I know it's been awhile and I haven't even updated since my surgery. I told Nate the other night that I just can't find the motivation to blog. It's like I don't have the mental energy to compose a post, and really I haven't even been a good comment-friend lately. He asked me why I didn't feel like blogging and I said, 'I dunno....it's just I don't feel like I have anything to say other than the same old crap about me being sad and grieving.' As a husband who normally 'doesn't get' the blog-life, although he's always supported me, I was sort of caught off guard by how strongly he felt about my statement. He really didn't like that I said I have nothing to blog about and started helping me think of things to say. He told me that it's really depressing to think that there is nothing good to share from our lives right now and plus, it's obviously not true. So that was sort of the kick in the rear I needed. Now for some tidbits.
-Surgery: Yes, I had it 2 weeks ago on Monday 6/13/11. It went very well and my OB was pleased that there was no signs of infection, but had lots of tissue that needed to come out of there badly. The day of the surgery my mom was a HUGE help for me because I was pretty groggy and weak but really by the next day I was already feeling immensely better. By day 3 I was back to work and sent mom back home and I'm happy to report that within one week of surgery, I have officially stopped bleeding! Hallelujah. Just a reminder: I bled for 6 weeks solid. Pads suck. Miscarriages suck. And not wearing any feminine products is awesome. I'd say I'm back to normal physically and still working on my mental state every day. There are happy and sad times, which is normal, and lately I'm just trying to focus on the present and my many blessings. Also hoping to get my period soon, to prove my body is back into it's normal cycle, because I think that will seem like the final step of this very long journey. Isn't it crazy that I got my positive test at the end of March, the bad ultrasound at the end of April and now it's almost July? Longest m/c ever...
-Sad news: on Saturday my in-laws had to make a very difficult decision to put their dog, Sammy, down after 13 years of being a part of their family. He really declined in the past few months; couldn't see or hear, couldn't hold his bladder, wasn't sleeping at night but was very lethargic during the day, was really weak and was obviously uncomfortable. His quality of life wasn't there anymore, as he didn't even enjoy his previously favorite parts of his day. It was time and Lois said it was a peaceful goodbye but still heartbreaking. I hate to see my in-laws, who are like parents to me, upset and I hate to think about this sort of loss. I don't even want to think about how hard it will be when Henry's time comes, especially now that Truman is literally in love with his 'daw-daw'. Hopefully, since he will only be 6 years old this fall, we have many more years until that point. But good old Sammy was a wonderful family pet and he will be missed. Here's to many bones and butter dishes in doggie heaven, buddy.
(back in 2009, 10 years old)
(and Saturday morning, 13 years old and just the sweetest soul)
- Sleep: I'll post more in an upcoming 16 month post, but dang---Truman ain't sleeping worth a hoot. He is teething and thus waking up screaming at about 4 or 5 every morning. Refuses to go back to sleep. It's amazing how quickly you forget what those newborn sleepless nights felt like. Quite a sobering reminder of what it will be like someday with number two, and a reason to be grateful for our normally-great sleeper. I hope he returns to us soon. It's a good thing he's so darn cute, right? And just because I can (I don't think baby butt cheeks are inappropriate for a few more years, right?)...
- Nate's job: the hubs is a working man and LOVES his job! We are seriously so blessed that he found an amazing fit with his coworkers and clinic. There are a few other male therapists there and get this: they all love to golf and even do swing analysis at their clinic. And his company is paying for a course in Chicago later this year, so that Nate can be 'Titleist certified'. I don't know what that means but I know that it brings much giddiness to my husband's life. And also, the second paycheck is mind-blowing, as expected.
-Bills: and of course, this increase in our income came at the PERFECT time because we have hellified medical bills now! Whoo Hoo! I'm having some difficulties with our stupid insurance right now because they haven't covered jack crap thus far and nothing sucks more than having a miscarriage, then having to call insurance companies to explain that no, I am not pregnant, and yes, I am having a 'pregnancy complication'. I wrote a very strongly worded letter last night and am sending it off as a 'grievance'. I know it might not help but dang, this is the opposite of fun. We are incredibly lucky that we do have a nice savings account, which was to be used for a downpayment on our first home, and luckily we won't go into debt over this. I know not a lot of other couples out there could say the same, but it's still hard to let go of a chunk of our nest egg to pay for losing a baby.
-House: originally, when we were pregnant and due in November, we thought about starting a house hunt this fall and moving in right before the baby was due. But now with the loss and the mounting bills, it seems like there really isn't a rush anymore and every month we spend at this duplex is more money we can save to replenish our nest egg. Although I'm super excited to buy our first home and can't wait to decorate the crap out of it, I'm surprisingly okay with waiting on it, too. After all, 'waiting' is now my middle name.
-Cars: because medical bills, house hunting, and insurance woes are not enough 'adult problems' to deal with, we also have to consider my poor car. After my little episode the other week, it's becoming apparent that my 10 year old car is getting to the point where we are pumping a lot more money into it and we aren't even sure it's going to last much longer. I mean, the recent break down was because I needed a new fuel pump and this marks the third year in a row when we had a major expense for my car. I really don't care about the status-symbol of a new car and have always said I just want to run mine into the ground, since it's paid off and I adore the fact that we don't have car payments. But after my time being stranded with my broken down car, I've started to feel really nervous driving around town with Truman. I'm constantly worried it will break down again with him in it, or while I'm working and in a not-so-great area. I mean, my car is more than just a thing to get me from point A to B now: it carries our most precious cargo most every day of the week, and now I drive around town for my job. So anyway, we'll see. Lots of big decisions to make there, too. Mostly I'm having to let go of my SAVE MONEY attitude to see that safety is really number one, not money. When it rains it pours, right?
-Mom suit: how does everyone feel about mom's wearing bikinis? How do you feel about one-piece suits, too? I've always worn a two piece my whole life, and never really thought twice about it. But now that I'm a mom, I sort of feel like exposing my stomach is a little weird---like I'm trying to be a teenager again. It's not that I have fat rolls and mommy-scars to hide, but I almost feel like it's more appropriate to wear a one piece when I'm hanging out with Truman at the pool. I dunno. It's just a weird transition for me mentally. And also, there aren't a ton of cute one-piece suits out there, either. Except for this one from J.Crew and it's $125. Gulp.
- Vacation: speaking of swimming suits, we are taking a REAL vacation in August!! Besides our honeymoon and our first anniversary trip to San Diego back in the day, Nate and I haven't ever been on a real vaycay other than to Chicago and Missouri for short trips. It's high time, no? We are making it a family affair and will bring Truman with us to Fort Myers, Florida--where we will rendevous with our good buddies Hannah, Michael, and Tilly. I'm pretty sure that Tilly and Truman will be the cutest things in the entire world as they play on the beach together. Of course the logistics of flying, renting a car, and managing toddlers on vacation is a little daunting but I know we will make it work. The countdown begins! (and the swimming suit hunt...)
-Father's Day: We celebrated Nate's second Father's Day this year by going to church (where he won the award for being Dad to the youngest child---it wasn't a popular day for new dads to go to church, I guess!) and then pressies. Truman and I made a little project for Nate and whoo-boy, it was a doozie. I am so glad I don't force my son to sit still for longer than .2 seconds for any reason because it's like wrestling a crocodile more often than not. I got the idea from Pinterest and love how it turned out, even though it was tough to get any halfway decent pics. Also, Nate has this framed and on his brand new desk at work. Isn't that the cutest?
-Pinterest: Speaking of this amazing time-waster of an inspirational site, I am officially addicted. Here are my boards if you want to follow me and/or have me follow you. Lately my newest obsession is finding the most beautiful inspirational quotes on there and pinning those bad boys onto my boards. Also, I love all the rainbow stuff. I just can't avoid the bright colors!
-LuLuLemon: another love of mine lately? LuLuLemon....anything. I now own three pairs of their pants, one hoodie, and two headbands. When I first heard about this line of yoga/running apparel I gawked at the prices and couldn't fathom paying THAT much for yoga pants. And now? Even a tight-wad like myself can see that these pants are basically life-changing in their fit, comfort, materials, and amazingness. I am absolutely getting my money's worth with every purchase I've made even though I still think it's a little ridiculous to pay $98 for a hoodie. But look at how cute it is!
Oh, that's just me during our fourth anniversary trip to Chicago last month. Soaking wet from the monsoon but still rocking the hoodie. And their pants, of course, so we basically looked like we could work there (yes, Nate is just as obsessed as me, if not worse).
Also, I literally live in my yoga pants. Yes, they are expensive but they will blow your mind. And they come in Talls that are so long I have to get them hemmed. Like I said, life-changing!
-Tunes: why not cover the entire spread of life with this post and hit up my newest music obsessions, too? I have been totally digging Phoenix, The National, Blind Pilot, Horse Feathers, Bon Iver, and Passion Pit. I feel very mellow and in tune with my emotions lately, hence my really hip/alternative choices. Anyone else love these bands and/or want to recommend others like them?
Is that enough food-for-thought for you? :)