Building My Maternity, Office Wardrobe

When I accepted my promotion at work, I knew I'd need more than two outfits for this new job in the office. Gone are the days when I could wear three pairs of khaki pants with three different polos while treating patients as a Physical Therapist. And thank goodness for that! Realistically, I haven't donned the classic PT outfit of khakis and a polo for many years, but they still a wardrobe staple for many of my kind. It's a culture, I think. :)

To make matters more exciting, not only do I need an office wardrobe but it needs to be a maternity version right now. Maternity clothes are both awesome and awful, if you ask me. It's painful to spend money on items that you know are just temporary, since I much prefer to invest in nicer pieces that will last me 'forever'. Pretty sure that the full panel work pants I just bought will last me a few months, if I'm lucky, and the 'temporary' part of this new wardrobe is just ironic.

I did save most of my maternity clothes from the first three rounds My Bump Life, and even splurged on several newer pieces at the end of Porter's pregnancy. Having those three-year-old items to pull from are key, but some of the seven-year-old stuff from Truman's pregnancy should probably be retired for good. Many of the older clothes from 2009/2010 are for winter months, much of the 212-2014 stuff is for spring and summer....thus the need to plump up my maternity wear yet again, this time with intentions of looking professional in the office.

Let the games begin!

I've been rocking my desk job for three weeks now and I really enjoy my (brief) hours spent as Rehab Supervisor. It's all still new and challenging and exciting, and I'm finding myself prepping lunches and outfits the night before to save time in the morning. For the past three weeks, I've sort of struggled to find the 'right' outfit to wear to work. But it's not because I don't have anything to wear, since I did spend a lot of my Christmas cash on maternity clothes. I struggle because I'm not always sure how to pair the items together, how to accessorize, how to select the right shoe, and how to stay warm in a somewhat chilly building for five hours during our brutal Wisconsin winter. Basically, I just want to wear flats without socks but it's totally unrealistic in February!

I've been wanting to take pictures of my various office outfits to create a catalog of options, a visual for me when I'm selecting what to wear each night. Perhaps it could be helpful for some of you out there who are feeling less than inspired with your office attire. But mostly, I just want feedback on brown versus black boots, and which scarves look better than others. Also, any major NO WAY outfits? Any ultimate favorites?

Outfit 1 | A and B [Bling neckline top]


Top: A Pea in the Pod | Pants: Motherhood | Booties: from my last Stitch Fix, by Steve Madden.

Thoughts: I love the top for the comfortable, flowy fit and for it's bling neckline (Cecelia is obsessed). Excellent material, super stretchy and good length. I like these pants enough, although I do feel a little strange in ankle length pants because 'high waters' are exactly the look I've tried to avoid my whole life, being 5'10". And the black ankle boots are a go-to for the office lately. I think I like the red with the black best, but I've worn both of these outfits in the past three weeks. Not sure what else to pair the gray pants with other than a black top.

Outfit 2 | A and B [favorite polka dots and red pants]


Top: Motherhood, buy two sweaters get third free (!) | Cardigan: Motherhood, same deal | Bottoms: Motherhood | Shoes: Yosi Samra flats that you can't even see here, boo.

Thoughts: Obsessed with this sweater. Wanted to get it in a medium but the last one they had was snagged, so I got the small and am not hyper sensitive to it's length. I think this could work postpartum as well. Because it's short sleeved, I usually wear the cardigan for warmth. I love all Mr. Roger's cardigans, they are a weakness of mine. Bought the red pants to specifically go with this polka dot sweater, not going to lie. And I like I like the ankle length with flats best, but that will have to wait until April-ish so my skin doesn't get frost bite.

Outfit 3 | A and B [bright purple top that I love]

Top: Motherhood, circa 2014 | Long necklace: Loft, circa 2013 | Cardigan: Motherhood, circa 2014 | Pants: A Pea in the Pod, current! | Shoes: Steve Madden/Stitch Fix

Thoughts: I forgot about this purple top but I really love it, it's long and simple and a nice color. The cardigan feels a little dressier and I'm always a fan of a long necklace. Now, the pants? These are my new favorite maternity pants ever. They are expensive and I really hesitated to buy them because of the $88 price tag. They are form fitting and I just know I will grow out of them before the end of this pregnancy. The sales lady assured me 'that will only happen if you gain more than 30 pounds.' Um, duh!!! That's not a problem! But the material is soft as butter, almost like yoga pants but better. There are pockets and rivets, they are long, full panel, and seriously so comfy I had to get them. And I wear them twice a week or so, because you better believe I will get my money's worth now before my butt gets too big! Then I'll cry because I will miss them, seriously.

Outfit 4 | A and B [Stitch Fix tops that still work]

Cardigan: last Stitch Fix, Skies are Blue | Gray leggings: Old Navy (not maternity, still love) | Tank: Target, probably Liz Lange Maternity, circa 2012 | Brown riding boots: Corso Como from Zappos, 2011 | Scarf: Stitch Fix, Octavia

Thoughts: I love cardigans, long tanks, long necklaces, and/or scarves. I also try to wear my brown tall boots more often because I feel like it's so easy to wear all black pants and shoes in the office. It's like bucking the trend wearing something other than black! I think I like the scarf better than the long necklace option here, just to add more color. I know leggings aren't always the most professional option for an office job, but these are SO comfy, are really thick, and as long as my butt is covered I think it's okay. Also with a tall boot, I don't think you can even see much of the leggings to feel offended, but since they aren't maternity I probably won't be wearing them much longer anyway.


Outfit 5: A and B [Gray, so much gray in my closet]

Top: Stitch Fix, Market and Spruce | Scarf: Christmas gift from Lois, not sure store | Pants: favorite ones from Pea in the Pod | Black riding boots: Corso Como again, circa 2011, can't find online anymore

Thoughts: I really love this top, even non-maternity, and think it's nice for the office. I will probably wear a cardigan over it (I did this later in the shoot) for warmth, and the scarf helps with that, too. Kind of nice that I can wear so many of my Stitch Fix tops while pregnant, at least for now! It's a little plain without the scarf and without a cardigan but it's nice enough. Could also do a necklace and I am also a fan of brown shoes with a gray top...just not always with black pants (my brown boots and booties aren't the right shade to wear with black pants, IMO).


Outfit 6 | A and B [Favorite tunic-slash-dress]

Tunic: Motherhood, circa 2011 | Leggings: Old Navy | Scarf: Stitch Fix | Boots (both a brown and black in first photo): Corso Como, circa 2011

Thoughts: Do you like the black or brown boots better with the gray leggings? Once I add the navy scarf, it needs to be brown boots, right? Love this tunic, but why is everything I own 3/4 sleeves and therefore a little chilly in the office?? This is one of my favorite colors of all times, the purple-pink shade frequents my closet.

Outfit 7 | A and B [ Bright colors, so many scarves ]

Top: Aspire at REI, circa 2015 | Scarves: no idea, super old | Pants: Pea in the pod | Booties: Stitch Fix, Steve Madden

Thoughts: This is one of my favorite tops, I've had it for awhile and it's definitely not maternity. I just like the color and the drape, and it was one of my go-to choices for working with patients, too. I think wearing a scarf and booties make the outfit a little dressier, perhaps. Which scarf is better? I have so many freaking scarves...


Outfit 8 | A and B [Old dress, some color in the scarf, pushing for brown shoes]

Gray dress: Motherhood, circa 2010 | Scarf: Target, circa 2013 | Gray leggings: Mossimo at Target, circa 2012 | Brown booties: Chinese Laundry, no longer online, circa 2015 | Brown tall boots: Corso Como, 2011

Thoughts: So booties or riding boots? This was the only time I pulled my brown cuffed ankle boots for these photos but I do like to wear them to work, since they are comfortable and a little different. It's a shame I didn't try them on more often for you because I do want to know which outfits will look nice with the brown shorties. Is there too much gray with the leggings and dress? I just tried to make brown work here but maybe black leggings and boots make more sense. I do like my scarf for color and because without it, the dress feels depressing to me. I do want to wear more dresses to work, my boss only wears dresses or skirts. I think dresses are pretty maternity friendly, not so much skirts.

Outfit 9 | A and B [previous favorite maternity dress]

Dress: Motherhood, circa 2014 | Cardigan: Motherhood, circa 2014 | Leggings: Motherhood, circa 2014 | Booties: Stitch Fix, Steve Madden

Thoughts: This has been one of my favorite striped dresses, although I'm not feeling super cute in it this time around. Something about the neckline makes me feel a little wider than I like (or maybe it's the horizontal stripes), but it's still a cute dress and I'll for sure wear it. I'll pair it with the cardigan for now, maybe even with tall boots instead of booties? Would a colored cardigan look strange? I NEED COLOR!

Outfit 10 [Oldest dress tries to make a comeback]

Dress: Motherhood, circa 2009 (!) | Necklace: Stitch Fix, Romolo brand | Leggings: Motherhood, 2014 | Black riding boots: Corso Como, 2011

Thoughts: I want to like this dress, but the tight turtle neck kills me. I mean, it seems very old school to me, because I know that it's eight years old. But it is pretty modest and office appropriate, I guess. Thoughts? Long necklace makes it more modern? Can you tell I'm suffocating in the turtle neck? Why can't it be a cowl neck instead? I turned to the side to prove I really am pregnant;)

Outfit 11 | A, B, and C [A favorite top three ways]

Striped top: Motherhood, 2014 | Pink cardigan: Loft, 2013 | Blue cardigan: Stitch Fix, 41Hawthorn | Leggings: Motherhood, circa 2014 | Black riding boots: Corso Como, 2011 | Necklace: Stitch Fix, Romolo brand

Thoughts: I forgot how much I like this striped top, even though I can't find the black belt thing that ties around the waist. It's a nice length and flattering, but feels like I need to add a cardigan or something. Preferred color? Long necklace, or no?

Outfits 12 and 13 | [Different Stitch Fix tops, all similar]

Blue Shirt: Stitch Fix, Market and Spruce | Maroon shirt: Stitch Fix, 41 Hawthorn | Pants: favorite ones from Pea in the Pod | Black riding boots: Corso Como, 2011

Thoughts: I haven't worn either of these tops lately but I think they will work nicely in the office! Stitch Fix really nailed my style with several 'button tab' sleeved shirts, huh?

Outfits 14 and 15 | [More Stitch Fix tops/sweaters]

Poncho sweater: Stitch Fix, RD Style | Striped cardigan sweater: Stitch Fix, Mystree | Pants: favorite ones from Pea in the Pod | Black riding boots: Corso Como, 2011 | Necklace: Stitch Fix, Romolo brand

Thoughts: I've worn the poncho to work once, and am wearing the striped sweater tomorrow, I've decided. I always get a lot of compliments on the striped one and it's pretty cozy but still put together enough with tall boots, I think.

Outfits 16 and 17 | [Older Motherhood tops, sleeveless editions]

Sleeveless tops: Both Motherhood or Pea in the Pod from 2014 | Pants: favorite ones from Pea in the Pod | Black riding boots: Corso Como, 2011

Thoughts: I don't think I can do these sleeveless tops much. I've always loved the green one but it's really short once my belly gets bigger. The purple one used to be my favorite but for some reason it's really tight in my arm pits and therefore impossible. Options in a pinch, I guess.

Outfits 18 and 19 | [Seriously, so much gray in my closet]

Gray cowl neck: Pink Blush | Scarf: Itsy Ritzy | Blue cardigan: Stitch Fix, 41 Hawthorn | Pants: favorite ones from Pea in the Pod | Black riding boots: Corso Como, 2011 | Necklace: Stitch Fix, Romolo brand

Thoughts: My sister--in-law got me the gray top from Pink Blush and it's seriously the most comfortable material! I wear it a lot, just haven't donned it in the office yet. Then I was playing around with that other gray top by Stitch Fix, trying to dress it up with a cardigan and scarf. This type of outfit could be my wardrobe staple, really.

Outfits 20 and 21 | [I love royal blue]

Striped top: Liz Lange Maternity, 2014 | Solid top: I.N.C. at Macy's, 2013 | Pants: favorite ones from Pea in the Pod | Black booties: from my last Stitch Fix, by Steve Madden | Necklace: Stitch Fix, Romolo brand

Thoughts: I forgot how much I love the striped top because of it's length. And then there's the solid top, one that isn't maternity but I've worn it a TON over the years. I almost went back and bought it in other colors and I always wish I would have done just that---the cut is really nice and of course, the length! It has pockets and for now I'm sure I could wear it (or both tops, really) with a cardigan. Wouldn't a black blazer look nice? I want one, it's on my 'must find' list but I think I need to try them on, lest I look too formal and not trendy enough. Where might one find the perfect blazer for the office? Not too stiff or suit-like, maybe cotton?

Outfit 22 | [Too casual?]


Gray tee shirt top: Amazon | Sweater vest: Lands End | Necklace: Stitch Fix, Romolo brand | Leggings: Old Navy | Boots: Corso Como

Thoughts: I want to love this sweater vest and want to make it work. My mom got it for me for Christmas and it's very much my style. I'm struggling to pair it with the correct top and bottom though. I think that maybe I need a navy blue shirt to wear under it, then I can go with these gray leggings? Black doesn't work. I don't have a white shirt. Is it too casual for the office? It's warm and cute! Maybe best for my days at home, though.

Summary: I think I need a blazer or two. Any top favorites? Any suggestions for accessorizing/shoes? Do I need more than a pair of black and brown tall boots and booties? Office maternity wear, here I come.

one week postpartum

I'm not going to do this every week, but I think in the beginning it will be interesting to see the changes my body is making during recovery from delivering Truman.

So here's me, exactly one week after popping my son out of my innards:)




And just to remember my pregnant belly, here was my last weekly shot taken right before we left for the hospital at nearly 38 weeks pregnant. It seems like so long ago already!



Isn't it totally insane to see the changes already? Obviously, my tummy is not even close to being back to my pre-pregnancy status but I'm amazed how much it's shrunk already. The first time I touched my stomach after delivery I was totally freaked out. It was, and still is, a bit 'mushy'--for lack of a better word. I mean, my abs are trying to flex in there somewhere but they are totally stretched out. My skin is really soft and wobbly for me and my belly button has sunk back in but just looks odd to me. Every day it gets a little smaller and my boobs get even bigger (more on that later) which makes me feel like I'm sort of getting my shape back. Score for me! And although I spent countless hours worrying about stretch marks I took after my mom and didn't get any of those badges of honor this time around. I know, I know. I'm lucky for that one.

Now that it's all over I feel comfortable sharing how much I gained during pregnancy. On the day that she put me on bedrest due to a sudden increase of 6 pounds in 3 days, my weight registered 43 pounds higher than pre-pregnancy. Now, I know my OB had mentioned that a 40 pound weight gain for me would be more than acceptable since I was on the 'underweight' side before getting knocked up but I didn't think I'd actually hit that goal. But since my 34 week appointment when I was first diagnosed with Pregnancy Induced Hypertension and had a 6 pound weight gain in 2 weeks, I knew I'd probably get there just from fluid retention alone. I'm sure my last 15 pounds or so at the end were all related to PIH and edema which sucks but it's just what happens when your body is holding water.

When I got home from the hospital I weighed myself and had lost 12 pounds already. But that was when I was the most swollen ever and worried I'd never see my ankles again. On Monday, exactly one week postpartum I weighed myself and was shocked to see that now I've lost a total of 21 pounds! Isn't that crazy? My body is shedding the extra fluid now and I know breastfeeding has to help a lot but I never thought it would be coming off THIS fast. Thank the Lord! :) I am anxious to get back to my old body and starting to feel a little more like my old self again, but I know I need to be healthy about it at the same time.

As for the boobs: on Thursday and Friday of last week my milk officially came in. I woke up and looked in the mirror to find that I had porn star boobs complete with hardened cleavage up to my chin and expanding under my armpits. I could barely put my arms down at my side and yelled for Nate to check out the freak show. He was obviously in shock and didn't even know what to say---his wife, with her previous flat chested A cups---was now putting Pam Anderson to shame. Once the milk was in and we got into a good feeding routine they aren't as hard anymore although they are still big. I must say that leaking milk onto my son's face while breastfeeding is one of the strangest sensations about my changing body. I find major comfort in the fact that my body is producing enough nutrition to grow my baby properly and the look of satisfaction on his face after a feeding makes a momma feel pretty darn good about herself. But dude, the boobs are totally out of control.

As far as recovery 'down there', it's getting better each day too. I'm not sure how much of the gritty details you all want to know about so I'll keep it pretty G-rated but some of this stuff might be a little much for anyone squeamish about blood and private parts and bodily fluids:)

I mentioned that I had a second degree tear from delivery and it's slowly becoming more comfortable to sit, stand, and generally move around. But the first few days were not easy. I couldn't find a good position in any chair and every time I stood up I felt like my uterus and colon were falling out. True story. In fact, the first time I got up with the nurses I was afraid that I'd have hemorrhoids the size of grapefruits hanging out back there (I don't, no worries) but apparently that is just what it feels like after pushing a 7lb 10 oz person out of there. The gear that they give you for 'personal hygiene' is sort of overwhelming at first but you get used to taking 15 minutes to pee just so you can spray, pat, pad, and cool the area down there. Tucks pads were my best friends as were those giant diaper-like ice pack pads they gave me the first day. Within 24 hours the bleeding got a lot better and it's slowly improving each day since. I can totally use this as a gauge for whether or not I'm doing too much around the house. For instance, when Nate got our BOB on Saturday I was bound and determined to take a short walk around the block with our little family to get fresh air. Let's not mention that my OB told me I was on bestrest for a whole week because of my Pre-E, this lady needed some sunshine! So we literally walked around ONE block and by the end my girlie regions were really sore and I knew I overdid it. Sure enough, my flow increased significantly that night. Whoops! I know it can take up to 6 weeks to fully heal down there and stop bleeding and I think I owe it to my body to seriously take it easy during this recovery time. It's hard to feel like a blob that can't do any physical activity or major chores around the house but on the flip side, it does feel pretty good to be lazy with Truman here. Just sitting and staring at him in between feedings is an accomplishment enough in my book. For now at least, give me some time and I might be going crazy. :)

Mentally I'm doing well, despite raging postpartum hormones. One minute I'm so insanely happy that I could cry and the next I'm sad that it's all passing by so quickly already. I've noticed that when I'm tired, usually in the afternoon and definitely at night, I get more anxious about everything and worry that I'm not doing a good job being Truman's mommy. But after a nice nap or a few hours of solid sleep I usually feel much better overall and go back to that insanely happy state of being. Mommyhood is definitely an amazing, crazy, hectic, and beautiful thing and I wouldn't trade a second of it for anything. It still feels like I'm living in a dream and I don't want to wake up anytime soon. :)

TOTALLY FREAKING OUT!!!

No, my water did not break. I'm not currently in labor.

BUT....

I'm being induced tomorrow night!!!

My doctor called me within 45 minutes of me dropping off my pee today. Not a good sign when the doctor herself makes the call, right? She informed me that my urine test was positive for protein this time and therefore I officially have Pre-Eclampsia. Gulp. She told me not to freak out too much, that the cut off score is 300 and my urine was at 302. HOWEVER, that is still a positive result and since I'm full term she needs to induce me. I'm pretty sure that my creeping BP and rapid weight gain tipped the scales of her decision, too.

So of course my first question was: "Well, what about my unfavorable cervix?" To which she responded, 'That is the million dollar question.' She went on to say that I will come in at 7 pm and stay the night at the hospital tomorrow, where they'll begin to use cervical ripeners overnight to get things rolling. Then Sunday morning is when they will start pitocin and we'll just have to go from there. She said it can sometimes take a VERY long time...as in days, depending on how my body responds. I think she said the average time this takes is 30 hours. THIRTY FREAKING HOURS. I mean, I feel like I should get my marathon mindset in gear you know? She is not pushing an epidural on me immediately or any other intervention but basically said we'll be having lots of conversations throughout the day depending on the course of things.

Let me take a time out from all of this to just say: "HOLY HELL, IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING?" Now I'm going to squeal a little bit. Now I'm remembering to breathe. Okay, continuing post....

So anyway, she talked me through the process and told me I will be having a baby possibly on Sunday or Monday. Either a February baby or March....we shall see? I'll be right at 38 weeks on Sunday, so little 'Los is going to make his appearance 2 weeks early. Dear Lord I hope he is ready for this!

Obviously, I freaked out a bit at first. What if my body doesn't respond to the induction and I end up with a C-section? What if the baby isn't mature enough and needs lots of NICU time? What if I'm in labor for freaking THREE DAYS? But luckily Nate talked me down, as usual, and informed me that this is extremely exciting. He even made this statement: "Baby, this is going to be fun! We're going to have a baby in a few days!" I guess it's starting to sink in now but that doesn't mean I'm freaking out any less:)

My parents will be making the drive up on Sunday and are so excited. I made a few calls, sent texts, and now I'm just trying to process it all. Nate is being my voice of reason and I cannot put into words how grateful I am to have him in my corner. We're gearing up for an eventful, intense, and unforgettable experience, you guys. We are going to be parents VERY soon!!

I'll have my laptop handy at the hospital for sure and will update as I can. But obviously, any happy thoughts or prayers would be greatly appreciated for baby blueberry Carlos. I cannot wrap my head around the fact he is on his way out!

Oh, and so much for shortened maternity leave. If there is one positive thing about this process it's that I will get my full 12 weeks now. Whoo hoo!

And yes, I will post his name as soon as possible. I know that is what everyone is waiting for most of all:)

Bedrest, it is

Welp, she pulled the plug on the whole working thing. I'm officially starting my maternity leave early and on 'modified bedrest' at home. The good news is that she will NOT let me go past my due date no matter what so we are talking a little over 2 weeks max that I have to wait to see my baby boy. And if I cut out 2 weeks of my full 12 weeks leave at work then so be it, I'm mentally and physically done working anyway. I hate thinking about missing time with 'Los after he's here but there's not much I can do about it now, and we'll just have to cross that bridge when we come to it, you know?

Basically, my pressures have been a little higher this whole week. Plus, I've gained 5 pounds in 3 days which is obviously NOT good and a sign of retaining fluids or swelling, which could mean the start of pre-eclampsia. I admitted to my OB that I've had a slight headache since yesterday, that my rings don't fit anymore, and my ankles are a little swollen. Combine all of that with my higher BP numbers and my doc didn't hesitate to say, 'You are done with work now.' Okay then!

She's having me do the dreaded Pre-E labs again for the fourth time but really, peeing in the jug for 24 hours at home is going to be so much better than lugging it around at work. I go back to her on Monday and we'll see if my cervix is favorable and using that as a factor with my labs, my BP, the non-stress test, and how I'm feeling might give us a better game plan. Ugh, I'm just so ready to be done with this stuff you guys. Such an emotional roller coaster!

Part of me just wants her to induce me next week to meet my mister man, end this chaos, and to avoid cutting into too much of my leave before he's here. But the other BIGGER part of me knows it's best to wait it out and see if little 'Los wants to come out early on his own before getting induced. It's really not in my hands anyway so there's no point in worrying about it now, but I really want to avoid a C-section. I think that is my bottom line and the only 'birth plan' I'll be hanging onto at this point. And you better believe I'll be trying some of those 'natural induction' ideas out there to jump start my cervix into doing SOMETHING by Monday. That is my best shot at avoiding a C if I am induced so bring on the pineapple, spices, and some marital relations:)

But enough about that, I was thinking one night as I couldn't fall back to sleep YET AGAIN and realized that these are my last few days of pregnancy. Even though it's been a whirlwind over the past 3 weeks and a little stressful, I have still loved every second of this ride. I'm sad to move away from pregnancy yet incredibly excited to meet my little guy. Lots of mixed emotions to sort through and luckily I'll have plenty of time on the couch to do so:)

I wanted to make a list reminding myself of why I'll both miss pregnancy and be happy when it's over. Perhaps some other people out there can relate:


What I will miss dearly about being pregnant:

-feeling baby boy move inside my belly. There is nothing like it in the world.

-that special honor I have as his incubator. Little talks we have to each other without words. Protecting him from the cruel real world.

-sheer anticipation: excitement, nerves, not really knowing WHAT to expect but having lots of happy thoughts about the future. I realize I'm totally naive no matter how many books I read and I'll never get this time back before I have a baby in my life.

-watching my body morph into a baby making factory, being amazed that it knows how to grow this little guy. And I really do like my pregnant belly.

-big ol' boobies! Holla!

-getting a little extra concern from co-workers and patients, the 'mother hen' mentality from people watching out for this very pregnant lady

-smiles from strangers, questions about when I'm due. Everyone loves a pregnant belly, right?

-eating without worrying about calories. Hey, it's for the baby, you know.



What I am looking forward to after pregnancy:
(besides the obvious of having baby boy in my arms, being a mommy, and embarking on a new journey of parenthood with Nate. Let's talk a little more superficially here)

-RUNNING AGAIN. Double digit mileage, the feeling of accomplishment after a long run, and sore leg muscles. Seriously, cannot wait.

-Walking normally again. Less waddle, more glide:)

-Not feeling fat when I look in the mirror, hopefully fitting back into those pre-pregnancy clothes I took for granted before.

-One word: wine!

-Sleeping on my stomach again. Oh, and my back. Basically, finding a comfortable sleep position will be nice. Plus, rolling over in bed without yearning for a fork lift will be REALLY sweet.

-Real coffee, the caffeinated kind. Enough to make me all happy and jittery:)

-Being able to hug my husband without my belly getting in the way.

-the luxury of putting on my shoes without grunting like an ape, or picking something up from the ground without doing a little jig to get down that low.


And with that update, I'll leave you on this note: big brother Henry is totally freaking out lately. He knows something is going on and he does not like it one bit. Please note his face in this maternity picture and try not to laugh at his pathetic-ness:


Sorry for not updating more and making some of you think I'm in labor! I really hope to be one of those bloggers who can post a little something when I'm headed to the hospital...although I can't promise anything, that is a goal of mine. But for now, I'm going to cozy up to the couch and get acquainted with a few of my Felicity DVDs. It's been too long!

Sigh...updates

Well, I've had two OB appointments this week plus one ultrasound. I guess an update is in order.


Non-stress tests: apparently I will be getting one of these at every single appointment from here on out. Baby boy is very cooperative and kicks up a storm and I really do love hearing his heartbeat fill the room. They say as long as he moves twice during this 20 minute assessment they are happy and he's always moved more like 15-20 times, with his heart rates fluctuating from 130s-160s. Oh, and apparently this test also measures any uterine contractions and guess what? Today the nurse walked in and said, 'He looks really good....and what is going on with that uterus of yours? Feeling anything?' I glanced down at the paper and saw that there were definite peaks and valleys there, signifying light contractions. I mean, I knew I have been having Braxton Hicks a lot more often lately but it's pretty cool to see them on paper! I hope that is a good sign that my body is getting ready.


Blood Pressures: ah, the drama of my BP. I still take it every day, three times a day, while at work and honestly the numbers have been pretty good. Not any worse, usually hanging right under the 'red line' mark of 140/90. But then again, I've been having some of my favorite nurses take my pressure manually thinking that was most accurate (and secretly, I noted that manual BPs lended towards much lower readings instead of those pesky automatic cuffs, so I vowed to always use manual readings). Well, the doc today caught on to my love for manual readings and wasn't so sure they are more accurate because every person can hear a BP differently and they might miss a higher number. They used an automatic cuff on me at my appointment and it was 144/90, I begged them to try manual and it was 138/88. Still not great, but whatever. I returned to work and at the very end of the day my last pressure taken automatically was up to 150/92. Gulp. Not good. See why I hate the automatic machines at work?


Labs: Guess who gets to pee in a jug for another 24 hours? Me!! Third time for this go around and let me tell you, I'm getting to be a pro. Last week my protein stayed under the 'danger zone' mark but my doc wants to keep checking to make sure pre-eclampsia isn't creeping up on me. And here is the kicker: if my labs ARE worse my doctor would consider inducing me NEXT WEEK since I will be 37 weeks and 'full term' on Sunday.

Breathe. Read that again. NEXT WEEK!!

Before we all freak out here (what, is it just me?), let's remember that it totally depends on my labs, on my pressures, and on how my cervix is ripening up at my appointment on Monday. She would like for me to be dilated before she induces me because she knows I want to avoid a C-section. And no, she didn't check me at all this week because she's waiting until Monday's appointment for my next internal. I, of course, am dying to know if my body is doing anything productive down there besides having random contractions.

I really REALLY don't want to be induced at only 37 weeks unless it's absolutely necessary. It just sounds so early to me and I know of tons of girls who had worse BP and labs than me that were induced at 38-39 weeks. It's not like my doctor promised me a date with induction next week but I can't stop thinking about that possibility. I have a gut feeling that she'll let me go longer unless things get really bad with my situation so I should probably just stop worrying right now and go back to my 'taking it a day at a time' attitude. But I'm just trying to pump myself up to put up a fight for an extra week or so if she does push the issue. Only time will tell...


Growth Ultrasound: on Tuesday, I had the ultrasound and it was not nearly as cool as the 20 week US we had. They had me drink a ton of water again and hold it for entirely too long which is basically cruel and unusual punishment when nine months pregnant (and I thought it was bad at 5 months? HA. That was nothing!). The other thing that made this time not as amazing was that little boy is so BIG now that I could barely tell what we were looking at most of the time. His entire head took up the whole screen and then some, when at 20 weeks we could see his full little body in one shot.

The tech this time didn't tell me much and referred me back to the doctor for final stats but don't worry... I snuck a peek and saw that they measured his head circumference at 38 weeks and 4 days! GULP. That is 2 weeks ahead if you are keeping track. Then the belly measurement was only at 35 weeks or so, which made me immediately freak out. But today my doctor informed me that little man is right at the 51st percentile for size, my fluid level is great and my placenta is 'perfect' ---whatever that means. Guess he will just have a bigger head like his daddy and it's obviously a good thing for him to be right at the average mark for overall size.

The pictures weren't wonderful but here is a profile shot just for fun:



So besides all of that, I've been hanging in there. Still working full days and then crashing on the couch for at least a one hour nap each night. I wouldn't be surprised if my doctor puts me on bedrest next week but who knows. Yesterday was the first day that my ring didn't fit on my finger and I'm pretty sure my ankles are a little more swollen, too. Not only that but I had a little bit of a headache yesterday, too, which combined with the swelling is not a good thing at this point. Especially since my pressure was so high at the end of the day today---I'm really hoping that I'm not turning the corner towards full blown pre-eclampsia. Ugh. Not fun.

I know that I'm very lucky to be this far along right now, since Baby Carlos is basically full term. I have read, and re-read all of your awesome comments about induction and success stories--which still really help me to chill out a bit. Now my new thing is worrying about my doctor pushing early induction when I really want to wait it out so 'Los can incubate as long as possible. (Hannah gave Carlos the nickname 'Los and I dig it). Obviously, if my body is inhospitable for the baby and she needs him out to avoid harming him then I'm all for it. I trust her decision making skills and vow not to freak out too much over the next few days. But I would just feel a lot better about the whole thing if I could make it until 38-39 weeks. Maybe that is exactly what will happen anyway or maybe I'll go into labor on my own before it becomes an issue.


My goals: to make it through the work day on Friday, have an awesomely relaxing weekend including my last baby shower on Sunday, spending lots of quality time with Nate (who suggested we have a date night this weekend, just in case 'Los makes his appearance next week....isn't he cute?), and chilling out. Yes, the last one is important, I know:)

Sorry for the rambling, yet again. It just feels so good to get out all of my thoughts on this screen and I know a lot of you have had experience with pregnancy issues and survived to tell the tale:) Who would like to put bets on the outcome of my situation??

My Maternity Pictures

Remember how I debated forever about whether I should spend money on professional maternity, birthing, and newborn photos? Well after a lot of research I decided to hire my buddy Andrea to do both a maternity and newborn shoot and for the birth I'll just make do with my lovely husband's skillz. Then perhaps once baby blueberry is bigger, maybe in the fall, we can get some 'professional' images taken as a whole family. I won't feel disgustingly fat that way and my little munchkin will have tons of personality by that point, I'm sure. Or who knows, maybe my own little mini photo shoots will suffice. I'm sure I'll take hundreds of shots on my own within the first week:)

But anyway, Andrea has been our Wisconsin photographer for three different shoots now: two family shoots for Christmas cards and now this maternity shoot. We both decided that this had to be the most fun shoot ever and ended up taking pictures for 2.5 hours in my house! I had scoured the internet for cute poses, outfit ideas, and thought very hard about capturing the best light possible in our little duplex. Would you be surprised to hear that I compiled an 'inspiration' collage for us to use during the shoot? No, of course not. :) It was just us gals plus Henry, since Nate was at class and although I love the maternity shots with the husband involved, it was fun for us ladies to play around with different photography ideas. And Henry couldn't stop licking Andrea in the face when she was down on his level snapping away and tended to put his butt right in the middle of every shot. He's a ladies man, that doggie!

I really wanted to have some cool black and white background shots and so we got very creative by hanging plain duvet covers from nails on the wall....I mean seriously, people, we were not messing around. I was hoping our front window would be a great source of light so I had Nate move away the couch from under the windows and we had to pull away the crib from a nursery wall but of course, the end result was well worth the furniture re-arranging:) I am absolutely in love with all of the pictures. Andrea is super talented and even though we pulled a lot of these poses from other online sources, many are all Andrea's idea and completely fabulous. I am so happy we did these now and can't imagine NOT having images of my first pregnancy to share for years to come. I actually feel somewhat attractive in them and less like a bloated whale so you know Andrea did her job well! I can't wait to tell people I knew Andrea back when she was starting her photography biz, before she got all famous and stuff:) If you are in the Milwaukee area you need to hunt her down asap before get gets too famous.

And now for a few of my favorites.....lots of pictures ahead, so buckle down!





























Do you love them as much as I do? Sigh. I really will miss being pregnant...

More ups, more downs, more ramblings

Okay, so the past day or so has been somewhat of an emotional roller coaster.

I had a great morning yesterday filled with an awesome maternity photo session and lunch with the girls. Then I was off to my OB appointment, feeling a little tired but not too bad. They brought me in and took my BP and didn't tell me what it was. 'That's odd', I thought, since they always announce it right away. 'Good or bad?' I asked the nurse. 'A little high but not too bad,' she replied. I was being nosey and tried to read the numbers over her shoulder and I think I caught a 140/86. Remember the 'goal' from my OB is 140/90 or less, so I figured it was acceptable. So the nurse left and in walked the other nurse for my doc, saying something like, 'Oh hi, how are you today?' while reaching for the BP cuff again. 'I'm getting the old switcharoo, I see?' I asked because no offense--but you can be as sneaky as you want but I'm still going to be that patient who demands to know what is going on. I'm thinking that will bode well during labor and delivery, too, and hope I can keep up my nerve to be an informed patient.

'Yeah, just a recheck,' is what the new nurse announced. And she did tell me the number which was 136/86, still not 'normal' but again, since I was holding onto that 140/90 standard as my goal I figured it was no big deal. Next came the waiting for the doc and a few relaxation breathing techniques on my part to stay calm and not let my mind run wild.

So doc comes in. Asks the same questions she asked at my first 'uh-oh' appointment last week, like 'How are you feeling? Any vision changes? Cramping? Do you have any reason to believe your water has broken?' You know, nice calming questions like that. Of course I replied 'no' to all questions but I realized then that my doc wasn't liking the higher BP no matter what she set as my 'goal'.

Then she asks how much more I'm supposed to work. I told her no more weekends but still scheduled for a full 40 hours during the week. She winced at that statement, then asked, 'What kind of maternity leave do you have?' I knew what she was getting at so I told her I only get 12 weeks, whether that is used before or after the baby it is just 12 weeks and that is that. So if she takes me off work all together, I start my maternity leave and have less time with baby boy after he arrives. She nodded her head and wasn't ready to completely pull the plug just yet since my numbers are still hovering on the borderline, possibly a warning sign to something worse but not bad enough just yet to completely freak out.

I stated that my boss thought they might be able to be flexible with my hours and if we needed to find a happy medium between me working on my feet for 40 hours per week and the other extreme of bedrest, we could probably find a way to make it work. So she sent me off with a script to work only 4 hours a day, then go straight home for 'modified bedrest' to do just that.....REST. No grocery shopping, no more prenatal yoga or the gym, no added projects. Just chilling out. She wants to see me again on Thursday when we will probably begin internals. I asked her what she forsees happening with these last 4.5 weeks of pregnancy and she has a gut feeling that I won't carry baby blueberry Carlos until my due date. She thinks I'll get to 38.5 weeks with *hopefully* the same type of BPs (not worse! please don't let it get worse!) and then she will consider induction. Ick, the 'I' word....definitely not a part of the whole 'natural delivery' thing. I picked her brain a bit more and she feels that once the baby reaches about 39 weeks the amount of growth he will sustain past that point may not be worth the risk he's putting on my body with high blood pressure, and therefore the pros for induction outweigh the cons. But who knows. Maybe the little bloob will be ready to come out even before then. Maybe my pressures will magically get better and she'll let me go until the end. Or perhaps they will get worse, she'll pull me out of work all together and put me on bedrest until 38 weeks then induce me. I felt the need to mention to her that my ultimate goal, aside from a healthy well-incubated baby boy, is to avoid a c-section. I told her I was worried that inducing may lead to one and she assured me that they truly only do a C if the baby is in distress during, if it's an emergency situation that needs to be remedied asap, or if I fail to progress all together during labor which puts baby at risk. I can handle that. I just wanted her to know where I stand with interventions and I'm willing to be a little more flexible on things like meds and possibly an epidural if it means I can avoid a C-section. I mean, after all, my pregnancy has taken a major turn and it's hardly 'normal' right now so I will pick my battles because my body might need more assistance than I originally hoped.

I'll spare you the details but after this appointment I called the 'Leave of Absence' coordinator at work and although I thought dropping my hours at work wouldn't initiate my short term disability and maternity leave, turns out I was wrong. She said that if I cannot work my full days then my maternity leave will begin for those missed hours, thus using about 2 weeks before baby boy is born and leaving me with only 10 weeks after. I was upset. I threw a pity party and cried to Nate about it and felt sorry for myself for awhile. But then I talked to my boss and my doc today and feel a little more realistic about the whole thing. I just had to mourn the loss of that 'plan' of having a full 3 months at home with my little blueberry.

Now knowing that my maternity leave will be affected, my doc has decided to let me TRY working full time but closely monitoring my BPs and stopping the day if anything goes above 140/90. So that's good but of course I realize there is a good chance I won't last full days for the next 4-ish weeks. My boss is going to meet with me tomorrow and we'll try to brainstorm ways I can still work without being on my feet for the full day. There are a lot of unknowns out there which totally freaks me out but I'm trying my best to stay positive and focus on what I DO have going for me instead of what is at risk.

So basically this is a huge, wordy post to say that my appointment was mediocre, then my day turned ugly when I thought I would burn through my time off, but then today I found out I might be able to stretch it a bit longer. Obviously the top priority is a healthy baby, even if that means going on full bedrest and losing out on time with him after he arrives. I don't want to push my body past it's limits all in the name of saving a week or two off work after delivery, but at the same time I don't want to be overly cautious if it's not warranted.

I guess that's why I have an OB---to make those decisions for me, and I just need to roll with the punches a little bit better. Relinquish control, focus on the positive facts (ie baby boy might come even sooner than I thought! And I will still have a good chunk of time with him after. And I am blessed with a job that provides for my family...see? lots of good things in there), and chill out. Those are my goals right now.

If you've made it through this rambling, I'd like to ask a favor. Can I hear some good stories about being induced that resulted in a vaginal delivery? I feel like I've heard so many women talk about failed induction leading to a C-section that it's hard to know if that risk is truly founded. Of course I Googled a bit and found conflicting research on the subject, so I figure hearing real-life success stories might ease my mind. I did find 3 girls at my work in the last day that assured me their inductions lead to 'fast and furious...and painful' vaginal deliveries. That pitocin stuff man, it sounds like no joke but if it does it's job and gets baby out safely I'll deal with it. I just might look like I got hit with a Mack truck for the post-delivery pictures, that's all:)

We shall see what happens tomorrow at work and at my appointment on Thursday. Never a dull moment around here lately!

Ode to Bedrest

Well I survived a whole day on 'bedrest' and honestly, it went by really fast somehow. Definitely an eye-opening experience thus far, some of which begs to be shared on the blog:

-that GIANT jug meant to hold 24 hours worth of pee? I totally owned it. In fact, I topped it off three hours before my time was up so I was hoping I could just be done with it. I called the Lab and they informed me that they do, in fact, need every drop for a full 24 hours. Which meant I had to send Nate out to our recycling bin to hunt down an additional pee container. That's true love right there, folks. Not to mention he got the honor of delivering my pee package to the lab, including one giant jug and one extra water bottle fulla pee. His exact quote was, 'Holy cow! I'm going to need a mountain climbing backpack to carry all of your pee!' Not many times you hear that in a day right? Do those lab folks not understand a pregnant bladder or what? :)

-It's pretty fun to read comments on my blog throughout the day instead of cramming them all in after work. I quite liked it. And honestly, all of the kind words and support mean SO much right now. Thank you guys, every one of them helped immensely.

-Henry is a great napping/lazy slob partner in crime...even if he's on the floor and I'm on the couch. He can totally tell something is up and has been very well-behaved and extra cute just for added effect. Also, our couch is pretty darn comfy when stacked with multiple pillows and surrounded by the necessities: laptop, water, books, candle, phone, remote control, and blood pressure cuff:)

-Oh, speaking of my BP: it's been MUCH better ever since I came home yesterday. All the readings were below my OB's goal of 140/90 and today they even dropped into the 'normal' range with a few 120s/80s! I suppose that could mean that 1. It was a total fluke yesterday, or 2. Bedrest worked to stop whatever is going on with me. We shall see what the boss lady says tomorrow morning at my appointment...I'm hoping she'll let me go back to work at least part time and I'm willing to fight for that chance, at least. I'll update this post later tomorrow as I can.

-Marathons of ANTM rule. Tyra still bugs me, but I love that show.

-Daytime TV totally blows, otherwise. I am not a TV person anyway, but come on! You can only watch so many Baby Story and Birth Day episodes, you know.

-Taking your own blood pressure with a standard cuff and scope is WAY harder than it seems. Seriously.

-Having a loving and supportive husband is one of the best things in the world right now. He's the bomb and I'll leave it at that. :)

-Showering, shaving, thoroughly lotioning and then actually blow drying my hair was the highlight of my entire day. I feel like a new woman and perhaps I should do all of those items more often...if only there were time:) Also, who needs to schedule eyebrow waxing sessions when you can just pluck away those bad boys for hours on end? And manicures? Pish posh. Did that myself today, too. My self-grooming skills increase exponentially while on bedrest, apparently:)

-Baby Carlos likes bedrest more than his mommy. He's been doing a little jig inside my belly a lot more often lately...maybe with all that extra blood flow and added rest, huh? Or maybe I've just stopped to notice it lately....since I'm taking this whole situation as a sign to slow the heck down.

I've decided that even though I haven't FELT abnormally stressed or overworked, my body definitely has a lot of demands on it any given day and perhaps it has just given me a giant smoke signal. Even if my doc does release me back to work tomorrow, I promise to take it easy and stop trying to be superwoman in every aspect of life. I mean, something has to give and it's not going to be the health of my baby boy. As my freak out mode has diminished I've realized that this could be substantially worse than what it is. I'm far enough along in my pregnancy, otherwise healthy, and have a fabulous support system around me to make the best of whatever happens. I'm still hoping to make it until the end, thus having the luxury of complaining about being uncomfortable and overdue:) Plus, if I thought I cherished this pregnancy before I was wrong---I value it even more right now.

So that's that....deep thoughts from the confines of a couch. Check this post tomorrow for updates, or if there is a LOT to say maybe I'll get wild and create a whole new one. Three new posts in three days? Definitely a sign that I have a lot more time on my hands, huh? :)


__________________________________________________________
UPDATE: 2/4/10 at 1:47

The appointment went well this morning! My blood and urine were both clean, no protein or anything scary to make them think this is pre-eclampsia. My BP was 118/76 for them which earned me huge brownie points, I'm sure:) So basically, the doc thinks it could have just been a fluke high BP on Tuesday or possibly the start of something that was cured by the bedrest. As I increase my activity and begin working again, only time will tell if it's too much for my body or if I can handle it just fine. Or as my doctor says, 'Get really lazy, walk slower, sit more, and take care of your little nest of eggs in there.' She wants me to use the pregnancy pass more often and stop trying to be 'crazy type-A do-it-all'. How does she know me so well? :)

So I headed over to work after the appointment, saw a few patients at a leisurely pace, and checked my pressure. It was 134/86 which is still under the goal of 140/90 but inching up there. I used my common sense and decided that was enough for the day and headed home for some more rest. After all, I have two baby showers to attend tomorrow and I work full days on both Saturday and Sunday. I'll have plenty of tests in the upcoming days, that's for sure!

I go back to my OB on Monday and she reiterated again that she was very close to admitting me on Tuesday but she knew she could trust me to follow her directions and not be stupid. I'm taking that to mean she wants me to continue down that 'smart' path and listen to my body and I fully plan on embracing a new low-key mindset.

So overall, great appointment! We'll see how the next few days go but I'm hoping it was a one time thing that we can put behind us and move forward in the next 5 weeks without any more scares! We shall see, I suppose.

uh-oh

So my 34 week appointment did not go so well today. At all. Hence why I'm posting a new post at 3pm instead of being at work. Remember how I used to be that pregnant lady sailing through pregnancy without any complaints or concerns from my doctor? I think it's all changed for the time being.

I had a normal morning at work then headed to my appointment at 12:30. They weighed me first, like always, and I admit I did freak a little bit when I saw I gained 6 pounds in the past two weeks*. Next came time for my blood pressure which at every previous appointment has been in the low 120s over 70s or even less, which is perfectly normal. This time? The nurse didn't say anything right away which was my first sign, then said, 'Um, 152/90'. Obviously, that is NOT good and is insanely high for me. So she said she'd step out and let me calm down a bit, then would come back to check again.

Great, perfect plan. Tell a pregnant girl with abnormally high blood pressure that she needs to calm down and be left alone and I guarantee the only thing that happens is she will go over all of the awful possibilities in her mind the entire time, thus increasing her BP further. I'm a medical person so I know this is what happens but I still tried my hardest to breathe, distract myself, and stay calm. You can probably guess that it didn't work worth a hoot.

Nurse comes back in, BP is still 158/90 and so she says the doctor will see me soon, steps out, and then the mental dialogue with myself REALLY begins.

'OMG is she going to put me on bedrest? I'm supposed to work all week and also on Saturday AND Sunday! I have two baby showers on my day off Friday! How are they going to find coverage for me at work? I can't start my maternity leave now or I'll have NO time off with baby boy! And I can't extend my maternity leave or we won't have an income or health insurance! Is this pre-eclampsia? Is my baby dying? Is it because I've gained a lot of weight and now my body hates me? This can't be happening, it's still too early. Oh God, please don't let her say she's admitting me to the hospital right now and wants to take the baby asap. He's not incubated yet!'

You know, healthy/calm thoughts like that do wonders for your blood pressure, right?

So when the doc comes in I don't get my usual smile and 'you are such an easy patient' face. I get a quizzical look and immediately she starts asking me questions. Is the baby moving? (Um yes, like crazy). Are my hands or feet suddenly swollen? (No, my rings still fit just fine.) Any sharp headaches or blurry vision? (Uh, no.) Any nausea or vomiting? (No). Is there any reason to think your water has broken, any cramps or sharp pains? (No, but I might be feeling a little more crampy lately if you really want to know. I was planning on talking to you about that today but it's nothing sharp or really bothersome, just some more discomfort from a giant head pushing on my nether regions.)

We continued to talk it out and of course I mentioned that maybe the reason for my high BP is because of the offensive number on the scale I had just viewed. She was torn about this, since it's never been an issue before when I post big numbers at an appointment. Or maybe it's because of the number itself, that I'm possibly gaining too much weight? Doc assured me that is not the case at all because 6 pounds in two weeks is perfectly acceptable at this stage in the game. She goes on to tell me that she is still perfectly happy with my weight gain, that I'm still a tall skinny person and most pregnant women would kill to look like me, so I'm not supposed to be a headcase about it. Sorry doc, but flattery will get you nowhere at a time like this you know. She also informs me that even her patient who DOUBLED her body weight going from about 100 pounds to 200 pounds in pregnancy did not have high blood pressure so that is not the cause at all.

She thinks it can be a few options: 1. Just a random fluke, brought on by a rushed morning, an increase in stress created by myself by getting weighed first, and nothing to really worry about. 2. Gestational hypertension, which is basically just high blood pressure in pregnancy without any other symptoms. 3. The beginnings of Pre-Eclampsia, which is definitely worst case scenario.

Because she trusts me to be smart and monitor myself, she is not admitting me to the hospital. But let it be known that if my BP goes above 160/90 that is exactly where I am headed. One thing that made me and my doc feel a little better is the final BP she took before I left: 138/90, which is right under her goal of 140/90. Maybe we are trending in the right direction already?

I'm on 'bedrest'---which means no working, no projects around the house, but I can be up to shower/eat/use the bathroom and other things like that as needed. I have to collect 'every drop' of my pee in this giant jug, which needs to be refrigerated between uses, for 24 hours. Totally disgusting to have my jug of pee in next to our milk, by the way. They did blood work to check my liver enzymes and want my pee back for a protein test tomorrow night. Then on Thursday morning I have another appointment with my OB and she will make some decisions based on the blood and urine tests and how my BP has been running at that point. So I have to take my pressures every 2-4 hours and think happy thoughts, since the goal is to be under 140/80 and it absolutely cannot go over 160/90 or I have to call right away and be admitted.

Of course, I have a million thoughts running through my head right now but the bottom line is I'm trying to stay relaxed and think good thoughts. Trying not to over analyze every little ache and pain, assuming that my vision is getting blurry or my stomach is starting to hurt. For someone who can be a little dramatic at times with a hearty imagination, this is going to be tough. And laying on the couch for the next day and a half (if not longer)? OMG, I've always said if I go on bedrest I'm going to go completely crazy. All I am doing so far is thinking of everything I could be doing around the house instead of laying here and it's only been 2 hours since I got home. Not good, folks.

After Googling a little bit about Pre-Eclampsia against my better judgment I realize that this is all out of my control. I didn't do anything wrong to cause this and one of the risk factors is just being a first-time pregnancy. Heck, it's not even officially Pre-E yet and I'm already assuming the worst. Maybe it's nothing. Maybe when Nate gets home and takes my BP it will be absolutely fine and all this will be is just a little speed bump on my way to a full-term pregnancy (with a few extra days off work thrown into the mix).

I read this Bible verse on a friend's Facebook today when I got home, and I usually avoid getting all preachy on here but this totally hit home for me:

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not unto your own understanding, in all thy ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths.

Wasn't I JUST babbling about letting go of control and letting the Big Guy be boss for awhile? Is this a test or what? Because as my Mom says, I had to give over control to God while I waited for my positive pregnancy test results and here I am doing that again. He definitely knows what is supposed to happen with me and the baby and I'm trying to trust Him right now.

So yeah, not so good but perhaps it will turn out to be nothing at all. I suppose worst case is that my BP gets even higher and we have to go to the hospital 6 weeks earlier than planned. Obviously, the bottom line is that I want my baby to be healthy so I'll do whatever it takes right now but I'm just a tad freaked out as you can see. It could be worse...this could be happening much earlier in pregnancy and could be much more severe, I know. But still.

Say a little prayer if you are the praying type! Here's hoping this is a minor scare and blows over quickly!



*You'll notice I don't talk much about actual numbers of weight gain anymore because I've decided it makes me too much of a headcase to focus on the scale on this public blog. I doubt anyone cares NEARLY as much as I do but let's just say it's hard to wrap my head around what the scale tells me and my inner girl-mentality is struggling at bit with it all. Therefore, no totals will be mentioned on this blog until possibly much after delivery

nutrition and exercise in pregnancy

The other day, I got this comment from blog reader Kate:

I was wondering if you would mind covering a post on healthy eating during pregnancy. Or perhaps what things you have been concentrating on or NOT.

It really got me thinking about food and exercise during pregnancy. I am not even close to an expert on this topic but I suppose I can share my perspective on things since you asked:)

Nate and I have always been fairly healthy eaters but we definitely don't deprive ourselves of the 'bad' foods we love. Everything in moderation is truly a statement to live by, don't you think? That certainly has not changed since I got pregnant and honestly, I don't think my diet has been altered at all---besides saying goodbye to my beloved caffeinated coffee and red wine. I've never believed in the saying 'eating for two' during pregnancy and basically, when I'm hungry I will eat. Perhaps my portion sizes are a little bigger these days and I definitely allow myself more sweets when I crave them. But overall, not much has changed in my diet.

Some of the staples we get at the grocery store every week include: hearty whole wheat bread, oranges, apples, bananas, spinach, cucumbers, carrots, tomatoes, skim milk, deli-sliced turkey breast, and chicken. Then you'll probably find a few yummy frozen pizzas in the mix along with a life-supply of peanut butter, cheese, and bagels.

Every morning I eat the same thing: peanut butter and honey on a bagel with a glass of skim milk. Every freaking day. I love it and it's the only thing that stays with me until lunch time. Since I got pregnant I've needed a mid-morning snack and my favorite is a Quaker Chewy granola bar, preferably the peanut butter and chocolate chip kind. Mmmmmm. Every day I pack my own lunch and it's usually pretty healthy: either PB&J on whole wheat bread, or possibly a deli turkey breast, spinach, and cucumber sandwhich. I'll have two pieces of fruit, some chips (my vice!) and maybe another granola bar. This will usually last me until dinner, when Nate and I always cook something together. Lots of soup/sandwich combos, pasta with chicken, salads, chili, or of course...pizza is what we mostly eat in the winter. More often than not, we'll make a yummy spinach/carrot/tomato/crouton salad, too. Sometimes if I'm hungry after dinner I'll have a bowl of cereal or treat myself to a cookie or two. When I look at this line-up for the day I really don't think any of it has changed since the pregnancy except maybe the extra granola bar and the tendency to allow myself more cookies. Life is too short, you know? :)

The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy by Vicki Iovine is my most recently read pregnancy book. I liked it a lot but at the same time, the whole chapter on 'exercise and pregnancy' really rubbed me the wrong way. Now granted, the book was written back in the 90's so there are definitely some parts that are obviously outdated....like the exercise part, in my opinion. Basically, the author believes that pregnancy gives you a free pass to be lazy and in fact, she believes pregnant women should AVOID working out if at all possible. Huh? She goes on to say that 'you'll just get fatter anyway' and staying in shape will not actually help you during labor, nor will it help you lose the weight faster after you deliver. The whole chapter pretty much ticked me off because she makes it sound like those of us still at the gym are just in denial and possibly damaging our babies in the process. She says that those who continue to exercise rigorously are frantically trying to take back control of a life they think is spinning out of control. Give me a break, lady.

I work out because it actually provides me with more energy than I'd have if I laid on the couch every night. I have always sincerely enjoyed breaking a sweat and for my own mental sanity, my own self-confidence, I absolutely have to stay in shape because after about 4 days without working out I start to feel like a sluggish blob. I whole-heartedly believe that if I remain somewhat fit during this pregnancy then my body will perform with more endurance and stamina during labor. I also like to hope that my body will bounce back to it's former self faster if I maintain some kind of fitness during this pregnancy. Apparently this author thinks I'm nuts but whatever.

Once I cut through the overall crap of this chapter, I was able to take home an amazing point that really rang true to me--something I need to embrace during the remainder of my pregnancy. She explains that the female body is a pretty amazing creation and during pregnancy our bodies are meant to gestate a living being, growing that baby in a healthy and safe environment. In order to do this our bodies must morph into this baby-growing machine, which means gaining weight, gaining a belly bump, possibly some whacked-out hormones, and lots of other fun symptoms that come along with pregnancy. Here is my favorite quote about this:

"The greatest lesson in life, and particularly in pregnancy, is to BE NICE TO YOURSELF. It is time to really understand that your body was intended for more than just being a vehicle through which you amuse yourself, promote yourself or abuse yourself. It is designed to gestate a baby. Nature has wisely put you on automatic pilot because she knows that, if left to your own devices, you might mess the whole thing up. All you have to do is behave moderately and surrender; nature will do the rest."

It's so true. My body is no longer a vessel with which I can cross marathon finish lines. It no longer fits into my size 4 jeans. I can no longer get all jocked out and become a meat head at the gym who lifts weights and runs 30 miles a week. That part of my identity is now on hold as my body changes into something else: the home for my baby boy. I have to believe that my body knows what it's doing. You hear that phrase all the time when people talk about labor and delivery--it's a natural process and the female body knows what needs to happen. Isn't that the same for all of pregnancy?

Although my appetite hasn't changed too much and I'm still exercising, I'm gaining weight like it's a freaking competition, which totally ticks me off. But you know what? My body needs to gain this weight in order to grow my baby boy. As long as I'm not laying on the couch, downing whole bags of chips and cookies and slurping mass amounts of milkshakes I should feel pretty good about the changes my body is making. After all, I'm becoming a mommy now and therefore less self-centered and I'm sure my priorities in life will completely change once I stare into his adorable little eyes. My vanity has to go out the window as I embrace my pregnant body and all I can do is hope to return to a version of my former physical self. I'd like to be all mature and say that the numbers on the scale don't bother me but let's get real: I'm a girl. Don't we all have a few body issues going on here? I think for us pregnant ladies, the best we can do is be kind to ourselves and try not to be alarmed at the distorted reflections in the mirror. It's all temporary, right? :)

I'm both lucky and cursed in this pregnancy because of my job. As a PT in the hospital setting, I am literally on my feet all day long, lifting people in/out of bed, pushing, pulling and squatting down as I teach people how to move, walk, and exercise again. It's a physically demanding job for sure and I'm feeling it a lot more by the end of the work week. On one hand it's great for me to stay active and on my feet but on the other, I'm scared I won't be able to make it until my due date because it's such a physical job. My co-workers have been very protective over me and you should see some of the nurses when I attempt to help boost a patient up in the bed---they practically shoo me out of the room, as if I'm disabled or something. I guess I'll take it right about now because I need to last another 9 weeks, you know. Gotta work until I deliver to have the full twelve weeks off with little man after he arrives....no need to waste those days off by myself at home, pregnant and miserable:)

So I guess what I have to say on the topic of nutrition and exercise during pregnancy is this: everyone is different, every body is different, but for me staying active in my job and also at the gym helps me stay sane. I haven't had to overhaul my diet during pregnancy and I tend to stick to the same ol' staples. But packing my own lunch and nearly ALWAYS eating at home versus eating out is what works for us. I figure the rest is up to my pregnant body and I do my best to treat it right. I only stare in disbelief when looking into the mirror about once a day lately....so we are getting somewhere! :)

crunchy granola stuff

You all know how I love research, right? I've been researching the crap out of cloth diapering (separate post to follow) and therefore have entered the world of all things green, or otherwise known as being 'crunchy granola'. I mean, there are all sorts of people in this giant world of ours and I have always tried to keep an open mind, not to be judgmental, or disrespectful about folks who are different than myself. I just find it fascinating to see how other people live their lives and how extreme some choose to go.

For instance, I discovered this quiz which rates how crunchy you are. I got a 39 which means I'm 'sprinkled with granola' and basically a wannabe green person (I'll wait here while you take it yourself). And I'm totally okay with that. On the spectrum of crunchiness I think you have two extremes: one side that will birth their child at home in a tub, then breastfeed until the child 'wants to stop', and apparently breastfeed other people's children as well, homeschooling until college, following a strict vegan diet, refusing all vaccines, wearing Birkenstock sandals and dreadlocks without makeup but with hairy legs, living in a self-sustained green home with only a bicycle as a mode of transportation, all while using re-usable feminine products, cloth diapers, and homemade cleaning products. The other extreme would be someone who schedules a c-section for convenience, doesn't even consider breastfeeding, returns to work immediately after baby and hires a full time nanny to rear the child who wears disposable diapers, expensive name brand clothes, running around in a huge energy sucking house and takes rides in a giant gas-guzzling SUV, who is then shipped off to a competitive top-notch boarding school after being fully vaccinated on schedule. Can you see these two stereotypes in your head? I'm sure I've seen both characters on TV but in real life (or at least in my Midwestern life) I see far more people who fall somewhere in between the two extremes on the continuum of being crunchy.

For me, I have some solid opinions on some choices we will make as new parents but some 'eh--I don't know yet' feelings as well. I know I want to cloth diaper, which makes me fairly 'green', I'd love to breastfeed for six months as I'm able, I'd be ecstatic to have a natural vaginal birth, and I'm pretty low maintenance when it comes to makeup/hair/clothes. But I am definitely having a hospital birth and refuse to feel like a failure if I need interventions during the process, will return to work full time driving my gas-guzzling SUV, will vaccinate my child on schedule, and will have nothing to do with re-usable feminine products. No way, Jose. But that's just me. To each her own and everyone has to make choices that are right for their situation.

Which brings me to my next point: I rented the DVD The Business of Being Born just because I was curious about Ricki Lake's documentary, knowing that as a health care provider who works in the same hospital in which I will deliver my baby, I'd probably have some strong opinions about the movie. I'm still trying to absorb all of the very interesting facts the documentary presented and I absolutely disagree with some of it, just as I expected. But some of the points made definitely got me thinking and some of the footage of women giving birth (albeit with their nipples and vags hanging out for public display) made me get a little bit teary. Probably because I believe that weather you are squatting in your house or laying on your back numbed from the waist down, giving birth is an absolutely amazing miracle not to be taken lightly. Oh, and I cannot WAIT to meet my little baby boy so just thinking about that day gets me all hot and bothered with excitement.

I was not a fan of how one-sided and biased this documentary was towards home births. It definitely seemed a little 'holier than thou' at times, as if anyone who has a hospital and/or medicated birth is a misinformed, unfortunate soul. They talked a lot about how midwives and home births used to be the only way of doing things but then all of a sudden the big bad doctors and hospitals took over and now the c-section rates have sky-rocketed. But they didn't mention childbirth-related death statistics in the 1900s when home births were the norm compared to now. I'm pretty sure more babies and mothers died back in the 1900s compared to now and a lot of that has to do with the medical advances made in the last 100 years.

And apparently America ranks with some of the highest infant mortality rates in the world, compared to other large industrial countries. But how many of those cases involve 'normal', low-risk pregnancies? What about our very unhealthy, underprivileged, or incredibly young population of pregnant women in this country? Don't you think those cases have more to do with poor outcomes in childbirth in this country?

In order to even qualify for a home birth you have to have a low-risk, complication-free pregnancy which, thankfully, most women have. But of course most of those 'normal' women will go on to have good outcomes in childbirth. The ones who are high-risk HAVE to give birth in hospitals and therefore, the hospital statistics will look have more negative statistics averaged into the overall picture.

I definitely agree that c-section rates are pretty freaking scary right now, with one in three women having to go that route. But I also believe that in this country where 'Just Sue 'Em' still reigns as a motto, doctors have to protect their own rear-ends. If there are any signs of fetal distress or another aspect that strays from the normal delivery protocol, you better believe that doctor is going to choose a more controlled setting in which to bring the baby into the world. If they allowed everyone to try for a vaginal delivery 'at all costs' and something happened to either the baby or the mother, they'd face litigation and insurance companies asking, 'Did you do everything you could to deliver the baby safely into the world?' I don't know about you, but I want my doctor to say 'yes' to that question.

Now don't get me wrong, I do NOT want a c-section if I can avoid it. I want to experience labor and delivery to it's fullest and hope to postpone medication as long as I can. I am sure there are doctors out there who are the 'slice and dice' type, ready to do a c-section just to save time (although I don't think that always saves time, but whatever). I definitely think that back in the 1920s through the 1960s there were some MAJORLY screwed up OB-GYN practices out there. I mean, Memaw told me she was knocked out for all three of her births but when I saw some of the pictures of how they actually did it back then it angered me for all of womankind.

I just think it was totally ironic that the documentary spent the entire time bashing hospitals and doctors because it's so 'unnecessary' for most people but then at the end, the actual film-maker had an emergency c-section for her premature baby. She was all ready to have a home birth but the baby was breech, 4-5 weeks early, and had the cord wrapped tightly around his neck. She got her butt to the hospital as soon as possible, only after her water broke in a taxi cab (gotta love New York!), and luckily her baby boy ended up safely in her arms. But the show didn't exactly commend the doctors and hospital after this experience, which ultimately saved her baby. That is exactly why I feel most comfortable in a hospital setting, in case the unexpected happens, where my MD has endured numerous years of medical schooling, grueling board exams, and training in emergency situations. I'm not saying that midwives are under qualified, but I personally feel safer in the hands of an OB-GYN in case I have that very rare circumstance that something goes wrong during labor and delivery.

Now, I do plan on talking to my doctor at length about her views on c-sections, how long she will let me be in labor before she pushes for interventions, and this Saturday we have our childbirth and newborn parenting class at the hospital--so I can ask as many tough questions as I want about their practices, too (they will just love me, I'm sure!).

Ultimately, I still think that delivering your child into the world involves deeply personal decisions and everyone is going to have a different experience. You cannot generalize that all home births are 'better' than hospital births. But I guess the point of the documentary is to get you thinking about options and it attempts to put women back in charge of their birth experience---which can only be a good thing, right? I just think it helps to be realistic and level-headed before you enter into the intense birthing situation because not everything will go according to plan, but it does not mean you've failed as a woman if your 'birth plan' goes awry. I really dislike the idea of women feeling depressed and negative about their birth experience because I am one of those people that thinks if you come out of it with a healthy baby, you've succeeded.

I have no idea why this post got so long on me. I guess there is a lot of food for thought when it comes to 'crunchy granola' decisions out there. Where do you fall on the continuum of being green?

video killed the radio star

Just because I am bound and determined to use this blog for some video action, I spent way too much time learning iMovie tonight. Then I figured out that Flickr only hosts videos that are 90 seconds long or less. So I spent more time editing in iMovie. Sheesh. I know Blogger has an upload function, so I could bypass Flickr all together but I like having the videos stored in the same spot as my photos. Anal retentiveness at it's finest.

I have three videos for you to watch, each less than 90 seconds (thanks, Flickr!).

The first is a belly movement video, not the best but at this point I'll take what I can get. Watch the left side of my belly the whole time. And try not to get dizzy from the stripes:





The second is our little family, behaving like fools. And Henry can yodel, did you know? Everyone needs a little live Henry action in their lives, so enjoy:



And finally: Angry Santa. Poor little baby!




This last one I made slightly bigger. Does it look worse? I mean, we shot all of these in HD but because we have to compress them down so much they basically look like crap anyway, right? I tried uploading a whole, HD 3 minute long video and Flickr almost collapsed.....it was going to take 2 hours to upload, seriously. So I guess grainy videos will do for now unless anyone has suggestions? Please tell me you can at least see the videos or I'm going to croak.

Also, I made a new blog header. I really like making fun things with photos more than videos....perhaps someday it will be easy to do both but for now my brain hurts from those videos:)