my body failed me with high-blood pressure. Then with my miscarriage my body had no freaking clue that the baby had died and even after Cytotek, it couldn't clear everything out and I needed surgery. So maybe I'm in a bad mental place right now but it certainly feels like my body is letting me down again with lack of progress. Stupid cervix. Don't fail me now!
I realize that I'm so incredibly lucky to be carrying a healthy baby at 39 weeks and really, who cares if I do have to be induced in the end to get her out. I don't want this whine-fest to come across as me being ungrateful for the last days/weeks of this pregnancy, because I definitely still love being pregnant. I am not 'done' with pregnancy by any means but I just want to meet baby girl so badly, I can taste it. And this is just another lesson in patience and surrendering control in my life. Two things that are always on my 'work in progress' list. I know she will be here and I'll forget a lot about this anxiety and anticipation but for now, I want to hold my baby and start our life together. But I'm not so hormonally charged that I am losing sight of the biggest goal of all: a healthy baby, no matter how she comes and when she comes. But dang, would it be so horrible for her to come a little early? :)
My OB said that if I'm dilated at all at my 39 week appointment on Friday she will sweep my membranes and we can talk about a possible induction at that time. I'm really struggling with what I will decide about an induction because it's one of the main things I wanted to avoid this time around. BUT, Nate has taken off all of next week and that is the only full week he'll get. Which means, if baby girl decides to be overdue and I'm still pregnant all next week, Nate has wasted a week off work and I will be even more frustrated. And then I won't get extra help from my husband when we get home from the hospital, although I'm sure my mom could come up and help me out that first week if Nate has to work. But really, I am praying like crazy that she does come sometime between now and her due date just to maximize our family time together.
I want to be all zen and relaxed and 'the baby will come whenever she is ready' but at the same time, I really want my husband to be there for the first days at home. Is that totally crazy of me? What would you do---set an induction for right around your due date to fit into your plans or push it to 41 weeks, knowing that you'd miss that window of your partner's help? I really don't think I'm comfortable going past 41 weeks no matter what and I plan to ask my OB her opinion, too. Maybe if I didn't doubt my body's capabilities I could be fine with waiting it out. I just never thought I'd be facing a decision like this. And yes, I realize that I'm not even overdue yet but I just have a bad feeling about this and will have to make some decisions this Friday. I think if I wasn't having so many annoying false alarm contractions I'd be totally fine but mentally, it's wearing on me to always think that THIS COULD BE IT and then it's not.
Cravings/Diet: Not really into food lately. Except for sugar of course, since I can ALWAYS save room for dessert.
What I love: Despite my whining in this post, I really do love being pregnant in general. I will miss it and I can honestly say I'm not super uncomfortable or anything. I still love the belly, feeling her kick inside of me, and dare I say it---this anticipation is actually sort of fun, aside from the times that it makes me feel like a crazy hormonal loon. Which might be 90% of the time but whatevs. I also love telling people that I'm due 'next week'. Talk about making it real.
What I'm looking forward to the most: Her birthday. Plain and simple.
Worries: Just that my body will never go into labor on it's own. Or that something could go wrong with the delivery. Or that I might be pregnant forever. You know, the norm at this stage in the game.
What is different this time around: I'm still pregnant at 39 weeks instead of having my child out for a whole week at this point. Pretty different, I'd say.
Symptoms: So many 'practice' contractions, so little time. I am not exaggerating when I say that I've had timeable, strong-ish contractions every single night for the past week or two. And actually, I can remember the first night I timed contractions and that was way back at 28 weeks, so this is nothing new. But the other night they got to be 4-6 minutes apart and were about a 2/10 on the pain scale with cramps, too. I was cautiously optimistic that they could be a sign of something real starting but go figure, they stopped when I went to bed. Just like always. Other than some wicked BH contractions, I wouldn't say I'm having many other symptoms. I did notice my toes swell the other day after painting barefooted for a good 3 hours. And those zingers in the vag are no joke, either. Oh, and I did switch to my fake set of wedding rings because it's getting hotter outside and my real rings were tough to remove some nights. Yep, definitely at the end of this pregnancy.
Sleep: Not as great, but not awful, either. Up at least one time to pee now and then I feel like I toss and turn from about 3am until we wake at 6am. I really miss sleeping on my stomach, by the way.
Movement: She is still a crazy girl in there, up high and down low and very consistently during her favorite times of the day. I know she is running out of room in there so I'm not sure how she manages to kick me so hard sometimes. Silly little girl. Why don't you just come out to meet us and then you'd have all the room in the world!?
The belly: Large. Round. And still no stretch marks. That might be enough to send me over the edge at this point, so here's hoping they stay away for now.
Milestones: Um, she's really big and basically fully cooked. And making it to 39 weeks, a whole week past my pregnancy with Truman, is a milestone in itself.
Amusing comments from the general public: 'Wait, you are due next Tuesday? But you are sooooo tiny!' It never gets old, people. I finally said, 'Thank you!' really enthusiastically one day, just to try that on for a response and it sort of felt good. Like, 'Hi, I realize I'm not as big as a house, thanks for noticing, and I'll take that as a compliment even if you didn't mean it that way.'
Best moment of the week: The weekend was full of glorious sunshiny weather so we took lots of family walks (ie Get The Baby Out Walks) and had so much fun spending time together. I love our little family of three and the only thing better will be enjoying our time as a family of four (er, five if you include Henry dog).