7.1.14: He's going to be a July baby after all!
I've never done a weekly post after 39 weeks and I'm really hoping not to break any records for the third time around. Dear Lord, help me, if this is not my last weekly belly shot/post. (shakes fist as the labor gods in the sky). Also: forming a coherent thought is not my strong suit right now, so hold onto your butts. This post is going to be chaotic and might make you fear for my mental sanity a bit more than usual. I just re-read it before posting and there seems to be a lot of yelling/capital letters. Sorry about that. Or should I say, SORRY about that?
Question of the day:
How does one snap out of a mega funk/bad mood when supes pregnant and she cannot run or have a glass of wine (tried and trued favorite stress-relievers in my non-pregs life)? Blog her way out of it? Whine and be honest with your or just gloss over the negative stuff and focus on the positive? I've found that eating miniature Heath bars and listening to old school Paramore helped a bit last night while I wrote the majority of this post. 'Positive thoughts' and mantras are annoying to me but probably work to some degree. Let's get on with the post and just see what happens, shall we?
-Baby watch is in full effect with friends and family texting/emailing/excited to hear the news. I feel very loved and 'thought about' as their excitement definitely rubs off on me. Will likely reach the annoying/'I'm letting everyone down' stage soon if nothing happens.
-ONE more day of work until maternity leave. OMGOMGOMG. Yes, nearly 13 weeks off from wearing my PT hat is much much needed for this old broad.
-My belly is huge in an awesome way. He's still super active in there and my positive thoughts/internal dialogue tell me he is likely healthy and all will be just fine on the other side of these Final Days.
-Babies. We are going to have another one soon. They are so helpless and painfully adorable and they smell amazing. And nursing a baby. And the magic of meeting our newest family member on his birthday. And baby snuggles. I CANNOT HANDLE THE ANTICIPATION (so much yelling). We are getting another baby and Iloveitsomuch.
-I don't feel horribly fat. (yet.) Sometimes a picture will catch me off guard and my face looks pregnant but for the most part I feel like I'm semi-attractive for 39 weeks. That says a lot right there!
-Beer and wine. Really really soon!!!!
-I feel amazing each morning, like I can conquer the world with energy and all of the 'I love being pregnant' thoughts my brain can handle. (Shall not mention my thoughts on the subject after about 4pm because this is the 'awesome' section of the post).
-Appointment update: last week on Thursday my blood pressure was still very good, I'm 'only' up 31 pounds, baby's heartbeat was 152, and he measured right on track. I'm a 'one plus---almost two' dilated and 50% effaced. THESE ARE ALL AWESOME THINGS. Baby is coming. Body sort of knows it for once which doesn't mean anything except 'Go, cervix! Only 8 more centimeters to go!'
(left: gigantic bare belly at the end of a day. right: at the OB office. How many more appointments to go???)
-Rediscovering my first trimester mantra of 'just do the next thing.' So right now I'm typing this post. Then I might find something to eat. At some point I will probably have to muster up the energy to stand up, walk to the bathroom, and pee. Let's not get ahead of ourselves and try to predict when I'll have to birth a child out of my body, alright? Sure, July 1 would be a fantastic birthday and all but there's no more room in my head for such thoughts.
-Best moment of the week: Laying on the massage table on Sunday (during the best 80 minute pre-natal massage in the history of life), I started to feel emotional about pregnancy ending. What a gift. What a freaking miracle to grow another human being inside my body. What a privilege. How amazing is it to think that this little boy will be in my arms soon, that we will be a family of five? My body knows what it's doing, I suppose, if it can grow this baby, birth him, and provide him nourishment after birth. It's a beautiful thing, even at the very (messy, hormonal, sort of ugly) end. Plus, I was able to lay on my stomach for nearly 80 minutes so of course my mood reached an all-time high on that massage table.
Not Awesome things:
-I feel like I'm 239 weeks pregnant right now. Like, woah, how did I magically forget the mind games of the final days of pregnancy? What happened to my 'time is flying' mentality that lasted me nearly 9 months? Oh, that's right, I lost it about a week ago when I decided I was READY for this child to arrive early and he has not obliged. Control freaks/Type A's and end-stage pregnancy don't mix, my friends.
-I might be pregnant forever. It could happen.
-Lots of really scary things can happen in labor and delivery. The anxiety and fear is creeping in just a smidge now that we are so close to d-day. I don't like that panicky feeling, FYI.
-I am a horrible person for even complaining about pregnancy when I really do feel good physically. Mentally I'm pretty much done, though. Stick a fork in me, waving the white flag, etc etc. D-O-N-E.
-I annoy myself with being bummed out over not having a baby at 39 weeks. Because, really, Julia? Why did you even get your hopes up? Probably because of the following...
-I'm tired and a frickin' furnace and my patience is non-existent. Being hugely pregnant in the summer truly does suck as much as everyone claims. For real. Again: mentally done. I'm older this time, have two demanding (but adorable!) kids to keep alive, and did I mention that I'm really tired? And that my job, while pregnant in the summer, has been especially challenging? Yes? Move on.
-'Today could be the day' is the most annoying thought in the entire world and yet I can't seem to stop it from overtaking my brain. Every. Day.
(These regular, timeable contractions are not exciting anymore. But our back-hall chalkboard says it all!)
-I kind of feel like hibernating until the baby is born. No plans sound good, I'm not doing the best at keeping up with friend emails, and I feel a little mentally checked out of life. And I've considered shopping online for moo-moos due to the comfort factor. If I am overdue I will absolutely buy and flaunt a moo moo for you, don't worry. Real clothes are for the birds. Non-pregnant birds.
-I also think I might be losing my marbles (which you already know by now if you've made it this far into the post). One minute all I want to do is bounce on all of the exercise balls in my vicinity, walk until I drop, and somehow force this child out of my body. The next minute I feel very relaxed and grateful for this calm before the storm of a third baby entering our lives. And then I just want to sleep forever to bank on the deprivation we will feel shortly. And then I worry about not enjoying this 'experience' enough, and that I'll miss pregnancy dearly when it's over. After all of those thoughts pass through my brain in 2 seconds, I'm back to feeling annoyed about the effort it takes to pick up a dropped fork. I might even fight back tears at some point 'just because'. Ah, good times.
At 39 weeks with Cecelia: I was doubting my body's ability to birth a baby without induction, bummed after my 38 week appointment with no cervical changes, and timing semi-painful contractions regularly. SOUNDS FREAKING FAMILIAR. All deja-vu except my cervix is changing a bit, and I've gained less (31 pounds vs. 36 pounds) with a larger/rounder/higher belly this time around. But don't worry, those miniature Heath bars will be the death of me and since I'm mentally 'done' with this pregnancy, I pretty much can't stop eating all of the junk food. Because, why not? Wouldn't be surprised if Thursday's OB appointment is a scale shocker.
Also, really not into these final comparison shots because I think my belly is currently a lot bigger and lower than portrayed via photos. But whatever. Last comparisons!
Okay, can definitely tell this boy is housing the uterus differently than his sister here.
Definitely more baby at the top of the bump this time. And excuse the milk---it was my 'fruit of the week' last time.
If you don't remember (because I barely did): I went into labor with CC at 39w4d, timing a few contractions at 10pm. We reluctantly got to the hospital at 4am the next morning (unsure if I'd be turned away for lack of progress), and I had her in my arms by 8am at 39w5d. So if baby boy is not here on Sunday, someone send an SOS for my mental sanity. Staying pregnant longer my second time versus my first time wasn't TOO horrible (until the last four days) since I was induced two weeks early with Truman. I mean, with Cecelia I was just happy to avoid pre-eclampsia and the final 'most pregnant I've ever been' days were tolerable. But if I stay pregnant the longest on this third time? Torture. No, just no.
And so, my friends? Today would be an awesome birthday for this boy. Tomorrow is my last day of work. Thursday is my next (and last scheduled) OB appointment. Friday is the holiday and after that I just don't know anymore. I really want him here by my due date and actually, wouldn't 7/7/14 be a sweet birthday, too? I've had both of my kids on a Monday, so if I *have* to wait for 'lucky sevens', I suppose I could.
Just do the next thing. The end.