Scariest 24 hours yet

I feel like I need to post here, to keep everyone in the loop. I know there are many 'internet friends' who would be able to lift our family up in prayer and more prayers can't ever hurt.

I had to go to the ER on Tues night with severe bleeding from the miscarriage. I lost an insane amount of blood, clots, and it was the scariest time of my life. They had to give me a shot to make the bleeding subside to an acceptable rate and so far it's working. My blood count dropped so badly that there was no way they could send me home and I was really close to needing a blood transfusion. A long 24 hours in the hospital without sleep and with more testing than I thought imaginable but I'm home now, resting and waiting. Really scared of bleeding again, very weak and tired, but I'm okay.

They found a HUGE blood vessel in my uterus that is feeding into it, and causing the horrible bleeding from Tuesday night. Both the OB and the radiologist state it's something they have never seen before which is never a good thing to hear. If they would have done a D&C in the ER 'blindly' before seeing this new ultrasound with the vessel, it would have been 'a total disaster' as per the doc. Surgery is extremely risky because I could hemorrhage and need a hysterectomy, worst case scenario. She did give us the option of having a D&C now, with a special team of interventional radiologist on hand in case I begin to bleed uncontrollably. That runs the risk of having them cut off a significant amount of blood supply to my uterus, making it very difficult to get pregnant again. If it all went south, though, I would require a hysterectomy to stop the bleeding. Nate and I had lots of big decisions to make about how to take care of this, and it wasn't easy to make those choices but we opted to take a shot to help kill off the remaining products in me instead of surgery. Now I have to chill out at home and wait----will monitor the blood vessel and the products in the uterus for any change. If I do start to bleed horribly again I have to go back to the ER and have emergency surgery. Praying that doesn't happen, obviously. But we just couldn't choose the surgery right away without giving the medication a chance. I could never forgive myself if we chose that and something went wrong. At least this way we know we've given the least aggressive treatment a chance.

This entire process has been one of the biggest eye opening experiences ever. For about 30 minutes, Nate and I had to wait for the OB to give us an update after the RN told us the ultrasound showed 'a lot more complications than they thought.' That was all they could tell us and that half of an hour was the worst. I immediately thought I had cancer, and that they would need to do a hysterectomy and my life was over. I had to let go of any other 'priorities' in my life as far as having future children because all of a sudden, all that mattered was being here for Truman and Nate. The past 4 weeks since the miscarriage actually began have been hard--and I'd like to clarify that I haven't ever stopped bleeding in the past 4 weeks, not even progressing to just 'spotting', but the gushing of blood from Tuesday night was very obviously NOT okay. But the past 4 weeks were nothing like those 30 minutes of waiting for answers. I prayed to God to give me strength to lead me through whatever was to come, and of course He has. I have now learned that the inconvenience of having to wait for a second child is absolutely no big deal compared to what could have been, and what might come to be for us. So what if I can't have two kids just two years apart? Does the gap of children really matter that much anymore? How ungrateful and immature of me to be so concerned with the space between my 'assumed' children. I will consider it a blessing if I don't need a procedure that could possibly render me infertile. At this point all I can do is take it one day at a time and enjoy the present moment. Nothing else matters anymore.

That is what's been going on in a nutshell. Prayers appreciated!

( I was literally typing out Truman's 15 month post when the insane bleeding started on Tuesday night. So bear with me as I work on that one again---it's so unlike me to be late on this monthly post! )