7.10.14: Forty plus two: My last day being pregnant!!!
Today started off really rough---I'm going to be real with you guys. I woke up at 12:30 am to pee, and then again at 3:30 am and could not get my brain to shut off. Horrible thoughts swirling in my head, negativity, anxiety in the wee hours of the morning. Like, what if something is wrong with my baby and that is why he hasn't come out on his own? What if something is wrong with my body and the induction tomorrow will fail and I will always regret making this decision? A c-section is not the end of the world, and neither is a child with special needs. But I just am feeling a lot of WORRIES today because it's basically go time. I know, I know---it's awful to think this way, but this morning I lost the mental battle of staying positive.
So I came downstairs around 4:30 and worked on some belly picture montages, blog posts, etc. I was FINE when distracted. And when the kids came down with Nate later, he asked if I was alright and I lost it. You know that feeling when you are in a funk but holding it together and as soon as someone says, 'Are you okay?' you immediately start bawling? That was me. 'Just frustrated and over it and tired?' he asked. Um yes. All of the above and then some. He tried to comfort me, saying he was proud of me for hanging in there and doing a great job carrying his son---which only made me roll my eyes, because I don't feel like I've done ANYTHING (such as birth the baby) other than ride an emotional roller coaster this past week. It's been rough at times, guys. But it's going to be just fine.
Because tomorrow is induction day! Nate thinks I will go into labor on my own tonight and I think he is delusional (as I sit on the exercise ball and fight off a few contractions....which likely means NOTHING since they've been here all week+).
The rest of the day was fun. We took the kids to the playground, I got a nice nap, I took Truman to get a haircut and then we all went with Tony and Lois to dinner and to get dessert. We chose the same restaurant we ate at the night I went into labor with Cecelia and also the same coffee shop for dessert. No coincidence there! The kids were a bit wild and have been out of sorts today but I'm sure they can sense something is going on. CC is totally attached to mommy in the worst way, much more than usual. My baby. I hope she is alright tomorrow and the next day without me.
Tonight I kissed Truman and CC goodnight and explained that we can say an official goodbye in the morning (probably). We will leave here at 6:30 am to get the show on the road. Tony will come over to be with the kids, Lois will come after work and my mom and dad will fly in by 1:30. Such a special time!
It's all very surreal. I can't quite wrap my head around giving birth tomorrow. I mean, I've done it before and I know I can do it again but oh man, the nerves! I'm not sure of the plan for pitocin versus just breaking my water, or what. I hope it goes quickly and smoothly and I just want to see this baby boy. And kiss him and nurse him and tell him he is a stinker. And then hold him non-stop for a solid few days;) GAH, I cannot wait!!!
I feel like I've been pregnant forever. FOR.EV.ER. And obviously, the end result of pregnancy is a baby but it's odd to accept that this is my last night with this big belly. With this active baby rolling and punching and kicking me from the inside. Tomorrow he will be out: crying, nursing, pooping, peeing, being generally magical. It's so freaking cool.
I'll miss pregnancy though, which I know is annoying to say especially in light of how much I've complained about being overdue. Pregnancy is amazing, it's a gift, and it's something I will always remember with a tender heart. I like being pregnant. But I do not like being overdue;) So there's that.
Any and all prayers, good vibes, and thoughts appreciated of course. I am feeling the love already with sweet comments here, on IG, and FB from my virtual friends around the world----seriously, so appreciated. A few emails and messages I've gotten from you guys have made me cry because you get it. Being overdue is hard---not the hardest thing ever, and it will NOT matter after tomorrow. But it's been a wild ride. Baby boy is already teaching me lessons, like YOU CANNOT PLAN ANYTHING, MOM! Because obviously I haven't learned that in my 33 years, and two kids schooling me all of the time.
I will update here once he comes, and Instagram (@mrsjuliagoolia) and Facebook (My Life in Transition Blog) will be priorities, too.
A few final belly pictures for you, since I know you will miss being bombarded with eleventy-hundred angles of my bump:
Caught a picture of a contraction today---can you see the difference in the top of my belly? Suuuuuper tight. I had to flip one of the pictures to make it the same side view but you get the idea.
Video montage of weekly belly pictures--because why else would I take them but for a fun comparison at the end?
All third trimester belly pictures:
All belly pictures, weeks 5-40:
And finally, assuming I don't have this baby in my arms in the next 3 hours (ha!): The night before labor began with each baby. (Final belly pictures) Awwwwww.
See you on the flip side!