Today was the big day, folks. We saw the heartbeat on our first ultrasound and I'm quite certain I'll never be able to put into words how amazing it was. Wow. Just wow. I'm totally in love with our little Olive:
(side note: This olive picture makes me crave a dirty martini, nice and salty and cold. Mmmmm. Dirty martinis. 7 more months....)
And for my 9 week belly shot, I don't care what you say....this is a major pooch! Let the bloat-fest begin.
So anyway, the appointment went a little like this:
1. Weight taken: haven't gained or lost a pound. I'm sure I've lost a ridiculous amount of muscle and gained a lot of water weight, thus evening it out. I admit, I was nervous I'd be 10 pounds heavier already but who knew.....I tend to be overly dramatic?
2. Blood pressure taken: HOLY HELL I'm nearly hypertensive! It was 142/70 which is crazy high for me. I'm positive it had something to do with every ounce of adrenaline in the world pounding through my veins with nerves. No joke. I couldn't sit still and I guess since the doc wasn't worried about my BP I'll let that one slide out of the 'worry' box for me. I might take it at work tomorrow when I'm less of a neurotic mess.
3. Doc comes in, says she is so excited. I introduce her to Nate and they immediately hit it off starting to talk about golf. Of course. I knew they'd be a match made in heaven. But why did golf talk have to take place at our first appointment? Pesky little critter you just can't get rid of, huh?
4. A little touchy feely on my sore and gigantic boobies. Poking and prodding 'down there' to assess my enlarged ute. Small talk. Me thinking, "Get that effing ultrasound in here lady, or I'm going to have a stroke!" More small talk. GAH!
5. FINALLY time for the transvaginal ultrasound. Doc had the screen turned towards her and away from us at first but I'm stellar at reading faces, so when I saw the smile creep up and heard her say, "Such a beautiful, beautiful sight," I started to breathe again. She whipped the screen around for Nate and I to see and voila! A perfect little bean with a ticker ticking away like mad. It was the cutest little bean in the entire world, I'm quite certain. I heard Nate say, "Awww...." and all I could do was just stare at the sight. This is really happening! The baby is okay! Oh Em GEEEE.
Then the doc says, "I REALLY like the looks of that umbilical cord. It's very nice." And I do a double take because holy freaking cow that is one big fatty cord! Impressive. The doc mentioned it again before she left the room, so apparently we have one championship cord giving the babe it's nutrients. I hope little bloob liked my donut choice then, huh?
So yeah, that's basically it. Pretty much one of the best days in my entire life (besides when Nate proposed, our wedding, and getting our positive test. This totally ranks up there on the best day ever indicators).
So now the golden question is this: when do we spill the beans? The doc said that the 'second trimester' rule is rather outdated because really, now that we've seen cardiac activity our chances of losing the bloob are about 5%. If we wait until the second trimester, thus hearing the heartbeat at our next appointment, it might drop to 3% or so. At this point, I just want to fully embrace the fact that I am pregnant. I want to think positively and not feel so full of reservations, so much negativity, so many 'what ifs?' I'm so sick of this thought: "Sure, I'm pregnant and everything BUT what if something goes wrong? I can't let myself get too happy just yet because this pregnancy might not stick." You know what? If something does happen it's going to be totally devastating even if I 'prepare' myself with negative thoughts ahead of time. It's not going to make it any easier to handle. And these thoughts are really stealing away all of the joy of the first trimester.
My reasons for holding out until the second trimester are pretty silly, really. I'm worried it will jinx the pregnancy somehow. I'm worried people will think we are being stupid, first time parents who are way too excited for their own good. I'm worried people will assume we are ignorantly believing nothing bad could happen to this baby. And really, if something bad happens at this point I'm going to need more support than ever to make it through. I'm fully invested in little bloob. There's no turning back now. A little heartbeat, you guys. Wow.