Relief, Part 1

November 19, 2016: 7w0d

I had my first ultrasound this week and (drum roll, please) we saw a HEARTBEAT!

November 17th: Hi, baby!!!! You are 6w5d right now.



We also saw a gigantic, massive bleed that looked nearly identical to Cecelia's sub-chorionic hemorrhage back in 2011. The ultrasound tech barely said a word to us during the entire test (maddening) and then the nurse called later that day to say, 'Baby is growing nicely but there is blood in front of the placenta.' I'm guessing that is the same thing as a SCH? They ordered another ultrasound in two weeks to see if the bleed is resolving and I'm supposed to remain on pelvic rest.

If I hadn't seen something this horrifying with Cecelia, and didn't know that it could turn out totally 100% fine, I'd probably be freaking out. I mean, I still feel a little uneasy about bleeding so much and then seeing a bleed that completely dwarfs our baby. But after spending the last 1.5 weeks in total mental limbo, I'm ready to embrace the positive. I'm trying to remind myself of this often, because what is the point of being sad and worried all of the time? It's pointless, and I should know by now that it's all out of my control anyway.

Baby had a heartbeat of 126 bpm which is normal for this age. It measured spot-on at 6w5d which is identical to my measurement using my last menstrual period. I tell you what: seeing that tiny gummy bear BABY with a heartbeat never, ever gets old. It's the most amazing thing ever and my stomach rises into my throat just thinking about that moment.

I cannot believe we get to do this again. Cannot. Believe.

Nate was with me and he was positive going into it, and positive coming out of it. We went out to lunch wear I forced myself to eat and not puke, then met with a contractor and an architect about building an addition on our house. More on this later, my head is still spinning from everything right now.




Symptoms of note:
-Bloated like woah, nearly a real bump which seems impossible
-gassy in the evenings, disgustingness.
-highly emotional---I've cried over the strangest things this week and feel on the verge of tears 50% of the time. One morning I started to cry when Porter and Cecelia both cried for various reasons. I felt like such a failure of a mother and that the world was ending. I mean, come on! Someone is always crying at our house, but why does it have to be me now?
-Nauseous. Food sounds disgusting but I'm starving. Waves of wanting to puke mostly in the first half of the day.
-Hypersensitive sniffer. I think Henry's dog farts almost pushed me over the edge today.
-Peeing non-stop. I even have to wake up before 6 am to pee which is highly unusual for me.
-EXHAUSTED. I'm taking naps most days which is also not my norm. I wake up still tired and crash at 9pm at night. The Fatigue is usually my biggest symptom of the first trimester and oh, what a beast it is for productivity in life.
-Boobs super tender. Not any bigger yet, unfortch.
-Short of breath climbing stairs. I mean, really?
-Dizziness when I stand up.
-Headaches.

That's quite the list!

I'm also not running anymore, officially. I haven't run since I bled on election day and I'm missing a 10k race that we are both signed up to run tomorrow. Honestly, I miss running and was really getting into a groove of running fast and running often. But I also feel so tired and nauseated that I don't care. The doctor didn't tell me I can't run but I'm using my logic and saying that my body probably cannot handle running if I bled pretty badly after my last run. So I'm tapping out from the race and probably until the second trimester, or beyond.

I also don't even miss alcohol yet. It sounds disgusting like all food and drink. I can barely drink a whole cup of coffee anymore. WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS WORLD??

The only thing that sounded really amazing this week was hard salami and cheese on crackers. Is that the most random craving ever? We have never purchased hard salami at the store, ever. I almost bought some but that morning I felt like I would vom if I had to stand by the deli meats any longer, so I skipped it. But now that I'm writing about it, I totally want some salami asap.