Aug 26: Breastfeeding Cecelia

I keep planning to write The Breastfeeding Post for Cecelia whenever she stops nursing. But it seems like she might never give up the boob at this point, and I don't want to forget our nursing journey from newborn to her first birthday. If she really does continue to nurse well into her toddler-hood, I don't think I will be able to remember anything about those first few months so I am going to write this post now. This recap is probably more for me than anyone else, just so I can look back on this and sob someday when I miss nursing my babies;) Even though we aren't finished nursing yet it's a totally different experience nursing a fifteen monther, probably something that deserves it's own post anyway.

I vividly remember putting Cecelia up to the breast just minutes after she was born. I sort of paused for a second when the nurse asked me which hold I wanted to try and ended up just bringing her to me the way that felt most natural. Maybe it was a 'reverse football hold' or something but whatever the label, I marveled at how CC just knew how to latch on so well. In those magical first hours of a new baby's life, I felt incredibly blessed to nurse this child. I hoped it would go smoothly for us this second time around, just like it did with Truman.



My milk came in faster this time (24 hours after birth!) and I pumped for relief on day four, something that I never even considered the first time. I pumped every day throughout my maternity leave and ended up with a freezer stash nearing the 300oz mark. I think my max with Truman was about 250oz and that child was a beast, probably consuming even more milk than dainty Cecelia ever could. And once again, my previous A-cups grew to D's or beyond. I look back at our family pictures Andrea took around the three week mark and cannot stop staring at my own tatas. Woah.

(I'm not just posting this picture so you can check out my big cans, because I actually think it's an adorable picture somewhat related to the topic of breastfeeding with this pose;) )


She was a typical newborn that loved to eat, seemingly non-stop for hours in those early weeks. This time I was prepared to park my butt on the couch as often as I could. But this time I also got really skilled at walking around the house with my baby still nursing from me, since big brother would need me *just* as I started to get CC situated at the breast. She didn't mind and was totally fine to cruise around the house, sucking away. It's possible that I might have attempted to pull Truman's underwear up for him while nursing at the same time. Yes, potty training my two year old while nursing my two month old wasn't the easiest but we all survived the questionably sanitary conditions. You potty training moms know what I mean.

(this was from the time of potty training and nursing frequently. Cecelia actually loved laying back with  her neck cranked like this, and I forgot how that was her signature posture for awhile when I'd cart her around)


Cecelia always nursed really well in public, too, and we managed to be fairly discreet about it without always using a cover. Last summer when I was on maternity leave with my itty bitty baby, I remember nursing her at the zoo, at the pool, playgrounds, outside of our house just dripping in sweat because it was an ultra-hot summer here in WI. Cecelia didn't seem to mind her sweaty head from where my arm would support her noggin. I didn't love that feeling of sweating and letting down, but we pushed through and much preferred to nurse in the comforts of our cooler home. That's where I could set up my station of the Boppy pillow, water bottle, and my iPhone. And I seriously have no idea how I managed to survive nursing Truman on maternity leave without an iPhone. Oh, the good old days.

(freaking baby booties!)


Sister loves to nurse so much that she resisted a bottle with a FIERCE statement of hatred. We introduced the bottle around three weeks and she completely refused to even latch on the artificial nipple. So okay, whatever, we just kept trying every now and then. Until we got to about 10 weeks, with just two weeks remaining of my maternity leave. Then panic set in. This child would NOT take the bottle from anyone. I wrote a lot about this battle of wills on the blog (here, here, and here) and eventually she succumbed to a 'gentle' bottle stand off on the first weekend after I returned to work. Oh, Cecelia. That was a rough time that caused way too many tears and frustrations on both of our ends. I was so grateful for her ability to nurse and this bottle war was the first time I realized that she is our little fighter girl. My red-headed firecracker has opinions that need to be known! But she figured it out which made life a lot easier for Cecelia and Lori on your three days away from mommy. And despite all of my worries, she still wanted to nurse even after she did agree to a few bottles.

(The day she took the bottle from me! And ended up pounding 11 ounces after our stand off. I have never been so proud and she looks super happy, right?)


Returning to work and relying on the pump to get me through on my Monday, Wednesday, and Fridays wasn't too horrible. I mean, I despise pumping but that's mostly because I have to do it in the confines of my car and it's challenging to create those breaks into my work schedule. But I wasn't as freaked out about the pump this time and sort of just did it religiously, three times per day until about ten months. More on that little road bump in a bit. But pumping at work was a blessing because it allowed me to continue nursing Cecelia as a working mom. Much love to double electric pumps. I still hate you, though;)

(first day as a working mom of two)




We didn't introduce solids until six months, and I was a bit nervous this would cause my supply to tank. It didn't, and Cecelia loved to eat real foods while still nursing quite often. She's still a huge eater of 'real' food and isn't picky in the slightest. My little happy eater child balances out her brother's food wars.

(favorite eating picture ever)


I had a few clogged ducts along the way this time, something I never had with Truman. I mean, I had mastitis three times with T but never a clogged duct so these stubborn dudes were pretty painful and annoying. But I was happy that they always worked out before turning into the Big M.....until I got hit hard at 9.5 months. Yep, mastitis for the first time with Cecelia but oh, how could I ever forget what HELL that pain/fever/aches/chills can be? It was on my right side again, same as the other three times. And boy, this mastitis did a big number on my supply. Cecelia didn't nurse any differently but I was only pumping half of what I could before it hit me. Luckily I had 150 oz of frozen milk remaining because my supply never did return....at least not for the pump. She continued to nurse but I believe this was the time she would only nurse on the right side. Good old righty always was her favorite;)



I gradually used my frozen stash to make bottles for daycare. I stopped pumping all together shortly after ten months because it was just too depressing to see next-to-nothing coming out after all of that effort to set up the pump. We started mixing in a bit of whole milk into breastmilk bottles after eleven months and after one year, we started giving all whole milk in bottles. Then sippy cups a few weeks later. All of those transitions went so smoothly and I frequently thanked God for that amazing freezer stash in my in-laws deep freezer. Without it I would have had to buy and mix formula for two months, which would have been doable but annoying. And expensive compared to the free breastmilk I had instead. Plus I didn't want to have to transition her from breastmilk to formula to cow's milk all within a few months. My girl was so picky about how her method of getting milk--she hated bottles, then hated frozen stuff for awhile, she had to have the temperature exactly right, and then she would randomly give Lori a hard time with bottles even months later. I had a bad feeling that she might even refuse a formula bottle and wanted to skip it if possible. But I would have done it if I didn't have a freezer stash for if my supply tanked earlier than 10-ish months.



I will say it here: Formula is NOT poison, and I have no judgement to any mom who formula feeds her baby. I hate that it's a such sensitive subject in blog land/mommy-ville and want to be clear that formula is not the devil. I wanted to avoid formula when my supply tanked since we were SO close to making it to a year, and Cecelia still nursed like a champ whenever we were together. Luckily I only work three days per week, so nursing could still be our primary way for her to get her milk. I am proud to say that I've never had to mix a formula bottle for my kids, but I also don't think any less of moms who have. I know I'm very blessed and definitely in the minority for having such a great breastfeeding experience with my babes for so long.







One not so great experience, that I believe ties into breastfeeding so often? Craptastic sleep. Like, Cecelia was (is?) a REALLY poor sleeper and I think nursing is partially to blame. I know there are babies out there who STTN and also nurse, but we definitely do not make those types of kids over here. Maybe it's my way of making sense of her sub-par sleeping habits, to attribute it to her nursing habit---maybe she would have been a poor sleeper even without the nursing. But Cecelia did not sleep through the night until eleven months and even then, it's not like it's been a bundle of fantastic sleep around here.





Sister likes to wake up and be comforted by nursing (yes, present day 'likes' because occasionally she will still wake up and sometimes I do nurse her). I know this and knew it before she started sleeping a little better, but it was still difficult to do anything about it at the time because (for me) broken sleep = do ANYTHING to get back to sleep ASAP. I blogged a lot about sleep in the first year, but I did stop feeding her in the night and even then she didn't get the message for awhile. But it should be noted in this breastfeeding post that Cecelia's love for nursing probably affected her ability to sleep more than a few hours at a time for a good long bit of her life.





And just like that, after a few road bumps we made it to a year, which was really my only *loose* breastfeeding goal. At that point CC was nursing about four times per day and now at fifteen months it's still about 2-3 times per day. I never really considered having to make a decision about weaning her, since Truman slowly started to self-wean around nine months and nursed just once per day until his first birthday. Then he was completely done, and I figured Cecelia would be finished by her birthday, too. But these two kids are so incredibly different in all kinds of ways, nursing being one of them.

(Goodbye, bottles. Sorry she hated most of you)


I just typed out and then deleted two whole paragraphs related to menstrual cycles and contraception, and decided to leave it at this: I still haven't gotten a period yet. I got my first one with Truman at 11 months but apparently since miss CC still nurses 2-3 times per day, my body is down to wait on the lovely return of cycle for a bit longer. And yes, I have taken numerous pregnancy tests to be sure we don't have a surprise baby #3 waiting for us in nine months. Not pregnant... which both made me feel relieved and also confirmed that I'd like to see the 'pregnant' word once more in the future. (Hi, Nate! Let's have another conversation about timing for a possible #3 sometime, k?) But not now. And I hope I won't have to force Cecelia to wean in order to get my cycle back but we'll see. For now I'm happy to nurse her a few times per day and love staring down at her long/lean toddler body wrapped around my lap.





Sometimes I get all sentimental thinking about how tiny she used to be curled up next to me, drinking away, oblivious to the world around her. Now she is so big and very much aware and into everything around her. But at least for those few minutes while she nurses, she is all mine and is relaxed and quiet and peaceful;) This is something I will cherish forever, no matter how long we continue to nurse. Breastfeeding has been one of the biggest privileges I've had as a mom: challenging at times, but every bit worth it.