Pause Button

Life is sometimes a blur, extra blurry during this season of life.

I'm not making time to document the little moments here anymore. I want to write so much and then another day goes by in a blur of school schedules, nap schedules, work schedules, and dissolving 'free time' blocks within all of those schedules. 

So tonight I'm just going to mention a few very random things that will likely slip my mind by morning.

Cecelia is fully potty trained (not that I will forget THAT one anytime soon!), and completely ditched the pull ups for sleeping five days ago. So two weeks from start to finish with the potty training and my girl stays dry at night and for naps. No accidents during the day. Woah. I totally underestimated her and I'm pretty sure the motivation lies in candy and big girl undies. I also think the pull ups were too itchy because she started asking to wear her underwear to bed about a week into the deal. So stinking proud of her. She's a lot more independent with the whole process than Truman was, too, because she will just go into the bathroom, use the big potty alone (sometimes without the inner training seat), pull up and down her pants, wash her hands, etc. She does the whole routine without even making a big deal about it anymore, still uses her little froggy potty in her room before and after sleeping, but otherwise it's all big potty stuff. But don't worry, she is totally abusing the reward system now and figured out how to milk that candy bowl for all it's worth. Will have to cut back on the rewards soon but I want her to stay excited and positive about it….without losing all of her teeth from sugary decay in the process. 

Also, she woke up yesterday morning crying that her left ear hurt. She continued to cry about it for a good hour and it's completely unlike her to say that anything specific hurts like that ('I don't feel good' or 'I have that cough' are common announcements, but never the ear). I got her the first appointment with our doctor at 4pm, worked a full day, rushed to Lori's and took the little kids to the doc. CC's ear does have a lot of fluid behind it but it's not infected yet. Hopefully it will clear on it's own but if she starts to feel worse, I can call and get a prescription right away. Today was a great day without any complaints of ear pain. But the funny part of the story was last night.

She was whiny and really tired, and I figured that Ibuprofen couldn't hurt since she was still saying her ear was bothering her. I asked her, 'Do you want some medicine for your ear? Will that help?' and she adamantly nodded her head yes. So I pour the meds into the little cup, hand it to Nate as we are both talking about something else, and then he hands it to CC. Nate looked down and yelled, 'No!!' and it scared the bajeezus out of the poor girl. But she was literally pouring the Ibuprofen into her left ear, dripping out all over her top and the floor.

She started to cry, thinking she was in trouble, but Nate was just shocked to see her dumping out the medicine. He and I both consoled her that it was no big deal, and actually very smart of her to think that the medicine belonged inside of her ear. So freaking cute. No clue where she got that as we've never used ear drops or oils or anything on the child. Love my literal thinker.

Also, Porter has had a cough/cold combination for about a week now. Pretty sure he got this from his big sister, but at least she is able to clear out that junk better than he can. On Saturday I noticed that he was kind of wheezing/crackling when he was exhaling. Totally happy, no fever, eating well, acting fine but the breathing just sounded off to me. Saturday night was a crappy night for our boy and I was convinced that I needed to take him to Urgent Care on Sunday. I packed us all up and prepared to spend the hours in the waiting room, cursing life and attempting to be a human shield for all of those germs at Urgent Care. But then Nate had the awesome idea of asking our physician neighbor to listen to Porter's lungs first. Totally on the fence about what to do with the babe since he felt fine but sounded gross. Our neighbor didn't hesitate to come over and listen, and decided that it was probably nothing to worry about. Didn't sound like pneumonia, just really congested but his coughing did seem to make it better.

Of course, since I was already taking CC to the doc the following day, I had our Pediatrician listen to Porter, too. And yep, same diagnosis---doesn't sound the best but since he feels pretty good and it's not likely bacterial, no meds needed. 

Today was a good day with both little minorly sick babes. Really not looking forward to winter sicknesses though, especially with THREE kids now. I mean, honestly the thought terrifies me to imagine all three being really sick at the same time at some point. One day at a time. LOTS OF HAND WASHING, CHILDREN. And stop breathing on the baby (yeah, right). 

And now for my first born: Truman loves having his 'PaPa' days after school when I'm working. It's heartwarming to see Tony drop Truman off at home after their afternoon over at grandpa's house. Truman gives Tony about 10 hugs, and 'I love yous' and giant smiles. CC gets in on the action, too, of course. We are so lucky to have Tony watch Truman for us on my work days, since his class gets out at 10:55 am every day.

But tonight I wanted to mention the sweetest compliment known to a mother. While standing outside of school, after meeting Truman and letting him play with the other kids on the playground for a bit (so cold, it's always so cold), another mom told me something that made my week (month? year?). I don't really know her, but I do know who her daughter is because Truman loves her, and so this mom and I may have exchanged a few conversations back in the fall when we all loved to let them play outside after class a bit. She said, 'Truman is such a good spirit. He is alway so happy and well behaved.' I sort of stopped in my tracks, not really knowing what to say---but I thanked her and said that was the best compliment any mom could get. I joked about how he is a classic first born rule follower who loves school. I joked about how my kids always seem to be perfect angels in public but at home it's sometimes a different story. But really? Truman is just an awesome kid (all of our knuckle heads are, but Truman is the leader of the pack). I can't take the credit for that but at the same time, Nate and I feel like we must be doing something right as parents. For all of the low moments of feeling like a failure of a mom, one that never has enough patience or time or attention for each child…one that gets annoyed too easily, that has too high of standards, that isn't the most FUN all of the time…a mom that is completely imperfect, but trying her best, darn it. For all of those tough moments as a mom it just takes one really badass moment of another woman saying, 'Hey, your kid is pretty great,' to make me realize that WE ARE DOING JUST FINE. 

I gave both CC and Truman unprompted hugs this afternoon and told them that I had a 'bubble of love' for each of them. It's something my mom used to tell me as a little girl. 'Bubble of love!' and then she'd give me a big hug, saying she just felt extra proud to be my mom, and extra amount of overwhelming love came out at that moment. I totally get bubbles of love for these kids all of the time and I need to make it a point to tell them! Because I got two really genuine hugs in return, right before they returned to whatever odd sibling game they were playing at the moment. They are so much fun and it's so hard, but so amazing to be their mom. 

I've been on a quest to use my Canon more often since I got a new lens for Christmas (the 24mm, f/2.8 in case you want to know). So I made the hashtag #grabthecanon on Instagram and am trying to post at least one 'real' picture per day for a whole month. It seems like I'm also hell bent on getting one sibling shot with all three smiling….the mecca of all mom photography, right? So far we are getting very very close and I have a lot of awesome images that will always be special to me. I haven't gotten the ONE that makes me want to order a 6 foot canvas or anything, but I really can't complain with these! 

And Truman is getting in on the 'big camera' action. He demands to take many pictures. This one is my favorite of his bunch. Porter would totally take that sucker down if he could, obvi.


That's it for now. Life is kind of blurry at times but posting here and taking pictures helps me to press the 'pause' button.

Porter | Six Months

It's his Half Birthday, holy moly!!







Porter is six months old and I'm 75% excited about him growing up and 25% sad about the passage of time. It's such a bittersweet process watching your last baby change into a real little person, an actual being with personality and desires and emotions, one that doesn't resemble a squishy newborn blob anymore. He is such a part of our family and is a freaking fantastic addition that has done something weird to my heart. I can't quite explain it but I'm a fool for Poter, like woah. This baby boy is so cherished and so loved it's hard to put into words, but I'll do my best.

Big happenings for mister man this month? His first solid food, his last nursing session, his first Christmas, and his baptism.

Porter loves his formula bottles and still downs 6 ounces at a time, every three hours during the day and at least once at night. Which means he slams about 36 ounces of formula a day and he does it with such authority and sincerity that we don't dare mess around with his precious bottles. He'll do this really adorable/fatty thing when he sees us make a bottle when he opens his mouth and kind of shakes his arms excitedly, breathing quickly and making a little squeak noise like the world depends on him gulping that bad boy in the next second OR ELSE. He's a hungry boy, this one, and we went up to a level 2 nipple for the first time in history of feeding our babies because P really does need it as fast as possible.

Also: real men pose on princess blankets like what.


Just let me suck on this wet washcloth, woman. Enough with the pictures.


Those eyes.


And YESSSS, he still makes this extreme pouty face sometimes!


On top of the bottles, we introduced solid foods one week ago. I made a big batch of butternut squash and sweet potatoes and he started with the squash. Immediately he got the hang of swallowing and demands to hold his own spoon, which gets incredibly messy and tricky at times. (See also: nightly baths). Porter is already downing 4 ice cubes worth of squash or sweet potatoes at dinner time, which is usually about an hour after a bottle and two hours before his final bottle of the day. I'm sure he would be happy to eat twice a day and we'll probably start that next week but I wanted to make sure the real stuff didn't clog him up too badly (it didn't). I've given him some whole banana smashed and fed off my finger tip and he likes to manhandle Baby Mum-Mum crackers by himself. I think he could probably eat a cheeseburger if we let him but obvi we aren't quite that advanced over here;) Portly Porter loves to eat and it's fun to watch his facial expressions as he moves from an all liquid diet to big kid stuff. Ah, my baby boy. See this is one of those milestones that gets me right in the old ticker---love it/makes me want to cry.







Speaking of that crying business, no more nursing for Porter P. Separate blog post found here, you are welcome for sparing you another round of emotions. But still: Wahhhh.

His 'milk drunk' face after a bottle.


Oh, he is just too sweet.


Now sleep is a topic that could make me want to sob my bagged eyes out or rejoice with much gusto, depending on the day. Consistent, he is not, but we have had a few wonderful nights and naps mixed in with some craptastic versions, too. On an average day at home, Porter will nap at 9:00 and 12:00 in the crib and occasionally 4:00 in the Ergo. Most of the time he wakes up after just 45 minutes or an hour, sometimes agreeing to return to sleep with a few snuggles in the glider. Sometimes he seems very happy and well rested after his 45 minute naps so I don't push it, but other times it's obvious he needs a little assistance to return to sleep. I think his longest nap at home was barely two hours but at Lori's he apparently naps for at least two hours for both of his naps there.  All of the kids have pulled this stunt and I have picked Lori's brain for her secrets without luck. I think they just get worn out at daycare because they watch the other kids all day and Lori is big on 'baby workouts' with tummy time, etc. Who knows. There are worse things in the world than 45 minute naps I suppose.

I mean...




Nights are anyone's guess, so feel free to place your bets on what tonight will bring for us. Two nights ago Porter slept for eleven straight hours, from 7:30 to 6:30 am---not his first time sleeping all the way through the night, but probably only the fourth or fifth time ever. That was the very first night we ditched the swaddle and we also remembered to dust off the space heater from the attic, since the nursery does tend to be an icebox. When my alarm went off at 5:00 am for the gym, I panicked when I realized he never woke up for his bottle. His room was seriously a sauna when I went in to check on him, and I couldn't bring myself to set the space heater so hot the next night. In return, Porter treated us to a wake up at 10:30 pm for a bottle, was awake from 2:00-3:30 am and eventually got a bottle, and was awake again at 6:00 am when I finally brought him to bed with us. Yawn. Just never know with this guy, I guess!

Don't let that smile fool you.


Oh, mister P.


I suppose his most common type of night is one when he goes to sleep by rocking in the glider with his nuk and white noise around 7:30 pm, wakes up one time between 2-4 am when we'll give him a bottle, and then he's up around 7:15 am for the day. We've dropped the 'dream feed' we did around 10pm each night and instead just bring up hot water in a thermos, an empty bottle, and pre-measured formula into the bathroom for a quick mix when needed.

Without dentures:


Happiest baby ever.


Loves everyone, even Henry.


I've also started singing to him at bedtime after reading a book or two and it's pretty much my favorite thing ever. Such a nice substitute for nursing him down, as I read to my boy and sing him a few tunes. There was a really sweet moment a few nights ago worth mentioning: Porter was staring up at me with his big blue eyes, listening to me sing random songs off key. He seemed to be really obsessed with watching my mouth form the words and was sort of staring into my soul (not just my mouth). The room was dark, the white noise was a nice distraction from the chaos going on next door with the big kids'  bedtime, and the motion of the glider made me kind of sleepy, too. But as I was singing him whatever random song would come to mind, Porter started to grin at my from behind his nuk. I felt like he was saying, 'I like this time of night, mommy. Even though you are a crappy singer, I really like it.' Bonding time without nursing? Check!

My heart:


Can't believe he is ours.


Back to the wicked roller coaster of sleep extremes: I think he is teething, I'm sure the transition from the swaddle is a part of the inconsistent nights, and maybe he really does want the room to be straight out of the tropics. His 'norm' of waking up just once is fine for me, but two times including a stint of wakefulness for over an hour? No. Not okay. I've never been one to sleep train my kids, but I also always believed Tru and CC didn't sleep well because they were big nursers, wanting the boob for comfort and because they might actually be hungry from that quickly digesting breastmilk processing so quickly. Porter doesn't have that as an excuse so I'd consider being tough and forcing the sleep issue harder than I've done before. Because, really Porter? If you aren't going to nurse, if you are going to drink 36 ounces of formula plus another 4 oz in solids a day, you can't actually be hungry at night and you need to sleep. Trade off, buddy---I don't get to nurse you but then you need to let me sleep, okay? Please? I thought formula fed babies were better sleepers but apparently not. Sigh.

Yummy toes.


You are going to leave me in this crib?


Other things to mention: he is not rolling over yet and he just seems totally uninterested. Truman was rolling by now but not Cecelia and she turned out just fine, so I'm sure Porter will get there on his own time. He loves to sit upright but definitely needs to be supported, prop sitting for a few seconds before toppling over. P does fine in the high chair and sort of okay in the Bumbo in the bathtub, but he gets distracted by his tasty feet many times. He has great hand-eye coordination and enjoys spending time on his play yard, pulling his dangling animal buddies into his mouth for a good chomp. EVERYTHING goes into his mouth and his chubby hands reaching out for any object in a six inch radius is my favorite. Kid loves the jumparoo and actually sort of bounces up and down in it already, gnawing on the toys and owning that Circle of Stimulation.

Sitting up is hard.


But toes are delicious.


Circle of Stimulation/Neglect


Play yard is always a hit.


Gah.


Porter is quite social and in everyone's business, following the big kids around the house with his eyes and smiling at them whenever they get close. Cecelia likes to unsnap his onesies, gives him frequent/aggressive hugs, likes to help me put him down for naps and bedtime, and is pretty much a little mommy to her little brother. Truman prefers to entertain Porter by making goofy faces, which make little brother giggle, and T will regularly tell me, 'He is looking for his mother,' when Porter is fussing. Both big sibs are huge fans of their baby brother and I'd say the feeling is quite mutual.













He is going to lap her in weight within the next year, I think.






Porter is still the happiest of the happy babies--smiling all of the time, laughing at us, being content for long stretches of time when left alone to play. That part about being content when he's on his play yard or jumparoo? It's the best and I don't remember the other kids being alright with me out of the room for longer than 2 minutes. Porter would prefer to be on my lap or in the high chair when we are all at the dinner table but he's fine to chill out in the other room, too. I can make dinner alone, tend to an emotional big sister, take the dog outside, change the laundry---all without Porter freaking out when I set him down. He's such a third child in this sense---totally down entertain himself for a bit while I tend to his older siblings or life, because he's not used to getting 100% of the attention anyway. But he is also a great 'baby of the family' in that I tend to carry him around and hold him as much as possible. I totally plan to baby this kid forever if he will let me and sometimes I will pop him in the Ergo as we go about our day just because I want to be close with him but he's getting too porky to carry all of the time. I'm pretty sure he is pushing 18 pounds, is in size 3 diapers, size 9 month clothes, and size gargantuan head;) His six month well-baby appointment isn't for a few more weeks but P is definitely bigger than Cecelia was, not quite as big as chunker Truman was at this age.

(True Wisconsin baby and doesn't seem to mind sub-zero temps)


The rest of us mind quite a bit though.


P-man is super happy but also very vocal--shrieking, yelling, squealing, making all kinds of loud noises that usually reflect his excited demeanor. He only cries when he is hungry or tired or wants to be held. He hasn't cut his first tooth yet but I swear he is getting close, so I can't stop running my finger over his little gums to check multiple times per day. I know I'm making the rookie mistake of assuming that once a tooth breaks through, he might sleep better but I can't help it. Teething is always a fantastic excuse for everything around here---that and a 'growth spurt.'

My goodness, I love him.


Daddy's little helper


We just love you so much, Porter, and I'll never be able to describe my love accurately. Happy Half Birthday, buddy!

{Truman at six months and Cecelia at six months}