Marriage = full of delightfulness

So last night I was in a deep sleep, probably dreaming about laying on a warm beach with a fruity cocktail in my hand, when something happened.

I remember being all curled up and happy. Then I vaguely remember a large forearm looming over my head. Next I felt the pillow---the one on which my head was comfortably resting--- yank out from under my skull. I think it actually caused my forehead to slam onto the mattress. Seriously.

So I tried to wake up from my slumbering stupor. I sat up in bed and looked down at the spot that used to house my favorite pillow. Then I looked over at my snoring husband and sure enough, he was cuddling with my freaking pillow just like nothing had happened. He stole the pillow out from under my head, you guys. Why would he do that to me, his loving wife of 1.5 years? Bastard!

My voice crackled, "Um, baby? I think you just stole my pillow."

One eye opened from across the bed as he said, "Wha?"

I woke up even more as my mood turned from confused to downright angry. "That is my pillow you are holding. You just yanked it away from me."

He handed the pillow back to me saying, "Oh, sorry." Then he fell back asleep as if he were an innocent little lamb. I willed myself to drift back to my pleasant dreams instead of starting a fist fight right then and there, but I tucked this event into my brain for discussion later. He would not get away with this.

So this morning, I was all "Remember how you stole my pillow for no good reason last night?"

And he was all "Yeah, well that's because you stole all the covers AND you elbowed me twice last night in your sleep."

WTF? Exaggerate much? Nate seriously claims that I grasp the corner of our comforter, and then begin to roll myself into a burrito with every last inch of fabric. Like I'm spinning out of control in order to steal every bit of warmth from our frigid bedroom. Fat chance. I think he makes this up [but I will admit that sometimes I'll wake up with the sheets wrapped around my entire body three times over. But I doubt I roll around like a Mexican food dish just to piss him off. I would never do that, now would I?]

So yeah, apparently I stole all the covers and also managed to 'flop my gangly arms' into his throat twice. I suggested that maybe I was trying to cuddle, to which he responded, "No, you were trying to slap me." Eh, same difference, right?

Ah, the beauties of marriage and sharing a bed with the man you love. I steal covers and he steals pillows. But I will always get the last punch with my 'gangly arms' because I rule, boys drool.

Are you with me, ladies?

Someday, when the world is a perfect place, we will own a king size bed [instead of our measly little queen] and have comforters the size of Texas so I can make my little cocoons without causing marital distress. Someday, my friends.