I know it's been awhile and I haven't even updated since my surgery. I told Nate the other night that I just can't find the motivation to blog. It's like I don't have the mental energy to compose a post, and really I haven't even been a good comment-friend lately. He asked me why I didn't feel like blogging and I said, 'I dunno....it's just I don't feel like I have anything to say other than the same old crap about me being sad and grieving.' As a husband who normally 'doesn't get' the blog-life, although he's always supported me, I was sort of caught off guard by how strongly he felt about my statement. He really didn't like that I said I have nothing to blog about and started helping me think of things to say. He told me that it's really depressing to think that there is nothing good to share from our lives right now and plus, it's obviously not true. So that was sort of the kick in the rear I needed. Now for some tidbits.

-Surgery: Yes, I had it 2 weeks ago on Monday 6/13/11. It went very well and my OB was pleased that there was no signs of infection, but had lots of tissue that needed to come out of there badly. The day of the surgery my mom was a HUGE help for me because I was pretty groggy and weak but really by the next day I was already feeling immensely better. By day 3 I was back to work and sent mom back home and I'm happy to report that within one week of surgery, I have officially stopped bleeding! Hallelujah. Just a reminder: I bled for 6 weeks solid. Pads suck. Miscarriages suck. And not wearing any feminine products is awesome. I'd say I'm back to normal physically and still working on my mental state every day. There are happy and sad times, which is normal, and lately I'm just trying to focus on the present and my many blessings. Also hoping to get my period soon, to prove my body is back into it's normal cycle, because I think that will seem like the final step of this very long journey. Isn't it crazy that I got my positive test at the end of March, the bad ultrasound at the end of April and now it's almost July? Longest m/c ever...

-Sad news: on Saturday my in-laws had to make a very difficult decision to put their dog, Sammy, down after 13 years of being a part of their family. He really declined in the past few months; couldn't see or hear, couldn't hold his bladder, wasn't sleeping at night but was very lethargic during the day, was really weak and was obviously uncomfortable. His quality of life wasn't there anymore, as he didn't even enjoy his previously favorite parts of his day. It was time and Lois said it was a peaceful goodbye but still heartbreaking. I hate to see my in-laws, who are like parents to me, upset and I hate to think about this sort of loss. I don't even want to think about how hard it will be when Henry's time comes, especially now that Truman is literally in love with his 'daw-daw'. Hopefully, since he will only be 6 years old this fall, we have many more years until that point. But good old Sammy was a wonderful family pet and he will be missed. Here's to many bones and butter dishes in doggie heaven, buddy.

(back in 2009, 10 years old)
sammy, the bichon frise
i have more respect for pet photographers than I did before.

(and Saturday morning, 13 years old and just the sweetest soul)

- Sleep: I'll post more in an upcoming 16 month post, but dang---Truman ain't sleeping worth a hoot. He is teething and thus waking up screaming at about 4 or 5 every morning. Refuses to go back to sleep. It's amazing how quickly you forget what those newborn sleepless nights felt like. Quite a sobering reminder of what it will be like someday with number two, and a reason to be grateful for our normally-great sleeper. I hope he returns to us soon. It's a good thing he's so darn cute, right? And just because I can (I don't think baby butt cheeks are inappropriate for a few more years, right?)...

- Nate's job: the hubs is a working man and LOVES his job! We are seriously so blessed that he found an amazing fit with his coworkers and clinic. There are a few other male therapists there and get this: they all love to golf and even do swing analysis at their clinic. And his company is paying for a course in Chicago later this year, so that Nate can be 'Titleist certified'. I don't know what that means but I know that it brings much giddiness to my husband's life. And also, the second paycheck is mind-blowing, as expected.

-Bills: and of course, this increase in our income came at the PERFECT time because we have hellified medical bills now! Whoo Hoo! I'm having some difficulties with our stupid insurance right now because they haven't covered jack crap thus far and nothing sucks more than having a miscarriage, then having to call insurance companies to explain that no, I am not pregnant, and yes, I am having a 'pregnancy complication'. I wrote a very strongly worded letter last night and am sending it off as a 'grievance'. I know it might not help but dang, this is the opposite of fun. We are incredibly lucky that we do have a nice savings account, which was to be used for a downpayment on our first home, and luckily we won't go into debt over this. I know not a lot of other couples out there could say the same, but it's still hard to let go of a chunk of our nest egg to pay for losing a baby.

-House: originally, when we were pregnant and due in November, we thought about starting a house hunt this fall and moving in right before the baby was due. But now with the loss and the mounting bills, it seems like there really isn't a rush anymore and every month we spend at this duplex is more money we can save to replenish our nest egg. Although I'm super excited to buy our first home and can't wait to decorate the crap out of it, I'm surprisingly okay with waiting on it, too. After all, 'waiting' is now my middle name.

-Cars: because medical bills, house hunting, and insurance woes are not enough 'adult problems' to deal with, we also have to consider my poor car. After my little episode the other week, it's becoming apparent that my 10 year old car is getting to the point where we are pumping a lot more money into it and we aren't even sure it's going to last much longer. I mean, the recent break down was because I needed a new fuel pump and this marks the third year in a row when we had a major expense for my car. I really don't care about the status-symbol of a new car and have always said I just want to run mine into the ground, since it's paid off and I adore the fact that we don't have car payments. But after my time being stranded with my broken down car, I've started to feel really nervous driving around town with Truman. I'm constantly worried it will break down again with him in it, or while I'm working and in a not-so-great area. I mean, my car is more than just a thing to get me from point A to B now: it carries our most precious cargo most every day of the week, and now I drive around town for my job. So anyway, we'll see. Lots of big decisions to make there, too. Mostly I'm having to let go of my SAVE MONEY attitude to see that safety is really number one, not money. When it rains it pours, right?

-Mom suit: how does everyone feel about mom's wearing bikinis? How do you feel about one-piece suits, too? I've always worn a two piece my whole life, and never really thought twice about it. But now that I'm a mom, I sort of feel like exposing my stomach is a little weird---like I'm trying to be a teenager again. It's not that I have fat rolls and mommy-scars to hide, but I almost feel like it's more appropriate to wear a one piece when I'm hanging out with Truman at the pool. I dunno. It's just a weird transition for me mentally. And also, there aren't a ton of cute one-piece suits out there, either. Except for this one from J.Crew and it's $125. Gulp.

- Vacation: speaking of swimming suits, we are taking a REAL vacation in August!! Besides our honeymoon and our first anniversary trip to San Diego back in the day, Nate and I haven't ever been on a real vaycay other than to Chicago and Missouri for short trips. It's high time, no? We are making it a family affair and will bring Truman with us to Fort Myers, Florida--where we will rendevous with our good buddies Hannah, Michael, and Tilly. I'm pretty sure that Tilly and Truman will be the cutest things in the entire world as they play on the beach together. Of course the logistics of flying, renting a car, and managing toddlers on vacation is a little daunting but I know we will make it work. The countdown begins! (and the swimming suit hunt...)

-Father's Day: We celebrated Nate's second Father's Day this year by going to church (where he won the award for being Dad to the youngest child---it wasn't a popular day for new dads to go to church, I guess!) and then pressies. Truman and I made a little project for Nate and whoo-boy, it was a doozie. I am so glad I don't force my son to sit still for longer than .2 seconds for any reason because it's like wrestling a crocodile more often than not. I got the idea from Pinterest and love how it turned out, even though it was tough to get any halfway decent pics. Also, Nate has this framed and on his brand new desk at work. Isn't that the cutest?

-Pinterest: Speaking of this amazing time-waster of an inspirational site, I am officially addicted. Here are my boards if you want to follow me and/or have me follow you. Lately my newest obsession is finding the most beautiful inspirational quotes on there and pinning those bad boys onto my boards. Also, I love all the rainbow stuff. I just can't avoid the bright colors!

-LuLuLemon: another love of mine lately? LuLuLemon....anything. I now own three pairs of their pants, one hoodie, and two headbands. When I first heard about this line of yoga/running apparel I gawked at the prices and couldn't fathom paying THAT much for yoga pants. And now? Even a tight-wad like myself can see that these pants are basically life-changing in their fit, comfort, materials, and amazingness. I am absolutely getting my money's worth with every purchase I've made even though I still think it's a little ridiculous to pay $98 for a hoodie. But look at how cute it is!
Oh, that's just me during our fourth anniversary trip to Chicago last month. Soaking wet from the monsoon but still rocking the hoodie. And their pants, of course, so we basically looked like we could work there (yes, Nate is just as obsessed as me, if not worse).

Also, I literally live in my yoga pants. Yes, they are expensive but they will blow your mind. And they come in Talls that are so long I have to get them hemmed. Like I said, life-changing!

-Tunes: why not cover the entire spread of life with this post and hit up my newest music obsessions, too? I have been totally digging Phoenix, The National, Blind Pilot, Horse Feathers, Bon Iver, and Passion Pit. I feel very mellow and in tune with my emotions lately, hence my really hip/alternative choices. Anyone else love these bands and/or want to recommend others like them?

Is that enough food-for-thought for you? :)


  1. Glad you're doing better hoolia! I can tell you're doing better just by reading. I remember when you first got your car. Seems like yesterday you took me for a spin...

    Thinking of you as always!

  2. So glad to see an update from you! I've been thinking about you and praying that everything was going okay. I can totally identify with you on not feeling up to blogging and I got in such a rut dealing with our infertility that even the joy of our pregnancy didn't completely snap me back into it. I'm definitely better, but not great. Keep it up, you are one of my favs!

    Also, I love baby cheeks, completely agree that insurance companies suck, and adult decisions, well, they suck too. Hang in there! You've been through a lot these past few months.

    Finally, I'm not on one side of the swimsuit fence or the other. Personally, I've never really been comfortable in a 2 piece even as thin as I am/was and definitely won't be wearing one again with these nasty stretch marks. But, if you've got it and want to rock it, go for it. I do, however, feel like they make some super cute one-pieces and you would look awesome in it I'm sure!

    Wow, that was long. I'll keep praying for you! Take care!

  3. I'm just going to comment on something fun because the other stuff makes my heart ache too much:(. Target has several swimsuits similar to the one you posted -- http://www.target.com/One-Piece-Swimsuits-Swimwear-Clothing/b/13706071/ref=sc_fe_l_3_13629631_9?node=13706071.

  4. So pleased to hear that your surgery went well and you are making a recovery physically. I'm sure that will help in some way with the emotional and mental healing too.
    Thank you for this post and the reminder that there are always good things going on in our lives if we choose to see them. I have not been through anything like you recently but I have been struggling with a few big life decisions (career/house/babies) and have allowed things to get on top of me a bit and have not felt like blogging because I couldn't think of anything new or what I felt was interesting to say. So thanks for the virtual butt-kicking! Sometimes I need to learn that God is in control and learn how to really rest and have peace in Him!
    p.s. I've not really heard of pinterest but I love your boards and can see a new addiction coming on!!!

  5. Glad to hear your surgery went well, and I hope your cycle returns to normal soon. Love Pinterest- following you now!

  6. I'm very sorry to hear about Sammy. And about T-man not sleeping so well! I found the sleeplessness thing so much easier when H was a baby - it is so much harder when they're toddlers for some reason - you're not used to it anymore! Hang in there.

    As for bathing suits, I say moms can DEFINITELY wear bikinis still, especially if they have rockin bodies like you do! My body isn't as nice as yours, but it's acceptable, and I still rock the bikini. I was the only mom at swim class in a two-piece, haha, but dang, that made me proud, not embarrassed. You're only 30, girl! You'll have years to wear one-piece suits. ;) Just my humble opinion!

    And as always, sending you "come back fast, AF!!!" vibes. ;) Glad you're finally healing.

    Oh, and yay for vacation! That'll be such fun.

  7. So sorry to hear about Sammy :( Doggy good-byes always make me really sad. I hope your in-laws are doing okay.

  8. I've been thinking of you. So glad to see you blogging.

  9. Glad to hear you're doing better than you have been in the last couple of weeks.

    Isn't Lululemon to die for?!!? I have 2 pairs of their pants, capris, shorts, a few tops and two hoodies, and while they're expensive and I hate having to spend that much money in their store on one item, their quality is better than superior and if you wash them well without towels and the like, they last for years. Love them! :)

  10. Wow - lots going on!
    So sorry to hear about your in-laws precious dog. My sincere condolences. :(
    Truman is so precious and really is such a good looking baby.
    Happy to hear you are feeling better all the way around and hope you continue to feel better each day.

  11. So sad about Sammy. :( Sorry to hear that.

    Regarding swimsuits, I wear a one piece, but I don't think there is anything wrong with a mom wearing a bikini at all! Rock the bikini girl - you've got the body for it.

    Enjoy the vacay - sounds like it'll be blast. :)

  12. I definitely don't think there's anything "wrong" with a Mom wearing a bikini, but I'm like you, and just think it's a little weird. I don't know why exactly.

    Glad to see you blogging again. I am also so happy to hear your surgery went great and your recovery was smooth.

    Also, baby cheeks? Super adorable.

  13. Keep wearing your bikinis! As long as it's not a hoochie stringy, teeny bikini I think you're good! Something that is sturdy so you won't have a wardrobe malfunction in the kiddie pool. :)

    I think it's cute how Nate encouraged you to blog...I'm biased though because I always enjoy a new update from you! Hope your in-laws aren't missing Sammy too much. :(

  14. I've been hoping you would give us an update soon. I'm glad you had your surgery and that you are healing physically and maybe even emotionally a little bit as well.

    Julia, you should definitely be showing off that body in a two-piece. Mom or not, you look amazing and I would be wearing a two-piece if I were you!

    I have always wondered about Lululemon and whether it's a status symbol thing or is actually all that great. It's interesting to hear from someone who is not into labels and such that the clothes are indeed really nice. Everyone at my gym wears it (I'm in my Target clothes and ON maternity) and it doesn't look like anything special from afar. Maybe if I get back to my pre-pregnancy weight, I can treat myself to some new running tights or something.

    I'm so sorry to hear about Sammy:( Your time with your pets is never long enough. I cannot even start to think about saying goodbye to one of mine and refuse to believe that Levi is probably around five now.

    We need a new car too and it's a scary prospect with the baby coming and having "recently" moved. Jason's car has 200,000 miles now, so it's served him well, but like you said, probably time for a new one now that we'll be transporting a baby.

  15. So many good things in this post... first, and most importantly, I'm so glad to hear you are doing better.
    Yea for Nate loving his job and for a vacation. You guys deserve it!
    As for the suits, while I don't think I'll be sporting a string bikini anymore, I definitely think there are some appropriate bikinis and two pieces for moms. You've got a rockin' bod and you are too young to cover it up already! Although I do love that one piece you posted.
    Sorry to hear about Sammy. He obviously lived a long, great life in the family.

  16. Re: Swimsuit If you can still pull off the two piece -- do it! You're not ancient! :) Wear a suit you love -- two piece or not. You could always go for the crop tankini. :)

  17. yes! this is wonderful and it reminds me of the julia from a few years ago. random but interesting! i will def look you up on pinterest, love it.
    i am glad you are feeling better. and although i am not a mom yet i think i can understand the whole two piece thing - is a tankini an option? though, i recently got a jantzen suit very similar to the one you like from j.crew. it has an optional halter and it was only $25 at t.j. maxx. i love it!

  18. So glad to see an update from you! Also, glad the procedure went well...it is crazy that this entire process has taken so long. It is just not fair. Blah.

    As far as the swimsuit goes, I say go for the two piece. That is my plan. I refuse to get a one piece until it is absolutely necessary! You look great, so take advantage!

  19. I have been thinking about you and wondering how things have been going since the surgery.

    I really think that is so sweet that your hubby wanted you to write. I find writing to be the most cathartic thing EVER. At least for me it is. I say lay it out all out there because it's not doing any good stuck in your heart. Let it all out and then you can let it all go. Fresh start.

    I'm sorry about the insurance/medical bills stuff. That is so unfair after what you guys have been through. You have such a good attitude about it. I was a negative nellie when our house was on the market.

    It was only when I let go of the thought of controlling everything that God granted my wishes. I hope He does the same for you soon.

  20. Hello. I don't post comments on your blog and I'm actually a lurker, but I saw you and Truman at Target on the day of that crazy thunderstorm. I would've said hi if I knew that it wouldn't come off creepy. It was nice to see another blogger IRL. I'm glad you're doing better. :)

  21. So excited to hear from you - I am very relieved to hear that the surgery went well and that you have finally stopped bleeding. What an ordeal you have been through.

    I'm glad to hear of how much your husband is enjoying his new job!

    I don't think there is an expiration date on bikinis until a VERY long time from now :) You can totally wear one.

  22. I was so glad to come back from my internet hiatus to see a post from you! I'm glad that you are on the mend from your surgery. It really is crazy how long of a process it was for you... I hope you get your period soon so you can start to get back to normal, reproductively speaking, of course.

    As for bikinis, I still wear one, and I really shouldn't. I was fine while I was still nursing but now I'm pretty much in the mindset that hopefully I'll be pregnant again somewhat soon and I'll worry about my body when that is all said and done. For you? Yeah, you go ahead and rock that bikini. I know tons and tons of mom friends that do so proudly and I've never thought it was weird at all!

    Your vacation sounds awesome! We had SUCH a blast on our trip to Mexico w/ my neighbors and their toddler - I hope you have just as much fun!

  23. Glad you're on the mend!!

    Wanted to share my "mom" suit that is quite flattering and an awesome price...pretty similar to the suit you posted, too!


    This suit has made hitting the pool with my little one less terrifying...I still have about 30 lbs to lose myself. This WI weather has not been motivating me to run - either too hot, too cold, or raining! :)


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