You've seen the movie The Terminal, right? When Tom Hanks lives in an airport for an obscene amount of time? Yeah, just call me Tom.
I flew to St. Louis this weekend for Lindsey's bridal shower. All was right in the world, it was super fab, blah blah blah. I arrived back at the airport at exactly 3:30 for my 4:30 flight on Sunday. Said my goodbyes outside to Hannah and Michael and breathed a breath of relief to see that my flight was still on time despite a little rain shower or two. Whew. I mean, if it's plastered over every flipping big screen in the entire airport, it must be just fine, right?
I breezed through security and found myself a comfy little spot in which to settle before they boarded our plane. Life was great.
And then.....crazy hooker flight attendant dropped a bomb on our butts.
"Ahem, attention passengers, some of you have heard the news already, but...." (you know right then and there things are headed south)...."your plane is stuck in Orlando because a lightbulb is out on a wing. It's a critical light and they do not have a replacement in stock. Therefore, your plane is not scheduled to arrive here in St. Louis until at least 8 pm. I apologize for any inconvenience."
You can guess what happened next, can't you? People lost their freaking minds. Yelling, loud sighs, passive aggressive comments....not to mention there was a three year old boy running around like a wild banchee throwing shoes at innocent bystanders and telling his parents to flat out 'SHUT UP.' It was basically Armageddon, you guys.
I tried to take a deep breath and relax a bit. There was absolutely nothing I could do to get home any faster. I now had 4.5 hours to kill without anything to occupy my time. My, what a great time to get rid of internet on my phone, eh? Fabulous move on that one, tight wad.
So I splurged on two gossip magazines and treated myself to a little Quiznos. I soaked in my surroundings and found that people watching in airports is probably the most entertaining thing you can do when stranded in an airport for ungodly amounts of time.
This one lady almost gave herself a stroke while screaming "THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE" into her cell phone with one finger in her open ear. From what I could gather this lady was talking to a different airline about a different scheduling conflict....one that doesn't occur until the end of this month. Hey lady, I got news for you, there are bigger fish to fry at the current moment. Your uptight behind ain't going anywhere for a good 4 hours because of some chaos in present day. Why not let the poor dude on the other line catch a break, so that you can focus on the current dilemma.
You see, not only was my reject flight stuck down south because of technical difficulties, but the entire Atlanta airport was on a ground freeze---no planes in and no planes out. So the other folks patiently awaiting their flight to Atlanta were also in a bit of a tizzy. Americans who are in a traveling nightmare do not behave like civilized adults, you guys. It was like a social experiement of some kind, I swear.
So all of a sudden it's 7 pm and crazy hooker attendant says, "For my Milwaukee passengers, the good news is that your plane is getting ready to take off right now. It's a 2 hour flight up here with a 30 minute turn around. So I'm hoping to get you out of here by 9:30." Okay, that is just great....another 2 plus hours of mind-numbing boringness. I took it upon myself to get ANOTHER magazine and some PB M&Ms because gosh darn it, I deserved them both.
I have never once in my 28 years completed an entire crossword puzzle, but Sunday was a first in many aspects of my life. I finished one AND I did not leave Lambert Airport until 11:15 pm. Please take the time to calculate this for a moment, my friends: got there at 3:30, flew out at 11:15. Nearly 8 miserable hours spent inside the jail cell known as Lambert.
Which means I got home at 12:30 and almost vomited from fatigue (is that too dramatic? I can't decide). It was even worse when I had to get up at 6 for work this morning. Gouge my eyes out with a spoon, please. Nate was so happy to have me home, of course, since I was the epitome of a delightful wife.
Trying to be a Pollyanna during this highly dreadful event was kind of fun. I mean, Milwaukee is absolutely gorgeous at midnight when all light up. The view from my tardy plane was enough for me to snap a really blurry pic. I kind of like it:
So yeah, that is how I morphed into Tom Hanks this weekend. Love how it is only a 6 hour drive but I spent 8 in an airport and one in the air.
Okay, now that The Terminal period of my life is over, I present to you project Bridal Shower.
The lovely bride:
Lots of us, but not all of us. Probably the best turn out for a bridal shower yet:
Six more weeks until Lindsey's big day! And yes, we will be flying the same carrier in six weeks. Please Dear God, let any delays be less than 8 hours this time.
Let's hear some traveling horror stories. I'm sure you all have at least one, right?