Mother's Day Thoughts

Every social media channel is full of Mother's Day photos. Pictures of moms with their kids, breakfast in bed, hand-written cards, and coffee (I feel like there are lots of coffee pictures out there and I am whole-heartedly behind this part). I used my real camera for the first time in ages today and selecting one photo for Instagram and one for Facebook didn't feel like enough. And so, the old blog comes through again!







Mother's Day reflections feel an awful lot like my birthday reflections I just made in my last post. This is probably because being a mom is a hugely defining role of my current life, and it's easy to lose the non-mom parts of myself inside the Motherhood part of me. This is something that takes conscious effort---to reclaim myself aside from being their mom.





But today is a day for celebrating motherhood, and what a celebration it is. Nate woke up with the big kids at 7:00 today and I slept in bed until 8:00. When I came downstairs I met two very eager little ones who were waiting to give me my presents: tulips, plucked from our garden, and put in a vase. And a card they both signed, entitling me to pick out a new outfit for the big golf outing that is happening next weekend. Since I literally do not have a single golf-related article of clothing, this is quite functional and very sweet.

Also this is spot-on:


My flowers and card;)


Once I had plenty of hugs and 'Happy Mother's Day's, Porter woke up and gave me a slobbery kiss. Nate's parents came over to our house and Nate made us all a HUGE brunch, because we considered going out to eat somewhere but didn't feel like dealing with crowds and the chaos of dining with little children. Eating at home in our pajamas was perfection, and the weather followed suit with sunshine and sixty degrees.




Cecelia has been begging to fly a kite for a few weeks now and today I grabbed ours from the garage and we all headed over to the fields at school to see if they would fly. It was only slightly windy and took some work but we flew those kites in the brilliant blue sky, because Cecelia's smile was out of this world. She ran and ran with that kite and looked so happy, so innocent, so excited about something as simple as a little duck kite that I wanted to bottle it up and save it for the future. Her innocence just slays me, the boys', too.




Today has me thinking about what it means to be a mom to these children. It's fulfilling, it's scary, it's hilarious and challenging. It makes me proud and incredibly grateful, and it makes me a little bit crazy most days. I wonder if I'm enjoying it enough, if I'm screwing them up, if I'm giving it my best at all times. I wonder if my kids are happy and if they know how much we love them. Motherhood has built me up and made me feel strong and capable, and it's made me ask myself some tough questions along the way. No, I'm certainly not the mom I thought I'd be before I had kids. No, I'm not perfect and neither are my children.

But I get to hold their tiny hands for just a little while.


What a trip this is, this motherhood thing. It's oh, so worth it and today I'm celebrating motherhood and all it's highest of highs, and lowest of lows.

I sent my own mom flowers on Friday and we are going to chat on the phone tonight when she gets back from a trip out of town. My mom is one of the best role models around and we are all so lucky to have her. Not to mention *her* mom, Memaw, as yet another strong motherhood mentor. We are just surrounded by awesome mothers in this family and I hope to be held on the same pedestal by my own children someday.

(Old picture, we need a new one!)


I had to thank Lois at brunch, for raising Nate the way she did. Nate has always loved his mom something fierce, being a bit of a mama's boy when he was younger and they still have a crazy-tight bond that won't ever be broken. I'm glad Lois taught Nate to respect the women in his life, to be a good person, and mostly I'm so happy she encouraged him to pick up after himself and she didn't baby him to death when he was growing up. She raised him to be an excellent husband and dad, and I really owe her more than a hug and some gifts from our kids, but that will have to do.











I can't help but think of my friend Hannah, who lost her mom six years ago, and other girls who have lost their moms. I don't even want to imagine what that feels like for a person. Or Becky, who lost Kellan five month ago, and other moms who have lost their children. My heart breaks just thinking about it. I think of all of the women who yearn to become mothers but they're struggling with infertility or miscarriage. When I think of those ladies who can't fully celebrate Mother's Day without sadness in their hearts, it makes me say a quick prayer of thanks and reminds me that a whiny child is not the end of the world. Multiple breakdowns, or 'you are so mean, mommy's, or flat out disobedience is not the worst that can happen in motherhood. Our challenges are still so small, relatively speaking, and days like today fill me with more gratitude than I can describe here for you.











And so I will leave it at this: a fist bump to all of the moms out there. We are a hearty bunch, and we probably aren't screwing up our kids as much as we think. We are to be celebrated today because we are truly rockstars.

I've Always Loved You Best...

Memaw sent me a letter for Mother's Day, and in it she included an excerpt from Erma Bombeck. I haven't heard of this author before but I'm glad Memaw introduced me to Erma because she was quite the humorist/columnist and I'm a sucker for any sarcastic and thoughtful words on motherhood. So many quotes of Erma's float around the internet and yet it was difficult for me to find a proper source for this poem. I believe it was originally written by Bombeck in 1971 but there seem to be quite a few variations. Memaw sent this to me because Erma talks about her three children and well, I can definitely relate to much of it. Maybe you can, too.

I’ve Always Loved You Best Because … (By Erma Bombeck)

It is normal for children to want assurance that they are loved. Having all the warmth of the Berlin Wall, I have always admired women who can reach out to pat their children and not have them flinch.

Feeling more comfortable on paper, I wrote the following for each of my children.

To the First-born: 
I’ve always loved you best because you were our first miracle. You were the genesis of a marriage, the fulfillment of young love, the promise of our infinity.

You sustained us through the hamburger years. The first apartment furnished in Early Poverty...the 7-inch television set we paid on for 36 months.

You wore new, had unused grandparents and more clothes than a Barbie doll. You were the “original model” for unsure parents trying to work the bugs out. You got the strained lamb and three-hour naps.

You were the beginning.

To the Middle Child: 
I’ve always loved you the best because you drew a dumb spot in the family and it made you stronger.

You cried less, had more patience, wore faded, and never in your life did anything “first,” but it only made you more special. You are the one we relaxed with and realized a dog could kiss you and you wouldn’t get sick. You could cross a street by yourself long before you were old enough to get married, and the world wouldn’t come to an end if you went to bed with dirty feet.

You were the continuance.

To the Baby: 
I’ve always loved you the best because endings generally are sad and you are such a joy. You readily accepted the mild-stained bibs. The lower bunk. The cracked baseball bat. The baby book, barren but for a recipe for graham cracker pie crust that someone jammed between the pages.

You are the one we held onto so tightly. For you see, you are the link with the past that gives a reason for tomorrow. You darken our hair, quicken our steps, square our shoulders, restore our vision, and give us humor that security and maturity can’t give us.

When your hairline takes on the shape of Lake Erie and your children tower over you, you will still be “the Baby.”

You were the culmination.

-Erma Bombeck

That Erma. She really said it best. But I must add that I love these kids so much that it physically hurts my heart sometimes.

Feeling grateful for Truman, Cecelia, and Porter today. 

Mothers Day, Real Life

Mothers Day is one of those occasions that always makes me pause, makes me reflect on what I've been given, makes me look back while looking forward.

I always miss my mom on Mothers Day, wishing we lived in the same state so we could go to brunch or give each other hugs. And yet, I'm grateful to have my mom in this life. My heart aches for my friends who have lost their own mothers, and immediately I feel silly for 'missing' my mom. She really is incredible and I love her more every day if that's possible. Becoming a mother myself has amplified our relationship, now that I completely understand her unconditional love for me. She's done so much for me as her daughter and for my kids as their grandma. I sent my mom flowers for Mothers Day and can't wait to see her in a few more weeks and there really aren't adequate words for my mom so I'll leave it at that.



Plus, I have a mother-in-law who is unbelievably supportive and kind. I told her tonight that I'm so glad she is Nate's mom, and how lucky am I to marry into this family? I've always teased Nate about being a 'mamas boy' and it's no wonder he loves his mom so much. Lois is pretty phenomenal and another role model for me. Our kids have the best YaYa around.

Last year on Mothers Day (didn't get a picture with her this year, but oh--so much can change in a year!)


Then there is Memaw---eighty-something, healthy, full of energy and positivity and support. She's actively involved in our lives and my kids are blessed to know their great-grandmother in a way most children will never experience. Memaw is the ultimate matriarch in our family. She makes us all want to be better people. She's a teacher, a leader, a supporter, and truly the best grandma I could imagine. And she has a way with words as evident by this birthday letter to me. Needless to say, I had to blink away the tears.



And me? Not only do I have these strong role models in my life, but I get to hear the sweetest little voices call me 'mama' every day. Being their mom is my favorite part of life. It's hard and messy and more challenging than I thought possible, but it's also better than I thought possible. These three kids have molded me into the person I am today, teaching me about life, about myself, and about priorities. 'Thankful' doesn't begin to describe how I feel about being their mom.

Motherhood is a wild ride, isn't it?

My Mothers Day weekend was a wild one, too.

#reallife



Friday night we all went to Truman's Sweetheart Dance at school. Porter lasted just 20 minutes with Nate but I stayed with the big kids until the end of the event. It was a freaking blast which totally shocked me, since I was bracing myself for pure chaos. A DJ, a silent auction (where we won 2 hours of babysitting from Truman's teacher--he is going to FLIP OUT!), a Photo Booth, snacks, and sweaty/happy children everywhere.



lolololol. Oops! Sorry, not sorry, P.


Have wanted a photo in front of this brick wall on the playground. Might not be the last one, either.


This boy has my whole heart.


Both of them in their Easter outfits from 2014 <3


Heart eyes for my five year old, handsome dude.


Saturday morning Nate and I went on a seven mile run at the Lakefront. It was chilly and windy but getting into these longer runs always feels somewhat luxurious, like a gift that shouldn't be taken for granted or wished away. Cecelia requested that I snuggle with her in bed after her nap. We had a neighborhood birthday party that night, wine and Lost after the kids went to bed.

Today was Mothers Day and I told Nate I just wanted to sleep in until 7:00. Somehow all three children heard my pleas and nailed the 'sleeping in' concept. But Porter woke up fussy and with a temp, which it seemed like he was starting the night before. All morning I tried to convince myself that it's just a random bug, or teething, but I had to consciously refrain from letting my worries get the best of me. Sudden fevers freak me out, make me feel helpless, and cause my brain to work on overdrive with worst case scenarios. Porter seemed happier with Ibuprofen, but his temp was 101.9 without it. He napped fair, didn't eat much today, and tried his best to be his happy self. I hate seeing him sick and pray tomorrow is a better day.

This morning, Cecelia and I went to get coffee and cinnamon rolls. We decided to skip our annual tradition of going to the zoo because it was raining and 43 degrees. Plus with Porter not feeling well, I knew it would be a stressful trip for all involved so we stayed at home. The big kids built a fort with Nate in the basement. I did laundry and cuddled my baby. More coffee. More playing inside. A quick trip to the mall alone, then I brought Jimmy Johns home for dinner where Lois joined us with Happy Meals for the kids. Apple pie for dessert. Yes, today was a pretty good day even though I was worried about Porter.

(Note Truman is crying in the background.)


The cherry on top of the day had to have been when Truman did NOT want to eat the rest of his lunch. It wasn't like we asked him to eat a plate full of broccoli or anything (turkey and cheese cracker sandwiches, actually) but he was really not into it. And then he gagged on a bite of it and subsequently puked all over. I ran into the sunroom as Nate was changing Porter's filthy diaper, grabbed barfing Truman and hauled him into the bathroom....where he *almost* hit the target. He felt totally fine after and this is not the first time that boy has gag-puked before. Nate tried to clean up the vom but then ran out of the room screaming, 'I've gotta get out of here!' and he coughed and dry heaved and blinked his watery eyes. Looks like a job for MOM on this one, huh?

So yes, I cleaned and absurd amount of puke up from various parts of the house today. I guess I needed to scrub our floor anyway. I spent a lot of my time fretting over why my baby has a fever, picturing the worst but *knowing* it's probably nothing horrible. I missed my mom but am counting down the days until she and Memaw come for Cecelia's birthday. And besides 'sleeping in', I requested a picture with my children which was completely successful. As Nate likes to say, 'Kids don't give a sh*t about Mothers Day,' which was announced as all three were crying simultaneously today. What a day, man!

Nailed it!



Cecelia was extra sweet today though, and she seriously makes me laugh like none other. She was in a fantastic mood 99% of the day which is probably some sort of record. Spending Mothers Day with my little lady for three years---I love being her mom, no matter what her mood.




And oh, Truman worked so hard on his Mothers Day gifts to me this year. He brought them home from school on Tuesday and I had to swallow a big lump in my throat when I saw how proud he was of everything.









My favorite thing lately.


I'm so glad he made me a mom. Six Mothers Days with Truman as my boy:


He also made me a heavily decorated cookie at the grocery store, brought home mums (ha, mums for mom, clever!), Nate bought me the best toffee in the world, and I got plenty of hugs and kisses from Cecelia and Porter.





So, Mothers Day was full of real life messes and worries and failed plans for activities outside of the house. But it was also full of joy and humility and gratitude.



Six years of Mothers Days and life is pretty freaking good.