Hidden Baby Chronicles part 1

{Before I get to the actual post, I have to be all mushy and say 'thanks' to everyone who commented on my below post. It actually made me a bit teary to read all of the responses which of course, is par for the hormonal course. Nothing like a little virtual love to make this pregnant lady weepy. And to the VERY astute readers who noticed the 'Fit Pregnancy' magazine in my 'Hung' post, you get 10 points for being observant. I even tried to blur out the title so it wouldn't give me away and you still caught on to me!

I do not intend for this blog to become solely about pregnancy, alienating those who aren't pregnant or already moms. However, since I've always been a random blogger who writes about life in general you can definitely expect this blog to take a turn towards babies. I hope you don't mind.

For example, I've been sneaky and drafted 9 more posts after this one in the past 6 weeks since we found out. That means lots of 'Hidden Baby Chronicles' for you dear readers. I hope these posts will answer all of your burning questions without me needing to write one big fat informational 'Q and A' post. If they get a little boring feel free to ignore. I'll get caught up on life and blog real-time again very soon, I'm sure you'll get sick of all the new posts I throw at you. But there's just something about recording my thoughts as they come that is incredibly therapeutic to me and I'm hoping it will connect with some of you out there, too. I'm willing to bet there are a few readers who are going through the scary first trimester, too, and maybe my neurotic thoughts will make you feel even better about yourself:) Plus, I'm definitely making all of these pregnancy posts into one big fat pregnancy album...did you have any doubts?

I'm off to St. Louis AGAIN for Lindsey's wedding tomorrow night but I'm going to schedule out a few posts from the mysterious archives. Enjoy! And settle in for a few long reads.}

July 7, 2009--Tuesday


I've got a little poppy seed in there, according to The Bump.

Even typing those words makes my heart rate speed up a little bit. It's so surreal, so awesome, and so incredibly frightening all at the same time. I've attempted to write in an actual paper journal but I have too many thoughts to hold on paper. And I got a major hand cramp and decided that was probably bad for the baby, just like everything else in the entire world, apparently. So I've turned to typing on the ol' blog as a therapeutic medium. Of course, you won't be reading this for a while but a little 'draft' action is always a good thing. While my fireworks and concert posts are going up in real time, secretly I'm writing this baby post. So sneaky, aren't I?

Where to begin, dear blogosphere? Hmmm...perhaps a little background info.

Well, basically, Nate and I were in the following category regarding trying to conceive: "Not actively trying but not avoiding either." The general idea was to 'see what happens' over the summer and then after the marathon in October, we'd really crack down and start humping like rabbits {I'm sorry. Is that TMI? Well guess what---pregnant ladies talk about a lot of stuff that is probably TMI. Methinks you should get used to it.}

I went off the pill in December and immediately began charting my waking temperatures, after reading the ever-popular Taking Charge of Your Fertility. I'm sure you've probably heard of the Fertility Awareness Method so I won't go into details but there was just something about the methodical documenting of daily temperatures that I thoroughly enjoyed. It was probably because I'm incredibly anal and simply adore charts and organization, so FAM was made for my Type-A self. Also, being off of the pill for the first extended period of time in the past 10 years was highly liberating. I think it might have made my biological clock kick in to high gear as well without the extra synthetic hormones in my system, because with every month of charting I started to get more and more baby-ready. But from December to May we were definitely using the method to avoid pregnancy.

I had prepared myself to wait for Nate to be on board with my baby fever, not sure if it would take him well into the Fall or beyond to be ready, but he surprised me and landed on the same page as me earlier than I thought. As we talked it TO DEATH about 8 billion times we both felt comfortable 'just seeing what happens' over the summer. We were both excited about the possibility of getting pregnant but we didn't put a lot of pressure on ourselves like, "OMG we have to get pregnant this month or else." I honestly thought it would take us many months to get pregnant and my pessimistic nature worried that we'd try for years before it happened. I know, it's horrible to think that way, but that's just me sometimes.

The second month of 'Trying-But-Not-Labeling-It-"Trying" ' yielded a big fatty positive pregnancy test. Holy crap, I still can't believe it. Apparently we are not infertile after all and got it on the second semi-try--and you better believe I feel so incredibly blessed over this fact. Guess my pessimism was unfounded, huh? Would you like to hear the story of this BFP? Of course you would:)

On Friday, July 3, I had a minor freak out moment and decided to take the plunge and buy a few Dollar Store tests. I'd never taken a pregnancy test before so needless to say I was totally nervous. I wasn't even late yet, as I was due to start my period on Sunday, but I just wanted to test to clear my mind a bit. Plus, we had a busy weekend planned and I needed to know if I could partake in a few brews along the way. Yeah....more on this later.

So I took the test Friday after work and it was negative. I was a little surprised by how disappointed I was, but I moved on. I told Nate about the negative test and his first reaction was, "You are relying on a test that costs a dollar? Aren't those things normally REALLY expensive?" I informed him that it was silly to waste so much money on expensive tests when they'd probably be negative anyway. So we went to the fireworks on Friday night and I enjoyed a few brewskis. Am I going straight to hell for this one? Motherly guilt has already kicked in full swing but never fear: I have researched the hell out of this one on the internet and I'm pretty sure the microscopic baby did not suffer any ill-effects from my brews. Maybe it will just be a partying rock star?

Saturday I went for an 11 mile run and the entire time I let my mind wander to the possibility of being pregnant. I was mad at myself for allowing my mind to go there, knowing that I would probably start that day or the next. But it was weird---no cramps, no sign of my monthly visitor to be seen. But then after my run, I convinced myself that I felt the beginnings of cramps. I was 85% sure that I'd start the next day. Bummer. Why did I let myself get my hopes up?

Sunday morning, I woke up before work expecting to see my period. Nothing. Nada. So I decided to take another cheapie test. I hopped in the shower as the test was working and when I came out I immediately saw one solid line, meaning negative. So I walked away, got dressed, and when I came back into the bathroom I began to scrutinize that line to death. I could have SWORN there was the faintest possible second line on that puppy but it was only visible with intense squinting and a little bit of imagination. I decided that I was officially losing my mind and tossed the test, trying to get on with my day. Stupid cheap-o tests. Why couldn't you be more clear to my psycho self?

Again, all day Sunday I was prepared to see 'Aunt Flo' show up. Again, she did not. I knew that I was off work on Monday and decided that I'd buy a digital test and use it Tuesday morning if I still hadn't started by then. I sincerely thought I was just a little late this month at this point but wrote in my paper diary that now I was only 75% sure I'd start soon. For every month I'd been charting before this one, I always started my period on the same day after ovulation and now here we were....a day late.

While I was out and about on Monday (yesterday) I bought the digital test, cursing myself for spending so much money on the bastard. I came home and Google chatted a bit with Hannah about my plans. The more and more we talked about it, the more anxious I got. Hannah was convinced that my test would be positive and I just couldn't let myself believe that yet. She asked if Nate would be mad if I tested right then while he was at school. I knew he wouldn't be mad....he knew about my overanalyzation of this situation, and my plan to test the next day. He found my whole outlook highly entertaining, actually, because I was definitely driving myself crazy. He loves when I'm crazy, for sure:)

So Hannah waited on Google chat while I attempted to pee on a stick, the third time in my life and the third time in 4 days. I was so flipping nervous that I suffered a bit of stage fright and couldn't pee. Curses! So I ran back to the computer and told her to hold her horses while I chugged water....and chugged, I did. A ridiculous amount. I waited 2o minutes and took the plunge. This was it: one way or the other.

I set the test down on the counter and saw the little hour-glass ticking away. I couldn't even concentrate at this point because the blood was pounding at a deafening rate in my head. I paced around the house for a bit, flipped on the TV, and landed on the freaking Baby Story on TLC. Some lady was giving birth and I couldn't deal with that image burning into my retinas, because OMG--what if that is ME in 9 months?!? I had to pace around the house a little bit more. I remember saying out loud, "God--your will be done here. Not mine. It's your call, Big Guy." I cautiously walked back into the bathroom and saw that there were words on the test.

It took about 3 seconds for me to comprehend that it said 'Pregnant' on the little screen. There wasn't a 'NOT' in front of that word, you guys. Then I started squealing and repeating "holycrapholycrapholycrap" about 10 times before I grabbed my phone to shriek with Hannah. We shared a little moment, realizing that we'd share part of our pregnancies together, and she took a shot at calming me down and preparing me for a long and grueling first trimester.

All that was left on that most amazing day---Monday, July 6---was to tell my husband. Oh, and breathe. I had to remind myself to breathe. And of course I had to snap some '4 week belly pics!':


H is for holla
(might be the last time I'm comfortable in a sports bra and shorts for awhile?)

More to come, dear secret internets. More to come.


  1. Holy long post! But I love knowing every detail. :)

    And FWIW, I totally found I was pregnant with the cheapie dollar store tests!

    What I'm really dying to know is what is the plan for the marathon?

  2. Aw! So freaking cute!

    Thank you for sharing! I'm already looking forward to more of the secret baby posts!

  3. Such a sweet story. You're gonna make a ridiculously adorable pregnant lady.

  4. ah yes, the marathon question....'tis a fave.

    you will find out all the details in my '7 week' post, scheduled 8/26/09. but no, i'm not going to run it:)

    good to know the dollar store tests worked for someone, but definitely not for me!

    and yes....i told you some of these were long, silly!

  5. Secret baby posts = awesome.

    Some of this first post brings back SO many memories from the first time-- the obsessive testing, the "I-think-I-totally-see-a-line" scrutinization, the excited feelings, the worrying about taking forever and a day to get preggers...I did that temping thing too.

    Now, as far as the beer goes, do not worry! I drank like a fish last year over Labor Day weekend and on Labor Day, I was finishing my last test in the house and WHAM! That positive test is sleeping in front of me right now! :) He seems fine.

    Oh, and I told my mom today when she dropped Ryan off after work and she says that now she and your MIL can officially be "Dancing Grannies" in the Tosa 4th of July parade. LOL!

    Sorry about the marathon -- but, just think of all the extra sleep you get! :)

  6. Goodness, look at that FLAT stomach! Can't wait to watch as it gets bigger and bigger!! :)

    Love the secret baby posts. But weren't you worried you might accidentally hit 'post' out of habit? Yikes! But good job, you kept the secret!

    So, so happy for you. :)

  7. Hi Julia!I just wanted to say hello and congratulations. This is Neely (aka mr.andmrs.smith) from the old STL Wed boards. I've been following your blog forever and I've never left a comment, but I feel compelled to do so now. You're absolutely adorable and I'm so excited for you! I wish you a happy, healthy pregancy! And with all these STL Weders getting knocked up now, it's giving me the fever! Congrats again!

  8. Well, it sucks to give up the marathon, but it's totally worth it. :)

    There is a crazy lady on the Bump baby boards that has run 20 something marathons and ran her last one at 25 weeks pregnant. I can't even begin to imagine...

  9. kristal~that is what I call 'mental illness' for real:) I seriously thought about it for a long time, I'll be 16 weeks then....but as you'll read, it was NOT in the cards for me. Naps are in my cards. :)

    And HI, Neely, and all other de-lurkers from this and the other post. So happy to see you all..do come again!

    (and of course you regular commenters, too. I'm one big ball of sunshine for you all.)

  10. Such a great post! And now I'm going to the gym so I can attempt to have 1/500th of a flat stomach like you. Congrats again! I can't wait to follow along. We have been ttc using FAM for 5 months...still waiting. I hope your BFP gives me some good luck!

  11. So happy for you, Nate and Henry - seriously, overjoyed!

    I hope that's not too creepy :)

  12. Ok...so reading this totally brings back memories of my multiple pregnant tests! Definately can laugh about it now...i think i made you go out and buy 2 more double packs of the tests, to just make sure! Ah...memories! I am so excited for you guys and can't wait to see you and Keri soon!

  13. I love these detail posts! With all the pregnant bloggers lately, it is so interesting to read about everyone's different experiences and situations.
    Congratulations again! I can't wait to hear more!

  14. So cute! Can't wait to hear how you told Nate. AND...I can't get over your flat abs! Damn girl!!!

  15. AND...I can't believe your neurotic ass scheduled posts. I would have been terrified to accidentally type the wrong date or push submit. You are brave, woman!

  16. Oh my gosh, I am so flippin' excited for you guys. Your story was awesome and it totally brought me back to our first pregnancy. We tested about 5 times after we got a positive result, just to make sure we were right. It is the most exhilarating feeling to find out and start thinking about everything. I am so excited to hear about your pregnancy. And your first belly pictures are disgustingly cute...seriously, I would be shocked if you started to show until month 7, you lucky duck. Congratulations from across the miles!

  17. Oh my gosh, I am so flippin' excited for you guys. Your story was awesome and it totally brought me back to our first pregnancy. We tested about 5 times after we got a positive result, just to make sure we were right. It is the most exhilarating feeling to find out and start thinking about everything. I am so excited to hear about your pregnancy. And your first belly pictures are disgustingly cute...seriously, I would be shocked if you started to show until month 7, you lucky duck. Congratulations from across the miles!

  18. you're story made me fall in love with you a little! love that you're expecting even if i am a semi new reader. congrats again!!!

  19. yay!!! A 2 legged sibling for Henry. :)

  20. I love these secret posts! I also love that you are sharing! I cant believe you used a dollar store preg test! I love it. I always see those there and wonder if people really buy them. Guess so! who am I kidding though, I prob will too. I'm cheap.

  21. AWE-some! What a great story...and this is a wonderful way to keep all of your memories. (ps: you should go to Blog2Print
    and make a PDF of your blog to get printed out and bound...)

    I can't wait to hear about your experiences along the way. And as far as the "Mommy-guilt"...well, this is just sopmething you're going to have to get used to as it only becomes magnified...

    happy happy

  22. pps: the mommy-to-be will be a great addition to EADL...:)

  23. Yay! Yay! Yay! I love your story. It's just too perfect. I imagine I'll be super paranoid too about taking pregnancy tests when Hubster and I start trying to have a baby.

  24. Hi Julia- Congrats! I'm one of those lurkers that decided this post needed me to comment :) I'm a new mom(my son is 4 months) and it is wonderful. I had a similar home test story -I had the cheapos but was sure I was pregnant so I got the more expensive ones and it was postive!
    Best of luck!

  25. Love it!!! I get so excited to hear about everyone else's experiences. So many of us going through this at the same time...

  26. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! I am so excited for you guys!!!!

  27. I love this post and your cute pictures. I think following your pregnancy is going to be tons of fun and provide for some great posts. Congrats!

  28. gotta love the dollar store [MY type-A personality made me test obsessively for about 2 weeks until i really convinced myself i was pregnant. and of course, i kept every single one of those pee sticks!]

    you are too freakin' adorable! AND i think you're going to love taking pics in a sports bra and shorts as you get bigger, though the first part of getting bigger really is just getting fatter until you get the adorable round bump we all covet when we are pregnant. you will need a bigger sports bra though as your girls change... ;)

    congrats again!

  29. Congratulations!!!!!! Can't wait to "follow" your pregnancy! Whatever you do, please promise not to stop posting pics of/taking about Henry! :-) He's so cute!!!!

  30. Congrats! Love the first belly shot. Looks like you ate a wheat thin ;)

  31. Oh my my my, I can't believe that belly shot. I mean I can because you're awesome. But I won't be doing belly shots until like 20 weeks. When it's obvious. And I don't have to feel embarrassed. :) What a hot momma you are!

  32. I'm so looking forward to following your pregnancy journey! You're going to make one cute pregnant lady - I'd be surprised to see you with an official bump before 20 weeks!

  33. um.. i didn't read a word of what you wrote because i'm so distracted by your rockin' abs!!!! what?!?! seriously! you're going to be so adorable pregnant!

    i'm really excited to read these posts that you've been saving. and it's okay to take a trip toward baby blogging! :)

  34. Aww I'm looking forward to reading your posts! I love that you have them all written for us. I thought you might have been pregnant because you were always commenting on mine (which I love by the way).

    I was also so nervous to test, it was my first time ever taking a test too and my hands were shaking so much!

  35. Congrats! This was such a sweet and inspiring post. I wish you all the best on this journey!


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