Man versus Vampire-in-makeup

The following post was written by my wannabe blogger husband, Nate. Do enjoy:)

So tonight I was blessed with the opportunity [semi-forced] to watch parts of the teenage hit movie Twilight...and all I can say is “really”?!? I don’t get it. Is this one of the mysteries about women that us men will never understand? What would make an otherwise sane, perfectly normal 27 year old girl obsess over a high school drama about sexy [yet creepy] vampires? Come to think of it, my wife also likes Britney Spears and Miley Cyrus, so I might be onto something here. Regardless, a movie centered around love and sexy vampires made for high school girls isn’t my idea of fun but I sucked it up anyway and pretended to care.

Julia threw in the DVD and cued it right up to her fave part, Edward’s intro. The suspense was building as I was imagining how amazingly gorgeous this guy must be - I mean J wants his poster in our bedroom?!? Creepy what? In my head I quickly thought about the epitome of male perfection, but all I could come up with was Jack Black in Nacho Libre...pretty hot! Julia went all ‘Ceasar Milan’ on my butt when I tried to mention this vision during the movie, silencing me with the patented ‘shusht’ and an abrupt hand gesture. You know the move I’m talking about, right?

The scene starts with the Bella sitting at a table with some other girls talking about the swim team stuffing their speedos (funny what I remember from the scene, right?). And in walk four really really good looking, Zoolander-esque, people. Then...wait for it...following the four supermodels...wait for it...in walks Senor Edwardo - blue faced, lipstick, and eyeliner - talk about HOTT! Did I miss a memo, when did Smurf-esque looks become sexy? And the lipstick and eyeliner? People, look how we’re inspiring our country’s teens. In 15 years the population of San Francisco’s Castro District is going to sky-rocket! I didn’t mention the hair, because as you’ve all seen, I’d be a hypocrite to slam the man for his beautiful hair...yup, I’m jealous of his ridiculous mop and yet, I still feel like more of a man since I don’t wear makeup. I’ll always have that one on him.

So what is it ladies, why does this freakishly, borderline queer-looking guy capture your lust? How many of your boyfriends/husbands go out with eyeliner and lipstick? In fact, how many of you would want them dressing like that...or running and jumping through a forest like a freaking monkey on crack?

Other random thoughts: why doesn’t Edward just turn Bella into a vampire so they can live happily ever after? Julia says it’s because Bella wouldn’t live with her parents anymore and that would be sad, but I’m sure Bella could swing a deal and live with humans a while longer. And seriously, the Cullens can't call themselves vegetarians if they eat animals. That's just dumb. Plus, when the rogue vampires appeared and wanted to eat Bella [they aren't vegetarians, obviously] the stare-down from Edward was actually painful to watch it was so bad. And finally, my favorite part has to be when Bella discovers Edward’s true identity through Google. Nice work on that one, producers. Google rules.

And that does it, my schedule (and the NCAA tourney!) has unfortunately prevented me from watching the entire movie but I’m sure I’ll hear all about the next book Julia just started. I can hardly stand the suspense.

I still don’t get the obsession, and you girls must admit the movie IS corny! But if it makes you happy, so be it...and enjoy lusting over your diamond-skin-covered, pale, and make-up donned vampires.



See, he just gave us the stamp of approval somehow. Let's go look up more Edward pics, shall we?

And with that I'm off to Chicago for Kristen's highly anticipated bachelorette party. My biggest worry is what on earth a homebody like me shall wear for not one but TWO nights out in a big city. Um, I guess yoga pants and cotton tee shirts won't do, now will they? To make matters worse it's not quite Spring [and the highs are only going to reach 40] but I refuse to wear one of my Mr. Rodgers cardigans out to clubs in Chicago. I'm not THAT pathetic, am I? It's time to get creative, my friends. I swear I used to be a social butterfly with multitudes of going out clothes and now look at me....an old married hag who considers it 'dressing up' if I wear jeans and a sweater to the grocery store, instead of my sweats. Sigh. My new numbingly cold city inspires me to be a homely, I suppose. I can always blame it on the weather:)

But seriously---I cannot freaking wait. It might get nasty. G-rated pictures to follow.