Open letter to J.Crew

Dear J.Crew:

Is it really necessary to send four copies of the same magazine to my apartment? I mean, this is getting a little ridiculous. I'm no tree-hugging-hippie but I'm pretty sure you could save about three forests a year if you refrain from this constant bombardment of America's postal system.

You really shouldn't waste your efforts on me, a lowly newlywed who no longer has the funds to satisfy our mutual love affair. It's quite unfair to produce such lovely articles of "Julia clothing" when you know I can't afford them:

And since when did you become Kings of Canine Couture? Now you're just hitting below the belt. I can't take these pictures. They are simply too much:

Oh and then you decide to carry the most comfy, napping-on-the-couch lounge TALLS? For only $39.50? Wow. Just wow.

But the reasonable prices stop there, J.Crew. What have you done to yourself? Who do you think you are these days? I mean, some of your stuff is gorgeous. But $235 for these shoes? That is a little extreme, don't you think?
My husband is rather displeased with you as well. You really aren't helping the "getting over all things wedding" illness. We had come so far and now I'm lusting over these fabulous bridesmaid dresses. I can just see my girls now: sauntering down the aisle, dripping in beauty, and simultaneously despising me for making them pay $255 for their gowns.

And finally, cocktail rings? Really? I don't even like cocktail rings and these make me want to spend a small fortune on your website. I'm certain they could turn me into a regular Audrey Hepburn.
So it's official. We're done. Stop sending me your paraphernalia. It's too hard on me. But I'm sure some of my blog readers will have you in their lives. I'm hoping I can live vicariously through them.

Anyone? Hello? Bueller?


  1. Alas, I must sit on the sidelines with you. I mean, I thoroughly enjoy pampering my pets, but $39.50 for a pooch polo seems a bit over the top for something my babies may not consider pampering....

    And, :::GASP::: lounge pants in LONGS!!! If only I had work right now! As a girl with a nearly 35 inch inseam, I may identify with you on some level... I loathe those girls at the gym whose pants aren't "pedal-pushers" as my mom calls them, though not on purpose. J-Crew was a website I banned myself from the instant I set eyes on it.... Your blog is becoming my little indulgence for all things pretty and (sometimes) expensive! Continue with the eye candy!

  2. uggh, tell me about it. I want everything in the catalog. Those BM exact thought. So cute, but I would be pretty sure of myself to ask my girls to buy those dresses for my wedding. Who do they think they are with those shoes?! I guess I need more money.

    However, I did get my wedding dress from there, on clearance, for a hell of a price.

  3. If I hadn't read this post, I might never know about the chic puppy gear. You and I are gonna have words about this :)


  4. I have a serious weakness for all things J Crew...especially in the summer time. It is my absolute favorite store (maybe tied with Nordstrom). I relate completely with everything you wrote...especially about the expensive shoes...who DO they think they are? And after my wedding, for about 6 months, I had googly eyes for all the BM dresses. The only thing I did not relate to was the size long my dreams (I am 5'3). Lucky duck.

  5. OMG--I love the "crew mutts" how freaking cute....


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