Every social media channel is full of Mother's Day photos. Pictures of moms with their kids, breakfast in bed, hand-written cards, and coffee (I feel like there are lots of coffee pictures out there and I am whole-heartedly behind this part). I used my real camera for the first time in ages today and selecting one photo for Instagram and one for Facebook didn't feel like enough. And so, the old blog comes through again!
Mother's Day reflections feel an awful lot like my birthday reflections I just made in my last post. This is probably because being a mom is a hugely defining role of my current life, and it's easy to lose the non-mom parts of myself inside the Motherhood part of me. This is something that takes conscious effort---to reclaim myself aside from being their mom.
But today is a day for celebrating motherhood, and what a celebration it is. Nate woke up with the big kids at 7:00 today and I slept in bed until 8:00. When I came downstairs I met two very eager little ones who were waiting to give me my presents: tulips, plucked from our garden, and put in a vase. And a card they both signed, entitling me to pick out a new outfit for the big golf outing that is happening next weekend. Since I literally do not have a single golf-related article of clothing, this is quite functional and very sweet.
Also this is spot-on:
My flowers and card;)
Once I had plenty of hugs and 'Happy Mother's Day's, Porter woke up and gave me a slobbery kiss. Nate's parents came over to our house and Nate made us all a HUGE brunch, because we considered going out to eat somewhere but didn't feel like dealing with crowds and the chaos of dining with little children. Eating at home in our pajamas was perfection, and the weather followed suit with sunshine and sixty degrees.
Cecelia has been begging to fly a kite for a few weeks now and today I grabbed ours from the garage and we all headed over to the fields at school to see if they would fly. It was only slightly windy and took some work but we flew those kites in the brilliant blue sky, because Cecelia's smile was out of this world. She ran and ran with that kite and looked so happy, so innocent, so excited about something as simple as a little duck kite that I wanted to bottle it up and save it for the future. Her innocence just slays me, the boys', too.
Today has me thinking about what it means to be a mom to these children. It's fulfilling, it's scary, it's hilarious and challenging. It makes me proud and incredibly grateful, and it makes me a little bit crazy most days. I wonder if I'm enjoying it enough, if I'm screwing them up, if I'm giving it my best at all times. I wonder if my kids are happy and if they know how much we love them. Motherhood has built me up and made me feel strong and capable, and it's made me ask myself some tough questions along the way. No, I'm certainly not the mom I thought I'd be before I had kids. No, I'm not perfect and neither are my children.
But I get to hold their tiny hands for just a little while.
What a trip this is, this motherhood thing. It's oh, so worth it and today I'm celebrating motherhood and all it's highest of highs, and lowest of lows.
I sent my own mom flowers on Friday and we are going to chat on the phone tonight when she gets back from a trip out of town. My mom is one of the best role models around and we are all so lucky to have her. Not to mention *her* mom, Memaw, as yet another strong motherhood mentor. We are just surrounded by awesome mothers in this family and I hope to be held on the same pedestal by my own children someday.
(Old picture, we need a new one!)
I had to thank Lois at brunch, for raising Nate the way she did. Nate has always loved his mom something fierce, being a bit of a mama's boy when he was younger and they still have a crazy-tight bond that won't ever be broken. I'm glad Lois taught Nate to respect the women in his life, to be a good person, and mostly I'm so happy she encouraged him to pick up after himself and she didn't baby him to death when he was growing up. She raised him to be an excellent husband and dad, and I really owe her more than a hug and some gifts from our kids, but that will have to do.
I can't help but think of my friend Hannah, who lost her mom six years ago, and other girls who have lost their moms. I don't even want to imagine what that feels like for a person. Or Becky, who lost Kellan five month ago, and other moms who have lost their children. My heart breaks just thinking about it. I think of all of the women who yearn to become mothers but they're struggling with infertility or miscarriage. When I think of those ladies who can't fully celebrate Mother's Day without sadness in their hearts, it makes me say a quick prayer of thanks and reminds me that a whiny child is not the end of the world. Multiple breakdowns, or 'you are so mean, mommy's, or flat out disobedience is not the worst that can happen in motherhood. Our challenges are still so small, relatively speaking, and days like today fill me with more gratitude than I can describe here for you.
And so I will leave it at this: a fist bump to all of the moms out there. We are a hearty bunch, and we probably aren't screwing up our kids as much as we think. We are to be celebrated today because we are truly rockstars.