32

Today I am 32 years old.

Wow. I can't decide if I feel much older or much younger than this number, but thirty two just doesn't seem right to me. I have officially reached the age when I draw a blank when someone asks me how old I am. My initial reaction is to always say '29' but obviously my brain hasn't registered the fact that years are passing by at record speeds. Maybe I'm in denial, clinging to my twenties. Maybe mommy brain is to blame. After all, when I was actually turning 29 years old I had just become a mother. I remember that birthday well; Truman was smiling at me in his tie onesie outfit. Ah, maternity leave. You were so amazing, as was his chub.



Then there was the big 3-0, otherwise known as the miscarriage birthday--when we found out the worst news possible the day before my day. Can't forget that one. Compared to last year when I turned 31 and was about thirty-five weeks pregnant with Cecelia and we had just moved into our new house? What a difference a year makes. Twenty-nine, thirty, thirty-one....and here we are at thirty-two.

My motherhood years are a blur of sleepless nights, nap schedules, milestones, and moments of such intense happiness that all of the lows melt away in retrospect. I wouldn't trade these childbearing and little kid years for anything even though they haven't always been easy. Was there ever a time I wasn't their mom? I guess so. But I honestly don't remember much about that life. I think I've learned more about myself and my values in the past three years more than any of the others combined.





And then there is my role as a wife as we approach our sixth anniversary next month, together for nearly eleven (!) years. Hasn't Nate been the one celebrating my birthday with me every year that I can remember? Saying, 'Happy Birthday, baby!' as soon as I open my eyes on my day? I guess there was a time before he was my guy, but again...I barely recall any birthday wishes without him as the leader.



V.day 2009


Thirty two. It seems so old and yet so young. I like being in my thirties for the most part, aside from the occasional gray hair that sneaks up on me. I don't have it all figured out, like my 18 year old self assumed I would at this age. But I'm content and blessed beyond belief. I'm happy and healthy. I have the life I hoped to have when I was younger and I'm grateful for every year that passes in a blink.

If only I could hold onto this mature, serene viewpoint the next time I totally lose my cool with the ones I love the most. Even my worst days are still pretty good when I step back from the emotional roller coaster a bit to reflect. Perhaps my goal for year thirty two is to chill out and enjoy the ride even more than I already do. Stress and worry less, be more zen. Maybe then the years will stop blowing past me and I will remember my own age.

Or maybe not. But either way life is pretty good at thirty two, even if I think I'm still twenty nine. And these two still think I'm young and hip so it must be true.












Bring it on, thirty two.

Bow Tie Baby Shower

I've attended and planned plenty of baby showers in my days and I am kind of obsessed with the whole concept of a baby shower. Especially for a first baby, it's just so exciting to think about the massive CHANGE a baby will bring for the soon-to-be mommy. I think back about the end of my pregnancy with Truman and smile because life was on the cusp of changing in the most enormous way, and in the best way imaginable. Something about preparing a friend to become a mom makes my heart happy. Also, I love craft projects so showers are right up my alley.

My friend Kim is the last of my St. Louis friends group to have a baby. She is the one who runs Dino Bebe USA, so obviously she is a hip fashionista more than I will ever be. When she and her husband found out they were having a boy, us St. Louis veteran moms knew we had to throw her a shower for this dapper little dude sure to be the best dressed in the midwest;) The theme of 'bow ties' came to mind after we all searched on Pinterest a bit and the party fell into place after that.

Hannah hosted the shower at her house and she pulled out all of the stops with her sewing machine (makes me want to finally take the plunge!), she taught me how to make the most amazing royal icing cookies (and I'm going to try and teach my Milwaukee friends soon), and everyone else chipped in with food, and decor. I was in charge of a low-key 'game' and making a little album to hold cards that guests filled out, placing their guess for baby's birthday and giving Kim well-wishes. It all turned out SO cute that I just have to share this baby shower with you.

Decorating the cookies using the technique on Annie's Eats:


The most adorable baby boy onesies in the history of ever. Hannah sewed these. Yes, I'm being serious. And no, she doesn't have an Etsy shop but she should!!



My measly, travel-friendly contributions:)


The table set ups were my favorite. Love these spring colors and how it all came together.


Oh, HI Cecelia! And food. And more of the tables.


If there was any doubt, Kim is the most adorable pregnant lady ever. Seriously. It's too much.




Well, she is pretty cute, too---for a baby;)


Guests!


Hostesses!


It was seriously so much fun and I was in shock with weather in the 70s. Cecelia and I almost melted. Poor baby in her sweater dress;)

Other pictures from our St. Louis portion of the trip, heavily revolving around Cecelia and Hannah's two adorable girls. Girls everywhere in STL!!










Cecelia's hand on her hip here is cracking me up.


What a trip. I love babies! I love baby showers! I love crafts! And now that this event is over I can really get going on Cecelia's first birthday projects. Love.

It's just a house, right?

26 years ago my parents bought their home in Jefferson City, MO. I haven't actually lived there in the past 14 years because I turned into a big city girl, going to college in St. Louis and then moving to Milwaukee with Nate. But each time I've returned to my childhood home, the comforting scent of this house always hits me like a ton of bricks. Even at 31 years old, with my own little family in my own little home, hundreds of miles away----my parents' house has always been 'home' in a way. Maybe even more so because each trip back home is sort of an event due to the distance, but that house has been a constant in my life. One that holds too many memories to list on this blog today. I'll try anyway.

The birth of my baby brother, grade school homework, high school friends, team dinners, graduation parties...summers back home during college, bringing 'The One' home to meet my parents, wedding planning...holidays with our southerners, introducing my children to mid-MO. It's just too much to wrap my head around at this point. That house is a huge part of my life. The memories from it's walls will stay with me forever but I should have known that I wouldn't be lounging on their couches forever.

When my parents told us they were moving to Colorado I was excited for them, truly. A million thoughts ran through my head and eventually I kept coming back to one thing: I needed to see my childhood home one more time in order to have closure with this big chapter of my life. It worked out for me to extend a previously planned Missouri trip to include a visit to Jeff City. And so I began to prepare myself to say goodbye.

I knew there were a lot of boxes full of my old stuff in the basement but I wasn't expecting seven of them to say 'Julia.' Sorting through those boxes and helping my parents pack up the last 26 years of their lives was hilarious, surprising, exciting and sad. I got my seven boxes down to just one that my mom is going to take with them, and I brought home a few smaller items I wanted to keep for myself. But as I sorted through the boxes I felt the need to document these gems so I never forget.

A diary from age 8-14. Years and years of birthday cards, printed emails, and other 'keepsakes'.


The first form of blogging about myself? ;)


And then a ton of other diaries from high school and beyond. I had no idea I even wrote back then. A lot of the entries were too embarrassing and ridiculous to read. But I found the entry I wrote on 9/11/01 amongst other stunners.


My meticulous account of a Spanish budget from my semester abroad. Before they even used the Euro. Random pictures, and my high school freshman career day brochure---where I attended the Physical Therapy presentation along with Law. Law!! Cannot imagine me ever being a lawyer but it's really cool to think I wanted to be a PT when I was so young.


High school sports were basically my life. Volleyball, Basketball, and getting all A's were all that mattered. And boys. And friends. But mostly sports;)


Hilarious vintage cameras, cassette tapes, and games.


The college years complete with plenty of Bid Day photos. Journals given to me by my loving mother.


Did I mention the random pictures?


While I was there we got a LOT accomplished and the storage part of their basement is less overwhelming for mom.


I spent the last day at the house walking around in a fog, fighting back tears. It's been an amazing place to grow up and I am sad that my kids won't remember GoGo and PoPo's home in Missouri. If these walls could talk.





My old bedroom, ready to be someone else's.

Oh, this house and the memories.




Getting ready for the last time in this bathroom. And the 'donate' boxes that were hauled off by a friend of my mom's.


The porch. Too many pictures taken here over the years to count. And the girls--moving on to bigger and better.


Did I mention that the house officially sold while I was there? Pretty amazing to think it was only on the market for one week. I couldn't help but snap a picture of my parents signing the contract.


Cecelia was a great distraction during this trip, of course. A distraction that refused to sleep which helped me not to be too sad because I was just too tired. But Memaw and Pepaw came up to watch Cecelia while I helped mom pack and we will take any excuse to see our extended family, of course.










I'm so glad we went back to Jeff City one more time. I keep telling myself that it's just a house and I get to keep the memories forever, but it doesn't make it any easier. End of one chapter, beginning of another. Visits with my parents will now include a new awesome state with snow, mountains, outdoor sports...and new memories.